I SUBMITTED THE TEACHER

Dave (not to be confused with David) was supposed to be back from Philadelphia when I got a text from him at 2:00AM:

DAVE: U awake?
RYAN: Yeah
DAVE: Doin what?
RYAN: Some reading. Some writing. Are you back in town?
DAVE: Stranded at the ontario airport.
RYAN: Oh. Why are you stranded?
DAVE: No ride

Fuuuck! I knew what that meant. Ontario Airport? FUUUCK! Correction. FUUUCK ME!

I made sure mommy was asleep and snuck out with extra stealth effort 'cause she would never stop PMS'ing about me going out at 2:00AM AND to Ontario. Dave said it would be 25 minutes without traffic. My ass, 25 minutes! I went 80-85 mph the whole way. 40 minutes later, I was in the airport. It was empty. Finally saw Dave behind me ... a mile away. I reversed Fast and Furious style for a mile! Dave talked to his concerned family on the phone and had to explain I wasn't a stranger. Haha.

His gay friend was supposed to pick him up from the airport, but gay friend's boyfriend visited him and gay friend was never heard from again. So I was the one who had to take the 134 freeway to the 210 to the 57 to the 10. What a fag.

DAVE: They worry about me. My cousin met a girl on Craigslist. Moved in with her. She had a brother who was a crack addict and stole his stuff. When my cousin came back, he stabbed him to death. The girl was in prison when they met, so that was already a bad start.

Thank God Dave refilled my entire gas tank and gave me an extra $10 in cash just for the heck of it.

Snuck back into the house, slept and woke up at noon.

It was just Jesse I, Jesse II, Louis, Julio, Angel, and I with Andres in Capoeira today. But it was grappling day. Andres rolled with Jesse I first to time limit. Then he submitted Jesse II. I was 3rd to roll with Andres. I basically did what he taught us that day and escaped everything, but in all fairness he's not 100% since he's still recovering from the motorcycle accident. I had sidemount again and then it happened ... it fucking happened ...

ANDRES: Tap! I'm tired.

HO.LY.SHIT.

JESSE II: You made Andres tap!

Translation: I MADE THE TEACHER TAP

Louis stepped up next. Andres tried to corner him, or yell instructions. I got into sidemount and applied a kimura, or shoulderlock.

JESSE II: Oh shit. Tap!

Louis tapped. Julio was next. He put up a better fight. But I did the same thing: sidemount then kimura. Jesse I was next. At that point, Andres got another game going. Soon there were 3 pairs rolling. Mine ended when I went for Jesse I's back and he spun around, his right elbow accidentally clocking the right side of my jaw. No contest.

However, it was the left side of my jaw that was in pain. They said that's normal.

ANDRES: At least you have an excuse to drink a beer.

Ate dinner. It hurt to chew. Went to Barnes & Noble to read D&D books. Saw Nataly there. She was my former coworker at Mann Theatre and technically my 1st FMA student (besides Matt). Went to Dave's to ask for ice. Iced down my jaw really well. Drank a Budweiser. And watched some B movie called Nora's Hair Salon II on BET. It starred Tatyana M. Ali of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air fame. I'd hit it.