Gloria, gloria, gloria ...

Cockblock! I just realized I neglected to mention here: I gave up masturbation for Lent. So this whole time, the database has been piling up. (Nocturnal emissions don't count, so I've been good.) Since I was in the Philippines when Lent started, where I can't bust a #3 due to no privacy, I idiotically figured, "Might as well give up masturbation." Right now I would've been buffering all the porn and come midnight, the official end of Lent, I would've been having a porn fest culminating in multiple #3s with condoms on (going all out as opposed to being tacky with just tissue or in the shower), which would've even been set to the song Hallulujah at full volume!

BUT NO! Since my mommy just got out of the hospital, she has called in sick from work for the whole weekend! Ladies and gentlemen: The biggest, blue-balled cockblock in the history of mankind! The end.

On the bright side: Last night when I was meeting Mark at the hookah place, a couple of blond chicks passed by me. Both were cute. One of them hit me up ...

BLOND CHICK: Hey.
RYAN: Hey.
BLOND CHICK: What's up?
RYAN: Nothing much. [Looking busy as I get on the phone with Mark.]
BLOND CHICK: I like your hair.

She so wanted my cock! She's in my database ... the now-overflowing database. And when Mark and I were leaving the hookah place, a cute brunette chick sitting down wouldn't stop eyeing me. She's also in my database ... the now over-flowing database.

This morning, my superstitious mommy told me to jump up and down, screaming, "Gloria, gloria, gloria," over and over again, which is the tradition every year the day before Easter.

My mommy's friend Lena visited to help her clean the house. Apparently, Eugene left flyers for his play on my door some time today. We ate at Rubios. I had cheese enchiladas instead of my usual steak enchiladas because mommy won't let me eat meat until tomorrow. I was supposed to go to the gym, but became lazy. Boo.

Highlight of the day: I stopped a computer virus attack with my quick-thinking. In other news: Pro-wrestler Kris Kanyon passed away. I ended the day with mall-ratting. Wow, I'm bored. Cockblocked bored, that is. Good night.