As I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?

Today's Capoeira class: Andres, Gabriel, Diana, Louis, Jesse I, Jesse II, Chris, and Kevin who I haven't seen since last June because he spent the summer touring with a band. I arrived just in time to catch up to them on their run. Today was Brazilian Jujitsu Day, though.

We drilled armbars. It was my 1st time grappling with a girl (Diana). I put full concentration into not getting a boner. Thank God my concentration worked! Also, everyone's impressed with my double-jointedness.

Instead of the usual King of the Hill, today's game was the reverse and had the loser staying in. I went 1st against Louis. It ended in literally under 10 seconds when I passed his guard attempt, got sidemount and a shoulderlock. Kevin went against him next and won. That's when we instated a "2 loss maximum" to free the loser from the circle. Jesse I armbarred Kevin at the time limit! That shit only exists on TV!

I lost track after that, but Jesse II decided to roll against Chris despite being injured. Jesse II won - I forget with what. Diana was supposed to be next, but was too scared. So I had to go against Chris. He tried to cheap shot after shaking hands.

CHRIS: C'mon!
ANDRES: Don't egg him on. Ryan's pretty good.

And I rear-naked choked him shortly afterward! Then I had to roll with Andres. I was overwhelmed. I basically did "lay and pray," even though I was on the bottom, and kept asking for the time. Diana played timekeeper and bailed me out as time ran out while I was stuck in an armbar. Then Diana had to roll with Andres. Andres punished her for not doing pull-ups and not running. I cornered, or advised, Diana.

RYAN: He's going for a dars choke! Now you know!
LOUIS: She doesn't know what that is!

Dammit. And then I remembered something ...

RYAN: Who's keeping time?

But a time limit wouldn't save her as she got choked out. Andres had to admit, though, he got stuck because her boobs were in the way. And she managed to briefly capitalize on his getting stuck by trying to choke him out.

RYAN: Hey, thanks for bailing me out.
DIANA: I know! And you couldn't even bail me out!

Then we were all anxious about MONSTER MASSIVE again.

ANDRES: Did you get your suit yet?
JESSE I: I'm just wearing shorts.
ANDRES: Aren't you gonna be Tarzan? Doesn't he wear a leotard or something? What about you, Kevin? A spartan?
KEVIN: Yeah.
ANDRES: So you're gonna have the skirt? What about you, Ryan?
RYAN: I'm gonna be a Twilight werewolf in human form, so just shorts. And maybe scrawl "Team Jacob" on my stomach.
LOUIS: Fag!
RYAN: (tauntingly) How's your shoulder?
EVERYONE: [laughs]
LOUIS: (through gritted teeth) It's fine!
ANDRES: I'm thinking about just attaching Hershey's kisses to my nipples.

Andres shared more stories about his time last year in response to mine where a guy said to me, "I ain't gay, but you're 1 good looking guy."

ANDRES: Do you ever hear of how some guys will say "no homo, no homo" right before they ask you if they could do something?
EVERYONE: [confused]
ANDRES: Like, last year, some guy said to me, "Can I ask you something? No homo, but can I give you a blow job real quick? No homo." How does saying "no homo" with it make it not gay?!"

Then talked about life in terms of girls.

ANDRES: You know how girls say the finest guys are gay? Well, the finest girls are lesbian!
ALL GUYS: Yeah!
ANDRES: Have you ever talked to those girls who got screwed over by some guy, so they try to turn lesbian?
RYAN: Story of my college years.
EVERYONE: [laughs]
ANDRES: Yeah, I wanna get ahold of that guy and kick his ass for blocking it for everyone!

And then sex-ed.

ANDRES: You know, someone asked me if I could have their kids? She was like, "You have the choice of the natural way or natural insemination."
JESSE I: You should've asked if you could use a condom.
ANDRES: Yeah, "Wait, can I use a condom? Can we practice a couple of times to see if I got it down?" Seriously, where was that in sex-ed? No teacher ever told me, "By the way, one day, a woman's gonna ask if you can have their kids." Where was that in the book? Were the pages stuck together?