Happy April Fool's Day

My Facebook status was updated to:

Happy April Fool's Day. You know what that means? My Birthday's exactly 1 month from now. You all now have 1 month to plan my surpise party.

Mommy was supposed to come home today, but the medications for her high blood pressure had a side effect that dropped her heart rate. So she's staying for another day.

The jackoffable receptionist in the Emergency Room was there today. Renewal in database!

Auntie Bella (or "mommy's sister" as I normally refer to her) visited. My mommy's nurse today was named Prudencia. Prudencia is not jackoffable, but she was checking me out in the elevator.

PRUDENCIA: Is this your son? I love his hair. It's to die for. That's not fair.

I conned the Mexican ticket-takers at the parking lot into thinking I was an employee and giving me free parking.

I went to Tonga Hut in North Hollywood for Trevor's Birthday, whom I haven't seen since Richard's graduation party last May. Gumby, Amy, and Collin were there. I formally met their friends Courtney and Cameron.

• Courtney is 23 and just passed her driving test on a 2nd attempt. By the way, she's in my database.
• Trevor's living in Moorpark now, which he describes as "in the middle of nowhere."
• Gumby used to go to PWG shows.
• Gumby discovered a new recipe last St. Patrick's Day: Guinness blended with vanilla ice cream and Hershey's chocolate syrup "tastes like a milkshake."
• Some drunk white dude was spazzing out alone on the dance floor and his friends were ashamed of him

TREVOR: (regarding spazz on dance floor) Drunk much?
RYAN: Well, that's me at a rave.
CAMERON: But that's at a rave!

• There was this Hispanic chick who displayed a nice B-Girl top rock on the dance floor. She's in my database.
• Richard is going with Nicky and her friend Molly to Vegas for the weekend. Collin's trying to tag along. Richard and I recounted how he showed me Nicky's topless pics last time.

RICHARD: I'm telling you, you should hit her up.
RYAN: Isn't she getting married or something?
RICHARD: She's fucking around. (Pause) By the way, I never showed you those topless pics. [Does "Jedi Mind Trick" motion.]
RYAN: (joking) What topless pics?

COLLIN: I'm kind of worried about going to Vegas with them. I think that chick Nicky likes me, but I'm not attracted to her.
RYAN: Did you want me to take one for the team?
COLLIN: [laughs] You need another beer. [Goes to buy be a Pabst.]

• There was this redhead in a white top on the dancefloor. She's in my database. Also in Cameron's.
• Trevor was pissed at how he couldn't stop accidentally giving too much information because he was drunk, such as how he got laid by his ex for his Birthday.

RYAN: If it makes you feel any better, I had a 3-some once.
[Trevor's jaw hit the floor. He tries to toast, but his cup is empty. He grabs Richard's whiskey & coke to toast with my beer. Some of it spills inside my beer.]
CAMERON: Um ... I almost had a 3-some once.

The night ended with Trevor throwing his shoe at Richard's head while he was peeing. By sheer dumb luck, it hit.

RICHARD: I know it was Ryan! He's the only one agile enough to pull that off right now!

They had to linger because they were too drunk to drive, but I had to go to bed.