New Year's Eve = Jillian's Sweet 16

Everyone made fun of my mommy's sister/Andree's mom for taking hours to get ready, but Andree said it best ...

ANDREE: You took six hours to get ready and you look the same!

It was the lil' cousins idea for me to get drunk

Cousins Janine and Jillian, auntie Carisse, Uncle Lando, my mommy, my mommy's sister, and I are staying at cousin Andree's house in Las Vegas until Sunday. Cousin Janine, being only 18, has a new boyfriend. I think she hasn't learned a damn thing about keeping that stuff low-profile in this family.

I was baby-sitting Janine and Jillian (turning 16 an hour after midnight on New Year's Eve) as we went to the Fresh Bar and Grill in the Miracle Mile Shops. It was the lil' cousins' idea for me to get drunk. The black cashier was crushing on me hard as she gave me free samples of daiquiri and a mix of daiquiri and moonshine.

LAQUINTA: You look like that Twilight guy--
HER COWORKER: What is it with you and Twilight?
LAQUINTA: Has anyone ever told you--
RYAN: I get that so much.

We talked about how I was Jacob Black for Halloween and my Taylor Swift shirt.

LAQUINTA: Can I see your Taylor Swift shirt?
HER COWORKER: She's just checking out your chest.
LAQUINTA: Do you work out?
RYAN: (Modestly) Yeah ...
LAQUINTA: No wonder your chest is so big.

Then she did a double take with my ID that still has my pic as a 17-year-old, laughed ...

LAQUINTA: You look better NOW!

... and ran off with it to show her coworkers ...

COWORKER: You look better NOW!

LAQUINTA: You need to dye your hair all black.
HER COWORKER: No, you should dye it brown.
LAQUINTA: No, don't listen to her.

When she gave me her name in exchange for mine, I introduced myself by my nickname "Jacob" and she went gaga. Then made friends with drunk strangers as they asked me where I got my 1/2 yard tall vase of daiquiri-moonshine (I think Laquinta dubbed it a "Samurai"), high-fiving on the way out.

We met Andree's new boyfriend, Charles. He and his friends liked my Taylor Swift shirt. Apparently, everyone's been giving Andree crap that he's not handsome enough for her. He's aight, I think.

ANDREE: Ryan, do you think he's ugly?
RYAN: He's not ugly. It's just when he stands next to you he becomes ugly.

And in cousin unity, we had the biggest laugh that we've shared all year. My Facebook status then read:

Las Vegas so far: Holding my moonshine in one hand and carrying my "designated driver" on my shoulder as she begs me, "Can you drive?" Vegas, baby. Vegas.

Mental note: The lil' cousins know what marijuana smells like.

Last Red Robin meal of 2010

On my way to meet mommy for dinner at Red Robin, I passed by Hot Topic. That annoying chick was there. I was hoping she wouldn't look up as I passed by ... Of course she did. She jokingly pantomimed attitude about her usual complaint that I'm supposedly at the mall everyday and I stuck my tongue out at her.

Jazz wasn't working. Boo. Bleu Ribbon Burger and Freckled Lemonade for me. Mental note: They have Happy Hour.

Later, carrying my fries to go - of which the waiter named Derek generously gave me two refills - and my Freckled Lemonade to go, I had to pass by Hot Topic again. That annoying chick pantomimed attitude again and I answered back with making fun of her body language with diva embellishment. She laughed. Uh oh. This is starting to look like a typical, predictable boy-meets-girl teen drama.

Chicks should not pick up on me for 2 hours with no intention to "smash" (as my South Central roommates called it)

Last night, the sales guy who sold me my boom mic invited me to come by today from 10:00AM - 2:00PM for the demo of a "revolutionary" camera (and free food) when I couldn't believe that more movies nowadays were being shot digitally rather than traditionally on film. That I did.

I had bratwurst, topped it with sauerkraut, chili, and mayonnaise; a burger in a sesame bun and cheese; salad with raspberry vinaigrette, craisins, and caramelized pieces; beans; some type of vanilla ice cream and red syrup on biscuits; and white chocolate & chocolate chip cookies. And then this employee chick named Vara asked me ...

VARA: Have you gotten to play with the camera yet?

... which would lead to her hands modeling for me as I played with the focus, which in turn would lead to her telling me her life story. To make a long story short, my comment in Mark's Facebook page later would read:

Today's blue balls: OK, I'm minding my own business when this employee picks up on me and tells me her life story for 2 hours. She keeps coming back to me after dismissing customers. I get a boner when she says she's a Martial Artist and has groin-kicked a mugger ... But then says she's taken! Moral of the story: Chicks should not pick up on me for 2 hours with no intention to "smash" (as my South Central roommates called it.)

I stopped by the mall. No one in the database was working except for that chick Jessica in some girly store. (See entry 12/10/10.) I turned my spay cam on. I walked in as she was bending over. We were all alone. She didn't remember me from the days when she used to work at the Halloween store. I didn't bother reminding her. She turned on the radio to make the quiet go away. Ironically, it blasted a slow R&B song. I made her laugh a little. Database overload.

I was about to go home to bust a #3 accordingly when I saw that freerunner Tony. He was rockin' with his ear phones on. I told him about how that annoying chick at Hot Topic has us "marked," or accusing us of being mall rats. (See entry 12/24/10.) And then Nataly with a new friend walked in on us ...

NATALY: (At Tony) Do you work here? I see you here all the time.
RYAN: [Face-palms.]

NATALY: So you're gonna pass by Hot Topic to go "shopping." [Hand gestures quotation marks.]
RYAN: You were checking her out too!
NATALY'S FRIEND: That's right.

Mommy was working tonight so that she could be off for New Year's Eve. So I had the house all to myself. I finished the eggnog with shots of brandy in it from last Saturday, busted a #3 to that chick Vara from earlier today, reloaded, and then busted a #3 to Jessica, but was still on whiskey dick that I also ended up doing various chicks that have been in my database throughout the year.

BOOM MIC!

I woke up from a dream where I was laying on the floor with Ally, whom Jesse and I met when watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (see entry 11/17/10), when Ally started coming on to me, which ended up in dry sex. End dream. Way to go subconsciousness!

I did calisthenics at the gym. Kept it simply with squats, pull ups, push ups, and abdominal exercises. And then it was time ...

I went to buy my boom mic! My Facebook status was then updated as:

BREAKING NEWS: Just bought a shotgun microphone and boompole with cables, a.k.a. a "boom mic," a.k.a. the only thing that's kept me from making films. I have a boner. Now my celebratory strut, while wearing my brand new Taylor Swift shirt. Everyone congratulate me.

Ended the night with WWE RAW.

Boxing Day = Mommy's Birthday

I was decked out in my full Gryffindor uniform for mommy's Birthday. Mommy and I ate at the Hilton. I love their buffets. But we arrived at 3:00PM to find out that their opening time changed to 5:00PM. We had soup as an appetizer at some salad making place in Universal City before coming back at 5:00PM. I think I met my minimum 5-plate quota. Lobster, prime rib, lamb, oysters, sashimi, among other things. Our waitress was named Amy. But our previous waiter, Michael, was there and recognized us. He and Amy gave my mommy a carrot cake with a candle on top and got the Australian family sitting in the next table to sing Happy Birthday with us.

The mall, usually closed by 6:00PM, was open until 11:00PM as it was Boxing Day - a term that I've never heard of until today. I bought the last Taylor Swift short in size XL at Hot Topic. That annoying chick was there (Urgh ...) to give me attitude about how she supposedly sees me everyday. Other workers: This chick of Latina descent with short, curly red hair who once like the red streaks in my hair when I had red streaks, some chick with green hair, and some "butch" lesbian. I asked if I could try the Taylor Swift shirt on and ...

ANNOYING CHICK: (Complaining to her coworkers) He's at the mall everyday! I've had this conversation with him blah, blah, blah ...

I overheard the "butch" lesbian's name as Caroline. She worked the cash register ...

CAROLINE: (Looking at the shirt) Are you a Taylor Swift fan?
RYAN: Yes.
CAROLINE: So am I.

The grinch who stole my boner

I gave mommy her Christmas present. It was a snuggie. I had asked my mommy a few days earlier what her favorite color is and she gave a long-winded explanation that settled with, "Brown." But when she got her brown snuggie, she explained she likes red for blankets. (Sigh.) But then she pretended to like it so as not to look spoiled.

Dave, the high school teacher, picked me up to hang out because I was too much of a brat to drive in the rain. We watched Knight and Day, which I was originally supposed to watch when movie-hopping in theaters when I switched it for The Last Airbender (see entry 7/8/10), over some eggnog mixed with Brandy.

There were no new porn videos in my cyber stomping grounds, which resulted in disgruntled posters posting comments such as, "(At management) You are the grinch who stole my boner!" No matter. I busted a #3 to that violin teacher from last Sunday (see entry 12/19/10) who's name I found out is Lita, so then I was able to scream it out.

Late for Christmas party because I was at the bar = I'm a role model

I got a voicemail from cousin Janine at about 1:30AM dropping the bomb on me that my Secret Santa is cousin Kristian and the value of the present has to be $50.

I was at the mall. No one in the database was working. Boo. Nataly ran into me again on my way to Hot Topic. She mentioned she returned a wallet at Hot Topic and was checking out the chick cashier as she did the return. (Yes, Nataly is a chick checking out other chicks.) Nataly bought a ring that was like "brass knuckle" status. I bought a red Christmas themed top hat at Spencer's. But that annoying chick was at Hot Topic. Annoying chick just so happened to walk out as I was walking out ...

ANNOYING CHICK: I see you here everyday! I've seen you like five times!
RYAN: You only wish you've seen me five times.
ANNOYING CHICK: I don't have to wish! I know I've seen you five times! You and some other guy!
RYAN: Wait, who's the other guy?
ANNOYING CHICK: I don't know. Some guy who walks by, looks inside, and keeps walking. Always wearing a black under shirt ...
RYAN: Does he have short hair?
ANNOYING CHICK: Yes!
RYAN: I know who you're talking about.

She's talking about that freerunner Tony who's always at the mall. (See entry 12/19/10.) Then she pretended to walk into the next door Carl's Jr. (Sarcastically) Right, as if she actually had to go eat. Of course she just needed an excuse to talk to me!

I busted a #3 to someone new, that manager at Hot Topic because it's possible Nataly was checking her out. The manager is a short brunette who's barely aight looking. But just to try something new.

I stopped by the Scotland Yard Pub. The bartender from Casey's Pub last Wednesday was there. He recognized me. I feel bad for not remembering his name when he remembered mine. His girlfriend's name was Suzanne. I tried a Kronenbourg 1664. The chick bartender said it's like a Stellart. They had to change a brand new keg for me. Then I was off.

RYAN: Later, man. I'm late for this family party.
BARTENDER FROM CASEY'S: Are you the youngest?
RYAN: No.
BARTENDER FROM CASEY'S: Are you like in the middle?
RYAN: Yeah.
BARTENDER FROM CASEY'S: You're supposed to be late!

Party at Uncle Lando's place was the typical eating party. I delivered a foot spa that my mommy bought for the White Elephant game. Uncle Lando won it. I won a blanket.

And the Christmas shopping continues

I rocked at guitar practice, which was rescheduled for today because tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I walked by Red Robin. Jazz was working. Yay database!

A Ghost of Christmas Pasts as I've busted a #3 to all of the above girls

While firing up the porn, I stumbled on to a video where some German chick's face looked like that of my high school classmate Heather (not to be confused with my friend Heather). I then busted a #3 to my high school classmate Heather.

I ate at Red Robin. My high school role model Tommy was there with his girlfriend Jan. He explained he blocked his Facebook because he didn't want his students and fellow Marines seeing his civilian life of partying. This dude Arturo who was a counselor at CSUN stopped by and remembered me.

ARTURO: Do you still have your skateboard?
RYAN: It's in my trunk right now.

Anyway, cockblock #1: I was sitting at a table next to Jazz's tables, but she still wasn't my waitress. Cockblock #2: I had clear shots to take footage of Jazz with my spy cam ... but then my spy cam's battery died!

We didn't exchange any words, but there was one time when I had trash on my table and Jazz walked by to clean off my trash. So we sort of interacted. Sort of.

Then it was time to go to a tavern called Casey's in Canoga Park, next door to Scotland Yard Pub, because my buddy Jennie was visiting. I met Jennie at Electric Daisy Carnival (EDC) 2007. She lives in London now. Others present whom I've met once in the past: 1) Heather (also no to be confused with my friend Heather) who was gaga over me when we first met because she's a nerd Harry Potter fan and I was wearing my Hermione shirt then, and also because I was 24 while she in her 30s. 2) Carmen whom I met through Conch, a mutual friend of Jennie and mine. 3) Megan who looks like Nicole Kidman and whom I met at Jennie's house. This felt like a Ghost of Christmas Pasts event as I've busted a #3 to all of the above girls.

MEGAN: Good to see you again. Nice hair.
RYAN: Thanks. You too.

Jennie recommended a Woodford & Coke for me. She also told me about a drink called an Old Fashioned that taked eight minutes to make and is unknown to American bartenders.

MEGAN: Ryan's cute.
JENNIE: Megan's blatant!

Holy crap! Someone I've once busted a #3 to said that I'm cute. I don't think such a feeling was ever reciprocated. Ever. Like, what the fuck do I do now?

Some dude named Steve (not to be confused with my friend Steve), a chick named Danielle, and I were left alone to talk when neither of us smoked cigarettes. The point is: Steve, whose family is "really Italian" that he can't eat Pizza Hut, recommended something called Mulberry Street Pizza. That's got to be some kind of pizza.

Jennie revealed that one of the reasons she moved to London was because of her car accident where the driver didn't tell her that she had downed half a bottle of tequila beforehand, the car got T-boned, and the jaws of life were required to extract them. Luckily, the swastika-looking scar on her left cheek that the plastic surgeons had to make healed.

JENNIE: If I didn't move, I felt like LA was going to kill me.

Equinox

I forgot to say that I woke up yesterday from two dreams: 1) I was a referee in an outdoor indy pro-wrestling match. It looked like a divas battle royale. I actually got bored and left the ring. Some nerdy referee whom I've seen in real life named Chris took over for me. 2) I was sleeping on a car in my garage as it was supposed to be my usual resting spot. Meanwhile, my old high school English teacher Mr. Rasic and classmates Jordan and Kevin were tenants in my house.

Today, I woke up from a dream that I was engaging in self defense against an anonymous and fat, black guy. I survived, but what was disturbing was that eye gouges weren't working. End dreams.

I stopped by David's (my Bartending classmate, not to be confused with rockstar Dave or teacher Dave) place to pick up Hiro's TV that he'd been borrowing and take him to work. He works at a ridiculously upscale gym called Equinox in Pasadena. I was able to work out as his guest. It made me feel like I was supposed to work out in a suit and tie. Then ended it at their cafe with a popular drink called Peanut Better (milk, ice, banana, organic peanut butter, and whey protein).

I finished Christmas/Birthday shopping for my mommy. I stopped by Great Earth to buy her B-Complex vitamins. Yo (short for Yohannes, though I feel like it's supposed to be spelled with a "J") hooked me up with his employee discount. Then I bought her a snuggie. Oh, and Jazz was working. Yay database.

Shotgun mic for $235 + 10' Boompole for $149 = IT'S ON!

Mark had to cancel on today's top secret session because his mom got into a fender bender. I busted a #3 to the violin teacher from yesterday. (See entry 12/19/10.)

Greatest thing ever: There's a video supply store in town. The salesman, Tommy, was very informative. I can get an Audio Technica Shotgun AT897 and a RODE 10' Boompole for under $400. Translation: Professional sound equipment, a.k.a. the one thing that has prevented me from making my own films. Further translation: This shit's about to get REAL!

I went to the mall. Jazz wasn't working. Boo. But Georgia (the substitute in my database for Jazz) was at Hot Topic. Yay. She actually exchanged words with me!

GEORGIA: (When I'm in her way) Excuse me.

And then ...

GEORGIA: (When I'm leaving) Bye. Have a nice day.

That's, like, verbal sex!

Mommy and I ate dinner at Rubios. That jackoffable cashier was there. (See entry 11/30/10.) She's back in the database. She had verbal sex with me as well ...

CHICK WHOSE NAME I CAN'T REMEMBER: (Referring to the food) How is everything?

We found out that the old cashier, Dustin, who would hook us up with free drinks, moved to Carson. Boo. Then I bought two cartons of Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice flavored, but non alcoholic, egg nog before coming home to WWE RAW.

Blackbird

I didn't necessarily miss church. Rather, I had to skip it to practice last second for my informal recital at 2:00PM.

I pulled into the parking structure and the toll booth had a glitch of not giving me a ticket, which the workers would acknowledge later. Yay free parking! Some kid was too scared to play piano in front of everyone that he cried. Ha. As I got up there, management collectively asked me what I was playing.

RYAN: Blackbird by - Who's it by? Is it by the Beatles?
VIOLIN TEACHER: It's by the Beatles, right?
BOSS: It's Beatles.

The grownups thought I was weird for being unsure. Despite a miscued start and a do-over, I rocked it. Vahik played accompaniment. He even made a mistake, but I kept it together for both of us. People applauded. It was almost perfect. Almost ... BUT THEN Vahik had the "bright" (sarcasm) idea to give them more on the spot by going into a song I didn't rehearse. After continuous botches ...

RYAN: (Freaking out) Wait, stop! I didn't rehearse this! I didn't rehearse this!

And then violin teacher, whom I've never looked at twice because she's not a looker, took my place with Vahik to perform Perfidia. All of a sudden, due to her nice vocals, she wasn't so plain looking anymore. Also, there was some older woman in the crowd, whose name I overheard as Kristen. A white chick with long, dark brown - and a few gray - hair. She's in my database due to affirmative action of not having enough cougars. And I took home a certificate.

VAHIK: Sorry. I shouldn't have approached the other song.

I went to the mall. No one in the database was working. Boo. I stepped into Hot Topic. The manager Jose shared that he didn't even start Christmas shopping yet. I met up with mommy at the end of mass so I can "clock in" for church. Ate dinner at Outback Steakhouse. That waitress Lindsay was there with a nice shorter haircut. (See entry 11/14/10.) But we had some absentminded waiter. Then I bought shirts for baby nieces Samantha and Maxine. One is a list of bitchy rules while the other reads, "My dad can kick your dad's ass." I spoke with this freerunner Tony who's always at the mall. He wears red contact lenses. Nataly snuck up on me again.

RYAN: Are you stalking me?
HER FRIEND (BRENDAN): She is.

Max

It's been 10 years now since Max Simon Peter Huber passed away. I went to visit his grave, looking all dramatic with no umbrella in the rain. His mom, Margaret, and sister, Ana, unexpectedly stopped by while I was standing there. I hadn't seen his mom since our Tae Kwon Do class performed for his tribute shortly after his funeral. Ana is 11 1/2 years older than him. A half-sister, but they were close. Margaret introduced me to Ana's 1-year-old daughter, Sophie Max. (Nice middle name.)

I went to the mall at night. No one in the database was working. Boo. I wandered into Brookstone. There's this employee there who showed me a bird camera. Her name tag read "Faith." She's aight. Long, dark brown hair. At some angles, her face vaguely resembled Ashley Greene's. Vaguely. Or it could just be my imagination trying to overcompensate for no one in my database working tonight.

I went home, fired up the porn, and busted a #3 to Faith.

Rockin' in the Free World

I lifted weights at the gym. Did a little of everything.

I recorded Paul and Martha's band's performance at some Texas BBQ place in North Hollywood. Only one family and three other dudes showed up. They were all the band's friends. It was practically like a rehearsal, but they were performing it like another concert. Martha had me jack the restaurant's bowl with barbequed chicken in it.

Ended the night with Gran Torino on HBO.

She's from the city of angels like Betty Davis, James Dean and Gable

I busted a #3 to the chick from the PWG shows that Chad and I both bust a #3.

Mommy brought home Cafe Bravo for dinner. She also finally found her house keys that she had been missing for the past few days. Nobody in the database was working at the mall today. Boo.

I finally have time to address this issue. Maybe two Mondays ago now, I found out by total fluke that Georgia at Hot Topic is armenian. Her name randomly came up on Facebook's real time search as I was typing something else. Very random. I always thought she was white.

RYAN: But at least she's not a typical armenian. Unless that's shifted to emo.
MATT: No, not at all.
RYAN: Her old myspace (which I then had to stalk because her Facebook is private) shows she's overly poetic. I have to watch out for that.
MATT: Inferences can be made about her self esteem from that.

And for some reason, since yesterday I've been on LFO nostalgia:

Is this chick Emily Osment famous? 'Cause I wandered into her mini concert and stayed because I enjoyed the bass.

I did cardio at the gym. Then busted a #3 to "Lindsay L," as it said on our receipt, our MILF/cougar looking waitress from Cheesecake Factory last Sunday.

Brian called me back while I was being a grownup at Costco by buying milk and water. Mission 1/2 accomplished for Mark. The other 1/2 is still underway.

Jazz was working at the Red Robin. Score! Her bangs, which naturally falls to the left, were clipped to the right.

I saw Nataly (again, technically my first Martial Arts student) on my way to Hot Topic. I bluntly told her about my database runs at the mall. Coincidentally, she shared she just came from Hot Topic where she had to return wallets she had bought.

NATALY: The girls there were cute. (Nataly's bisexual.) She said, "(Sarcastically) What's your reason for returning it?" I was like, "I changed my mind."

And then at the Americana I wandered into a mini Emily Osment concert. I had never heard of her before, but apparently she's famous. I ended up staying for the whole thing because I enjoyed the bass. Meanwhile, Mark texted me he was watching Bully.

Return of Brian (formerly Brian at the GNC) ... on the phone at least

I lifted weights at the gym. Still no new particular regiment yet. Just did a little of everything.

Mark has the sudden urge to try something for the first time, but can't say for incriminating reasons. There was only one person who could help me out. I called Brian (formerly Brian at the GNC) for the first time since last August. (See entry 8/2/10.) But I haven't actually seen him since last May. (See entry 5/17/10.) Brian shared that he lost his cell phone at a bar while watching the last UFC PPV.

BRIAN: I gave it to the bartender to get her number and I never got it back. I got too drunk.

Mommy and I ate dinner at In-N-Out. I killed time while waiting for our food by doing a database run. Georgia (the substitute in my database whenever Jazz isn't working) was at Hot Topic. Score.

iPhone 4s that don't work

I had two weird dreams last night. First, I dreamt that Tim and Arlene were having sex in a bathroom, so I went to hang out with Heather. But then the second dream was the best: I dreamt that I was getting a blowjob from Cassidy Freeman, who plays Tess Mercer on Smallville, but for some reason was brunette instead of her real life redhead self. But you know what's cool? In the dreamworld, I ejaculated everywhere ... But in real life, I somehow managed to stay dry! Yay!

I was doing some Parkour at the park. Some FOX show called Bones was filming there. David Boreanaz along with everyone else was checking me out as I did Tiger Mask's Tiger Feight Kicks (Rey Mysterio's 619) between metal railings.

I busted a #3 to some fellow PWG fan named Candi. She sits with Samantha.

My mommy and I got iPhone4s today. But the problem is that they get no signal at our house. Boo. I guess we'll have to return them. Jazz wasn't working, nor were the other substitutes for her. Boo. But that chick Jessica was there. Score, I guess.

Fetuccine Alfredo + Peppermint Bar Cheesecake + Raspberry Lemonade + Cougar/MILF Waitress = Sunday

Mommy and I ate dinner at Cheesecake Factory. I finally got my Fettucine Alfredo and had seasonal Peppermint Bar cheesecake with my usual Raspberry Lemonade. Our waitress' name according to the receipt was "Lindsay L," not to be confused with the Lindsay from Outback Steakhouse (see entry 11/14/10). This Lindsay was an older - either a MILF or cougar - redhead. She's in my database.

Spy cam in full effect!

I picked up Matt to go to PWG.

• Chad was absent, but the chick Chad and I both bust a #3 to was there. I got her on spy cam.
• The chick who usually wears a flower on her ear was there. I got her on spy cam.
• The chick who usually wears a flower on her ear was there. I got her on spy cam.
• I also got the new bartenders on spy cam as I ordered a pitcher of Sam Adams Winter Lager on tap for James, James' friend CJ, Matt, and I. Gosh I miss the old bartenders.

RYAN: Whatever happened to Lisa and Reshawn?
"LEGION LARRY": They're not available to work.

Cockblock!

The guy who plays Sheriff Andy Bellefleur on True Blood, who would later introduce himself as "Chris," was in attendance. I got to talk to him during intermission with my spy cam on. Very nice guy. His friend who's on some NBC show called Community took our pic for my camera.

RYAN: What's Community about?
GILLIAN: It's about a community college and our antics.
THEIR OTHER FRIEND: NBC, Thursdays at 8:00.
RYAN: What's your name?
GILLIAN: Gillian [Jacobs]. [Shakes hands.]
RYAN: I'm Ryan. [Shakes other guy's hand.]
OTHER GUY: I'm [can't remember his name], but I'm not on any show.
GILLIAN: (Joking) He's a professional gambler.

MATT: Imagine how [Gillian] felt when you were like, "What's Community?"

Samantha lost her phone at a Jack in the Box and she was crying as she missed the first part of the show walking back to look for it. Aw.

We stopped by Norm's afterward. Mental note: Their pasta (i.e. Fetuccine Alfredo) isn't available after 11:00PM. Matt and I then clowned on people who believe "everything happens for a reason" and discovered we both learned about Deism from Mr. Velasco's Honors English class back in our sophomore year at high school.

Icarus

I did cardio at the gym.

At guitar practice, they dropped the bomb on me that our recital was on the 19th, as in 9 days from now! Keep in mind they usually give me a couple of months notice.

I went to the mall. Jazz was working. And she was serving a table by the window, so I had a clear view. I looked around to make sure it was clear before discreetly reaching down my pants for a brief victory yoink.

And then randomly I was passing by some girly store when I noticed that this chick Jessica, who was in my seasonal database while she was working at that seasonal Halloween store (see entry 10/15/10) and whom I thought I would never see again after the Halloween season, was working!

And then as I was going up the escalators, I caught the eye of this chick Helen (see entry 10/18/10), my former co-worker who used to have a crush on me. And she re-ignited those bedroom eyes that she used to give me! Her past words of wisdom to me ("Everything happens for a reason") played as a voiceover.

I made it home in time for Smallville - the last episode before going on break until January. And they killed off Hawkman!

Who can I bust a #3 to today?

I went to the gym to do a little bit of every muscle for weight training. Gosh, why isn't there anything cool to do on Thursdays?

You silly ass!

Eugene, Stef, Jun, and Candice picked me up to watch Threesixty's stage production of JM Barrie's Peter Pan in Costa Mesa. It was part of Candice's belated Birthday celebration. I rocked half of my Gryffindor uniform, but with jeans. Candice bought Stef and I unicorn lollipops. I bought a sweater that says, "Lost Boys Since 1904," albeit in children's size XL. Tigerlily's "thank you" dance (basically a "mating dance") to Peter actually got me hot that I turned on my spy cam in the middle of it. Looking for a place to eat later, Jun drove in the wrong direction on a one-way road. We ate at some tofu place. At home, I looked up pics of ballet dancer Heidi Buehler, who played Tigerlily. She's so in my database.

Baby It's Cold Outside

Mommy took my car to the shop to get checked up today, so I ran to the park. Once I was finally there, I ran some more. I remembered to add Richard's friend Rachel (see entry 12/3/10) on my Facebook list of friends. Then busted a #3 to Rachel once I was able to see her pics. Ended the Tuesday with Glee.

Ah, the joy of running outdoors

I discovered the joy of running outdoors today at the park across the street from GCC instead of on a treadmill at the gym for a change. I slowly started getting back into the Parkour habit by doing vaults and, utilizing railings, even figured out how to do a Tiger Feint Kick (or to mainstream fans, WWE's Rey Mysterio's 619), innovated by Japan's Tiger Mask. I accidentally rammed my knee into the post, though, on one round. Ouch. Monkey bars are still a bitch, but I managed.

I finally got to bust a #3 to those kickball player chicks from Pasadena last Friday. (See entry 12/4/10.) They were good. Ended with the usual Monday night WWE RAW.

Rain = Outdoor patios closed at restaurants

Yesterday, I was at Hot Topic wondering if I could exchange a Harry Potter shirt that had an unnoticeable (but bugging me in an O.C.D. kind of way) hole under the collar. I was helped by the same chick employee that was checking me out two Fridays ago. (See entry 11/26/10.) So it's blah, blah, blah for a while before she gives me this awkward, "I guess I'll see you around" as I leave. Awkward as in she sounded like she wanted to say something else because I think she likes me. Too bad I'd need beer goggles for her, though. Plus, her hair sucks.

Mommy and I ate dinner at Cheesecake Factory. Their Jumbalaya's good. I got my raspberry lemonade refilled with strawberry lemonade. Two drinks for the price of one. Yay. Our receipt says our waitresses' name was Corie B. Typical blond in a short ponytail and an aight face with red lipstick, but I suppose she's jackoffable.

2 Screwdrivers, 3 Sam Adams, and 1 Coors Light

Last night before heading to Pasadena, I stopped by the mall. Jazz was working. Yay, database. Apparently, there's a booth in front of Red Robin selling miniature spy cams that record in HD. Exiting the parking lot, this brunette Cheesecake Factory waitress named Melissa, who served us once many months ago, walked by my car on the crosswalk. She's back in the database.

I then went to Jake's Burgers in Pasadena where Paul and Martha's band were playing in the downstairs area. The only time I've been there was last June. (See entry 6/17/10.) The diner sponsors some Waka Kickball league and a few of the teams were playing beer pong while the band performed.

There was this one blond chick with bangs and an aight face, but she was a real freak on the dance floor. Even kept dancing like a freak while playing beer pong. Then there was her teammate - brown hair in a ponytail - who had a cuter face, but kept to herself mostly. They're both in my database.

Martha gave me coupons for free beers. I got myself something called Shocktop on draft. Martha had three cougar friends.

MARTHA: Ryan, these are my friends. They wanna rape you.
COUGAR #1: We've been checking you out all night.
MARTHA: Do you remember how I attacked you when I first met you?
RYAN: Yeah.
MARTHA: (To her friends) I attacked him when I first met him. And guess who ended up getting him. My daughter! (Back to me) So what happened with my daughter in Vegas?

Uh oh. Anyway, I'd actually do her cougar friends. Too bad I didn't fully download them into my database.

Today, I stopped by the mall to buy that HD spy camera. The employee I spoke with last night (I think his name's Michael) hooked it up for 50% off! Plus, Jazz was working again, this time the day shift.

I stopped by Dave's Birthday party (the teacher, not to be confused with Dave the rockstar). He tried to keep me longer by ordering me more screwdrivers. Then headed to Brandon's to watch The Ultimate Fighter finale and beer.

Boner on the dance floor

RYAN: Who's your designated driver?
RICHARD: I'm my designated driver. I'm pacing myself.

I wore my Gryffindor uniform to Richard's party last night.

• I bought Richard a Scotch & Soda. Then bought one for myself.
• Richard had a friend named Jillian, who was dark-haired and taller than everyone. She felt awkward because she only knew Richard. She was also checking out girls' boobs. She's in my database.
• Richard drunkenly handed me his camera and told me to take pictures.
• Tiffany - who once drunkenly said, "Me plus Asian is like [makes a heart shape]" (see entry 3/17/10) - was flirting with me hard. But I hate her new haircut. Had she kept it the way it was, I would've tapped that.
• Colin cut off his long hair as well. Boo.
• Tiffany's friend, Cynthia, was playfully irritated that I kept taking her picture without warning. She has the short pixie hair going on, which I'm starting to come around to now that Emma Watson has it too. But Cynthia also kept trying to get me to hit on Tiffany.
• Richard had a cute, thick friend named Rachel. She's in my database. She was upset that her ex-boyfriend was there.
• But Rachel's ex-boyfriend turned out to be cool as he bonded with me over Harry Potter, most likely a plea that I won't bang Rachel.
• There was some random long-haired, blond chick in a short skirt green dress and boots who's now also in my database.
• Some chick dressed as a B-Girl pulled me into her on the dance floor.

My Facebook status was them updated to:

Random cute chick just started grinding up on me on the dance floor ... I have a boner. And I'm drunk-Facebooking.

RYAN: What happened to pacing yourself?
RICHARD: That went out the window as soon as you guys came.

Richard then drunkenly kept spinning on his chair, albeit looking passed out. I texted Matt:

Sitting next to a nearly passed out Richard. It's his Birthday. And I got a boner from a cute chick grinding on me on the dance floor. Wish you were here.

RYAN: Are you OK?
RICHARD: (Slurred speech) Yeah! Fuck you!

Came home, slept, woke up, rocked at guitar practice, and now it's time to go to Pasadena to watch Martha and Paul's band.

10 Years Ago Today

I visited the grave of an old high school classmate named Gino, who died 10 years ago today. I remember that day clearly: I took my belt test in Tae Kwon Do that morning. Then met up with my classmates Megan, Shenna, and Allison at the latter's house to film a project. Then our classmate Morgan, whom I've busted a #3 to before, walked up to us to inform that Ricky, the driver, was dead. Gino, in the driver's seat, died later. At Gino's grave this morning, I found flowers left by Marissa. She jacked me off one time during class.

Today's also Richard's Birthday. Off to Tonga Hut in North Hollywood to celebrate.

Enter the last month of 2010

I went to Barnes & Noble to double check how Mark Salling (who plays Puck on Glee) got himself noticed by agents and managers as mentioned in the book Don't Stop Believin': The Unofficial Guide to Glee.

I didn't think anything of it, but I walked by the Red Robin in a what-the-heck kind of way ... and Jazz was working. Darn these random work schedules. I looked around, made sure no one was looking, and reached down my pants for the discreet victory yoink.

I ended the night with a new episode of The Ultimate Fighter.