New Year's Eve = Jillian's Sweet 16

Everyone made fun of my mommy's sister/Andree's mom for taking hours to get ready, but Andree said it best ...

ANDREE: You took six hours to get ready and you look the same!

It was the lil' cousins idea for me to get drunk

Cousins Janine and Jillian, auntie Carisse, Uncle Lando, my mommy, my mommy's sister, and I are staying at cousin Andree's house in Las Vegas until Sunday. Cousin Janine, being only 18, has a new boyfriend. I think she hasn't learned a damn thing about keeping that stuff low-profile in this family.

I was baby-sitting Janine and Jillian (turning 16 an hour after midnight on New Year's Eve) as we went to the Fresh Bar and Grill in the Miracle Mile Shops. It was the lil' cousins' idea for me to get drunk. The black cashier was crushing on me hard as she gave me free samples of daiquiri and a mix of daiquiri and moonshine.

LAQUINTA: You look like that Twilight guy--
HER COWORKER: What is it with you and Twilight?
LAQUINTA: Has anyone ever told you--
RYAN: I get that so much.

We talked about how I was Jacob Black for Halloween and my Taylor Swift shirt.

LAQUINTA: Can I see your Taylor Swift shirt?
HER COWORKER: She's just checking out your chest.
LAQUINTA: Do you work out?
RYAN: (Modestly) Yeah ...
LAQUINTA: No wonder your chest is so big.

Then she did a double take with my ID that still has my pic as a 17-year-old, laughed ...

LAQUINTA: You look better NOW!

... and ran off with it to show her coworkers ...

COWORKER: You look better NOW!

LAQUINTA: You need to dye your hair all black.
HER COWORKER: No, you should dye it brown.
LAQUINTA: No, don't listen to her.

When she gave me her name in exchange for mine, I introduced myself by my nickname "Jacob" and she went gaga. Then made friends with drunk strangers as they asked me where I got my 1/2 yard tall vase of daiquiri-moonshine (I think Laquinta dubbed it a "Samurai"), high-fiving on the way out.

We met Andree's new boyfriend, Charles. He and his friends liked my Taylor Swift shirt. Apparently, everyone's been giving Andree crap that he's not handsome enough for her. He's aight, I think.

ANDREE: Ryan, do you think he's ugly?
RYAN: He's not ugly. It's just when he stands next to you he becomes ugly.

And in cousin unity, we had the biggest laugh that we've shared all year. My Facebook status then read:

Las Vegas so far: Holding my moonshine in one hand and carrying my "designated driver" on my shoulder as she begs me, "Can you drive?" Vegas, baby. Vegas.

Mental note: The lil' cousins know what marijuana smells like.

Last Red Robin meal of 2010

On my way to meet mommy for dinner at Red Robin, I passed by Hot Topic. That annoying chick was there. I was hoping she wouldn't look up as I passed by ... Of course she did. She jokingly pantomimed attitude about her usual complaint that I'm supposedly at the mall everyday and I stuck my tongue out at her.

Jazz wasn't working. Boo. Bleu Ribbon Burger and Freckled Lemonade for me. Mental note: They have Happy Hour.

Later, carrying my fries to go - of which the waiter named Derek generously gave me two refills - and my Freckled Lemonade to go, I had to pass by Hot Topic again. That annoying chick pantomimed attitude again and I answered back with making fun of her body language with diva embellishment. She laughed. Uh oh. This is starting to look like a typical, predictable boy-meets-girl teen drama.

Chicks should not pick up on me for 2 hours with no intention to "smash" (as my South Central roommates called it)

Last night, the sales guy who sold me my boom mic invited me to come by today from 10:00AM - 2:00PM for the demo of a "revolutionary" camera (and free food) when I couldn't believe that more movies nowadays were being shot digitally rather than traditionally on film. That I did.

I had bratwurst, topped it with sauerkraut, chili, and mayonnaise; a burger in a sesame bun and cheese; salad with raspberry vinaigrette, craisins, and caramelized pieces; beans; some type of vanilla ice cream and red syrup on biscuits; and white chocolate & chocolate chip cookies. And then this employee chick named Vara asked me ...

VARA: Have you gotten to play with the camera yet?

... which would lead to her hands modeling for me as I played with the focus, which in turn would lead to her telling me her life story. To make a long story short, my comment in Mark's Facebook page later would read:

Today's blue balls: OK, I'm minding my own business when this employee picks up on me and tells me her life story for 2 hours. She keeps coming back to me after dismissing customers. I get a boner when she says she's a Martial Artist and has groin-kicked a mugger ... But then says she's taken! Moral of the story: Chicks should not pick up on me for 2 hours with no intention to "smash" (as my South Central roommates called it.)

I stopped by the mall. No one in the database was working except for that chick Jessica in some girly store. (See entry 12/10/10.) I turned my spay cam on. I walked in as she was bending over. We were all alone. She didn't remember me from the days when she used to work at the Halloween store. I didn't bother reminding her. She turned on the radio to make the quiet go away. Ironically, it blasted a slow R&B song. I made her laugh a little. Database overload.

I was about to go home to bust a #3 accordingly when I saw that freerunner Tony. He was rockin' with his ear phones on. I told him about how that annoying chick at Hot Topic has us "marked," or accusing us of being mall rats. (See entry 12/24/10.) And then Nataly with a new friend walked in on us ...

NATALY: (At Tony) Do you work here? I see you here all the time.
RYAN: [Face-palms.]

NATALY: So you're gonna pass by Hot Topic to go "shopping." [Hand gestures quotation marks.]
RYAN: You were checking her out too!
NATALY'S FRIEND: That's right.

Mommy was working tonight so that she could be off for New Year's Eve. So I had the house all to myself. I finished the eggnog with shots of brandy in it from last Saturday, busted a #3 to that chick Vara from earlier today, reloaded, and then busted a #3 to Jessica, but was still on whiskey dick that I also ended up doing various chicks that have been in my database throughout the year.

BOOM MIC!

I woke up from a dream where I was laying on the floor with Ally, whom Jesse and I met when watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (see entry 11/17/10), when Ally started coming on to me, which ended up in dry sex. End dream. Way to go subconsciousness!

I did calisthenics at the gym. Kept it simply with squats, pull ups, push ups, and abdominal exercises. And then it was time ...

I went to buy my boom mic! My Facebook status was then updated as:

BREAKING NEWS: Just bought a shotgun microphone and boompole with cables, a.k.a. a "boom mic," a.k.a. the only thing that's kept me from making films. I have a boner. Now my celebratory strut, while wearing my brand new Taylor Swift shirt. Everyone congratulate me.

Ended the night with WWE RAW.

Boxing Day = Mommy's Birthday

I was decked out in my full Gryffindor uniform for mommy's Birthday. Mommy and I ate at the Hilton. I love their buffets. But we arrived at 3:00PM to find out that their opening time changed to 5:00PM. We had soup as an appetizer at some salad making place in Universal City before coming back at 5:00PM. I think I met my minimum 5-plate quota. Lobster, prime rib, lamb, oysters, sashimi, among other things. Our waitress was named Amy. But our previous waiter, Michael, was there and recognized us. He and Amy gave my mommy a carrot cake with a candle on top and got the Australian family sitting in the next table to sing Happy Birthday with us.

The mall, usually closed by 6:00PM, was open until 11:00PM as it was Boxing Day - a term that I've never heard of until today. I bought the last Taylor Swift short in size XL at Hot Topic. That annoying chick was there (Urgh ...) to give me attitude about how she supposedly sees me everyday. Other workers: This chick of Latina descent with short, curly red hair who once like the red streaks in my hair when I had red streaks, some chick with green hair, and some "butch" lesbian. I asked if I could try the Taylor Swift shirt on and ...

ANNOYING CHICK: (Complaining to her coworkers) He's at the mall everyday! I've had this conversation with him blah, blah, blah ...

I overheard the "butch" lesbian's name as Caroline. She worked the cash register ...

CAROLINE: (Looking at the shirt) Are you a Taylor Swift fan?
RYAN: Yes.
CAROLINE: So am I.

The grinch who stole my boner

I gave mommy her Christmas present. It was a snuggie. I had asked my mommy a few days earlier what her favorite color is and she gave a long-winded explanation that settled with, "Brown." But when she got her brown snuggie, she explained she likes red for blankets. (Sigh.) But then she pretended to like it so as not to look spoiled.

Dave, the high school teacher, picked me up to hang out because I was too much of a brat to drive in the rain. We watched Knight and Day, which I was originally supposed to watch when movie-hopping in theaters when I switched it for The Last Airbender (see entry 7/8/10), over some eggnog mixed with Brandy.

There were no new porn videos in my cyber stomping grounds, which resulted in disgruntled posters posting comments such as, "(At management) You are the grinch who stole my boner!" No matter. I busted a #3 to that violin teacher from last Sunday (see entry 12/19/10) who's name I found out is Lita, so then I was able to scream it out.

Late for Christmas party because I was at the bar = I'm a role model

I got a voicemail from cousin Janine at about 1:30AM dropping the bomb on me that my Secret Santa is cousin Kristian and the value of the present has to be $50.

I was at the mall. No one in the database was working. Boo. Nataly ran into me again on my way to Hot Topic. She mentioned she returned a wallet at Hot Topic and was checking out the chick cashier as she did the return. (Yes, Nataly is a chick checking out other chicks.) Nataly bought a ring that was like "brass knuckle" status. I bought a red Christmas themed top hat at Spencer's. But that annoying chick was at Hot Topic. Annoying chick just so happened to walk out as I was walking out ...

ANNOYING CHICK: I see you here everyday! I've seen you like five times!
RYAN: You only wish you've seen me five times.
ANNOYING CHICK: I don't have to wish! I know I've seen you five times! You and some other guy!
RYAN: Wait, who's the other guy?
ANNOYING CHICK: I don't know. Some guy who walks by, looks inside, and keeps walking. Always wearing a black under shirt ...
RYAN: Does he have short hair?
ANNOYING CHICK: Yes!
RYAN: I know who you're talking about.

She's talking about that freerunner Tony who's always at the mall. (See entry 12/19/10.) Then she pretended to walk into the next door Carl's Jr. (Sarcastically) Right, as if she actually had to go eat. Of course she just needed an excuse to talk to me!

I busted a #3 to someone new, that manager at Hot Topic because it's possible Nataly was checking her out. The manager is a short brunette who's barely aight looking. But just to try something new.

I stopped by the Scotland Yard Pub. The bartender from Casey's Pub last Wednesday was there. He recognized me. I feel bad for not remembering his name when he remembered mine. His girlfriend's name was Suzanne. I tried a Kronenbourg 1664. The chick bartender said it's like a Stellart. They had to change a brand new keg for me. Then I was off.

RYAN: Later, man. I'm late for this family party.
BARTENDER FROM CASEY'S: Are you the youngest?
RYAN: No.
BARTENDER FROM CASEY'S: Are you like in the middle?
RYAN: Yeah.
BARTENDER FROM CASEY'S: You're supposed to be late!

Party at Uncle Lando's place was the typical eating party. I delivered a foot spa that my mommy bought for the White Elephant game. Uncle Lando won it. I won a blanket.

And the Christmas shopping continues

I rocked at guitar practice, which was rescheduled for today because tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I walked by Red Robin. Jazz was working. Yay database!

A Ghost of Christmas Pasts as I've busted a #3 to all of the above girls

While firing up the porn, I stumbled on to a video where some German chick's face looked like that of my high school classmate Heather (not to be confused with my friend Heather). I then busted a #3 to my high school classmate Heather.

I ate at Red Robin. My high school role model Tommy was there with his girlfriend Jan. He explained he blocked his Facebook because he didn't want his students and fellow Marines seeing his civilian life of partying. This dude Arturo who was a counselor at CSUN stopped by and remembered me.

ARTURO: Do you still have your skateboard?
RYAN: It's in my trunk right now.

Anyway, cockblock #1: I was sitting at a table next to Jazz's tables, but she still wasn't my waitress. Cockblock #2: I had clear shots to take footage of Jazz with my spy cam ... but then my spy cam's battery died!

We didn't exchange any words, but there was one time when I had trash on my table and Jazz walked by to clean off my trash. So we sort of interacted. Sort of.

Then it was time to go to a tavern called Casey's in Canoga Park, next door to Scotland Yard Pub, because my buddy Jennie was visiting. I met Jennie at Electric Daisy Carnival (EDC) 2007. She lives in London now. Others present whom I've met once in the past: 1) Heather (also no to be confused with my friend Heather) who was gaga over me when we first met because she's a nerd Harry Potter fan and I was wearing my Hermione shirt then, and also because I was 24 while she in her 30s. 2) Carmen whom I met through Conch, a mutual friend of Jennie and mine. 3) Megan who looks like Nicole Kidman and whom I met at Jennie's house. This felt like a Ghost of Christmas Pasts event as I've busted a #3 to all of the above girls.

MEGAN: Good to see you again. Nice hair.
RYAN: Thanks. You too.

Jennie recommended a Woodford & Coke for me. She also told me about a drink called an Old Fashioned that taked eight minutes to make and is unknown to American bartenders.

MEGAN: Ryan's cute.
JENNIE: Megan's blatant!

Holy crap! Someone I've once busted a #3 to said that I'm cute. I don't think such a feeling was ever reciprocated. Ever. Like, what the fuck do I do now?

Some dude named Steve (not to be confused with my friend Steve), a chick named Danielle, and I were left alone to talk when neither of us smoked cigarettes. The point is: Steve, whose family is "really Italian" that he can't eat Pizza Hut, recommended something called Mulberry Street Pizza. That's got to be some kind of pizza.

Jennie revealed that one of the reasons she moved to London was because of her car accident where the driver didn't tell her that she had downed half a bottle of tequila beforehand, the car got T-boned, and the jaws of life were required to extract them. Luckily, the swastika-looking scar on her left cheek that the plastic surgeons had to make healed.

JENNIE: If I didn't move, I felt like LA was going to kill me.

Equinox

I forgot to say that I woke up yesterday from two dreams: 1) I was a referee in an outdoor indy pro-wrestling match. It looked like a divas battle royale. I actually got bored and left the ring. Some nerdy referee whom I've seen in real life named Chris took over for me. 2) I was sleeping on a car in my garage as it was supposed to be my usual resting spot. Meanwhile, my old high school English teacher Mr. Rasic and classmates Jordan and Kevin were tenants in my house.

Today, I woke up from a dream that I was engaging in self defense against an anonymous and fat, black guy. I survived, but what was disturbing was that eye gouges weren't working. End dreams.

I stopped by David's (my Bartending classmate, not to be confused with rockstar Dave or teacher Dave) place to pick up Hiro's TV that he'd been borrowing and take him to work. He works at a ridiculously upscale gym called Equinox in Pasadena. I was able to work out as his guest. It made me feel like I was supposed to work out in a suit and tie. Then ended it at their cafe with a popular drink called Peanut Better (milk, ice, banana, organic peanut butter, and whey protein).

I finished Christmas/Birthday shopping for my mommy. I stopped by Great Earth to buy her B-Complex vitamins. Yo (short for Yohannes, though I feel like it's supposed to be spelled with a "J") hooked me up with his employee discount. Then I bought her a snuggie. Oh, and Jazz was working. Yay database.

Shotgun mic for $235 + 10' Boompole for $149 = IT'S ON!

Mark had to cancel on today's top secret session because his mom got into a fender bender. I busted a #3 to the violin teacher from yesterday. (See entry 12/19/10.)

Greatest thing ever: There's a video supply store in town. The salesman, Tommy, was very informative. I can get an Audio Technica Shotgun AT897 and a RODE 10' Boompole for under $400. Translation: Professional sound equipment, a.k.a. the one thing that has prevented me from making my own films. Further translation: This shit's about to get REAL!

I went to the mall. Jazz wasn't working. Boo. But Georgia (the substitute in my database for Jazz) was at Hot Topic. Yay. She actually exchanged words with me!

GEORGIA: (When I'm in her way) Excuse me.

And then ...

GEORGIA: (When I'm leaving) Bye. Have a nice day.

That's, like, verbal sex!

Mommy and I ate dinner at Rubios. That jackoffable cashier was there. (See entry 11/30/10.) She's back in the database. She had verbal sex with me as well ...

CHICK WHOSE NAME I CAN'T REMEMBER: (Referring to the food) How is everything?

We found out that the old cashier, Dustin, who would hook us up with free drinks, moved to Carson. Boo. Then I bought two cartons of Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice flavored, but non alcoholic, egg nog before coming home to WWE RAW.

Blackbird

I didn't necessarily miss church. Rather, I had to skip it to practice last second for my informal recital at 2:00PM.

I pulled into the parking structure and the toll booth had a glitch of not giving me a ticket, which the workers would acknowledge later. Yay free parking! Some kid was too scared to play piano in front of everyone that he cried. Ha. As I got up there, management collectively asked me what I was playing.

RYAN: Blackbird by - Who's it by? Is it by the Beatles?
VIOLIN TEACHER: It's by the Beatles, right?
BOSS: It's Beatles.

The grownups thought I was weird for being unsure. Despite a miscued start and a do-over, I rocked it. Vahik played accompaniment. He even made a mistake, but I kept it together for both of us. People applauded. It was almost perfect. Almost ... BUT THEN Vahik had the "bright" (sarcasm) idea to give them more on the spot by going into a song I didn't rehearse. After continuous botches ...

RYAN: (Freaking out) Wait, stop! I didn't rehearse this! I didn't rehearse this!

And then violin teacher, whom I've never looked at twice because she's not a looker, took my place with Vahik to perform Perfidia. All of a sudden, due to her nice vocals, she wasn't so plain looking anymore. Also, there was some older woman in the crowd, whose name I overheard as Kristen. A white chick with long, dark brown - and a few gray - hair. She's in my database due to affirmative action of not having enough cougars. And I took home a certificate.

VAHIK: Sorry. I shouldn't have approached the other song.

I went to the mall. No one in the database was working. Boo. I stepped into Hot Topic. The manager Jose shared that he didn't even start Christmas shopping yet. I met up with mommy at the end of mass so I can "clock in" for church. Ate dinner at Outback Steakhouse. That waitress Lindsay was there with a nice shorter haircut. (See entry 11/14/10.) But we had some absentminded waiter. Then I bought shirts for baby nieces Samantha and Maxine. One is a list of bitchy rules while the other reads, "My dad can kick your dad's ass." I spoke with this freerunner Tony who's always at the mall. He wears red contact lenses. Nataly snuck up on me again.

RYAN: Are you stalking me?
HER FRIEND (BRENDAN): She is.

Max

It's been 10 years now since Max Simon Peter Huber passed away. I went to visit his grave, looking all dramatic with no umbrella in the rain. His mom, Margaret, and sister, Ana, unexpectedly stopped by while I was standing there. I hadn't seen his mom since our Tae Kwon Do class performed for his tribute shortly after his funeral. Ana is 11 1/2 years older than him. A half-sister, but they were close. Margaret introduced me to Ana's 1-year-old daughter, Sophie Max. (Nice middle name.)

I went to the mall at night. No one in the database was working. Boo. I wandered into Brookstone. There's this employee there who showed me a bird camera. Her name tag read "Faith." She's aight. Long, dark brown hair. At some angles, her face vaguely resembled Ashley Greene's. Vaguely. Or it could just be my imagination trying to overcompensate for no one in my database working tonight.

I went home, fired up the porn, and busted a #3 to Faith.

Rockin' in the Free World

I lifted weights at the gym. Did a little of everything.

I recorded Paul and Martha's band's performance at some Texas BBQ place in North Hollywood. Only one family and three other dudes showed up. They were all the band's friends. It was practically like a rehearsal, but they were performing it like another concert. Martha had me jack the restaurant's bowl with barbequed chicken in it.

Ended the night with Gran Torino on HBO.

She's from the city of angels like Betty Davis, James Dean and Gable

I busted a #3 to the chick from the PWG shows that Chad and I both bust a #3.

Mommy brought home Cafe Bravo for dinner. She also finally found her house keys that she had been missing for the past few days. Nobody in the database was working at the mall today. Boo.

I finally have time to address this issue. Maybe two Mondays ago now, I found out by total fluke that Georgia at Hot Topic is armenian. Her name randomly came up on Facebook's real time search as I was typing something else. Very random. I always thought she was white.

RYAN: But at least she's not a typical armenian. Unless that's shifted to emo.
MATT: No, not at all.
RYAN: Her old myspace (which I then had to stalk because her Facebook is private) shows she's overly poetic. I have to watch out for that.
MATT: Inferences can be made about her self esteem from that.

And for some reason, since yesterday I've been on LFO nostalgia:

Is this chick Emily Osment famous? 'Cause I wandered into her mini concert and stayed because I enjoyed the bass.

I did cardio at the gym. Then busted a #3 to "Lindsay L," as it said on our receipt, our MILF/cougar looking waitress from Cheesecake Factory last Sunday.

Brian called me back while I was being a grownup at Costco by buying milk and water. Mission 1/2 accomplished for Mark. The other 1/2 is still underway.

Jazz was working at the Red Robin. Score! Her bangs, which naturally falls to the left, were clipped to the right.

I saw Nataly (again, technically my first Martial Arts student) on my way to Hot Topic. I bluntly told her about my database runs at the mall. Coincidentally, she shared she just came from Hot Topic where she had to return wallets she had bought.

NATALY: The girls there were cute. (Nataly's bisexual.) She said, "(Sarcastically) What's your reason for returning it?" I was like, "I changed my mind."

And then at the Americana I wandered into a mini Emily Osment concert. I had never heard of her before, but apparently she's famous. I ended up staying for the whole thing because I enjoyed the bass. Meanwhile, Mark texted me he was watching Bully.

Return of Brian (formerly Brian at the GNC) ... on the phone at least

I lifted weights at the gym. Still no new particular regiment yet. Just did a little of everything.

Mark has the sudden urge to try something for the first time, but can't say for incriminating reasons. There was only one person who could help me out. I called Brian (formerly Brian at the GNC) for the first time since last August. (See entry 8/2/10.) But I haven't actually seen him since last May. (See entry 5/17/10.) Brian shared that he lost his cell phone at a bar while watching the last UFC PPV.

BRIAN: I gave it to the bartender to get her number and I never got it back. I got too drunk.

Mommy and I ate dinner at In-N-Out. I killed time while waiting for our food by doing a database run. Georgia (the substitute in my database whenever Jazz isn't working) was at Hot Topic. Score.

iPhone 4s that don't work

I had two weird dreams last night. First, I dreamt that Tim and Arlene were having sex in a bathroom, so I went to hang out with Heather. But then the second dream was the best: I dreamt that I was getting a blowjob from Cassidy Freeman, who plays Tess Mercer on Smallville, but for some reason was brunette instead of her real life redhead self. But you know what's cool? In the dreamworld, I ejaculated everywhere ... But in real life, I somehow managed to stay dry! Yay!

I was doing some Parkour at the park. Some FOX show called Bones was filming there. David Boreanaz along with everyone else was checking me out as I did Tiger Mask's Tiger Feight Kicks (Rey Mysterio's 619) between metal railings.

I busted a #3 to some fellow PWG fan named Candi. She sits with Samantha.

My mommy and I got iPhone4s today. But the problem is that they get no signal at our house. Boo. I guess we'll have to return them. Jazz wasn't working, nor were the other substitutes for her. Boo. But that chick Jessica was there. Score, I guess.

Fetuccine Alfredo + Peppermint Bar Cheesecake + Raspberry Lemonade + Cougar/MILF Waitress = Sunday

Mommy and I ate dinner at Cheesecake Factory. I finally got my Fettucine Alfredo and had seasonal Peppermint Bar cheesecake with my usual Raspberry Lemonade. Our waitress' name according to the receipt was "Lindsay L," not to be confused with the Lindsay from Outback Steakhouse (see entry 11/14/10). This Lindsay was an older - either a MILF or cougar - redhead. She's in my database.

Spy cam in full effect!

I picked up Matt to go to PWG.

• Chad was absent, but the chick Chad and I both bust a #3 to was there. I got her on spy cam.
• The chick who usually wears a flower on her ear was there. I got her on spy cam.
• The chick who usually wears a flower on her ear was there. I got her on spy cam.
• I also got the new bartenders on spy cam as I ordered a pitcher of Sam Adams Winter Lager on tap for James, James' friend CJ, Matt, and I. Gosh I miss the old bartenders.

RYAN: Whatever happened to Lisa and Reshawn?
"LEGION LARRY": They're not available to work.

Cockblock!

The guy who plays Sheriff Andy Bellefleur on True Blood, who would later introduce himself as "Chris," was in attendance. I got to talk to him during intermission with my spy cam on. Very nice guy. His friend who's on some NBC show called Community took our pic for my camera.

RYAN: What's Community about?
GILLIAN: It's about a community college and our antics.
THEIR OTHER FRIEND: NBC, Thursdays at 8:00.
RYAN: What's your name?
GILLIAN: Gillian [Jacobs]. [Shakes hands.]
RYAN: I'm Ryan. [Shakes other guy's hand.]
OTHER GUY: I'm [can't remember his name], but I'm not on any show.
GILLIAN: (Joking) He's a professional gambler.

MATT: Imagine how [Gillian] felt when you were like, "What's Community?"

Samantha lost her phone at a Jack in the Box and she was crying as she missed the first part of the show walking back to look for it. Aw.

We stopped by Norm's afterward. Mental note: Their pasta (i.e. Fetuccine Alfredo) isn't available after 11:00PM. Matt and I then clowned on people who believe "everything happens for a reason" and discovered we both learned about Deism from Mr. Velasco's Honors English class back in our sophomore year at high school.

Icarus

I did cardio at the gym.

At guitar practice, they dropped the bomb on me that our recital was on the 19th, as in 9 days from now! Keep in mind they usually give me a couple of months notice.

I went to the mall. Jazz was working. And she was serving a table by the window, so I had a clear view. I looked around to make sure it was clear before discreetly reaching down my pants for a brief victory yoink.

And then randomly I was passing by some girly store when I noticed that this chick Jessica, who was in my seasonal database while she was working at that seasonal Halloween store (see entry 10/15/10) and whom I thought I would never see again after the Halloween season, was working!

And then as I was going up the escalators, I caught the eye of this chick Helen (see entry 10/18/10), my former co-worker who used to have a crush on me. And she re-ignited those bedroom eyes that she used to give me! Her past words of wisdom to me ("Everything happens for a reason") played as a voiceover.

I made it home in time for Smallville - the last episode before going on break until January. And they killed off Hawkman!

Who can I bust a #3 to today?

I went to the gym to do a little bit of every muscle for weight training. Gosh, why isn't there anything cool to do on Thursdays?

You silly ass!

Eugene, Stef, Jun, and Candice picked me up to watch Threesixty's stage production of JM Barrie's Peter Pan in Costa Mesa. It was part of Candice's belated Birthday celebration. I rocked half of my Gryffindor uniform, but with jeans. Candice bought Stef and I unicorn lollipops. I bought a sweater that says, "Lost Boys Since 1904," albeit in children's size XL. Tigerlily's "thank you" dance (basically a "mating dance") to Peter actually got me hot that I turned on my spy cam in the middle of it. Looking for a place to eat later, Jun drove in the wrong direction on a one-way road. We ate at some tofu place. At home, I looked up pics of ballet dancer Heidi Buehler, who played Tigerlily. She's so in my database.

Baby It's Cold Outside

Mommy took my car to the shop to get checked up today, so I ran to the park. Once I was finally there, I ran some more. I remembered to add Richard's friend Rachel (see entry 12/3/10) on my Facebook list of friends. Then busted a #3 to Rachel once I was able to see her pics. Ended the Tuesday with Glee.

Ah, the joy of running outdoors

I discovered the joy of running outdoors today at the park across the street from GCC instead of on a treadmill at the gym for a change. I slowly started getting back into the Parkour habit by doing vaults and, utilizing railings, even figured out how to do a Tiger Feint Kick (or to mainstream fans, WWE's Rey Mysterio's 619), innovated by Japan's Tiger Mask. I accidentally rammed my knee into the post, though, on one round. Ouch. Monkey bars are still a bitch, but I managed.

I finally got to bust a #3 to those kickball player chicks from Pasadena last Friday. (See entry 12/4/10.) They were good. Ended with the usual Monday night WWE RAW.

Rain = Outdoor patios closed at restaurants

Yesterday, I was at Hot Topic wondering if I could exchange a Harry Potter shirt that had an unnoticeable (but bugging me in an O.C.D. kind of way) hole under the collar. I was helped by the same chick employee that was checking me out two Fridays ago. (See entry 11/26/10.) So it's blah, blah, blah for a while before she gives me this awkward, "I guess I'll see you around" as I leave. Awkward as in she sounded like she wanted to say something else because I think she likes me. Too bad I'd need beer goggles for her, though. Plus, her hair sucks.

Mommy and I ate dinner at Cheesecake Factory. Their Jumbalaya's good. I got my raspberry lemonade refilled with strawberry lemonade. Two drinks for the price of one. Yay. Our receipt says our waitresses' name was Corie B. Typical blond in a short ponytail and an aight face with red lipstick, but I suppose she's jackoffable.

2 Screwdrivers, 3 Sam Adams, and 1 Coors Light

Last night before heading to Pasadena, I stopped by the mall. Jazz was working. Yay, database. Apparently, there's a booth in front of Red Robin selling miniature spy cams that record in HD. Exiting the parking lot, this brunette Cheesecake Factory waitress named Melissa, who served us once many months ago, walked by my car on the crosswalk. She's back in the database.

I then went to Jake's Burgers in Pasadena where Paul and Martha's band were playing in the downstairs area. The only time I've been there was last June. (See entry 6/17/10.) The diner sponsors some Waka Kickball league and a few of the teams were playing beer pong while the band performed.

There was this one blond chick with bangs and an aight face, but she was a real freak on the dance floor. Even kept dancing like a freak while playing beer pong. Then there was her teammate - brown hair in a ponytail - who had a cuter face, but kept to herself mostly. They're both in my database.

Martha gave me coupons for free beers. I got myself something called Shocktop on draft. Martha had three cougar friends.

MARTHA: Ryan, these are my friends. They wanna rape you.
COUGAR #1: We've been checking you out all night.
MARTHA: Do you remember how I attacked you when I first met you?
RYAN: Yeah.
MARTHA: (To her friends) I attacked him when I first met him. And guess who ended up getting him. My daughter! (Back to me) So what happened with my daughter in Vegas?

Uh oh. Anyway, I'd actually do her cougar friends. Too bad I didn't fully download them into my database.

Today, I stopped by the mall to buy that HD spy camera. The employee I spoke with last night (I think his name's Michael) hooked it up for 50% off! Plus, Jazz was working again, this time the day shift.

I stopped by Dave's Birthday party (the teacher, not to be confused with Dave the rockstar). He tried to keep me longer by ordering me more screwdrivers. Then headed to Brandon's to watch The Ultimate Fighter finale and beer.

Boner on the dance floor

RYAN: Who's your designated driver?
RICHARD: I'm my designated driver. I'm pacing myself.

I wore my Gryffindor uniform to Richard's party last night.

• I bought Richard a Scotch & Soda. Then bought one for myself.
• Richard had a friend named Jillian, who was dark-haired and taller than everyone. She felt awkward because she only knew Richard. She was also checking out girls' boobs. She's in my database.
• Richard drunkenly handed me his camera and told me to take pictures.
• Tiffany - who once drunkenly said, "Me plus Asian is like [makes a heart shape]" (see entry 3/17/10) - was flirting with me hard. But I hate her new haircut. Had she kept it the way it was, I would've tapped that.
• Colin cut off his long hair as well. Boo.
• Tiffany's friend, Cynthia, was playfully irritated that I kept taking her picture without warning. She has the short pixie hair going on, which I'm starting to come around to now that Emma Watson has it too. But Cynthia also kept trying to get me to hit on Tiffany.
• Richard had a cute, thick friend named Rachel. She's in my database. She was upset that her ex-boyfriend was there.
• But Rachel's ex-boyfriend turned out to be cool as he bonded with me over Harry Potter, most likely a plea that I won't bang Rachel.
• There was some random long-haired, blond chick in a short skirt green dress and boots who's now also in my database.
• Some chick dressed as a B-Girl pulled me into her on the dance floor.

My Facebook status was them updated to:

Random cute chick just started grinding up on me on the dance floor ... I have a boner. And I'm drunk-Facebooking.

RYAN: What happened to pacing yourself?
RICHARD: That went out the window as soon as you guys came.

Richard then drunkenly kept spinning on his chair, albeit looking passed out. I texted Matt:

Sitting next to a nearly passed out Richard. It's his Birthday. And I got a boner from a cute chick grinding on me on the dance floor. Wish you were here.

RYAN: Are you OK?
RICHARD: (Slurred speech) Yeah! Fuck you!

Came home, slept, woke up, rocked at guitar practice, and now it's time to go to Pasadena to watch Martha and Paul's band.

10 Years Ago Today

I visited the grave of an old high school classmate named Gino, who died 10 years ago today. I remember that day clearly: I took my belt test in Tae Kwon Do that morning. Then met up with my classmates Megan, Shenna, and Allison at the latter's house to film a project. Then our classmate Morgan, whom I've busted a #3 to before, walked up to us to inform that Ricky, the driver, was dead. Gino, in the driver's seat, died later. At Gino's grave this morning, I found flowers left by Marissa. She jacked me off one time during class.

Today's also Richard's Birthday. Off to Tonga Hut in North Hollywood to celebrate.

Enter the last month of 2010

I went to Barnes & Noble to double check how Mark Salling (who plays Puck on Glee) got himself noticed by agents and managers as mentioned in the book Don't Stop Believin': The Unofficial Guide to Glee.

I didn't think anything of it, but I walked by the Red Robin in a what-the-heck kind of way ... and Jazz was working. Darn these random work schedules. I looked around, made sure no one was looking, and reached down my pants for the discreet victory yoink.

I ended the night with a new episode of The Ultimate Fighter.

I'm so gangster, I'm so thug ...

I went to the gym. No particular regiment. Just squats, deadlifts, bench presses, shoulder presses, curls, and pull-ups.

My mommy and I ate at Rubios. The cashier was really jackoffable. She's a light skinned Latina with dark, curly hair in a pony tail. I haven't been able to bust a #3 lately since it's been so cold. But she's in the queue in my database whenever I do bust a #3 again. Too bad I forgot her name. I would've loved to scream it out.

I ended the night with Glee. I love the parallelism in this show's storytelling.

Reba McEntire covering Beyonce's If I Were a Boy

Stefanie called to invite me to a stage production of Peter Pan next week. I haven't talked to her and Eugene since Anime Expo last July. (See entry 7/1/10.) My TV in my room, which hasn't worked in a while (it's very old), is suddenly working again. Weird. WWE RAW was cool. Eugene visited. I randomly found a video of Reba McEntire covering Beyonce's If I Were a Boy:

Chocolate lip gloss

They had just busted out the hookah when I got to Chris and Heather's last night. The usual people (sans Arlene) were there even though there was no apparent reason for a party. Oh well. I was about to videotape Lauren blowing smoke into Chris' mouth, but ...

CHRIS: You can't film this! I'll get in trouble!

• I randomly remembered how last week when Arlene was complaining about her boy troubles, Heather nominated Tim and I as being "good in bed." (HEATHER: [To me] I just figured that if you sucked I would've heard something by now.)
• I confessed to Tim and Heather my whole debacle with Georgia from last week. (See entry 11/21/10.)

TIM: Damn it, Ryan! You are up 2 [losses] and 0 [wins]! I still haven't forgotten about the Yellow Power Ranger! (See entry 7/1/10.) You need to step it up!

HEATHER: Do I need to come to Glendale and bag that bitch for you?
TIM: She will do it!

• Jared took the kids to go toilet-papering.
• Jared mentioned that although marijuana-smoking is common among Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) practictioners, there's a type of strong coffee - but he can't remember the name - that negates the effects. (Mental note: My Capoeira teacher, Andres, might know.)
• I shared my college story of trying to spar while high and how, despite having my hands up, my opponent was aiming at the openings and I was just staring at the kicks coming towards my head.
• Tim, Jared, and I were discussing creatine and pre-workout supplements and concluded that MR1, N.O. X-Plode, and Jacked 3D (or Jack3d) were the best.
• Blue Moon + Guinness = Black & Blue, a.k.a. a Rihanna.
• Heather let her 13-year-old Cameron try the hookah. Then I turned my video camera to Vicky, her oldest kid ...

RYAN: What do you think about that?
VICKY: It's not surprising.

Heather complained that Vicky had told her that she can't think of anything worse than to end up like her. Vicky immediately hugged her and everyone was like, "Yeah, you better hug her!"

Vicky considers herself the babysitter to her parents. Heather began playing Freestyle's Don't Stop the Rock ...

RYAN: They were playing this in Miami, Spring Break 2006! And then I started going like this ... [Does a Bboy top rock.] And I was on E.
[Vicky was standing behind me. Whoops.]
HEATHER: It's OK. I think she's known for years.

• I was telling Cameron and his 14-year-old friend (going on 15) about how I was 14 when I was at college parties due to my older cousins who were then in college. Chris came outside and Cameron and his friend threw the hookah back on the table before Chris yelled at them to go to bed.
• Heather was bragging about her chocolate lip gloss. She kissed Jared so that he could try it. Then my big mouth was like, "Chocolate?" So then Heather kissed me and was like, "Lick your lips." Yes, it was chocolate. But that killed any ability of getting a boner for maybe the next couple of days because that kind of stuff with close friends is always weird.
• The party ended when Vicky threatened to sleep in the car because the music was loud. Chris, Jared, Tim, Heather and I went upstairs to watch movies ... But I fell asleep.

My Facebook status at 6:52AM read:

You know what's cool about driving home from partying at this hour? No traffic. Good night.

Went to bed at 7:00AM ... but mommy woke me up to go to church at noon. Mommy and I spent Sunday doing groceries at Costco with Auntie Bella and eating dinner at T.G.I. Friday's.

Impromptu party

I was at the mall flaunting my Gryffindor uniform (from Harry Potter) and random 'lil Asian girl stuck two thumbs up at me as she jollily said, "Nice tie! Nice tie." Aww. Cute.

And then Tim called me through Mark's phone ...

TIM: What are you doing?
RYAN: I'm at the mall.
TIM: Well, get out of there and come to Chris and Heather's.
RYAN: What's going on.
TIM: Nothing. Mark's here, Jared's here, Johnny's [Goa] here, we're drinking ...

Leaving now.

Bon Temps Football

Some stores at the mall opened at 1:00AM. Some at 3:00AM.

I walked into Hot Topic, wearing my Gryffindor uniform (from Harry Potter) and was greeted by some employee chick whom I've never seen before, but apparently she's seen me ...

EMPLOYEE CHICK: Nice outfit! We've got Harry Potter stuff here! [Points to the stuff she's standing next to.] Did you see the movie?
RYAN: I saw it at midnight.
EMPLOYEE CHICK: I think I saw you earlier that day buying stuff.
RYAN: It probably was me.
EMPLOYEE CHICK: You were with a girl.
RYAN: That wasn't me.

D'oh! Can't believe I fell for that pick-up line. She was testing to see whether or not I would reply with something like, "Yeah, that was my girlfriend," to figure out whether or not I was taken. She's not ugly, but I'd still prefer beer goggles to get through it if I absolutely had to do her.

RYAN: Any Black Friday sales?
EMPLOYEE CHICK: Our rock tees are 2 for $25.
RYAN: Does that include Taylor Swift? Don't hate.
EMPLOYEE CHICK: Yes, it does.

I finally got that "Bon Temps Football" shirt (from True Blood) as it was finally on clearance. And a new Harry Potter shirt. Georgia (the "substitute" in my database whenever Jazz isn't working at Red Robin) saw me as I was coming out of the fitting room and briefly smiled. I got a boner.

Actually, due to the busy circumstances, I noticed a lot of employees whom I've never noticed before.

RYAN: What time did you guys open?
EMPLOYEE CHICK AND SOME DUDE: 4 [o'clock]!
RYAN: I'm looking at everybody and it looks like nobody slept.
DUDE: No. Nobody slept!

I went to Simi Valley to record Paul and Martha's band. The same jackoffable chick who guards the door was there. Yay database! So was that bartender Trish. Score again! But some dude named Marlon who was my classmate in my old Capoeira group during my CSUN days was there and recognized me. Sweet.

And just like last time, a FREE pitcher of Sam Adams on tap. I shared it with Paul and Martha's son Khan, who told me of a place that illegally sells 4Lokos.

KHAN: (Drunkenly on the phone with homeboys) Te amo. [Silence.] Say it back. Te amo. [Silence.] C'mon, say it back!

Thanksgiving 2010

Family came over to the house as usual. I ate a lot.

Taylor Swift's Back to December mashed up with One Republic's Apologize = Taylor Lautner

Still putting off returning to Capoeira training. Today my excuse is that I was busy preparing for Thanksgiving. But I practiced on my own at the gym again.

Oh yeah, Taylor Swift performed at the American Music Awards last Sunday her latest single Back to December, which she wrote about my "doppelganger" Taylor Lautner, a.k.a. Jacob Black from Twilight. She put to rest any debate on the song's subject when she mashed it up at the end with One Republic's Apologize, which Lautner has been known to lip-sync.

Just the Way You Are

I'm starting to forget Glee is a comedy with this ongoing dark "closet-gay bullying open-gay to the point of death threat" story arch. But on the bright side, tonight's episode had them covering some guy named Bruno Mars whose song Just the Way You Are has been on the radio lately.

Still putting off Capoeira

I was finally going to return to Capoeira today, but I'm so sore from practicing last night. Busted a #3 to Georgia (the "substitute" in my database for Jazz), then Leah (the "substitute" for Georgia), and that blond chick from last Saturday night. Ended the night with WWE RAW.

Just for that, I got your teasing smile included in my database and I'm doing you next when I bust a #3 ... and it's going to be rough!

Jazz wasn't working at Red Robin, so I went to Hot Topic. I was dressed in my Gryffindor uniform looking at Harry Potter stuff, and sidetracked making sure that that the "annoying chick" didn't see me to tease me about being there too often, when IRONICALLY Georgia (the substitute in my database whenever Jazz isn't working) snuck up on me ...

GEORGIA: It's like you live here, which isn't a bad thing.
RYAN: (Caught off guard) It's Harry Potter season. You got some cool stuff.
GEORGIA: (Teasing) Oh don't use Harry Potter as an excuse. You're always here.

I try to blah blah blah back and forth with her, but was so not ready that I freaked out and left! (Rage-induced emo scream into the night) AHHHHH! That's it! Just for that, I got your teasing smile included in my database and I'm doing you next when I bust a #3 ... and it's going to be rough!

My mommy and I ate dinner at Outback Steakhouse. Then I went to the gym late at night to practice my Capoeira and do some light calisthenics.

Force Factor might be the next thing I buy

MARK: [Mutters something while I'm talking to Arlene.]
RYAN: What?
ERICA: [Mutters something.]
RYAN: (Approaching Mark and Erica) What?
MARK: I said, "Get that!" (Referring to Arlene.)

Chris' Birthday party last night:

• Chris and Heather bought the winter flavors of Sam Adams that I've never tried before.
• Jared was wasted as soon as I got there ... and even jokingly copped a feel ... of my groin. Whoa. And then he passed out face down on the floor as a blanket was placed over him.
• I broke the news to everyone that 4Lokos were banned that day. Heather then gave me her last 4Loko to take home. Aw.
• Explained the extent of my camera addiction with how I was once in Las Vegas and turned down a girl because my camera was broken.

TIMMY: Do I need to keep tabs on you?
RYAN: Yes.
TIMMY: At least you're honest.

I continued the tradition of taking pics next to a passed out Chris, which was previously done with Kat's boyfriend Shaun, but this year with Heather and Arlene.

TIMMY: [Arlene] likes Will.
HEATHER: She likes everybody!
RYAN: She liked me on Halloween.
HEATHER: Everyone likes Ryan! My married friend Nicky likes Ryan! [Author's note: Yay self esteem!]

Chris and Heather have a coworker named Christine who's in love with Chris brother Jason and been depressed for the past two years that he doesn't feel the same way. Christine is taller than us, half Irish and half Mexican, with blue eyes. Arlene and I were keeping her company outside. Mark walked in and walked away with the "I'm not gonna cockblock" look, probably thinking I was going for a threesome. Arlene then left us alone as Christine drunkenly told me her life story. She was then holding my hand and kissing it as Arlene watched and gave me this look that made me wonder, "What kind of [love] triangle did I just fall into?" Then Christine kissed me before she left.

RYAN: (Whispering) OK, don't make a big deal out of it. Christine kissed me.
HEATHER: WHAT?!
[Everyone looks]

I left with a bag of Heather's last 4Loko and some assorted Sam Adams beer. Got home at 4:00AM.

Today I picked up Tiwat to go to meet up at Michael's house in Simi Valley to then go to Michael's friend's place to watch UFC 123. There was some blond chick there with slightly curly hair and a cute face who's now in my database. Anyway, Force Factor might be the next supplement I buy after my boy BJ Penn, who endorses it, knocked out Matt Hughes in less than half-a-minute! Tiwat and I caught up on last night's Smallville afterward.

In my Gryffindor uniform

RYAN: Chicks be checkin' me out as I walked by. I think it's the [Gryffindor] tie.

Last night, I met up with Brazilian Jesse from Capoeira, who I haven't see since before I last left for the Philippines, in line in the alley next to the AMC 16. He made a new friend in line, a chick named Ally dressed in a shirt and Gryffindor tie. She's aight-looking.

ALLY: Ally.
JESSE: I'm Jesse.
RYAN: Jacob.
[Jesse smiles at me.]
RYAN: It's a nickname.
ALLY: I think I can guess why.

ALLY: I'm gonna call you Jacob.

When Ally's friend Kate and Jesse's friends arrived, they saved our places in line as Ally, Jesse, and I walked to Coffee Bean for hot chocolate and coffee.

RYAN: Hey, we got that trio theme going on like Harry, Ron and Hermione! The rest of the night:

• Ally even had us jay-walk. How bad ass.
• We were let inside two hours before start time. Mental note: Next time, sneak in beer.
• Played a few games of "telephone."
• Added Ally on Facebook through my phone.
• I was the only one that WHOO'd during The Green Lantern trailer when it first mentioned the words "Green Lantern." In the darkness, I could feel everyone's "WTF" looks toward me as Jesse laughed in my support.
• The random chicks in the 4th and 6th seats to my right are in my database.
• There was an inside joke about Twilight!
• Ron had a hallucination of Harry and Hermione having sex! It was CGI naked, but still good for PG-13.

I got to bed at 5:00AM.

I spent the day practicing my guitar in an O.C.D. manner before guitar practice, watched some Degrassi, circled around the Red Robin and got Jazz in my database, and bought Chris' Birthday present at Spencer's. Some chick at Spencer's, whose name tag red "Louisa," noted my Gryffindor uniform (but with jeans).

LOUISA: Did you just get back from watching Harry Potter?
RYAN: I saw it at midnight.
LOUISA: I did too. I didn't dress up, but I saw it. Did you just not go home yet?
RYAN: I slept in my clothes.

I picked out a shirt that read "Let's drink and make bad choices." I explained to that Louisa chick how Chris drunkenly went down on Kat (see entry 7/24/10). Louisa suggested I wear a helmet and a [groin] cup in case Heather flips.

Mommy told me to bring kakanin (purple rice cake) to Chris and Heather's. Now it's off to their place to party.

Milestone: My FIRST Harry Potter midnight showing! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1!

I stopped by Hot Topic. Leah - who's the "substitute" in my database for her coworker Georgia, who in turn is the "substitute" whenever Jazz isn't working at Red Robin - was working. She looked cranky, but ... It looked good on her! And she still managed to sound helpful when I asked about new Harry Potter merchandise, or "merch" as she put it shortly. She also wore a fake-looking leather jacket over some Boondock Saints shirt. She's back in my database.

Too bad I had to miss dinner with Tito Alex (whose brother's wife is the cousin on Jinkee Pacquiao, a.k.a. Manny Pacquiao's wife) who stopped by Los Angeles briefly from the Pacquiao-Margarito fight in Texas. But I had to get ready for the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1.

There were no jackoffable chicks tonight

I participated in a sample law class at an open house at the Glendale University of Law. I'll be honest, it's their snacks that get me coming back. But I can't believe there were no jackoffable chicks tonight! The closest was some brunette with her hair tied back and bangs curled on a curling iron. I could actually see her makeup and smell her perfume as she walked by. Too high maintenance.

Prior to that, I ate dinner at Rubios across the street. The cashier was some chick who I've seen there before. Her name tag says "Olivia." She was aight. Some minor acne, which is common on the younger ones. I like how, in the corner of my eye, I could see her waiting for me to make eye contact with her so she could say, "Bye. Have a nice night." I suppose she could get on the waiting list for my database, just because she showed interest and she's not ugly.

Manny Pacquiao's trainer Freddy Roach guest starred on tonight's episode of The Ultimate Fighter.

Make'em Laugh

It's awesome when I wake up earlier than usual. I went to AMC 16 in Burbank to buy my ticket for the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows! It will be my first time watching a HP movie at it's midnight premiere. Brazilian Jesse from Capoeira and his friends will be joining.

I busted a #3 to Lindsay, the waitress from Outback Steakhouse last Sunday. (See entry 11/14/10.)

I went to the mall not expecting anything ... and Jazz was working at Red Robin. I haven't seen her work a Tuesday shift in many months. Looked around, made sure no one was looking, and reached down my pants for the discreet victory yoink!

I went to Hot Topic. That annoying chick was there. She was alone and so was stuck at the cash register, which allowed me to hide behind the racks as I shopped undetected.

The new episode of Glee was cool.

Finally got to bust a #3 to Michelle Margarito

Finally got to bust a #3 to Michelle Margarito. She was good.

Mommy and I went to Costco to buy more water and finally print out my headshots. But I have to resize my headshots. I got some Joint Juice and the addictive Brookside Dark Chocolate Acai with Blueberry (see entry 10/28/10) for myself.

Some old guy with a heavy armenian accent was trying to yell at us for "blocking" his car's path as he tried to enter the wrong way in our one-way lane. I, as the kids say, El-Oh-El'd. Can they get any dumber?

Tonight's WWE RAW was epic as a 3-hour "Old School" themed episode.

Parading the Manny Pacquiao shirt at the mall ... and cockblocked by the escalators!

I wore my Pacquiao shirt to the mall simply to walk around flexing my pectoral muscles underneath. Some older white guy with a wife and daughter did a double take, kept walking, then finally turned back to ask me, "Did he win last night?" Yup!

And then I was actually cockblocked by the escalators. My absentminded ass got on to go down and on the parallel escalator to go up ... was Jazz! I didn't see her until literally the midpoint when we might've locked eyes! In a perfect world, I would've seen her get on before I stepped on, waited for her to get to the top, finally had the chance to talk to her when she's not busy, maybe borrowed Morgan's suggested line ("Hey, you don't know it, but we've been going out for a while now"), and she would've been so flattered that she would've had me walk her to her car and bow chicka wow wow ...

But nooo! In the real world, a little absentmindedness can cost you! And the escalators pulled us apart ... literally.

Then went to Hot Topic. The only dude who works there (lucky bastard) saw my shirt and went on about how he wishes he could've watched the fight, but had to work. And then the annoying chick had to interrogate me as always ...

ANNOYING CHICK: You're always here!
RYAN: What are you talking about? (I actually haven't been there in days.)
ANNOYING CHICK: I see you walking by!
(I can't believe she actually pays attention to me walking outside.)

Mommy and I ate at Outback Steakhouse. Our waitress' name was Lindsay (or "Lindsay L" as the receipt would say). She was an older white chick, brown hair with bangs and a short ponytail, and an accent that might've been midwestern. She was so nice. I even had to accept her suggestion of some apple pie-like desert. Mental note: I tried mango + cherry syrup iced tea and it was "meh." But pomegranate + huckleberry syrup tea was bomb!

Anyway, I remember watching Lindsay kneel down to wipe something. Her kneeling position, along with the audio of her midwestern accent, is now in my database.

LINDSAY: Hope to see you two again. Ask for Lindsay.

Will do.

Manny Pacquiao beating Antonio Margarito = me busting a #3 to Michelle Margarito

Finally, I did my 21st day of my current weight-lifting regiment at the gym today. That means I get to start a regiment, like I do every 21 days! And that ends my creatine cycle.

I went to cousins Janine and Jillian's house to watch the Manny Pacquiao fight. Urgh ... I was supposed to be in Pac-Man's entourage for this fight, but I couldn't travel to Texas. (I found out during my last visit to the Philippines that Uncle Ramon's brother Arnold's wife is the couisin of Jinkee Pacquiao, Pac-Man's wife. In case you were wondering what the connection was.)

Antonio Margarito, his opponent, has a hot wife. She's in my database. Pac-Man won of course.

Uncle Lando invited me to go shoot guns with them on Thursday. Normally an asshole for the past few years, I've noticed he's been nice lately. Probably because dad died. And Auntie Carisse's sister gave me a new Pacquiao shirt.

Leche flan never gets old

I did cardio at the gym.

I'm starting to develop OCD from guitar practice.

I had to miss tonight's new episode of Smallville as my mommy, who has to work on Fridays, sent me to represent her at Auntie Carissa's mom's Birthday party. Tiwat also had to miss it as he had to go to the wake of one of his recently deceased friends.

But first, I stopped by the mall to do reconnaissance around the Red Robin. Jazz was working and I caught her smiling at something, I don't know what, but don't care as long as her smile is renewed in my database. I also heard her greeting some customers, so I got her audio in my database as well. I looked around, made sure no one was looking, and reached down my pants for the quick victory yoink.

7Z25577

And the significance of the above numbers will be my lil' secret.

Holy crap I had the best dream ever last night. I dreamt I was having sex with MILF pornstar Bailey O'Dare. In the dream, she has a husband (though I don't know if she has one in real life) who's pushing my pelvic area into her. Best married couple ever, even if it was just a dream.

I also had a second dream where my old friend AJ and I took a tour of Edenhurst street in Atwater and looked for the cross street where in real life we used to fight with the neighborhood kids. But in the dream, for some reason Edenhurst ended in a culdesac (but it doesn't in real life) and the cross streets were blocked off by wooden fences. I need a dream interpreter.

End dreams.

I did my 20th day at the gym. Then I helped mommy with laundry at the laundromat. I was eating my dinner from Cafe Bravo while sitting on top of a laundry machine when I noticed this older woman. White chick in a tanktop and brown hair with bangs. Not too much makeup. She's in my database.

Back to December

Skipped the gym today because I was still too sore.

The Country Music Awards were on tonight. Taylor Swift debuted her new song Back to December, which she wrote about my doppelganger Taylor Lautner, a.k.a. Twilight's Jacob Black.

Glee is now every homophobe's worst nightmare

My "not necessarily lazy, but cardio-hating" ass finally did cardio at the gym today.

I stayed at home the whole day to continue studying for the LSAT. It seems I concentrate better at home than at Barnes & Noble where my frequent breaks are doing database runs. But that didn't stop me from taking a study break to bust a #3 to that butterface (see entry 11/5/10), only because we both like Harry Potter and she's not exactly ugly.

I ended the night with a new episode of Glee. But WHOA! Holy plot twist, Batman: The homophobic jock-bully came out when he snapped and forced a kiss on the gay guy he'd been bullying throughout the entire series, albeit denying it afterward. I can't wait for the prudes to rant as usual.

Annoying chick must really like me

I did my 19th day at the gym.

I was about to go to guitar practice when Vahik rescheduled again since his wife, who broke her leg last time, was having complications. That means I could've returned to Capoeira training today, but was not mentally prepared.

I walked by Hot Topic at the mall, saw the annoying chick was there, she smiled at me right as I was pretending not to have looked inside, kept walking, and ended the night with the usual Monday WWE RAW.

Leftovers of German sausages from last night are still good

I woke up to go to church and found that I had slept through a text message from Allison, a.k.a. Allison from Palmdale. I had texted her last night (See entry 11/6/10):

Hi raver buddy. Mark and I are smoking hookah right now since that's the most we can legally do since prop 19 didn't get passed. Just drunk/hookah texting now.

She replied:

just get a medical license for 40 bones!

I skipped the gym today. Naughty me. Mommy and I ate dinner at Granville.

Saturday (Like that movie Friday, but starring Mark and I, and set in Glendale)

I bought milk and lots of water at Costco. Some old white lady wanted to fight me because she wanted my parking spot when I wasn't leaving yet.

I walked around the Red Robin. Jazz was working. Reached down my pants for a quick victory yoink.

Mark came over. From there, we headed to the Red Lion Tavern, where it's like Oktoberfest all year round, in Silver Lake for German food and German beer. Mark whispered to me that the older blond chick sitting adjacent to him had been checking me out.

RYAN: I'd hit it.
MARK: She smokes. Does it bother you?
RYAN: As long as I'm not facing her while doing her.

She's in my database. Also, the bartender was a brunette with really curly hair and minimal makeup with a cute face.

RYAN: I'd hit it.
MARK: Me too. And this ain't beer goggles yet.

The bartender also shared that "Spaten" was German for "shovel." We asked only because we needed her audio in our database.

MARK: There were real German chicks that showed up here when Germany was playing in the World Cup. And they were wearing those outfits that showed off their tits.
RYAN: Next time, invite me.
MARK: I didn't know you were into soccer!
RYAN: I'm not.

We got lost trying to find the strip club on Fletcher Drive afterward that we just went to my house and smoked hookah and experimented with Facebook. My status was then updated:

Mark Pot and I just figured out by ourselves for the first time, while smoking hookah right now, how to tag people in our statuses. (Like so.) Seriously, only right now. While smoking hookah as I type this. Pass the hookah, Mark Pot!

Later I busted a #3 to the bartender.

Hand sex with the new butterface

I did my 18th day at the gym.

I showed up to guitar practice to find out that Vahik's wife had to be taken to the emergency room right before I arrived. She fell down and broke her leg.

Jazz wasn't working at Red Robin. Boo. So I went to Hot Topic. I was wearing my Harry Potter Hermione shirt. Georgia, the substitute for my database whenever Jazz isn't working was there. Score. BUT there's been this butterface (you know, "but her face") who's been working there. (See entry 8/14/10.) Not the same butterface that I've only mentioned once many months ago and who has quit since then.

BUTTERFACE: [Offers high five.]

And she goes on this rant about how the AMC in Burbank has a deal where anyone with a Costco card could get two tickets for its first showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows for $50, but she doesn't have a Costco card nor $50, how more people been coming in lately for Harry Potter merchandise, blah, blah, blah ...

BUTTERFACE: Did you get that shirt here?
RYAN: Yeah. Apparently no one was buying these. You sold it to me for $5.
BUTTERFACE'S COWORKER: There's a reason for that!
BUTTERFACE: Shut up! She hate's Harry Potter. She gives me crap for it.
RYAN: But that was the best $5 ever.
BUTTERFACE: You got a better deal than me. I got it for $10 and it was already on clearance, so you got the clearance clearance.

Meanwhile, I was checking out Georgia in her striped tights under her short shorts and her hair up with these cat-ears headband. But now that the butterface and I have something in common, all of a sudden she's not exactly ugly. And high-fiving, or skin-to-skin contact, while sharing a brain frequency of enthusiasm for Harry Potter is, like, hand sex.

I went home to watch a new episode of Smallville.

Like a big shot

Just a chill day studying at Barnes & Noble. My mommy was treating her coworker for her Birthday at Cheesecake Factory, so I crashed. I tried their California Omelette for the first time. My mommy's coworker also mentioned she stumbled onto an IMDB page for me. It made me feel like a big shot, even if only one movie (The Forgotten Jewel) is listed in my credits so far.

The kids learned a new word today: Creatine

I did my 17th day at the gym.

I finally visited my Capoeira group since I've been back. Andres was teaching a bunch of little kids Brazilian Jujitsu (BJJ). I watched one of our little girls tap out one of the little boys with a rear naked choke. It was awesome. Others present: Diana, Louis, Carlito, Mexican Jesse, Jesse's girlfriend, and the dog Naya. I was wearing my Harry Potter Hermione shirt. Andres and I both agree Emma Watson's hot.

DIANA: (Checking out my biceps) Were you working out while you were in the Philippines?
RYAN: I just took a bunch of creatine.
ANDRES: Ooh, creatine ... That's that borderline stuff.

Matt would later tell me that creatine's no longer "borderline" since it actually is banned in a lot of organized sports. I feel like I'm on steroids now.

Jay Leno

Busted a #3 to Jessica and the manager from the Halloween store. Voted "yes" on Prop 19 in the California Election, which would've legalized marijuana in the state for recreational use. It failed. Boo. I saw Jay Leno at the Americana and updated my Facebook status accordingly:

Walked by Jay Leno. Nodded, "What's up." He nodded back. Everyone's all star struck. [Yawn.] Continued on my way to to the ol' ultraviolent.

Then just a chill night studying at Barnes & Noble. I caught a new episode of Eastbound & Down.

My doppelganger in my room

I did my 16th day at the gym.

I went to the Halloween store to capitalize on the ridiculous discounts the day after Halloween. Jessica hasn't worked since last Friday. Darn it. I guess that's the last I'll see her. Oh well. She lives on in my database. But at least the manager was there (see entry 9/30/10).

I bought a life size cardboard standup of my doppelganger, Taylor Lautner as Twilight's Jacob Black, at 50% off.

Then met with mommy at the laundromat. I ate Kentucky Fried Chicken while doing laundry.

Halloween 2010

Right before I left Chris and Heather's hotel room last night (or technically early this morning), Arlene just HAD to inadvertently be a buzzkill for the entire party ...

ARLENE: (At Chris) Can you promise not to get mad if I say something?
BRIAN/DOUG: You do not begin a conversation with that!
ARLENE: Well, two months ago, you were a total asshole at work.
HEATHER: Yeah, there's a reason for that!
MARELIS: You have no idea what you just opened up.

What a way to end the night.

I overslept and caught the last few minutes of church. I wore my "Just Give Me The Damn Candy" shirt and trick-or-treated at the mall. Jazz wasn't working. Boo. At least Georgia at Hot Topic was there. Yay. But I wasn't even inside Hot Topic when that now-annoying (but not ugly) new employee found me - I guess she was on break - with a giddy demeanor like she knows me ...

NEW CHICK: Why are you here everyday?
RYAN: I'm not here everyday.
NEW CHICK: You were here yesterday!
RYAN: Well, I was Halloween shopping ... because I was partying last night ... and now I'm getting candy.
NEW CHICK: So you came to the mall to trick-or-treat?!

Jessica wasn't working at the Halloween store. Boo. I hung out with Nataly at Coffee Bean on the other side of the Americana that I never go to, worth noting since I'm never at that part.

Mommy and I ate dinner at Cheesecake Factory. I got a seasonal pumpkin pecan cheesecake, assuming that it would be gone after Halloween today.

Sex (almost) with clothes on without intercourse and on the dance floor

I was supposed to be a half-naked Gladiator for Halloween, but nooo ... The forecast for tonight's weather just HAD to be cold.

I drove to Costa Mesa where Chris and Heather were staying at a hotel. There was some kind of OC Halloween party. Chris bought me a ticket. How the heck can I ever repay him? I found Chris on the sidewalk, he got into my car, and rocked out to Kelly Clarkson on the way to the liquor store as we talked about chicks I bust a #3 to.

Tonight's group: Mark, Erica, Marelis, Brian (a.k.a. Doug), Heather, Judy, Lauren, and Rendy. New people: Rendy's "date" Jose, Chris' coworker Arlene, and Arlene's friend Jaqueline.

Heather gave Doug and I some of her medications. Doug and I split one and said, "Cheers."

RYAN: [Accidentally spilling mine all over my pants] Oh shit.
DOUG: Are you kidding me?!
RYAN: I got it, I got it. [Sucking it all off of my pants.]

From then on, Arlene's "nickname" for me was - not really a name, but - the motion of licking off my pants.

And the bad luck of trying to see Speaker Junkies (a band that Chris produces for) continues. Back in Spring Break in Miami 2007 when we were supposed to watch them perform, someone in our entourage got the cops called on us. It was the last time I outran the cops in a foot chase. Tonight, the Speaker Junkies equipment wasn't working despite a successful sound check. Chris speculates they were sabotaged. Boo.

Some tall, brown haired chick just came up to me with some gibberish about how I'm hot and started grinding up on me. Heather and Rendy were witnesses. Heather cheered me on. Immediately after chick left, I updated my Facebook status:

Random pretty hot chick just started grinding up on me ... I have a boner.

HEATHER: Of course ...

Well, Arlene had been flirting with me all night. And when the rest of the group wanted to go back to the hotel, Arlene and Jaqueline wanted to stay and asked me to stay with them. So I danced with Arlene the whole night, hoped she didn't notice I had a boner when she got too close, blah, blah, blah. And then the text messages from an overprotective Chris:

CHRIS: (3:07:05 AM) Ryan you know how to get back right?
CHRIS: (3:31:46 AM) Dude you guts still there?
CHRIS: (3:42:31 AM) Talk to me man!
CHRIS: (3:44:23 AM) Dude
CHRIS: (3:45:45 AM) Hello?
RYAN: (3:46:29 AM) We're walking back now.
CHRIS: (3:46:52 AM) Oh thank God !

Arlene mentioned she noticed that I was "white-girl hunting." She and Jaqueline also said that should I ever try 4lokos, I should try it with them and they'll "take care of [me]." We were greeted with applause by everyone (except Mark and Erica who were asleep) when we got back.

HEATHER: We had doubts that you would bring them back. (Referring to Spring Break in Miami 2007 when I went the wrong direction for 30 streets, despite the streets being numbered, while under the influence of Heather's medications.)

JOSE: (Pointing at me) This guy was pimping with me!

Oh yeah, I don't recommend that Jose ever try E. He was sober and yet danced as if he was on drugs nonstop. He had me tag along with him to get chicks. Apparently, this left Rendy angry as it was supposedly OK for her to flirt with every chick, but she flipped out whenever a chick was hitting up her "date."

Tonight's Smallville ended with Lois and Clark having sex

Did my 15th day of my current regiment at the gym. Couldn't finish because I had to go to guitar practice, so I had to come back later. At guitar practice, Vahik greeted me with ...

VAHIK: I'm not drunk. My eyes just hurt.

His contact lenses were giving him problems.

1-hour-and-fifty minutes before an all new Smallville, I commented on Tiwat's Facebook:

Ooh, gotta visit the mall to stare at the girl I masturbate to. I'll try to make it back in time for Smallville. Hold down the fort for me.

He replied:

Will do, sir.

Jazz wasn't working, though. Darn it. But Jessica was working at the Halloween store. Yay database. And Georgia was working at Hot Topic. Score. But then the new Hot Topic employee from last Wednesday (see entry 10/27/10) was there and I think she's on to me ...

CHICK: Are you here everyday?
RYAN: No.
CHICK: But I saw you yesterday.
RYAN: I wasn't here yesterday.
CHICK: I was commenting on your eyes!
RYAN: That wasn't yesterday.
CHICK: OK, two days ago!

Made it back in time for Smallville with three minutes to spare!

Went to the gym to finish my workout from the morning. I saw Iam and Victor for the first time since last September (see entry 9/6/10). I revealed to them that Dad died during the last time I worked out with them, but I just didn't feel like saying anything to draw attention to myself. Since then, Victor got hit by a car while he was on his bike.

Then I went home and busted a #3 to two old acquaintances that I randomly remembered, both of whom are named Rebekah and are white with long hair. What a coincidence.

Living Trust

I was going to return to my Thursday movie-hopping routine today at the AMC, but my mommy wanted me to tag along with her to confirm her will with the attorney.

So I killed some time by walking around the mall, not expecting anything. Jessica was working at the Halloween store. She's been great in the database lately.

But then Jazz was working at the Red Robin. I don't remember her ever working a shift during the day on Thursdays. I guess now I know when to walk by. Her bangs that naturally fall to the left were clipped to the right. That deserved several quick victory yoinks down my pants as I looked around to make sure no one saw.

At the attorney's office:

• I found out that I'm inheriting a lot.
• I was able to write the asshole Uncle Lando out of certain parts of the will.
• The attorney says the law field is progressive enough that I don't have to cut my hair. (For example, Imelda Marcos' male attorney has a ponytail.)
• Mental note: Brookside's Dark Chocolate-covered Acai blueberries are addictive. Buy some.

My mommy and I ate dinner at the Jewel City Diner in the Americana.

Ain't Nothin' 'Bout You

I did my 14th day of my current regiment at the gym. Gosh, this Cellucor's M5 creatine really doesn't fix my attention difficiency while working out. But at least I can lift heavier.

There's some new chick working at Hot Topic dressed up in some kind of princess outfit since it's the Halloween season. She's not the type I'd put in my database, but the type I'd end up banging anyway only with the aid of beer goggles. But she does have long, reddish brown hair.

CHICK: Are you wearing contacts?
RYAN: Clear ones.
CHICK: Those are your real eyes?
RYAN: Yeah.

Quiz/Riddle: One of those two is true. The other's a fib. Hint: She didn't specify between "eyes" and "eye color."

Jessica was working at the Halloween store. I just noticed she has a tattoo behind her right ear.

I ended the night with the usual Wednesday night Ultimate Fighter. Oh, and this is my workout song this week, Tayor Swift's cover of Brooks & Dunn's Ain't Nothin' 'Bout You:

Because there's nothing to do on Tuesdays

I did cardio at the gym.

XNXX is finally working again! It's been down since I got back from the Philippines. I watched some Bailey Brooks videos before busting a #3 to Jenn Seven.

Jessica was working at the Halloween store and apparently had a pretentious attempt at trying to curl her hair. There was some customer in a black top and booty shorts and a less then pretentious - but ridiculous nonetheless - attempt at trying to curl her dark brown hair. Her face, with a nose piercing, was all right. But it's her meaty, yet not obese, thighs that got her in my database.

None of the substitutes [for Jazz] in my database were working at Hot Topic. But there was this Latina customer with a cute face, dark hair and simple white jeans and a shirt. I had to stare at her for a long time to make sure she was in my database as my memory requires longer uploading for someone new.

I saw Johnny, who used to be a regular at GNC back when Brian (hence, formerly "Brian at the GNC") used to work there, by happenstance for the first time since March.

RYAN: I got everything I need in my database. Now I gotta get some studying done.
JOHNNY: Right.

While studying a little at Barnes & Noble, there was this white chick sitting in one of the comfy chairs. She had shoulder length, natural blond (as opposed to bottle blond) hair, a pink top, and a pink laptop to match. She might've looked only 17, though. Oh well, she's in my database.

I went home for the only interesting thing about Tuesdays: A new episode of Glee.

Can't believe pornstar Jenn Seven only has one video

Did my 13th day of my current regiment at the gym.

I rocked at an extra guitar practice to make up for the lost time while I was in the Philippines for dad's funeral.

Busted a #3 to Judy's roommate Rendy from last Saturday just to get her out of my system.

I still can't believe pornstar Jenn Seven only has one video. Boo.

And of course Monday ends with the usual WWE RAW.

Oh what a glorious Sunday for the database!

I saw Jazz was working while passing by the Red Robin. Reached down my pants for a quick, subtle victory yoink.

At Hot Topic, Georgia - the substitute in my database whenever Jazz isn't around - was on duty, but didn't have to be since Jazz was around. Georgia's coworker, Leah - who in turn is the substitute if Georgia also isn't around - was present as well. And walking through the Halloween store, that chick Jessica was also there.

Nataly, again technically my first Martial Arts student, found me at the mall. She showed me the photo department where she works at in JC Penny. My mommy and I had dinner at Cheesecake Factory. I've been liking their Cajun Jumbalaya lately.

Heather and Chris' place for UFC 121 because, except for DJ Z-Trip, Monster Massive sucks this year

I did my 12th day at the gym. Then I headed to Heather and Chris' place in Anaheim to watch the UFC 121 PPV, or their "The Lineup At Monster Massive Sucks This Year So We're Having Our Own Party" shindig as Heather dubbed it. My mommy told me to bring them fruit salad.

• Heather was in a Marie Antoinette costume. Chris had some creepy costume. Jared was a human whoopie cushion. Tim was in "white guy trying to act black" getup. Other guests included Marelis, her boyfriend Brian (or Doug as he's nicknamed, which helps differentiate him from other Brians I know) and other grownups.
• Heather told me the night before that I can bring my Oktoberfest mug and fill it up there. She even bought Sam Adams Oktoberfest beer because she remembered Sam Adams seasonal beers are my favorite.
• Jared, who again is a Brazilian Jujitsu instructor, taught me the X-guard and Z-guard, both of which I've never heard of before.
• Judy and her roommate Rendy came, both of them wearing some kind of sporty getup.
• The running gag of me freaking Heather out by crushing on her older sister (38 years old) continued ...

HEATHER: Ryan likes porn, but I'm trying to get him to stick to appropriate porn [not high school chicks].
RYAN: How's your sister?
HEATHER: [Rolls eyes.] He likes my sister.
SOME GROWNUP: Which one?
HEATHER: Naomi. Um, she's fine. We're trying to get my mom to move in with her, not me. And she's busy getting a divorce.
RYAN: Tell her I said, "Hi!"
HEATHER: [Laughs.] I will.

• It seems Lauren and Judy are back together. (Yes, they're both girls.)
• Jared privately disclosed that he's a Republican and doesn't like lesbians, which led to him getting pissed off when Judy said Rendy could kick his ass, which led to him challenging Rendy to a Jujitsu match and making her tap out!
• Doug proposed the idea that we all do shots in honor of my dad. We used Jameson whiskey.

HEATHER: (With her hand on Judy's bra) Ok, everybody except for Lauren and Chris close your eyes.

Before I could cluelessly ask why, I was already seeing Judy's nipple.

HEATHER: Judy doesn't cuddle with me anymore because Rendy stole her. Ryan, will you replace Judy as my cuddle buddy?
RYAN: [Sigh.] Fine.
HEATHER: (Sarcastically) I love your enthusiasm.
RYAN: Would your sister join us?
HEATHER: [Sigh.]

While we were all in the jacuzzi, Rendy stayed in the kitchen because she was buzzed (and obviously not used to drinking). Jared decided to keep her company. Uh oh. This worried Heather.

LAUREN: Don't worry, she won't go for him.
HEATHER: She's drunk!

Judy then went to interfere.

RYAN: I'll go with [Judy] for backup.
HEATHER: Backup ... Riiight. Ryan just likes staring at Rendy's ass!

As soon as Judy and I got back to the jacuzzi, everyone was getting out ...

CHRIS: What the fuck? Where's everyone going?
RYAN: I'm still here! I'm loyal!
HEATHER: Loyal to Rendy's ass!

I got home. Fired up the porn. There was a new Jessica Carrboro video where her boyfriend, instead of finishing on her face as usual, finished inside her for a change! Sweet!

Redlight

I woke up from a dream that I was saving my grade school classmate Laura from a gang rape attempt. What weird is that the setting looked like Uncle Bobby's backyard. I wonder what Laura's up to these days in real life.

I skipped the gym in the morning and played my guitar until I had a calous on the tip of my thumb. I fired up the porn until I had to go to guitar practice.

I went around the Red Robin, but I guess Jazz was either working the day shift or not working today. I rushed by Hot Topic and saw that Georgia, the substitute for Jazz in my database, was working and bobbing her head to that one song by Akon featuring David Guetta. That's cool because the body mechanics of head bobbing are also used in oral sex and now I got Georgia's body mechanics stored in my database.

I went to the Halloween store to see that chick Jessica from last week, the one who was obsessingly like, "Are you finding everything OK? My name's Jessica," "If you need anything, my name's Jessica," and "Blah, blah, blah, my name's Jessica" (see entry 10/15/10). So I was screaming "Jessica" while busting a #3 to her last Monday (see entry 10/18/10). BUT tonight I walked around her a few times and, despite looking hot, she actually didn't even notice me! I mean, I understand they were busy, but I looked hot for God's sake!

DUDE: Is it OK if we take a picture with these [Chewbacca and Darth Vader cardboard cutouts]?
RYAN: I don't work here.
DUDE: Oh, whoops. You look like you do. That's a nice shirt. (Referring to my Just Give Me The Damn Candy shirt.) Your hair's cool too!

I love it whenever I can make a straight guy compliment my hair. (I'm assuming he's straight because I'm assuming the chick he was with is his girlfriend.)

I ended the night with a new episode of Smallville, found a new porn series called Redlight Sex Trips while watching Max Payne on HBO, busted a #3 to that chick at Barnes & Noble last night (see entry 10/21/10), and then busted a #3 to Jessica in an anger masturbation (you know, as opposed to anger sex) sort of way for not noticing me earlier.

Finally, I decided to do a periodic check of my endurance. On one hand, I was happy with the results. But on the other hand, everyone knows you automatically last longer if you had just previously busted a #3, so I kind of felt cheated.

And then cleavage attracted my attention

I had a three dreams last night:

First, I was Batman. I was riding in the Batmobile through alleys and swinging across building with the grappling gun. My biggest challenge was a villain that tried to shake my hand with a cigarette, which I was able to withstand, and I tee'd off on all his vital points ... But even after repeated kicks to the groin, he taunted at first, "That doesn't work on me." But eventually I killed him.

Second, I was driving that Americana trolley. It was hard keeping it straight. But when I couldn't drive it uphill under a bridge, I gave up.

Third, I had to think of an excuse to get away from my mommy so that I could meet up with this chick Nicky to have sex. In real life, Richard once showed me a pic on his phone of Nicky's tits. (See entry 3/17/10.) So I was rushing through the neighborhood - ala American Pie - to meet up with Nicky ... But woke up before I could reach the destination. Boo.

End dreams.

I did my 11th day at the gym. There's nothing on TV on Thursday nights, so I had a quiet evening studying at Barnes & Nobles. Some asian dude who barely spoke English didn't want anyone sitting next to him because he was looking at naked pics of chicks.

And then cleavage attracted my attention. There was this white chick sitting by herself. Reddish brown hair in a high, short ponytail. Not sure if her jacket was real leather or pleather. Jeans torn to be bellbottoms and dark sneakers. She's in my database.

"You got choked unconscious."

I did cardio in the gym.

Today was Jessica Carrboro day in terms of firing up the porn. Busted a #3 to pornstar Carrboro.

After studying a little at Barnes & Noble, I came home for some Ultimate Fighter on Spike TV. One of the contestants is a guy named Sevak Magakian who goes to my gym. He got choked unconscious on tonight's episode. Now everytime I see him, I'll be thinking You got choked unconscious. Ha.

Common denominator: Tits and ass

I did my 10th day of my current weight lifting regiment.

I found out that the name of this one porn star that I've been trying to figure out for the longest time is Bailey Brooks. Also, another anonymous one that I first saw last year is Jenn Seven. I fired up the porn and busted a #3 to Brooks and Amber Rayne.

I watched Dear John starring Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried on good ol' HBO. What do they have in common? I first saw Tatum in an indy film that had nudity and softcore sex. I first saw Seyfried in Alpha Dog where she and a bunch of other chicks were topless. The common denominator is tits and ass.

Then I caught an all new episode of Eastbound and Down, which meant more tits and ass. Oh, and tonight's Glee was a rerun.

Happy Birthday to Michelle in Nebraska.

And ending the night on some wonderful news:

Studies show that men in their 20s who ejaculate five of more times a week reduced their risk of prostrate cancer by a third, and older men reporting 21 or more ejaculations per month lowered their risk as well.

--Health and Beauty Benefits of Sex

YAY!