Doggy crapping out a used condom

I showed up to my 1st LSAT review session. The muslim chick at the front desk was as usual covered up except for her pretty face with glasses and lipstick, but wearing entirely black today. If she was in the middle east, she would've been raped by so many dirty arabs by now. It's good that she's here. I was discretely humping the desk between us, pretending the desk didn't exist, when she told me I was to go to room 101.

Today was just the diagnostic test. There were only 3 of us! The chick test conductor - who's not jackoffable, by the way - said there's only 6 total enrolled, but the other 3 are just repeating the course. So far, my classmates names are Brady and Jacqueline. Jacqueline, who wore a beret, is potentially jackoffable (maybe only because she contrasted with the un-jackoffable test conductor), but still forgettable. The conductor says her cousin, Shalonie, is my neighbor. If it's the Shalonie I'm thinking about, I haven't talked to her since I was 9 years old.

Another chick, who looked like a boy (probably lesbian), later took over as conductor and screwed us with a 1-minute warning instead of the proper 5-minute warning. But when she couldn't do the math to figure out what time we end the test, Brady screwed her by giving her a time that would give us 5 extra minutes. Yay. My mommy and I ate at Granville Cafe afterward.

I headed to Brandon, Morgan and Hasel's (not to be confused with Hazel, spelled with a "Z") place to watch the Manny Pacquiao vs. Joshua Clottey fight. But 1st, I had to make a stop at the Red Robin. I hadn't seen her since late January, but I had to try. And then it happened: For the 1st time in almost 2 months, I saw Jazz ... and my male reproductive organ grew a couple inches! I raced through the mall and into my car and blasted Kelly Clarkson.

RYAN: I brought your sceenplay to the Philippines.
MORGAN: It has now traveled farther than I ever have.

I recounted yesterday's Capoeira practice. Brandon tried hand-standing into a pike before finally dismissing it with, "Fuck that!" My mommy kept calling for updates on the fight. Hasel, who's also Filipina, apparently gets nervous before every Pacquiao fight.

MOMMY: Is the fight over?
RYAN: Yeah.
MOMMY: (nervous) And what happened?
RYAN: He lost.
MOMMY: (hysterical) [Pacquiao] lost?!
RYAN: No, Clottey lost.

My mommy went apeshit at me misleading her, but she was happy. Brandon, Morgan and I hung out at the next door park. I thought I was wasted with the Kraken rum and coke, but Morgan was really wasted. We talked about dirty raves and cradle-robbing.

BRANDON: Normally, I would say watch out for hobos at the park. But tonight, we're the hobos.

MORGAN: We have a 4th roommate. He's divorced and banging all these chicks, so he's got used condoms in his trash can. Our Cassy (dog) likes to go through trash cans. One day, I'm walking the dog and she takes a crap ... and there's a used condom hanging out from her ass!

When we remembered it was Daylight Saving's Time and we were losing an hour of sleep, the party ended.