He broke his G-string

I started my Saturday by listening to Dixie Chicks' Not Ready to Make Nice to get hyped up for the gym. Got yolked. Then found out that Matt didn't feel like going to the Alternative Wrestling Show (AWS) 'cause his dad didn't feel like going. I asked Carlos if I could carpool.

On the way to Carlos', I won a car fight. Some car in front of me was going 25 mph on the 35 mph Monterey street. The car behind me cut in front of both of us. I took my turn to cut the car going 25. When the slow car saw me trying to cut, he suddenly floored the gas petal. Since I was on the wrong side of the road and the car wouldn't let me get in front of him to get back in the right lane, I tried to crash into him (known as a sideswipe)! The slow car swerved away from me. He shitted in his pants (I could smell it). And I won.

I had 2 Bud Lights on the way to AWS, 1 before the show started, 1 during the show, 2 Coors Lights before intermission, and 2 Stellarts that I bought after intermission.

RYAN: I'm gonna drunk-dial 1 of my Martial Arts instructors.
MICHELLE: Andres?

I think she's been reading my blog. She also said something about Jazz. I don't remember what 'cause I was drunk. But my memory's filter just retained "Jazz."

ANDRES: Hello?
RYAN: Hey, I'm drunk!
ANDRES: Yeah, I figured.

JESSE I: Hello?
RYAN: Hey Jesse, I'm drunk!
JESSE I: I know. I'm standing here next to Andres.

The Human Tornado asked me if I went to Love Fest 'cause he went. Whoops. Didn't think anyone was going to that rave. Some wrestler valet named Buggy started talking to me.

BUGGY: I like your hair.

So then I had to talk as well. (Yay self-esteem!) So then we were talking. And smiling. And looking ... And then I had to throw up in the porto potty. I think I just cock-blocked myself.

I woke up at Carlos and Michelle's place at 4:00AM. Apparently I was passed out. I tried to sneak out unnoticed, but Choy (the dog) came out of nowhere and looked at me like, "What are you doing?" I chilled with Choy outside to let her pee. I posted my status on Facebook as:

Just woke up somewhere after drunkenly passing out. Driving home. Love, Ryan

Got home and looked back in my camera. Apparently, I took a pic with that Buggy chick.



I was bored, so whatever. I busted a #3 to her. It actually took a long time to finish 'cause my parts were still alcoholically numb. Went to sleep when the sun was coming up.

When I woke up today, I saw that Edlin gave my Facebook status a "thumbs up." It gave me an erection 'cause it was from her. I think I drunk-dialed her last night. I dropped DJ Rich a line so that he doesn't get suspicious of why I've only drunk-dialed her and not him. For some reason, I got the feeling he liked her even though he already has a girlfriend.

I was thinking about going to the Sunset Junction Street Fair, but felt lazy. I just watched Iam sing at the Glendale Marketplace. I even played his guitar as an intermission so he could take a restroom break. He had to end his act early when he broke his G-string. (That's the 3rd guitar string down, between the B-string and D-string. Get your mind out of the gutter.)