It was the lil' cousins idea for me to get drunk

Cousins Janine and Jillian, auntie Carisse, Uncle Lando, my mommy, my mommy's sister, and I are staying at cousin Andree's house in Las Vegas until Sunday. Cousin Janine, being only 18, has a new boyfriend. I think she hasn't learned a damn thing about keeping that stuff low-profile in this family.

I was baby-sitting Janine and Jillian (turning 16 an hour after midnight on New Year's Eve) as we went to the Fresh Bar and Grill in the Miracle Mile Shops. It was the lil' cousins' idea for me to get drunk. The black cashier was crushing on me hard as she gave me free samples of daiquiri and a mix of daiquiri and moonshine.

LAQUINTA: You look like that Twilight guy--
HER COWORKER: What is it with you and Twilight?
LAQUINTA: Has anyone ever told you--
RYAN: I get that so much.

We talked about how I was Jacob Black for Halloween and my Taylor Swift shirt.

LAQUINTA: Can I see your Taylor Swift shirt?
HER COWORKER: She's just checking out your chest.
LAQUINTA: Do you work out?
RYAN: (Modestly) Yeah ...
LAQUINTA: No wonder your chest is so big.

Then she did a double take with my ID that still has my pic as a 17-year-old, laughed ...

LAQUINTA: You look better NOW!

... and ran off with it to show her coworkers ...

COWORKER: You look better NOW!

LAQUINTA: You need to dye your hair all black.
HER COWORKER: No, you should dye it brown.
LAQUINTA: No, don't listen to her.

When she gave me her name in exchange for mine, I introduced myself by my nickname "Jacob" and she went gaga. Then made friends with drunk strangers as they asked me where I got my 1/2 yard tall vase of daiquiri-moonshine (I think Laquinta dubbed it a "Samurai"), high-fiving on the way out.

We met Andree's new boyfriend, Charles. He and his friends liked my Taylor Swift shirt. Apparently, everyone's been giving Andree crap that he's not handsome enough for her. He's aight, I think.

ANDREE: Ryan, do you think he's ugly?
RYAN: He's not ugly. It's just when he stands next to you he becomes ugly.

And in cousin unity, we had the biggest laugh that we've shared all year. My Facebook status then read:

Las Vegas so far: Holding my moonshine in one hand and carrying my "designated driver" on my shoulder as she begs me, "Can you drive?" Vegas, baby. Vegas.

Mental note: The lil' cousins know what marijuana smells like.