Exit Carlos and Michelle

Carlos and Michelle left today at around 5:30PM. Fernando also came to see them off.





RYAN: The truth is I just need an opener to talk to Lisa, like, telling her my friends said, "What's up?"

Lisa's that bartender I like to jack off to.

I texted Andres that I'd be late to Capoeira training. But by the time I got home, and after taking too long to wrap up open wounds (since we were grappling today instead of Wednesday due to a scheduling change), I would've gotten there by 6:45PM. I stayed home.

A letter with a credit card for Hiro arrived at my house today. I guess he's using my address temporarily until he finds his own place. He's staying at a hotel in Sherman Oaks. My life's like a TV show. When a star leaves, another 1 is hired to save the show. Can't wait until the next time I get to see Carlos and Michelle again. Until then, it's time for Hiro and I to reunite and see what kind of trouble we can get into.

Topgun got to lick Jezabel's vagina

Yesterday was Michael Jackson's Birthday.

I shaved for the 1st time since my last Vegas trip. I haven't been shaving since finding out that Kelly Clarkson had a crush on the Wolverine Hugh Jackman, but not the pretty Hugh Jackman.



I went to try out for G4's reality show Ninja Warrior. Apparently, everyone's heard of it except me. I saw the obstacle course and my nerves got to me. Youtube star, Xin, from the video Urban Ninja was there. I got to promote myself and name-drop that I did a film with a couple of dudes from 8711 last February. According to him, they're a big deal.

RYAN: What was your 1st gig?
XIN: My 1st gig was a low budget movie with Russel Wong.
RYAN: The guy from Vanishing Son?
XIN: Yeah, back when he used to be good.
RYAN: [laughs] Used to be?
XIN: Yeah. I was like, "How you doing, Rusty Wong?"

I befriended the medic, Wayne. That would come in hand the next day.

Brian at the GNC, who's a big fan of Ninja Warrior, gave me a Redline. Emanuel was bumming around as usual.

RYAN: So what kind of discount are we talking about here?
BRIAN: A 5-finger discount! [hands me the Redline]

Iam and Victor were fucking around on the mic before Iam's gig at the Glendale Marketplace. I ate a Subway sandwich to stall since I couldn't get a hold of Matt. Carlos told me to come without him. I picked up a 6-pack of Samuel Adams Oktoberfest on the way to Carlos and Michelle's farewell party.

I wrestled Fernando for the last Sam Adams Oktoberfest (I had only gotten to drink 1, despite buying a bunch). Carlos refereed. For those who are grappling savvy: I pulled guard, went for an armbar, reset back into guard, went for a triangle, couldn't lock them in, tried again ... until he stood up and said, "Let him have it (the beer)." I won.

But in all fairness, he said he didn't want his lawyer seeing a video of it 'cause he's trying to win a lawsuit. (His 'lil brother and Carlos also called him an idiot 'cause I was trained and he wasn't.)

FERNANDO'S 'LIL BROTHER: So how do you know Carlos?
RYAN: Wrestling. You?
FERNANDO'S 'LIL BROTHER: He used to date my cousin. Didn't work out, but he became a homie. And you know, "bros before hoes." Not saying that my cousin's a hoe. But you know ...

Some dude named Jeremy talked to me about Martial Arts. He said he studies Lima Lama. Tornado was supposed to come, but then we found out he didn't have a car.

BIGGIE: I think I was supposed to give him a ride.

Eugene called me 'cause he was concerned about the fire in the La Crescenta/Flintridge area. Yeah, there's another fire.



Carlos' friend Jon, better known as pro-wrestler Topgun Talwar, showed up. Topgun and I talked about rats (short for ring rats, which in turn is slang for chicks who hang out by the ring to get involved with wrestlers).

TOPGUN: How did you used to have a crush on Jezabel? I got to lick Jezabel's pussy.
RYAN: How'd you get to do that?
TOPGUN: Truth-or-dare.

Topgun, Carlos and I were sitting on the couch finishing the last beers when the party was over. Passed out. Woke up at 5:00AM 'cause Carlos was snoring loud. Didn't think it would get any quieter. Went home and slept.

My mommy went to the gym after work and came home as I was going to church.



I went to try out for G4's reality show Ninja Warrior again. But they had stopped taking registrations at 10:00AM 'cause they got swamped. 'Doh!

Met a dude named Jeff from Capoeira Mandinga. He said that earlier a guy from Capoeira Batuque (my old group years ago) by the baptismal name of Muito Tempo was there. Years ago, Muito Tempo and I had some good games together in the roda. I was barely able to hang. But I took 5 years off and he's a professor now.

Even though they were registered, Jeff and lots of others couldn't even try out 'cause the production went overtime. Wayne, the medic, introduced me to a dude named Kyle, who's 1 of those in charge of the Spike TV show The Ultimate Fighter. He took down my info in case a position opens up for production assistant.

I finally got a hold of Matt. He was drunk all of yesterday. My mommy and I ate at Red Robin for dinner. Too bad Jazz wasn't there. I like keeping Jazz fresh in my database.

The best dream ever

I woke up this morning after having a dream I was having sex with Ariana while her sister, Lola, watched. Ariana is an old stoner friend from CSUN I used to bust a #3 to. Years later when I met her sister, I busted a #3 to her as well. The dream ended with me in bed with Edlin. Freakin' weird. That was the best night of dreams EVER!

Dave jump-started my old Saturn that I inherited from my late Uncle Charlie. I drove it for the 1st time in 10 months to put it in my driveway. Pigs were giving a warning to move it due to the 72-hour parking rule. "Fuck da police."

I went to Capoeira training. It was just the 2 Jesses, Elmo, Diana, Louis, Ian, Chris (the new guy), and I training with Andres. Music training and then straight to playing. People think the new guy, Chris, is annoying. He guessed my age as 22 and I went with it. Andres, the 2 Jesses, and Ian went to a UCLA party afterward. I went straight to the PWG show in Reseda.

This was Carlos and Michelle's last PWG show as they'll be moving to Nebraska. Caesar (not to be confused with Capoeira Caesar) lost a lot of weight from his hospital visits. Carlos broke the tradition of everyone taking a turn to buy pitcher of beer. Chad and I agreed on nothing but pitchers for future shows.

The bartender, Lisa, who I like to bust a #3 to was there. When we accidentally made eye contact, instead of instinctively looking away in fear like I usually do, I smiled. And she smiled back! SCORE!

There was this other chick in the crowd who was jackoffable. She had a flower on the right side of her head, blond streaks in dark hair, and a black-and-white striped blouse. There was also this blond chick who sat with the workers who was very flirty with me during intermission and after the show. What the heck, I'll put her in the database too since she insists.

Marty gave me a stack of flyers for this year's Monster Massive and told me to hit him up if I want a ticket. Tornado always does 2 weeks before a party. Tornado also called out to me in the parking lot. I guess I'm with the cool people now.

I texted Happy Birthday to David at midnight.

I fired up the porn. Busted a #3 to that chick in tonight's crowd. Launched it like a rocket. Did some chores to allow me to reload. Busted a #3 to Ariana for old time's sake. After that, I was too tired to get to Lisa. Good night.

"The one I jack off with." "Have you tried the left?"

All right, 2 days ago I said I was gonna talk about female teachers sexing schoolboys in light of the latest case. An article says:

Once, society tended to wink at the thought of a sexy female teacher seducing lusty schoolboys. Now, a student hot for her students is seen as a sex offender.

Damn equal rights! Damn it to hell! The only reason for shifting the view of female teachers as sex offenders is to avoid a double-standard since a male teacher on a female student was always looked down upon.

Well, let's go down the list of pics as I give my critique on each one:



Debra Lafave, 29. Ok, she's a bottle blonde. Normally, that kind of blond looks fake. But she's jackoffable.



Erin Mclean, 32. Her husband actually shot the student she sexed. Anyway, her face is ok. Her hair needs work. Although, it looks like she's going for the "Alice Cullen from Twilight" look. Heck, just for that, I'll deem her jackoffable.



Jennifer Rice, 33. It says she sexed 2 students who were brothers. It doesn't clarify if at the same time, though. But if so, that's hot. Anyway, she looks like she just got out of bed in this mugshot. But if she freshened up, I'm sure she's jackoffable.



Kelsey Peterson, 27. No. Not my type. Could be worse, I guess. I have to pass on this one.



Lisa Lavoie, 24. Not all that, but not ugly either. So it's even so far. She's got that natural look, though, which means she's got potential. Jackoffable by benefit of the doubt.



Maria Guzman Hernandez, 32. Noteworthy: she was a teacher at a Catholic school. Interestingly, the boy's mom knew about the relationship and approved it. Now that is a cool mom! But she is NOT jackoffable.



Mary Kay Letournaeu, 47. Now this is the most famous case. She ended up having 2 kids with the boy she sexed and even married him years later when she got out of prison. Congrads, I guess. But, yeah, I can see why he hit it.



Melissa Weber, 27. Well, her face is ... eh. But she's got that Kelly Clarkson thickness. Her hair is flat. But she's got big boobs. If I had to grade on a curve ... Oh what the heck? Jackoffable by default.



Michelle Simonson, 28. I actually like her. She reminds me of an old Martial Arts classmate, the one who got away. And she's rockin' a smirk with some attitude in this mugshot. Definitely jackoffable.



Pamela Rogers, 32. Now that's what I'm talking about. She taught Gym? Extra points. And after she was already sentenced, she sent more pics of herself to the boy she sexed and got 2 more years added. Persistence! You know what? I already dropped my pants!



Pamela Smart, 42. Whoa, that's some retro '80s stuff going on. Actually, it was the 80s in that pic. She actually got the boy she sexed to shoot her husband. I'm not sure how she looks now, but in this pic she's jackoffable.



Ranee Sue Proper, 42. Holy MILF status, Batman! She was a Music teacher too? Grrr ... And she sexed 2 boys. It never specifies if at the same time or separately, but oh well. Jackoffable.



Rebecca Boicelli, 38. Hell no! Correction. Hell-to-the-no! The boy she sexed must've been on beer goggles. And she had his baby!



Wendie Schweikert, 39. Well, she's got that trailer park look ... if you're into that kind of thing. I think I'll pass, unless I'm on Jack Daniels goggles. Not just beer goggles. Jack Daniels goggles. Only then will she be jackoffable. But then I'd also want you to punch me.

Anyway, Tiwat broke his hand, in what would become a related note:

TIWAT: I broke my hand.
RYAN: Which one?
TIWAT: My right. The one I jack off with.
RYAN: Have you tried the left hand?
TIWAT: No.
RYAN: No right-hander can ever do it! I tried it before. The 1st time, I gave up. It wasn't working! I got it the 2nd time. But it took a LONG time. I never bothered with it again after that.
TIWAT: (sarcastically) Great. That's what I have to look forward to.

But the moral of today's story is: Where the hell were these teachers when I was in school?

Hey nigga, where you from?

Accessing the internet through my phone right now (holy fuckin' technology, Batman!) 'cause I'm so bored at my lil' cousin Janine's 17th Birthday party.

It was grappling day in Capoeira today. The plan was to go to training in Sylmar Park and go straight to my lil' cousin's party in Northridge afterward. Honestly, as much as I love grappling so far, I just don't enjoy getting dirty beyond the washing machine's repair. When my mom said she was coming home with sushi, and I didn't wanna rush eating sushi before training nor could I wait to eat it much later, I called in sick.

I called Jesse I to ask him to make a mental note of what they would learn today so I could catch up later, like a school kid - or a parent, rather, since a school kid wouldn't be that responsible - asking for his assignments while sick. Wow, where was that passion when I was in school? I just don't wanna fall behind. I have 6 victories via submission so far, including over Andres (our teacher) himself! And nobody besides Andres has made me tap out (give up) yet.

Last year, my lil' cousin had her Sweet 16 party at my house. Her friends were primarily nerds, but there was at least 1 chick that was jackoffable (it's legal in some parts of the East Coast and in other countries, so shut up). It was cool how they were checking me out in my Gryffindor tanktop. But today, wow, all her new friends here look like douchbags and there's not 1 looker out of the 3 girls here. I guess she downgraded this year in terms of people she hangs out with.

Surprisingly, her boyfriend is here and Uncle Lando (her dad) is ... ok with it??? That's some upsidedown shit. I remember when Uncle Lando locked her out of the house and disowned her for having a boyfriend. Her boyfriend and I had to pretend meeting each other for the 1st time today. We 1st met at the Britney Spears concert they dragged me to last April, but Uncle Lando's not supposed to know he was there with her. I still remember our 1st conversation:

COUSIN ANDREE: (to me) Are you gonna be an overprotective cousin?
JANINE'S BOYFRIEND: Hi.
RYAN: HEY NIGGA, WHERE YOU FROM?
COUSIN JANINE: Ryan!

Urgh ... Gotta get back to the party now. Whoop-de-freakin'-do.

Do you carry steroids?

IAM: Hello. Thank you for calling GNC.
RYAN: Hi. Who am I speaking to?
IAM: My name's Iam.
RYAN: Oh, good. Do you carry steroids?
IAM: Um, no.
RYAN: Oh, but my contact gave me this number and told me to ask for Iam.
IAM: Who's this?
RYAN: Hahahaha ...

I decided to prank-call Iam at his work for his Birthday. Today marks his Quarter-Life-Crisis. Iam is the biggest Filipino you'd ever see. He's always being accused of taking steroids.

I forgot to say yesterday that Michael Jackson's death has officially been ruled a homicide.

It's been 8 years today since Aaliyah passed away. It was a big deal to me at the time 'cause she had just done a movie with Jet Li called Romeo Must Die, which made her look cooler to me.

Yesterday, I read some story of another female teacher who fucked her underaged student, which went into depth about such past cases. I've been meaning to rant in depth about it myself. But another time. I'm sleepy. But for now I'll just say that, from the pics, some of these teachers were jackoffable. I mean, where were these teachers when I was in school?

I started my day with playing the Beatles' Yesterday on my guitar. Then cruised down to guitar practice and rocked out.

Hiro called me again. He arrived from Japan yesterday. That's a whole other story.

Erectile dysfunction

CARLOS: What are you up to?
RYAN: I'm about to buy milk. I feel like such a grownup!

I walked in late to Capoeira as usual.

LOUIS: We saw you in your car, taking your time, wondering whether or not to put your windshield cover on even though there's no sun!
RYAN: What are you taking about? There's sun!
LOUIS: You parked your car in the shade!

My balance is getting better. I was able to do squats with Jesse II on my back. But when he wrapped around me and tried to do sit-ups, I fell forward by his 2nd sit-up. Aside from the above, Jesse I, Diana, Jason (this being his 2nd class) and of course Andres were present. There was also a little kid named Ricky, but he gave up early.

ANDRES: You were pretty fucked up last Saturday. But we were drinking too when you called. We bought some vodka and made screwdrivers.

No wonder he's not so hard on me for drinking. Lil' Louis had a hard time with pull-ups.

LOUIS: Too many pull-ups in my life. (turns to me) Like too many beers in your life. You better quit it.
JESSE I: Did you get a girl on Saturday?
RYAN: Um, no, I cock-blocked myself.
LOUIS: How do you cock-block yourself?
RYAN: Well, what had happened was--
ANDRES: We'll teach you.
LOUIS: What? Are you gonna make a "What to do" video? Or "What Not to do?" Or "How to be Ryan?"

Ha. That Louis. I should make him tap out again like I did last Wednesday. We spent a good deal today on maintaining rhythm while switching on the instruments. Some spectator named Chris, who claimed to have never seen Capoeira in person before, was impressed. He said he trained in Krav Maga in Sherman Oaks. He said that place charges $125/month.

I rushed out as soon as class was over to get ready for my mommy treating Carlos, Michelle and I to dinner at Cheesecake Factory in the Americana. It's 'cause Carlos and Michelle are moving to Nebraska. My mommy invited their kids too, but they left them behind 'cause baby Abby screams in restaurants. But Diana assumed I was rushing to do more partying. So that's my rep now, eh?

Dinner was good. Veronica was there. She even brought us some stuff while our waitress was taking a break. Veronica is from my childhood. She appears black, but she's actually Filipina as she was raised by her Filipina mom. I'd hit it.

Carlos went to pee. Was gone for a while. Came back with a Jack & Coke. Of course. Michelle says not to talk to Pinky anymore 'cause she "did something bad" to 1 of her friends and not to ask what nor to who she "did something bad" to. Ok.

Pause. Who's Pinky? She used to go to PWG and sit next to us before disappearing to train as a wrestler herself. She also hooked up once with our other friend Caesar (not to be confused with my Capoeira classmate Caesar). I thought that was a joke at first. But wasn't. Must've been some serious beer goggles.

CARLOS: Is Pinky in the database?
RYAN: No. That's, like, erectile dysfunction.
MICHELLE: She's what you'd think of to make morning wood go away.
CARLOS: It goes away too when you pee. I think I'd rather pee.

He broke his G-string

I started my Saturday by listening to Dixie Chicks' Not Ready to Make Nice to get hyped up for the gym. Got yolked. Then found out that Matt didn't feel like going to the Alternative Wrestling Show (AWS) 'cause his dad didn't feel like going. I asked Carlos if I could carpool.

On the way to Carlos', I won a car fight. Some car in front of me was going 25 mph on the 35 mph Monterey street. The car behind me cut in front of both of us. I took my turn to cut the car going 25. When the slow car saw me trying to cut, he suddenly floored the gas petal. Since I was on the wrong side of the road and the car wouldn't let me get in front of him to get back in the right lane, I tried to crash into him (known as a sideswipe)! The slow car swerved away from me. He shitted in his pants (I could smell it). And I won.

I had 2 Bud Lights on the way to AWS, 1 before the show started, 1 during the show, 2 Coors Lights before intermission, and 2 Stellarts that I bought after intermission.

RYAN: I'm gonna drunk-dial 1 of my Martial Arts instructors.
MICHELLE: Andres?

I think she's been reading my blog. She also said something about Jazz. I don't remember what 'cause I was drunk. But my memory's filter just retained "Jazz."

ANDRES: Hello?
RYAN: Hey, I'm drunk!
ANDRES: Yeah, I figured.

JESSE I: Hello?
RYAN: Hey Jesse, I'm drunk!
JESSE I: I know. I'm standing here next to Andres.

The Human Tornado asked me if I went to Love Fest 'cause he went. Whoops. Didn't think anyone was going to that rave. Some wrestler valet named Buggy started talking to me.

BUGGY: I like your hair.

So then I had to talk as well. (Yay self-esteem!) So then we were talking. And smiling. And looking ... And then I had to throw up in the porto potty. I think I just cock-blocked myself.

I woke up at Carlos and Michelle's place at 4:00AM. Apparently I was passed out. I tried to sneak out unnoticed, but Choy (the dog) came out of nowhere and looked at me like, "What are you doing?" I chilled with Choy outside to let her pee. I posted my status on Facebook as:

Just woke up somewhere after drunkenly passing out. Driving home. Love, Ryan

Got home and looked back in my camera. Apparently, I took a pic with that Buggy chick.



I was bored, so whatever. I busted a #3 to her. It actually took a long time to finish 'cause my parts were still alcoholically numb. Went to sleep when the sun was coming up.

When I woke up today, I saw that Edlin gave my Facebook status a "thumbs up." It gave me an erection 'cause it was from her. I think I drunk-dialed her last night. I dropped DJ Rich a line so that he doesn't get suspicious of why I've only drunk-dialed her and not him. For some reason, I got the feeling he liked her even though he already has a girlfriend.

I was thinking about going to the Sunset Junction Street Fair, but felt lazy. I just watched Iam sing at the Glendale Marketplace. I even played his guitar as an intermission so he could take a restroom break. He had to end his act early when he broke his G-string. (That's the 3rd guitar string down, between the B-string and D-string. Get your mind out of the gutter.)

Hey, there's a condom on the floor!

I walked in late to Capoeira as usual, not thinking it was a big deal, and for the 1st time since practicing at Sylmar Park saw a freakin' army: Jesse I, Jesse II, Ian, Elmo, Caesar, Diana, Louis, Stephanie (not to be confused with Stefanie), Julio, and some new guy. Steph's been away at UCLA and the rest have been here within the past few weeks, but never all at once. Andres, who's bitched about not having enough students, must've had a boner over this today.

I played an Angola game with Jesse II and we both respected each other's fancy stuff. Louis played me next. He had no idea what to do against my Tesoura and just jumped over me. I called him out with a Chamada. He was clueless. Andres had to tell Louis, "Follow him." (And Louis was supposed to have played Capoeira in Brazil. Seriously? C'mon now.) I wondered if the teacher would do a Chamada just 'cause I did it. Yup, I was right. Andres called out Jesse I with it. Later, Jesse II tried it on Andres, but ended it prematurely.

Some weird black kid (yeah, racial profiling, I know) went into the roda and pretended to try to kick the players. His mom was yelling at him to come back to her. Then weird black kid tried to play with Andres' pandiero before Andres finally put him in his place and he ran. That was some weird black kid.

Andres was trying to give a serious speech when I interrupted ...

RYAN: Hey, there's a (used) condom on the floor!
ANDRES: Ok, everyone put your shoes back on.

Then ambulances and police cars started circling the school across the street and a helicopter landed in its parking lot. Everyone in the park ran to look. I left to avoid potential traffic. Then did what I've thought about doing since yesterday (see yesterday's entry) with Kathryn Hahn.

The award for Spankability goes to ...

I went to check out this network marketing meeting in Burbank. It looks all right. Then went to the AMC 16.

Paid to see The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard at 4:50PM, then snuck into G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra at 6:20PM and District 9 at 8:10PM.

District 9 was different. Nice, though. At least people were applauding whenever a body exploded.

Channing Tatum is always cool. Marlon Wayans didn't kill this adventure like he killed the 2000 Dungeons & Dragons. Rachel Nichols who plays Scarlett is jackoffable.

But the show-stealer for spankability is Kathryn Hahn in The Goods. She was also in that movie Step Brothers, but that blond-hair-up-in-a-bun-look was doing nothing for her in that movie. In The Goods, she's obsessed with fucking a 10-year-old who has an aging defect where he appears as a grown adult. It got me hot. Hey, it's not pedophilia if it's an aging defect. But, yeah, Kathryn Hahn ... can't wait 'til I'm home alone.

I SUBMITTED THE TEACHER

Dave (not to be confused with David) was supposed to be back from Philadelphia when I got a text from him at 2:00AM:

DAVE: U awake?
RYAN: Yeah
DAVE: Doin what?
RYAN: Some reading. Some writing. Are you back in town?
DAVE: Stranded at the ontario airport.
RYAN: Oh. Why are you stranded?
DAVE: No ride

Fuuuck! I knew what that meant. Ontario Airport? FUUUCK! Correction. FUUUCK ME!

I made sure mommy was asleep and snuck out with extra stealth effort 'cause she would never stop PMS'ing about me going out at 2:00AM AND to Ontario. Dave said it would be 25 minutes without traffic. My ass, 25 minutes! I went 80-85 mph the whole way. 40 minutes later, I was in the airport. It was empty. Finally saw Dave behind me ... a mile away. I reversed Fast and Furious style for a mile! Dave talked to his concerned family on the phone and had to explain I wasn't a stranger. Haha.

His gay friend was supposed to pick him up from the airport, but gay friend's boyfriend visited him and gay friend was never heard from again. So I was the one who had to take the 134 freeway to the 210 to the 57 to the 10. What a fag.

DAVE: They worry about me. My cousin met a girl on Craigslist. Moved in with her. She had a brother who was a crack addict and stole his stuff. When my cousin came back, he stabbed him to death. The girl was in prison when they met, so that was already a bad start.

Thank God Dave refilled my entire gas tank and gave me an extra $10 in cash just for the heck of it.

Snuck back into the house, slept and woke up at noon.

It was just Jesse I, Jesse II, Louis, Julio, Angel, and I with Andres in Capoeira today. But it was grappling day. Andres rolled with Jesse I first to time limit. Then he submitted Jesse II. I was 3rd to roll with Andres. I basically did what he taught us that day and escaped everything, but in all fairness he's not 100% since he's still recovering from the motorcycle accident. I had sidemount again and then it happened ... it fucking happened ...

ANDRES: Tap! I'm tired.

HO.LY.SHIT.

JESSE II: You made Andres tap!

Translation: I MADE THE TEACHER TAP

Louis stepped up next. Andres tried to corner him, or yell instructions. I got into sidemount and applied a kimura, or shoulderlock.

JESSE II: Oh shit. Tap!

Louis tapped. Julio was next. He put up a better fight. But I did the same thing: sidemount then kimura. Jesse I was next. At that point, Andres got another game going. Soon there were 3 pairs rolling. Mine ended when I went for Jesse I's back and he spun around, his right elbow accidentally clocking the right side of my jaw. No contest.

However, it was the left side of my jaw that was in pain. They said that's normal.

ANDRES: At least you have an excuse to drink a beer.

Ate dinner. It hurt to chew. Went to Barnes & Noble to read D&D books. Saw Nataly there. She was my former coworker at Mann Theatre and technically my 1st FMA student (besides Matt). Went to Dave's to ask for ice. Iced down my jaw really well. Drank a Budweiser. And watched some B movie called Nora's Hair Salon II on BET. It starred Tatyana M. Ali of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air fame. I'd hit it.

Iron Beer

I was feeling it at guitar practice. I rocked.

Went to the bank to do money stuff with my mommy afterward.

Ate a Tuna Croissant and drank Iron Beer at Porto's Bakery. Took home a cup of mousse and a slice of oreo cheesecake.

Hit the gym even though I went yesterday. (I'm supposed to go once every other day, but had to set my schedule back on track since I was supposed to go last Sunday, but didn't.)

Tesoura! / Brian's Farewell

Today was Brian's (not to be confused with Brian at the GNC or my college roommate Brian) last day at Capoeira as his family's sending him to Utah. It was just Jesse I, Jesse II, Ian, Louis, Diana, and I at first with Andres. We had a new student named Jason. We played the farewell roda, which was basically jumping Brian out. Each of us (except the new guy Jason) against him nonstop while we sang, "Adeus, Adeus, Bon Voyage." We had an audience.

We were finished and out of nowhere came Ulysses (Jose's 'lil brother) eventually followed by Jose, their middle brother (can't remember the name), and Brian's brother Chris (commonly known as Elmo), all carrying Rock Band video game equipment. I guess they wanted to send Brian off. We did a 2nd roda.

And then it happened. I finally successfully hit a Tesoura (flying scissors) for the 1st time! The victim was Jose. And then I accidentally landed an Armada (spin kick) on him, albeit a fluke. He hit me with something, I can't remember what, but I decided to reset the game anyway to prevent escalation. Then someone bought me out. I think it was Brian.

RYAN: You cool? That was all in good fun.
JOSE: That was amazing. I was like, "What's he gonna do? [imitates falling] Ahhh!"

We were finished again. Then Caesar came waltzing in, though rocking a brown Michael Jackson wifebeater. Everyone was like, "We are not restarting again!" And then Angel came. Same thing.

I told Brian I'd add him on myspace, mentioning I usually don't show my page to fellow Martial Artists 'cause my pics are to crazy ('cause, you know, discipline associated with Martial Arts and all that crap). Watched WWE RAW guest-starring Freddie Prinze Jr and went to the gym.

Dungeons & Dragons

I picked up Matt to go to Carlos' house for the Gina Carano vs. Cyborg MMA fight to crown the first women's champion at 145 lbs. Brought a 6-pack of Sam Adams Summer Ale. Gina got TKO'd at the bell at the end of the 1st round. I texted Andres:

RYAN: Cyborg just ground-and-pounded Gina Carano to be the Women's Champion at 145 lbs!
ANDRES: Saw it could believe it. I still think gina is hot!
RYAN: Oh of course. She's still in my database.
ANDRES: hahaha

Drove Carlos and Matt to the store. Matt bought Jagermeister. Carlos and I each bought a 4-pack of redbull. Mixed it. Drank it over some girl scout cookies while watching Degrassi Goes Hollywood and The Footfist Way, which Carlos both burned on DVDs. Carlos misunderstood that Will Ferrel only presented The Footfist Way and thought he was going to show up in the movie.

Carlos burned me Lady Sovereign's latest album 'cause he and Matt were worried about me listening to Kelly Clarkson's CD (which Carlos also burned for me) in my car nonstop for I-don't-know-how-many months now. Michelle thicks Kelly's getting too fat. Listened to the new Lady Sovereign as we drove Carlos to Jack in the Crack Box.

The 110 was closed. Detoured. Ended up listening to the whole Lady Sovereign CD on the way home. It's pretty damn short. Glad I didn't pay for it.

Got home. Finally had the house to myself for the 1st time in a week. Thought about Ashley Greene (Alice Cullen from Twilight) and her pics. Took a break and thought about Jazz from Red Robin. Switched back and forth between them 'til I was done. Launched it like a rocket. Went to sleep when the sun was coming up.

Woke up. Overslept. Missed Church. My mommy and I ate at Outback Steakhouse.

Finally meeting Krystal today (see 7/23/09 entry) for Dungeons & Dragons. My mommy was talking to family in the Philippines about Auntie Zelda's cancer. Brian at the GNC called me.

BRIAN: Yeah, that girl from your high school stopped by again. Asked a million questions. Was here for an hour. Totally flirting with me. How do you pronounce her name?
RYAN: Mariquitte.
BRIAN: Oh. She left me her card. Said something about contacting her if I ever wanna see a hockey game 'cause she works in something like that.
RYAN: Feel free to drop my name.
BRIAN: Yeah. I can say, like, "So I was talking to Ryan, you know, from your high school. So how 'bout those beers and hockey?"
RYAN: Exactly, man. Listen, I gotta go to a Dungeons & Dragons session right now.
BRIAN: Seriously?

Seriously, if Mariquitte wasn't my friend's ex, I'd be thrusting her so much, "the old in-out" as they say in A Clockwork Orange. Talked to cousin Philip on the way out since my mommy was still on the phone with them.

Picked up Matt. Went to Krystal's. They're practically neighbors. She was Dungeon Master. I was a Shifter Warlock and Matt was an Eladrin Ranger, respectively named Jay and Silent Bob (influenced by last night's Degrassi Goes Hollywood).

RYAN: Gotta call Carlos and tell him we're ok.

We laughed. Everybody had good ol' Craigslist concern of "you might be a serial killer." Killed some wolves, met a non-human-eating vampire, killed some vampires, and called it a day.

KRYSTAL: See? And I didn't even sacrifice you to a pagan cult.
MATT: There's always next time.

Chilled at Carlos' house for the TNA PPV. Always nice seeing that cholo Chad. And Peter was just there.

I might as well have cummed in my pants

I got it over with and accepted Carlomar's friend request on Facebook. I asked how'd he find me. He replied that he's a "genius."

Louis' sister, Diana, returned to Capoeira today, although was very lazy. Jesse II injured his finger. Andres announced Monster Massive again and gave us a strict diet to prepare for it. But I was glad he didn't mention beer ... at first.

I bought in with Louis and finally played him for the 1st time since he's been back. Then Diana too as she bought out Louis. As soon as I returned to the outside of the roda, I felt like I had a knot up the back of left leg. Andres and Jesse I finished playing. As soon as I said, "I think I popped something," Andres said, "Ok, it's over. Everyone's hurt." But I convinced them to keep playing as I played the Atabaque drum.

Andres expressed his frustration more about this girl named Lindsay, who was someone that "sucked" so bad (and Andres never tells people they suck) that Andres had to erase everything she knew and teach her until she became a teacher herself. She even had a crush on Andres. But then she got married and she and her husband took all of Andres' students. She was in Brazil at the same time Louis was because someone flew her out there to sing on a CD and apparently she has the type of ego where she wouldn't be able to handle it.

And it was fun talking about how girls act and what to watch out for in front of Diana.

I was saying goodbye when Andres reminded me to stay on the diet. Jesse II then opened his mouth.

JESSE II: And don't drink to much.
RYAN (me): Shh!
ANDRES: If you're going to drink, run or something. Work it off. Earn it!

I guess Andres was willing to compromise with the beer because there are some things people can't live without. Anyway, all of the above were the only ones present in Capoeira today.

I was at the Galleria. I had to give it a shot since Dennis mentioned Jazz was still there even though I hadn't seen her in weeks (see entry 2 days ago). Eugene texted me that Stef got a job as a plushy artist in South Pasadena. I congratulated Stef.

And then it happened. Maybe I just wasn't checking on Friday nights. Or maybe this was her 1st Friday night working. But I finally saw Jazz for the 1st time in weeks. I might as well have cummed in my pants.

I caught the 9:00PM rerun for the Degrassi Goes Hollywood movie. Fuckin' awesome with the nostalgia of most of the original cast who we haven't even seen this 8th season. And Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith (a.k.a. Jay and Silent Bob) as themselves.

I was at the gym when I texted Stef to congratulate her.

STEFANIE: No one was supposed to know until Tuesday when they go on shelves. Lol. Take it a little bird told you.
RYAN: Yup, a little bird whom we both know can never ever keep a secret. Haha.

She was talking about acting, right?

I actually stayed home today and saved gas money.

Tiwat called me today. Mark told him how I was teaching him Filipino Martial Arts (FMA). Tiwat was having some girl trouble and needed an outlet. He and another worker at Universal Studios were on a couch tickling each other. Tiwat couldn't find her ticklish spot. She insinuated it was somewhere where Tiwat wouldn't dare to go. Too bad the next day she was like, "Last night was weird." Then finally told him at a party, "I know you like me, but I don't like you like that." And Tiwat did the "teen angst" thing and stormed off, leaving her to find another ride home.

So, yeah, Tiwat needs an outlet in Martial Arts. Coincidentally, he knows Carlomar - Guro's 2nd-in-command and thus 1 of my teachers who I haven't seen in months - through high school. But he wasn't down with Carlomar's $40/month tuition. I'm just following in Andres' example and teaching for free.

TIWAT: Well, I'm probably not gonna have a stick with me in a real fight, so I'll go with the empty hands.
RYAN (me): The stick's not really a stick. If you get in a fight in a bar, your beer bottle becomes your stick. If you get jumped while working in the office, your pen is your stick.
TIWAT: Yeah, Mark was mentioning some Jason Bourne shit.
RYAN: This is a little more advanced, but your shirt can be a stick. So everywhere you go, as long as you're not naked, you have a stick.
TIWAT: I'll remember that.

Dammit. I just logged on to Facebook and saw I have a friend request from Carlomar. I have no idea how he found me. I'll wait a while until I accept it.

My mommy was watching some insider type news and there was a leaked video of Channing Tatum as a stripper when he was 18. Tatum is someone who looks like he can be my homeboy if I meet him.

MOMMY: You should get an agent so you can do something like that.

WTF? She was talking about acting, right? Because strippers don't have agents, right? Right?

Odin

It was Jesse I, Jesse II, Brian (not to be confused with Brian from the GNC or my college roommate Brian), Elmo, Caesar, Julio, and I with Andres at Capoeira class. Oh, and Louis is back from Brazil. BJJ Day today. No Muay Thai. Louis needs to eat something. He's only 2% body fat. And he was trying to catch up with BJJ. Andres picked me to demonstrate with him and pointed out that I had perfect sidemount. But then his scabs started bleeding and I pointed out, "Ew! You're bleeding!" He wrapped it up with a black shirt. OG status.

I submitted Elmo with a rear naked choke. Jesse I was next. Jokingly pointed out, "Eye gouging" when his forearm was inadvertently raking my eye as he was trying to go for a choke. My left contact lens did roll up to my eyeball, though. At that point, I just kept him in my guard and felt like doing absolutely nothing until time limit. He won by decision.

RYAN (me): Are my eyes 2 different colors?
ANDRES: Yeah! That's sick! Can you go again?
RYAN: Yeah, I guess.
ANDRES: You sure?
RYAN: Yeah.
ANDRES: Go next.

I rolled with Jesse II. He and I are always a good match. Even Andres told everyone while we were roliing, "This is good to watch. I won by decision. I went with Caesar next. He's a wrestler. I hate wrestlers. I mean, I like watching wrestlers. But I hate wrestling wrestlers. He couldn't choke me. I kept calm and pried his fingers 1 by 1 off of my neck. He won by decision. 2-2 today for me. Not bad. The roda was kinda forgettable. Brian then announced that he had to move to Utah next week. His brother, Elmo, will be staying behind.

ANDRES: I didn't give you permission to go!

Oh yeah, Ashley Tisdale was performing at the Americana. I knew this before hand, but didn't think it was a big deal. So when I tried to take a lap at the Americana and we were all barricaded outside despite the show being free (but overcrowded), I was like, "Are you fucking kidding me?" Sure, when I saw her in the video for her cover of Disney's Kiss the Girl, I was like, "I'd hit it." But when I saw her without makeup on TMZ, I immediately correctly myself, "Ew! Nevermind!"

I saw Dennis at the gym. He works at Red Robin. I went earlier than usual lately at 10:00PM hoping to run into Dennis. I dropped some names and asked if those people were still working there. Gabe has moved to the Red Robin in Simi Valley, though. The last 2 times I saw Gabe was when he served us when my mommy and I took Carlos, Michelle, Eugene, and Stef to eat and then a month later on the Monday after EDC. But then I got to what I really wanted to know.

RYAN: What about Jazz?
DENNIS: Jazz is still there.
RYAN: (surprised) Yeah?

Jazz is a girl who I like jacking off to. She's a "girl next door" type. But I haven't seen her in weeks. I'd been circling around Red Robin, pretending to look busy, and was about to let it go when I hadn't seen her in weeks. But now I know she's still there.

Paranoia

Wow, I did jack shit today. I did rock out at guitar practice, though.

By now, a lot of sites have been hit up by Ashley Greene's lawyers. But I've noticed that pics weren't necessarily down, just no longer directly linked to (hint: if you've seen them already, just go to your browser's history). I just can't bust a #3 thinking about her yet because my mom is home for a week on vacation and I never do anything masturbational as long as even 1 person is in the same house as me. Paranoia.

I always liked Ashley Greene/Alice Cullen from Twilight

Nothing I say today will matter except for the fact that pics just surfaced of Ashley Greene, who plays Alice Cullen on Twilight.

I was first alerted when Ron, who was a year older than me in high school, mentioned in his Facebook status "poor Ashley Greene from Twilight." Didn't know what it meant. But then I looked it up. Wow.

First, let me say that I would never cheat on Kelly Clarkson. But second has always been Emma Watson - although tied with Summer Glau as of last year and recently I've been thinking of replacing Glau with Bonnie Wright because at least Clarkson, Watson and Wright all have in common that they're the "girl-next-door" type whereas Glau might be something else. But third has stably been Ashley Greene. So let it be known that I've liked Ashley Greene BEFORE whatever bandwagon will now form in light of these ... pics.

I texted Andres:

Running a 'lil late. Ashley Greene from "Twilight" just got pics leaked on the internet. Accidentally lost track of time.

Andres responded:

Hahaha

Capoeira training was -- Oh who would care at this point. Let me wrap this up.

Andres: What I really wanna try is party with this guy (referring to me).
Ian: I don't think it's possible to keep up.
Andres: No, but we can try.

Andres already stereotyped that I'm probably good at beer pong. Jesse I, Jesse II, Ian, Brian, and I today. Jesse I asked me if anything was coming up. I said Monster Massive. Andres' eyes lit up and said that he was there last year. Wow. Just ... wow. Then told his stories of chicks asking him if he was rolling, pretending he was rolling, light shows, walking around showing off his 6-pack, chicks grabbing his crotch, a chick on his shoulders while he made out with the chick's friend, then the chick on his shoulders getting jealous so she made out with him too, then the chick accidentally falling over and he had to catch her that they ended up in a standing 69 position, people taking pics of it, etc.

Andres: We all gotta go. By then, we all have to have 6-packs.
Ryan (me): (at Jesse I) I was trying to get you and Kevin to go to EDC with me and go as the werewolves from Twilight!
Andres: That would've been cool.
Ryan: Speaking of Twilight ...

And that's when we all laughed. Everyone's gonna be checking that out as soon as they get home. It's too damn bad my mom's home for a week (she got a 1 week vacation). I cannot jack off to it until maybe the weekend when she goes to work, hopefully.

Like, totally eye-fucking

Yesterday, I hit the gym. Had to skip the ab warm-up where I squeeze the glutes, rush with the weights, skipped the forearm curls again because my wrist still wouldn't be able to take it, and skipped 30 minutes of cardio on the treadmill because Eugene planned to be at my house by 4:00PM.

On the way to Stefanie's house, some cute, redhead white chick in a black car was checking me out. She passed up. Then Eugene passed her and she and I checked each other out again, like, totally eye-fucking. She merged behind us and finally exited.

At Stefanie's house, we had some wine, me on an empty stomach. I was buzzed. We had to wait for their gang, June and Vernon. We decided we couldn't make it to all-you-can-eat sushi at Osaka Sushi because it might be crowded and I had to be at home by 7:30PM. We ended up going to Hamburger Hamlet in Pasadena. My first time. And apparently it's the first place in Pasadena that Stefanie found out doesn't make sangria when I tried ordering sangria and they said they don't do it. I took the fries home in a box.

I invited David from USA Rocks to watch UFC at Carlos' house. The event was supposed to start at 7:00PM, but Carlos recorded it and said we're gonna watch it at 8:00PM so that I'd "have another hour to sleep." Got home at 7:30PM and did a beer run for some Samuel Adams Summer Ale. David started getting annoying when he thought he was lost. He got there before me and he and Carlos had already gotten acquainted and were "kicking it" by the time I got there.

Carlos: Your buddy's cool!

Michelle was in San Diego for a No Doubt concert. BJ Penn is back as he beat Kenny Florian to retain the Lightweight title. Anderson Silva destroyed Forrest Griffin (successfully bobbing and weaving with hands down, knocking Forrest out with a jab from hands down while skipping back and Forrest on the floor waving to the ref that he quit) that Forrest immediately ran back to the locker room afterward.

I went to the Blu Monkey Lounge Hollywood afterward for Philip's girlfirend's Birthday. But they never showed up! Philip's borther, Thomas, recognized me and I got to talk with him.

Thomas: Look at you looking all buff!

Thomas came with 4 other people. 1 of them was a blond, white girl that he was dancing with. But they didn't look PDA-ish, so I guess that means she wasn't his girlfriend. So when I got home, I figured it was OK to jack off to her.

Today, I just watched Iam sing again at the Glendale Marketplace. He has a new guitar again. He traded in his new guitar last week for this new guitar. He's getting better. He doesn't realize the mic's still on, though, when he's joking around about stuff.

Gosh, a blond, white girl was sitting there all alone watching Iam too. Couldn't talk to her, though. Gosh, she had a nice smile. I emailed Krystal all about it on the spot through my Blackberry. Iam asked her what her name was and she adorably turned around wondering if he was talking to someone else. She said her name's Olga. She mentioned that she plays the piano, but doesn't sing. Iam tried to make me look good saying I play (guitar) too. I smiled at her. She tipped Iam before leaving. Iam asked her if she would stop by next week. She said yes, but we're hoping she wasn't just saying that to be nice. I suggested she might be Russian. Afterward, Iam asked 1 of the regular security guards if it was forbidden in their culture to date other races. I said, "Fuck it, we're in America."

It was also the twins' - Roxy and Patti - Birthday today. Went old school and actually called Roxy. But left a Facebook comment for Patti. And of course I called Jon as it was his Birthday as well. He didn't pick up at first, but he called me back.

How's the Flux Capacitor?

Jesse I is back after being gone for a week doing some acting for someone's project at CSUN. He was preaching some newfound knowledge about film techniques ("... not going past the 180-degree line ...") and confirming with me to back him up. Yup.

Jesse I's friend, Ian, finally decided to practice with us after always hanging around. Just Jesse I, Jesse II, Jose, Ian, and I today. Andres' brother, Joe, videotaped our roda. Dammit. Joe outed me on the contacts.

Joe: Next time, take your contacts out. You're gonna get hurt.
Jesse I: I knew they were contacts!
Ryan (me): No, they're not!
Joe: [laughs]

Today showed an emotional Andres. He's frustrated with shit that's been going down in the main Capoeira group where he's from. He says some chick named Lindsay who he made as a teacher is using one of his deceased mestre's name for her school, charging $15 per class (when her quality isn't worth $15 per class) and has access to another mestre's vault of videotapes of Capoeira that no one else was ever allowed to see.

Andres: I'm glad I'm injured right now because if I were to play right now, I'd play violently.

Andres said he wanted to build an army like Fight Club.

Andres: I wanna build something where I can, like, call Ryan up and be like, "Hey Ryan, what's up--"
Ryan: Everything's fine, sir. (quote from Fight Club)
Everyone: [laughs]
Andres: Yeah, or do you want clean food? Then I suggest not the clam chowder. (another Fight Club reference)

Basically, Andres was upset about other Capoeristas from the main group where he's from taking credit for his work. Ian suggested fighting them. Andres said that's what he wants to do. I said I'm down. Andres also wants us to be white belts schooling orange belts. I also suggested entering a point system tournament.

Andres: You see, if you build a car and someone steals your design, because you built it, you also know how to build a better one.

Jesse II had to look under the hood of his car. Ian wanted to look cool like he knew what he was talking about. We kept asking Ian, "How's the [insert name of car part here]?" He'd answer, "Let me check," and it looked like he'd ask Jesse II next to him what that part was and come back with, "It's fine ... [insert adlib here]." Finally I asked, "How's the Flux Capacitor?" Apparently, he's not in depth with Back to the Future as he replied, "Let me check," and then looked like he was asking Jesse II. If so, I guess Jesse II picked up on playing along with it. Ian answered, "It's great, blah, blah, blah ..." We had a field day with that.

Finally, a couple girls were walking by. Jesse II started revving the engine. Ian tried screaming a list of things over the engine, "The [insert name of car part here] is great!" He screamed a "Yeah!" here and there. Finally he got to, "The Flux Capacitor is great!" When Jesse II was done, Andres said to Ian, "You just had an orgasm on Jesse's car."

Kevin's band, The Alternates was having a show later at might in Santa Monica for only $3. But I don't feel like driving to Santa Monica. Plus, Kevin is in Portugal (I think) doing roadie stuff for another band. A substitute was taking Kevin's place.

Andres: So what are you up to tonight?"
Ryan: Nothing.
Andres: What? You're always up to something! I'm always waiting to here the next adventure and I know it usually involves alcohol.

Driving home, I remembered to call Philip from high school. It was his Birthday 2 days ago. He said it's his girlfriend's Birthday tomorrow and they'll be at the Blu Monkey Lounge at 10:30PM on Hollywood and Western.

I got a text from Eugene who I haven't seen since my mom and I took him, Stefanie, Carlos, and Michelle to Red Robin for my Birthday dinner. Eugene just got Michael Jackson's Dangerous tour on DVD and was wondering if I cared to watch. He also wanted to know if I was down for all-you-can-eat sushi tomorrow.

I worked on my novel for the night.

Girly girl on the outside

I got a comment on Facebook from that chick Edlin (for that alone, wow, I got an erection) going on about how she was impressed that I keyed a car. Hmm ... she might be the bad girl type. I just don't know. She looks girly girl on the outside, but seems really tomboyish according to her hobbies.

I finally had a full workout today at the gym complete with a 5-minute warm-up on the treadmill, the abdominal warm-up where I squeeze my glutes, weight, sit-ups with weights, and 30 minutes of cardio on the treadmill ... EXCEPT for 1 thing: the forearm curls. Apparently, I hurt my wrist last Tuesday night doing forearm curls and might've aggravated it yesterday during Capoeira.

TAP OUT!

I posted yesterday's mini-adventure of keying a car as my status today on Facebook. I got mad props from people.

It was Muay Thai and BJJ Day in Capoeira today. The 1st combo: right cross, left hook, right cross, and then grab back of his head with left hook-like motion and secure with the right hand for 4 knee strikes, push away, and 2 roundhouses. We also had a good elbow and knee combo that kinda reminded me of KFM: left rhino (as we call it in FMA), diagonal down right elbow and left hook elbow, followed by right knee and angle for a jumping right knee.

Jesse II and I are getting good with each other in doing drills. Today's drill went: I shoot in, he sprawls, I pull guard, I secure 1 arm and have my knee horizontal against his ab and pointing in the same direction as the arm I have secured and have my other leg checking his leg on the same side, sweep him in the direction my knee is pointing in, full mount him, he pushes my knees below his elbow, he secures 1 arm and checks one of my legs with his leg on the same side as the arm he has secured, he reaches over and flips me in the same direction as the secured arm and checked leg. Switch.

At 1 point, I accidentally twisted my wrist, which I might have aggravated last night at the gym while doing forearm curls, when I had Jesse II in full mount and he was popping me off of him. I couldn't focus next when I was supposed to armbar him for review purposes. And then there was another time when his knee accidentally landed on my groin when he was getting full mount, but I insisted we keep going and just finish it. Andres said we were beautiful to watch.

Brian, who I'll have to come up with a nickname soon so as not to be confused with my college roommate Brian or Brian from the GNC, was present along with Caesar and Angel. Andres' neighbor, Anna, is our new student, although she left early.

No roda. But we rolled. Andres did ini-mini-miney-mo again to see who was it first. Me first again. Then Jesse II. The starting position was sitting down, back to back. Jesse II had me in a rear naked choke for most of the time. But I had my head turned into him to avoid being choked. My neck did crack, though. I was thinking about tapping. Even Andres was saying, "It's ok to tap." I think he even said, "Don't pass out on me." It's hard to explain, but I escaped. Andres let me catch my breath when I was on top in Jesse II's guard. Somewhere in there, maybe a couple hairs got pulled out. Somehow I got Jesse's back, locked in the rear naked choke, got my hooks in, and for the 1st time ever in my life - in a Holy Shit moment - made someone tap out!

I remember Andres saying, "You gotta let it go immediately, though." Dude, did it take me a couple of seconds before noticing he tapped out. If so, sincerely my bad. We all gave each other love. Either Caesar or Brian said, "That was sick!" (I might've still been too light headed to differentiate.) I had to stay in to roll with Angel. This was short. I fell into his guard, passed his guard into side mount, sort of reversed rear naked choked him from the front, couldn't understand what Andres was saying, but then understood Andres say to walk around him with the choke on to crank his head, and Angel tapped. My self esteem has been sky high.

An outsider dude asked if he could roll with us. Couldn't really hear his name. It sounded like Vanessa, but I know that can't be right. He said something about not being a stranger to jujitsu, asked if we were into MMA and talked about the upcoming UFC while Caesar and Brian rolled. "Vanessa" tried to call out instructions. It was a stalemate. Afterward, he asked, "Mind if I get next." Jesse II stepped up. I could tell he wanted to redeem himself. It was stalemate, but all we cared about was that Jesse II did well. We made him out to look like a hero.

Andres lost his car key. It was green (of all colors) and we had to look for it around the green grass. While I was at the Glendale Galleria later, Andres texted me to say that he found his key in his sandle. He put it there so he wouldn't lose it. I said that was the funniest thing I hear all day.

I saw my high school classmate Marissa and Vanessa (2 years our junior) at the Americana. She was too in a hurry to talk. Well that was a complete opposite from when she felt me up during class in Junior year of high school. But the moral of the story is: for the 1st time ever in my life - in a Holy Shit moment - made someone tap out!

Fire

I woke up at 9:19AM to confirm with Guro if we were still training at 11:00AM. At 9:55AM, he said he was running late. At 11:51AM, he said he was trapped at the DMV. Never heard back from him after that. No training ... AGAIN. ("AGAIN" as in "What else is new?")

We rocked out at guitar practice. Drilled the Beatles' Yesterday and then pretty much a lot of stuff I already forgot.

I was driving home on the 2 Freeway when I saw a bunch of black smoke in the sky. Then I saw there was a lot of fire on the mountain in front of the one that my house is on. It was on the part that borders Eagle Rock. My mom told me to get ready to put some valuables in the car in case of evacuating. I went to the gym instead.

Jordan from high school said that his mom told him to get the fire hose ready. He envisioned his near future as spraying the hose at the fire with a cigarette in his mouth and getting engulfed in flames.

Outside the gym, some jackass cut in front of me and stole a parking space that I was trying to get. When he was gone, I keyed his car :-) You know what's ironic? After circling the block maybe 1 or 2 more times, I ended up getting a parking spot closer to the gym anyway when someone happened to leave. But I was still feeling raw about it that I keyed his car :-)

I got yolked. When I came back, I found that mom managed to find my car and, with her spare key, left some Chinese food from Panda Inn for me.

Damn, we fucked up

Showed up to Capoeira almost an hour late. Andres noticed my new sneakers, which are still shiny.

Andres: You got these nice shoes for running and you don't even make it here in time to run. Oh, that's why they're so nice. You haven't ran in them yet.
Jesse II: He still needs to break them in.

It was just Jesse II; Brian (not to be confused with my old college roommate Brian or Brian at the GNC); his brother, Chris, a.k.a. Elmo; a new student named Arturo; and I. Andres had a bunch of scabs and was limping. They said he was in a motorcycle accident. Then Andres said he got hit by a car on the freeway when the car went into his lane. One combo we practiced: Armada, Esquiva, Au into Negativa, Meia Lua de Compasso, Rasteria de Compasso, Moccoco. I can't remember the other one, but it went something like: Armada, Martelo, Esquiva, Au into Negativa, Meia de Compasso, Parafuso ... I think.

Andres gave a good parable about the Parafuso. He related it to the saying: When you're in jail, a good friend will be on the other side of the bars saying, "You fucked up," but a great friend will be next to you in jail saying, "Damn, we fucked up." Andres said that in Brazil, they say, "A good friend is like a Parafuso" because a Parafuso is 2 kicks in 1, or 1 after another.

Then we did an exercise traveling along Andres' kick pads where we weren't allowed to touch them while doing Au into Negativa, Rasteria de Compasso, Parafuso.

We played Capoeira tag. Whoever got hit by a Martelo at anytime was "it." Only those not "it" could be bought out. Andres went by "ini, mini, miney, mo" to determine who was "it" first. It was me. They hesitated who would face me first. Brian was hesitant a lot. I scored a bunch of kicks on him. Took a break. Sang.

Andres told us a story about how he had to do a Capoeira demonstration at some college. There was a miscommunication about the time. He got there first and they told him he had to go in 5 minutes or else it would be cancelled. He played the berimbau, got the crowd to sing Paranue, played the atabaque drum, and did moves around the drum. When his mestre and company arrived, and he told them what happened, his mestre accused him of setting it up so that he would go alone for glory. Ha.

We did one more game with Jesse II's camera recording. Had some technical difficulties and joked how sophisticated it was. Then watched it afterward.

I guess you say what can make me feel this way

Salina texted me yesterday. Nobody wanted to go to the beach with her, so she asked me. Didn't feel like it, though. Told her I was eating.

I went to the Crane Hollywood Tavern to videotape David's band, USA Rocks. Thought I wasn't gonna make it 'cause I was making good time until I hit traffic on Hollywood blvd, so close to the place. Seriously, I sat at in line at a traffic light that kept turning green over and over again, but the cars weren't moving. USA Rocks was supposed to be on at 11:00PM, but then got pushed back to 11:30PM. I left after 11:00PM and it was past 11:30PM when I was still stuck in traffic on Hollywood blvd.

By the time I got there, the band before USA Rocks was still playing. Wow, they were lagging. David comped me. Also said he was pissed that I didn't invite him to PWG the night before. The bouncer knew me as "the camera guy" since David was pushing for me to be allowed to bring my video camera. Got a blue "x" drawn on my left wrist. David compensated me and told me to go buy a beer. Can't remember what I got, but it was supposed to be similar to Blue Moon. They didn't have much. Finally got to see USA Rocks play all their songs. There was 1 enthusiastic girl outside cheering and clapping and 1 girl inside at the front trying to head-bang. And then there were girls who were just there.

Sound guy: I was about to go to sleep, but I'm awake now!

Woke up at 8:30AM to text Guro (wow, I haven't mentioned that name in a long time) to confirlm if we were training since I never heard back from him. But then didn't feel like it and went back to sleep. Later, Guro said he assumed I was busy since we never agreed on a time. We then agreed on 11:00AM Tuesday.

Today, my mom and I went to Zono Sushi in Burbank. She finally got to see Eve. Turns out there's a back room that's more spacious. Eve admitted that she was fooled as well when she first applied, thinking it was gonna be easy 'til she saw the spacious back room.

Watched Iam sing again. He's getting better. He has a new electric guitar too. These 2 girls, as they were leaving, started screaming when he started playing My Girl. He mentioned that his coworker, Brian at the GNC, might call him up to go to Saddle Ranch. Why wasn't I invited?

Samuel Adams Summer Ale

I was suppose to pick up Carlos and Michelle to go to PWG. But I had to stop by Richard's (not to be confused with DJ RIch) party after PWG and Carlos' babysitter wasn't cool with Carlos and Michelle staying out extra late. Boo.

I picked up Matt at around 7:30PM and drove to Reseda (Reseda like The Karate Kid) Fast and Furious style.



Michelle took this pic. BTW, she was already wasted going into the show. And oh my freakin' God they had Samuel Adams Summer Ale on tap! Or, as they would say in Harry Potter, Merlin's Beard!



Billy Corgan of Smashing Pumpkins was there.

Ryan (me): I used to hang out with a stripper who came out to 1979. [Billy laughs] Now whenever I think of 1979, I think of her tits and ass.
Billy: That's the kind of stuff I was thinking about when I wrote that song.

We got some Wendy's after the show and headed for Richard's party, the thrower of the party whom I kept a surprise from Matt. Matt and Richard grew up together. They haven't seen each other in maybe 2 years since GCC.



Our first time standing together since sophomore year in Providence High School. The camera looks buzzed. Oh yeah, it was my camera phone. My main camera has been shipped for repairs, which is why I'm impotent until it gets back. Emma took this pic.



Again. My mom called while Emma was taking this pic. "Oh, your mother is calling," she said. Everyone laughed. Whoa, my teeth look shiny.

Anyway, Richard made a bet that he could go the whole month of August without drinking alcohol. Hence, this party.

Went home and fired up the porn.