"The new #1!"

CHICK WITH VAGINA TATTOO: (Refering to Ryan) I'm kind of turned on by this guy.

I was at a house party last night as a half naked Gladiator. Jun was there. Small world. I haven't seen him since Renaissance Faire. (See entry 5/7/11.) I'm happy to see him partying on his own. Eugene and Stefanie make him out to look like he doesn't get out much without them. Anyway, this chick with a vagina tattoo caught me off guard when wanting to shake hands as I finished off a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup ...

CHICK WITH VAGINA TATTOO: Why are your fingers sticking out?
RYAN: (With sticky fingers avoiding her hand while in handshake) I just ate some candy.

She then sucked on my fingers.

CHICK WITH VAGINA TATTOO: Are you wearing contacts?
RYAN: What makes you say that?
CHICK WITH VAGINA TATTOO: ... You're too pretty.

She and another dude (practically the millionth guy I've met named Chris) would get the cops called on us when they had a contest of who could scream, "Penis" the loudest. Although, it was partly my fault as I inspired it with, "Anytime a girl says, 'Penis,' it's always funny." This was while doing shots of Lychee sake, a bottle of which the nice host opened when asking if I needed anything. (I can't believe we finished it.)

But the highlight of the entertainment: Some Filipino dude (practically the billionth Chris I've ever met), with a white contact lens on his left eye, walking on the sidewalk was taken in as a guest. Apparently, he had gotten kicked out of a party for not being of African descent and was just waiting for the first person on the street to give him a wrong look so that he could beat him up, a story that he would drunkenly repeat over fifteen times according to the dude in a Roman costume.

Speaking of which, the dude in a Roman costume was playing a game, unofficially entitled "The New #1," wherein he would rank the night's top five comments. By the time I left, his top rated comment was ...

SOME GIRL: Gabe pants'd [Ryan], but I think it backfired because everyone got intimidated afterward.
DUDE IN ROMAN COSTUME: New #1!

Although, most of the top rated comments were said by the Filipino stranger. At one point, the dude in the Roman costume couldn't even put down his raised index finger - indicating, "New #1" - fast enough before the Filipino dude drunkenly spurted out a new top rated comment. Interesting: This Filipino drunkard was able to slowly guess Jun's costume (Steampunk) on the first try, but couldn't guess our ethnicities when it was the same as his! He also accidentally offended this Japanese girl in a Kung Fu Panda outfit with something like, "Your country makes my video games!" (DUDE IN ROMAN COSTUME: New #1!) At least he said we were the nicest people he's ever met in his ten years living in Burbank.

Gumby texted me at 3:00AM because the party he was at was broken up by police. I called him back.

GUMBY: Is the party you're in still happenin'?
RYAN: (Looking at the passed out people) ... No.

When the chick with the vagina tattoo was leaving, she hugged me. But as she was about to let go, suddenly hugged me tighter, snorting my hair. OK, I had been a hard ass thwarting her flirty attempts. But with that, I finally let her into my database. Moral of the story: To the more evolved males, it takes more than just being scantily clad. Persistence and searching for the "on button" are the key.

I got home at 4:00AM. The parallelism between us just hit me: She's above average at best, but overcompensates by not wearing much. Likewise, because I'm nothing without my fucktastic¹ hair and most gorgeous eyes², I must show as much of my lean 12% body fat skin as possible. With solace in our common ground, and with her tighter hug to snort my hair still fresh in mind, I busted a #3 while screaming her name (which is the same as my BFF's, but to avoid confusion with my BFF). I slept well.

I had a couple of weird dreams at night: 1) I was in my bed, but so were other random people next to me. A full bearded, white guy to my left introduced himself as Joe Stevenson. He did a magic trick claiming I can see Jesus, but "no guarantees." He flexed his bicep in front of the sunroof on the ceiling. The sun then sailed from left to right, driving out the gloominess, and receded when he stopped flexing. I ran down Brand Boulevard on the Church corner to spread the news. 2) At night, I was running through this residential area with a cul-de-sac to meet up with Capoeira classmates Jesse, Stephanie and Kevin. End of dreams.

An alarm clock had to wake me up for Church at noon. I spent the afternoon catching up on the UFC fights from last night.

Mommy and I had dinner at Cheesecake Factory. We had frozen yogurt at Pinkberry. I had a small PB+J while mommy had plain peanut butter. Mental note: I need to go back for the pumpkin flavor.

¹An adjective that a brunette cougar named Babs coined to describe my hair.
²A phrase that a sorority chick named Kaylee used to describe my eyes.