Happy Birthday Kelly Clarkson

I walked into my LSAT class late because I hate waking up early on Saturdays. I walked by Jackie and thought to myself, I jacked off to you last night. (I don't use my code words when talking to myself.) Then I headed for the empty seat in front of Ginger. Ginger looked up at me briefly to smile as if like, "What's up?"

INNER RYAN: I had you in the shower last night. That's what's up.

Then Beatrize walked in practically 2 hours into the class! And I thought I was late. After class ...

BEATRIZE: You know there's a shortcut [to where we park], right?
RYAN: No.
BEATRIZE: I'll show you. I was thinking, "Should I show him? Oh, all right, I'll show him."
INNER RYAN: Why is she still talking to me if she's taken? (see entry 4/22/10)

So Beatrize got into her car. And I put my sweater into my trunk ... And then she took of her sweater, showing more skin, before putting on her seatbelt. For some reason, seeing more skin gave me a boner. If only this was a porn flick, we would've proceeded to run at each other and collide in the middle of the street for bow chicka wow wow. But nooo ... In this real life, she drove off, but waved at me as she went.

I went to Bob's Big Boy across the street for a chilli cheese burger, fries and chocolate milk shake. Then returned for my tutoring session with our LSAT teacher. She was tutoring Jackie before me.

RYAN: So how was it?
JACKIE: Good. Very helpful. She tells you what to study.

Jackie said all this with enthusiasm and a smile. Dude, smiling while talking to me ... that's, like, talking sex.

Then it was my turn with our teacher. I still can't believe her name's Sissy. Who names their kid, Sissy?

SISSY: What day is today?
RYAN: Kelly Clarkson's Birthday.
SISSY: Kelly Clarkson's Birthday? [Starts singing badly Since U Been Gone]
RYAN: In a perfect world, she'd be my future baby's mama.
SISSY: Nice.

Oh that's cool that our teacher is down with my humor. Anyway, she gave me a strict study schedule to go by.

Then Brandon invited me over last second to watch the WEC fights. Dammit, I didn't have time to do reconnaissance around the Red Robin to renew Jazz in my database.

Anyway, it was another Kraken rum & coke night at Brandon, Morgan, and Hasel's place. But they also had leftover Sam Adam's Winter Lager and a keg of Heineken.

MORGAN: So what have you been doing to prepare for the LSAT?
RYAN: I've just been jacking off to my classmates a lot.
BRANDON: [Laughs] That was epic!
MORGAN: If I outlive you, my eulogy at your funeral will go, [pretends to pull out a list] "And by the way, he jacked off to you ... he jacked off to you ... please don't get out of your seat, he jacked off to you too ... and the winner with the most times is ..."

We went to Del Taco for some drunken eating. Morgan bought me burritos again. The same cashier from last time recognized us (see entry 3/28/10).

CASHIER: What happened to your friend? (Referring to the crazy "red belt guy")
BRANDON: Oh we killed him.