Just Give Me The Damn Candy

I had a couple of weird dreams last night: 1) I found myself in front of a Freemason temple on a residential street. Some nerd recited a weird greeting that was obviously fishing for a password. Instead, I introduced myself. We then went to the back room to watch a cartoon of King Tut. At a scene where it revealed a secret key in the tomb, another nerd next to me exclaimed, "The key!" 2) I was watching a Capoeira performance. Some random black dude - whom I feel I've seen before in real life, but don't know where - tried to lick my face and I took him down and then applied an armbar. He tried to complain to my mommy, but she just supported me. End of dreams.

I earned $5.80 today at the recycling center.

At Hot Topic, the chick Ciera - whom I'm not attracted to, yet somehow once had a dream that she was orally copulating me - was working.

CIERA: Did you need help with anything?
INNER RYAN: Why the hell did I ever have a dream that you were orally copulating me?
RYAN: Are you handing out any candy?
CIERA: Sorry, no, because ... blah, blah, blah ... We were supposed to buy some, but I don't know what happened ... blah, blah, blah ...

Anyway, was I able to go Trick-or-Treating this year? Yes, albeit with "WTF?" looks from almost everybody since I started without a mask. I busted out the shirt that reads, Just Give Me The Damn Candy. Although, I've actually been wearing that shirt almost everyday for the month of October. A chick at some "gold for money" vendor booth at the mall refused to give me candy at first ... until I turned up the charm and got the damn candy!

I came across my deceased friend Max's mom, sister and the niece he never got to meet! I haven't seen them since I last visited Max's grave last 6/11/11. I waved at 2-year-old Sophie Max (middle-named after him). She shied away. Cute. Only then did I feel guilty about taking away candy from children by Trick-or-Treating myself.

I eventually put on a Jason hockey mask from Friday the 13th that I bought back in 2004. But in my case, it made me Casey Jones from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! At Barnes & Noble, the old lady at the front desk on the third floor gave me stickers.

RYAN: (In Christian Bale's Batman voice) Do you have any candy?
OLD LADY: I don't think so, but I'm handing out stickers.
RYAN: That security guard downstairs lied!
OLD LADY: Oh, well you tell that security guard to stop lying!

But another employee directed me to the Nook in the middle of the third floor where I shadowed the employee chick there, waiting until she was done trying to sell something called an "e-reader." She finally saw me, gave me candy, and all the lost children wandering around rushed over! I proverbially broke the ice! Meanwhile, that ethnically ambiguous Monica was working, but without her usual glasses. I have to admit she looks more jackoffable with the geek chick look.

Anyway, I hit up a couple more houses for candy in the nearby residential area. One house probably gave me half their stash since it looks like hardly anyone was Trick-or-Treating. And then I changed out of my costume - or rather took off the mask and put a jacket over the Just Give Me The Damn Candy shirt - and met mommy at In-N-Out for dinner.

I came home to catch The Muppets guest-starring on a Halloween edition of WWE RAW. And then it was time to go to the gym to finally get back into Parkour shape, beginning with basic rolls.