Time Travel: Part One

Day #9 in the Philippines. (Not déjà vu - Author's note: Even if you are seeing this for the first time as of 1/6/11 regardless of the time stamp to conform with updating daily.)

Sheila's in-laws are here at our ancestral house. There's more of them. From what I've been eavesdropping on, some of them are from the U.S. There's this one really skinny guy that's either emo or hipster - sometimes I can't tell the difference - who's wearing a jean vest, boots, and has butterfly tattoos on the side of his neck. The adults are making fun of him behind his back. Conversely, I'm making fun of him in silence ... Who the heck wears boots in the Philippines? (Although, I think the uptight adults are making fun of him for being "obviously gay" and not for his boots.)

I just found Niels, my Top Rocking classmate whom I last saw on 10/29/11 before he went back to Amsterdam, on Facebook. He's already messaged me back. Yay.

Cousin Philip paid the technician extra to come in tonight to fix the wireless internet.

There's some fancy caterers downstairs. We're actually drinking out of goblets. While in Boracay, I discovered something called Tanduay Ice. I'm on my second one right now. But cousin Philip, the big bad ass attorney who's made headlines for putting celebrities away in jail, is already drunk off only one bottle!

Time to go light some fireworks.

That awkward moment when you're buying fireworks and the sex workers are across the block

Day #8 in the Philippines. (Not déjà vu - Author's note: Even if you are seeing this for the first time as of 1/6/11 regardless of the time stamp to conform with updating daily.)

I had a dream last night that I was doing a database run at the mall in my regular stomping grounds back home. There were some inaccuracies, though: Carissa, who in real life is the manager at Hot Topic, was working at Brookstone. I think she was wearing a green top. Also, in the dream, Brookstone was on the first floor whereas in real life it's on the second floor. And some random guy whom I don't recognize in real life said, "What's up," to me. End of dream.

We were at the Trinoma mall and the baby nieces couldn't finish their McDonalds, so I finished it for them.

Due to the time difference between the Philippines and the U.S., I have to wait until tomorrow for UFC 141 to air and then a while more to look for it online afterward.

Cousin Philip enlisted my help to choose fireworks. Conveniently, someone, probably a fireworks addict, had already uploaded videos of almost each brand in action on Youtube.com. The driver Bernie, dad's former caretaker Apyong, cousin Philip, and I rolled out. Mental note: There's a Papa John's Pizza across the street from the fireworks vendor.

"Saint Nicholas"

Day #7 in the Philippines. (Not déjà vu - Author's note: Even if you are seeing this for the first time as of 1/6/11 regardless of the time stamp to conform with updating daily.)

We did some island hopping in the morning. We almost had to turn back because of strong winds. Everyone was in favor of turning around, cousin Philip was undecided, but I was the only one who implied, "Man up." We kept moving.

On one island, the wind blew off one of mommy's diamond earrings. Everyone searched a long time for it until ten-year-old nephew, Nicholas, used knowledge of physics to pinpoint and locate it. He has been nicknamed "Saint Nicholas." Only ten-years-old ... And what are you doing with your life?

Later, while we anchored the boat so that a few can go snorkeling, some canoe pulled up to sell ice cream. I repeat, they sell ice cream in the ocean here. Dope.

On the boat ride back to the airport, I sat next to some butch-looking chick with an unidentifiable European accent, though she was speaking English, and who looked like she was trying to grow a mullet. She was probably the weirdest tourist I've seen.

Back on the mainland, we were eating in some rundown restaurant when three-year-old niece, "Princess" Maxine, tried to lay down the law again.

MAXINE: Ayaw ko dito! (I don't like it here!)
COUSIN-IN-LAW MALOU: Where do you want?
MAXINE: Trinoma!

Trinoma is a fancy mall. God help everyone when this three-year-old "princess" gets older. Anyway, our flight was delayed.

RYAN: (Sarcastically) Cool!
COUSIN SHEILA: (Oblivious to sarcasm) No, it's not!

♫ Josie's on a vacation far away ♪

Day #6 in the Philippines. (Not déjà vu - Author's note: Even if you are seeing this for the first time as of 1/6/11 regardless of the time stamp to conform with updating daily.)

Gosh darn it! Cliff-diving was unavailable due to terrain problems! Blue balls!

I went jet-skiing for the first time in my life. The only time I've remotely gone jet-skiing was as a video game character in the Grand Theft Auto series. The first thing I did was drive in the wrong direction and it stalled every few minutes, but once I was able to drive it like a professional - albeit not until the final few minutes - I sang out loud to the open sea The Outfield's 1986 hit Your Love.

♫ Josie's on a vacation far away ♪ Come around and talk it over ♬

White chicks were totally eye-fucking me! It makes sense that, since they were traveling to the land of my ethnicity after all, I would be their ideal. I don't get that kind of love in euro-centric Hollywood. Cue CM Punk's theme music, Living Colour's Cult of Personality!

I redeemed my complimentary welcome drink ticket for a Pineapple Cooler (blue curacao, pineapple, coconut, fresh milk) as I updated my My Facebook status:

Day #6 in the Philippines. Finally have internet access here in Boracay. Just found out this island's been voted 2nd best tourist spot in the world. Going back to the city tomorrow. But first, strutting like a werewolf god among these white chicks.

The people who "thumbs-up'd" it: Crystal from high school, Samantha from PWG, and Heather's sister Naomi. I had a boner for the latter.

I bought some postcards for people and a white, thin hooded vest that I can't wait to rock in the U.S. when it get warmer this Spring-Summer.

The Filipino cover band that played while we ate dinner was descent. I might actually consider banging the chick who was one of the lead vocalists despite her possibly being a fob. Interesting note: One of the band members was with a blond chick. Yes! I love how these white chicks got love for the Filipino cock here! Take that, euro-centric homeland of Hollywood!

Speaking of which, two white girls were totally eye-fucking me as I walked past them on the beach. After a few paces, I turned around ... and they were STILL eye-fucking me! YES! I repeat: Take that euro-centric homeland of Hollywood.

I'm basically a civilian soldier ... or a Civilian SEAL. I like the sound of that.

Day #5 in the Philippines. (Not déjà vu - Author's note: Even if you are seeing this for the first time as of 1/6/11 regardless of the time stamp to conform with updating daily.)

We left for Boracay today. Auntie Aida tagged along with us.

Within a couple of hours, we took a plane to Kalibo, took a shuttle to the docks, took a boat to Boracay's docks, and finally took another shuttle to the hotel. It's worth noting that the narrow bridge to get from the dock to the boat, during heavy winds, had no railings! Yeah, the above two hours made me feel like I was in the military on a mission. The only difference at this point is that I wasn't at risk of getting shot at. Poor nephew Nicholas had motion sickness, though.

There was this white chick on the same flight as us. She had natural blond, curly, shoulder length hair and brown eyes, unlike the cliche blond/blue combo. I was able to input a variety of details in the database from her wardrobe change (i.e. with a coat, without a coat) to seeing her tie/untie her hair.

The Boracay Regency Hotel is so nice.

I didn't ride the horse, the horse rode me

Day #4 in the Philippines. (Not déjà vu - Author's note: Even if you are seeing this for the first time as of 1/6/11 regardless of the time stamp to conform with updating daily.)

It's mommy's Birthday today.

The kids - nieces Samantha, Maxine, Juliana, and nephew Nicholas - went strawberry picking. I bought a belated Christmas present for Mark. My mommy protested it. I'm resisting to keep it for myself. I'm definitely going to have to check it in at the airport. Before I left for the Philippines last Wednesday, I opened Mark's present for me. It was a huge Das Boot for beer. Awesome.

The kids and I went horseback riding. Rather, since I apparently didn't know how to steer the horse, the horse took its own joyride. I was just the horse's hostage.

The whole day was spent in the car.

MAXINE: Ako ng Princess. Ako ng Snow White. (I am Princess. I am Snow White.)

Cute.

Speaking of cuteness, at a gas station a possibly homeless little kid relentless sang Christmas carols to us. Most of our time at said station was looking for any spare coins or cash. Finally, I had gathered enough cash to give him, which prompted him to finally go away to search for his next caroling victim.

COUSIN PHILIP: See his smile!

"Princess"

Day #3 in the Philippines. (Not déjà vu - Author's note: Even if you are seeing this for the first time as of 1/6/11 regardless of the time stamp to conform with updating daily.)

We went to Paniqui to visit dad in the cemetery as well as all relatives who had gone before us. I saw Bong for the first time since 3/10/12 when he met us there to open the crypt.

Maxine has given herself the middle name of "Princess." She's only three-years-old. God help us all when she gets older.

From there, we headed to Baguio City. I haven't been here since I was ten years old. I ate at the all-you-can-eat buffet for dinner while everyone else ordered from the menu. That Fettucini Alfredo that I was able to have the chef incorporate peppers, olives, capers, mushrooms, and tomatoes into was bomb. "Bomb," as the kids from my generation like to say; not this "for the win" crap.

My tall red Christmas hat rivals the Pope's fancy hat

Day #2 in the Philippines. (Not déjà vu - Author's note: Even if you are seeing this for the first time as of 1/6/11 regardless of the time stamp to conform with updating daily.)

I had a weird dream last night that I was on a duplicate Earth. It most likely has to do with how in real life I watched that indy film Another Earth during the flight. End of dream.

It was nice to eat sisig today. That would be parts of a pig's head and liver seasoned with calamansi and chili peppers. It was fun watching a kid among cousin Sheila's in-laws have a tantrum because we put extra calamansi, which he hates, on the sisig.

And it's Christmas Eve: the typical Simbang Gabi mass at Church followed by Noche Buena dinner at midnight, this year at cousin Sheila's in-laws' place. We have pictures of mommy asleep during Church. I also chose to wait until the donations collector was right in front of mommy before waking her up just to see her startled reaction.

Time Lag

Day #1 in the Philippines. (Author's note: Even if you are seeing this for the first time as of 1/6/11 regardless of the time stamp to conform with updating daily.)

Mommy regrets taking Korean Airlines just to save a few hundred bucks. We had a layover in Korea for two hours where I shopped in the airport. I can now say I've shopped in Korea.

On the flight, I watched some American movie, apparently an indy film from either last year or earlier this year, called Another Earth. I mostly listened to Muse's latest album available on the flight's entertainment.

I had two weird dreams while sleeping on the flight: 1) Cousin Andree and I were practicing punches to the solar plexus. 2) I was in a mall that I didn't recognize. In a bar, there was an open challenge for a four-way brawl. The participants were me, Brandon, and Rez and John from high school. The last two are clique mates in real life. But John would magically transform into Michael, also their clique mate. I won. I remember transitioning from a guillotine choke on Rez and spinning into a rear naked choke on John/Michael. End of dreams.

Cousin Philip and Cousin-in-law Malou picked mommy and me up from the airport. I wore my tall red Christmas hat that I bought from Spencer's last year. We ate lunch at cousin Sheila's in-laws' place before going home to unpack. The one-eyed maid, Linda, clumsily tripped and fell down as she greeted me. Other returning cast of characters from last time: the driver Bernie, dad's former caretaker Apyong, the maids/nannies Lisa and Flor, and baby nieces Samantha and Maxine.

And now time lag - a term coined by Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles - as opposed to jet lag. You know, because I left on Wednesday, but because the Philippines in fourteen hours ahead of the U.S., I arrived now on a Friday, thus time traveling over Thursday.

MOMMY: Did you visit your dad's room yet?
RYAN: No.
MOMMY: Go in there and say, "Hi."

I walked into dad's old room, stood in the darkness, felt an unfamiliar sixth sense, and said, "Hi."

"Where you going? Hogwarts?

My mommy's sister apparently arrived at around midnight last night to pack some things for us to "mule" - as video/computer gamers call it - to the Philippines. I slept in my bed for the first time in eleven months as my overly superstitious mommy hasn't let me done so, claiming that the location of my room was a designated "bad luck location" for me during this time period.

I woke up and went to Jamba Juice for one last $1 Oatmeal Wednesday. I had tried all the toppings by now and went with what I've decided was my favorite one: Berry Cherry Pecan.

I stopped by Barnes & Noble and bought my Christmas presents to myself: 1) The Men's Health Big Book of Food and Nutrition, 2) Neil Gaiman's American Gods and Anansi Boys as one thick book, and 3) C.S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia as one thick book.

I walked by Hot Topic. Carissa was working. She was bobbing her head to whatever music was playing. Her hair was cute - tied back, bangs combed to the left. It's so nice to renew a regular in the database in my final hours in the country for this year.

Lastly, I stopped by the gym to freeze my account for one month.

EMPLOYEE: That's a snazzy tie.
RYAN: Thanks. It's Harry Potter.
EMPLOYEE: I know. I was gonna say, "Where you going? Hogwarts?"

Now it's time to finish packing as Uncle Oca has arrived to help.

We Circumcised Boys > you uncircumcised girly men

I had a couple of weird dreams last night: 1) I was UFC fighter Diego Sanchez. I was with Puck from FOX TV's Glee and some other people. I fought off a guy with a fake sword with the finishing blow to behind their knees. Puck didn't approve. 2) I was in the Philippines. Mark said, "Fuck it," as he visited me in my room where I was oversleeping. It looked like the bonus room in cousin Andree's house. Justin and I played cards where the deck annoyingly had inverted cards as well as right side up. I was playing Final Fantasy VII. My agenda was to get the "Knights of the Round" Materia. I was playing with baby niece Maxine and baby niece Samantha got jealous. Even while holding Maxine, I had to take a free fall jump, but she was OK. The dream became a nightmare as I realized I might have forgotten my camera. End of dreams.
We Circumcised Boys > You uncircumcised girly men

Still in a race to revisit past chicks in the database from this past year before the year is over, I busted a #3 to the orange-haired chick whom I nearly mistook as a mannequin at True Religion Brand Jeans, some chick named Angelica from Jolee's class last Friday, Jessica who used to work at American Basics, and lastly Faith who used to work at Brookstone. That should do it. And now "self-celibacy" as I will not have any chance to bust a #3 while staying in the Philippines, for which I leave for tomorrow, due to no privacy in the full house.

I went to the Sport Chalet in Foothill to search for Vibram Five Fingers. Alas, they didn't have the design I wanted in my size. In fact, the employee helping me, whose name tag read, "Nick F," called the nearest stores and they were all unavailable as well. Random note: The employee mentioned he had winter classes at GCC that were cancelled. I remember when that happened to me years ago. I guess GCC never improved.

I was supposed to check out the Capoeira class of the one code-named "Choir Boy," but somebody got major fucked up in a car accident that caused so much traffic that by the time I was back in my stomping grounds, it was more practical to pull over and chill at the mall.

I caught up with Andy at the Hickory Farms kiosk. He asked for my contact info to give me a buzz when I get back from the Philippines.

I got my mommy a pink Sesame Street's Animal one-piece pajama from Spencer's.

I walked into Hot Topic. Some new dude, most likely a seasonal employee, mistook me as having bought my Gryffindor tie from that store when in reality I got it from Whimsic Alley. Nevertheless, he thought I looked familiar. This one chick who's been working there for a while, though I never got her name because I don't find her jackoffable, remarked to him that I'm supposedly there everyday. She must be in cahoots with my stalker.

I traveled west. I parked at the hookah lounge and then across the street cut through the mall as a shortcut to Hooters on the other side to meet up with Mark, Erick, and Erick's friend for all-you-can-eat wings. I had the garlic parmesan wings. Thank God I had cash because afterwards the waitress, as if she had never handled machinery before, took forever to process everyone else's credit cards to the point where they may have rescinded the tip.

Mark gave me a Christmas present. Randomly, Mark mentioned that lately he's been into Brie Olson videos whereas I name dropped Bailey O'Dare. Erick laughed as he had actually seen an O'Dare video.

Cutting through the mall again, I passed by this laser teeth whitening kiosk where the older lady working there was able to tag me as an actor/model.

OLDER LADY: Good. Now that's part of my sales pitch because you have to do it because you act and model.

By happenstance, Candice from Hot Topic and I were crossing the street at the same time. I started with, "Hi," and then let the power of my Gryffindor tie and sweater vest take over ...

RYAN: I'm about to leave town for the holidays for a month.
CANDICE: Where you going?
RYAN: Philippines. Looking forward to get out of this cold. You can walk around in a rainstorm over there and not get sick.
CANDICE: Yeah, everyone's sick around this time, like, "Get away from me!"

Blah, blah, blah ...

CANDICE: Enjoy your trip.
RYAN: Thanks.

She walked into somewhere - I think Coffee Bean. Then I drove down Magnolia Boulevard to visit the one code-named "Choir Boy."

"Choir Boy" just got the movie Colombiana on DVD. He needed help finishing the food in his fridge. He made omelets, though completely forgot he was cooking them when he got distracted as we bragged about how we circumcised boys were superior to any other males. Oh, and the booze - juice & vodka and sangria - was good as well.

Vahik called me his "son"

I'm still in a race to revisit past chicks in the database from this past year before the year is over. I kept it simple this time. I busted a #3 to Kristen and the talkative chick from yesterday.

At the Americana, Joseph mistook my Gryffindor tie for a USC tie.

JOSEPH: You play [Basket]ball?
RYAN: Um ... I'll watch, but ... I can't really shoot the ball ...
JOSEPH: [Laughs.] I'm the same way.
RYAN: ... And I can't really dribble and walk at the same time.

I visited Vahik. I got to see what the office's humor was like when no classes were in session.

Sam was working at the Hickory Farms kiosk. I guess he was wrong about last night being his last shift. He must've been irritable. He informed me that Andy's working tomorrow from 3:30PM-11:30PM. He told me, "Stay up," in that last decade "gangsta" sort of way.

Tonight's episode of WWE RAW had me - as the internet nerds like to say - "marking out hard" as the main event saw the team of WWE Champion CM Punk, United States Champion Zack Ryder, and World Heavyweight Champion Bryan "Daniel Bryan" Danielson entering through the Philadelphia crowd instead of traditionally using the entrance ramp.

At the gym late at night, I said my see-you-later's to Danny, who was working at the front desk, as this was probably my last workout before leaving for the holidays. The treadmill says I burned 694 calories at 5.73 miles. Sweet.

The guy who "stole" Christmas

I stopped by Church briefly before performing at the Christmas party at the place where I practice guitar. I was in semi-Gryffindor gear with the tie and sweater vest. As soon as I got there, they dropped the bomb on me that I have to cover Pipeline for someone who no-showed. As if that wasn't already a bad omen, Vahik required further changes. Further "Oh Shit" moment: I had to play an electric guitar for the first time! I lost track of what order, but I also played House of the Rising Sun, something that Vahik wrote, and Perfedia. I'm just glad I was able to switch to my regular guitar midway.

Basically, in terms of highlights, the random cougar, Kristen, whom I let into the database at the recital last year as affirmative action for not having enough cougars then was in the audience again. (See entry 12/19/10.) There was this animated chick who showed up later, claiming she's only called when they need labor. She was a natural blond who had this weird thing going on with her hair where it almost looked like a blended bowl cut, but it was actually shoulder length.

CHICK: So do you freestyle?
RYAN: Oh, um, not well.
CHICK: On guitar?
RYAN: Ooh! I thought you meant freestyle rap. Oh yeah, I can on guitar.
CHICK: It's the same thing, but our instruments are our voices. I think you do. You just don't know it yet.

She got out off singing duties. But later she was playing with two kids and tried to freestyle rap with them. On the microphone. Terrible! It was already bad enough that the little boy butchered that song for his vocal performance that goes, ♫ We fell in love in a hopeless place. ♪ They then butchered Beat Boxing itself! And I think she was trying to battle one of them in doing bridges.

She was flirty, but I spoke to her the whole time with cookies in my mouth in a "I'm too cool to be self-conscious" sort of way. Anyway, she wasn't ugly and is in my database to reward her persistence.

Traveling west, I carried my guitar with me - as kids these days say, like a boss - at the mall there. In its Hot Topic, this cute chick - who might've been Kristina, whom I met last 11/10/11, but unconfirmed because I can't remember exactly what she looks like after a month from first meeting - said she loved my tie.

RYAN: I'm assuming you're a Harry Potter fan.
UNCONFIRMED KRISTINA: Yes! I love Harry Potter!

UNCONFIRMED KRISTINA: Do you need help finding anything?
RYAN: I was looking for pink pajamas, but you don't have any. It's for my mommy.
UNCONFIRMED KRISTINA: You can try Victoria's Secret?
RYAN: I really don't feel like walking in there.

I made a new friend in a random familiar face from the PWG shows.

I was walking around the Hickory Farms kiosk when this older lady employee named Judy (not to be confused with my lesbian friend, Judy) noticed my guitar.

JUDY: You play guitar?
RYAN: No, I just like carrying it around to look cool ... Just kidding. I play guitar.

Holding the tray of free samples, she then explained how she feels the need to feed starving musicians. She continued to mechanically hand me free samples as she talked about how her husband likes Metal, yet plays classical. Then she mentioned to search for something called "Satriani Vai Malmsteen" on the internet.

Mommy and I ate dinner at Outback Steakhouse. None of the people there who are usually in the database were working. But there was this one brunette-with-blond-streaks waitress who had her hair tied back in a way that it vaguely reminded me of the lead singer for Shiny Toy Guns in the music video for You Are The One.

Back in my stomping grounds, at the mall I finally spoke to the Adele look-alike under the guise of inquiring about this waterproof case for cell phones and iPods. You know what? She looked better from a couple of feet away. She also sounds like Arnold Schwarzeneggar, but as a girl.

Sam at Hickory Farms looked so depressingly bored that I went out of my way to say, "What's up?" At least he was excited about it being his last day.

At Barnes & Noble, the security guard was laughing hysterically when I told him about the debacle of the performance earlier. He said that the audience would probably label me as the "guy who 'stole' Christmas" due to butchering the songs.

Anyway, that ethnically ambiguous Monica was working behind the cash register. I haven't seen her in a while. I'm reminded that she's a brunette now. Her hair is beginning to overcome that phase of being shapeless when down, looking normal only when it's tied back, yet barely long enough to tie. It's starting to look somewhat normal now as she wore it down. She's renewed in the database.

1 Ryan to 8 Australians

I traveled west and stopped by the mall in that city. From there, maps.google.com epicly failed in navigating me to Top Rocking class, but I got there only ten minutes late. Minor setback: I accidentally shuffled twice when I was supposed to only shuffle once and exclaimed, "Oh, whoops!" to everyone's comic relief. Highlight: Eric blanked out once and had to follow me to regain rhythm! Me!

In the coffee room, there were eight chicks whose accents I think were Australian. I think. I'm getting better nowadays in differentiating between Celtic, South African and Australian accents. One of them asked how is "massacre" spelled. Another answered, "M-A-double-S-A-C-R-E." Teehee. She said, "double-S" instead of, "S-S." Later when I was walking around, I saw that they were in the beginners' Salsa class. Ha! And Jojo claimed when I first met her that if I took the beginners' Salsa instead of skipping to the intermediate I would be stuck with old people wanting to learn how to dance for weddings.

Afterward, I stopped by the place of the one who insists to be code-named "Choir Boy" to review FMA drills of vertical gunting (scissors) and hubad lubad.

Back at the mall in my stomping grounds, the chick who was more jackoffable as a blond before dying her hair dark brown was working at Waba Grill Teriyaki House. Dana was working at Lush. I walked by as she had both hands on top of her head, a form which is usually seen when one is gyrating on the dance floor. Although in real life she was probably just fixing her hair. Still, provocative. Double score in the database!

I traveled west again to some bar called Viva Cantina. Or I guess it was more of a restaurant with a bar in it since there were kids who looked like they were definitely under the age of twenty-one there, mosh-pitting while everyone who was of drinking age looked at them weird. I had promised Nate two days ago that I would check out his band. (See entry 12/15/11.) On the way there, I had made a wrong turn and came upon a group of high school, yet legal (I think), chicks at a crosswalk who needed a ride. Too bad I was in a hurry. I would've banged them in my car.

I have to say that Nate's band has some cute groupies. There was this one youngin' who reminded me of this chick named Maggie that I hooked up with in Las Vegas one time. But there was this chick, a blondish brunette with a short ponytail, who was bold enough to go into the cockfest of a mosh-pit for a couple of seconds, basically a timid hit-and-run. She's in my database out of respect.

Comically, Nate said he hated his job at Hot Topic. It turns out that the last time I saw him two days ago was his last day. Why? Because he's going to the Philippines for two years to do Humanitarian work! He'll be starting out in Baguio City.

RYAN: When do you leave?
NATE: Wednesday.
RYAN: I leave Wednesday!

What a coincidence! Anyway, mommy forgot dinner, so I drove down the cross street and brought it to her at her work.

I visited the teacher, Dave, in my unofficial tour of visits before leaving for vacation next week. He played a Jackie Chan movie called Little Big Soldier.

In my race to revisit past chicks in the database from this past year before the years is over, I busted a #3 to Amanda again, finishing whatever positions I couldn't get to last night, moved on to an old friend Arlene, then Dana who works at Lush, and finally finished to the Adele look-alike who works at the i Play & Talk kiosk.

In Case of Asteroid

I bought a Tommy's chili cheese burger for the first time in twenty two months. The only other time that I've been there was seven months ago to buy a chili cheese hot dog. (See entry 5/15/10.)

At guitar practice, I received the songs that I would be playing at the Christmas party this Sunday.

At the mall, the Adele look-alike was working at the i Play & Talk kiosk. She's renewed in the database. At the Americana, the orange-haired chick whom I nearly mistook as a mannequin was working at True Religion Brand Jeans. Her hair was tied back for a change. That's a new detail for the database.

Jolee found a new spot to teach. I parked about a block away, walking down the street to look for it.

JOLEE: It's low key.

Good news: The floor work we did was the best choreography that I've ever participated in. Bad news: I popped my knee doing it.

When mentioning my upcoming holiday plans in the Philippines, Jolee remarked that I don't look Filipino.

RYAN: Yeah, I like to use that to my advantage to blend in like a chameleon. What about you?
JOLEE: I'm half Chinese.

Holy shit. Now he definitely knows how to camouflage certain genetics. I don't see any Chinese in him at all.

"What can I start you with? Freckled Lemonade?" "Yes ... How did you remember?" "'Cause I think I gave you like 6 refills last time ... Plus 1 to-go."

I traveled west (it sounds so epic when I put it in those words) and passed by the Hot Topic there. This dude named Nate remembered me and invited me to watch his "nerd punk" band on Saturday. (See entry 11/10/11.) Candice was working as well.

That chick, Amanda, from yesterday was working at Sport Chalet.

Ah, the database. Never gets old.

I returned to my stomping grounds to eat at Red Robin. The hostess, a short blond chick with all of her hair tied back, was leading me to the other side of the place when we passed by Evaine, who intervened, "Hey! Sit at my station!"

EVAINE: What can I start you off with? Freckled Lemonade?
RYAN: Yes ... How did you remember?
EVAINE: 'Cause I think I gave you like six refills last time ... Plus one to-go.

Well, el oh el. (Author's note: That one would make a great Facebook status later.)

Dennis was working as well. It was the same conversation as last time where I knock that Lockin' instructor for traumatizing me with his intermediate instruction. Dennis had actually taken his beginner's class before and he says even that was difficult. But Dennis vowed that this upcoming year was the year that he makes his return to dancing.

On the way to helping mommy at the laundromat, I bought her a Big Mac meal from McDonald's.

Toe socks, eh?

I had a dream last night that I was in some type of multi-storied building. I think I was in the basement. Uncle Lando challenged me to stop ten of his takedown attempts. Every time he shot in, I stuffed it. He gave up after five. I guess it's my subconsciousness treating me to how in real life I can kick his ass. End of dream.

I finally got to bust a #3 to that beautifully smiling waitress from Cheesecake Factory last Sunday. (See entry 12/11/11.)

I stopped by Jamba Juice for $1 oatmeal Wednesdays. I tried toppings of blueberry and black cherry, which I can't remember if I've tried already. The cashier was an aight looking chick named Jenn. Christy, whom I met last week, came out from the back and remarked, "Hey. Wednesday. You made it." Apparently, security guard Joseph was watching me through the window as I scraped up the remaining off the inside of the container with my spoon ...

JOSEPH: (Sneaking up on me) It's all gone!

The orange-haired chick whom I nearly mistook as a mannequin was working at True Religion Brand Jeans. She's renewed in the database.

I was passing by Red Robin when Evaine (whose name I mispell on purpose because it's unique and I don't want anymore unique-named people finding my journal - or horcrux), my server last time, told me to come in some time after 5:00PM for the next few nights. She seems nice. As sleazy as it may be, I think I will befriend her just to get to her old coworker Jazz (which was already the point of befriending Dennis and Branden, but this just reinforces it more). I later saw her with friends outside of Tilly's looking over the railing as if they were scouting for someone.

By happenstance, I saw Carissa from Hot Topic, in a cute beret, as an everyday person for a change carrying two huge shopping bags, going down the elevator - How cute. She takes the elevator instead of the escalators - and walking into the Disney store. How cute. She likes Disney.

I went to the mall in the next city to the west. I tried on some Vibram Five Fingers at Sports Chalet. The chick helping me out was a shoulder-length, blonde-haired chick whose name tag read: Amanda. In an OCD way, I noticed she parts her hair in the left. She's tall for a chick, but shorter than me like above average chicks should be. Interestingly, she also showed me something called toe socks. Alas, the style of Vibram Five Fingers that I was interested in was unavailable in my size. But for the sake of nothing going to waste, she's in my database.

Back in my stomping grounds, the Adele look-alike was working at the i Play & Talk kiosk. She's renewed in the database. Then I was at Spencer's. There was this blond chick, hair tucked behind her ears, wearing diamond earings, an orange and navy blue striped blouse, dark jeans, and high-heeled boots that brought her almost to my height. Out of boredom, I reached down for some victory yoinks while staring at her just because I can.

I did half an hour of cardio at the gym.

Kunai throwing = (in a Mortal Kombat's Scorpion tone of voice) "Get over here!"

Men in Black 3 has a trailer up.

I caught up with Andy at that Hickory Farms kiosk. Security tried to hassle him about keeping the kiosk's trash cans concealed within, but he's not allowed to keep trash with food stock due to health codes. He's in a tough spot.

Dana was working at Lush. At one point she wore this headband of stuffed antlers. Cute.

I came home to watch a new episode of Glee and caught a little of the WWE's special Tribute to the Troops afterward, but then returned to the mall when Mommy wanted to have dinner at In-N-Out burger.

You Got Caged

I had a couple of weird dreams last night. 1) I was navigating with a map of a fictional representation of my city, which included a beach. 2) I was making out with my grade school classmate, Sherry. End of dreams.

Ah, today was a great day in front of the boob tube, or rather the new boob tube since after all, as the new cliche goes, internet killed television. Late last night, I watched the Amir Khan vs Lamont Peterson Boxing match from last Saturday. This marks the second non-Manny Pacquiao Boxing match that I've watched, so little by little I'll be able to call myself more than a casual Boxing fan.

I started watching the Mortal Kombat: Legacy Youtube series.

The trailer for Spartacus: Vengeance is up.

The Americana had fake snow falling, blasted from devices on the rooftops, at approximately 8:00PM. The Hickory Farms kiosk was handing out samples of fudge for the first time.

I drank all of Teavana's free samples again.

Former WWE Superstar Chyna is now working as an escort. Her rates are $3,500 for the first hour, $1,500 each additional hour, $10,000 for twenty four hours, or $20,000 for a weekend. Source: BodyBuilding.com.

On a related note, I ended the night with WWE RAW. 1) Road Dogg Jesse James returned to present a Slammy Award. I rank him in the caliber of greatest Superstars to have never held the WWE/World Championship alongside Jake "The Snake" Roberts, Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat, "The British Bulldog" Davy Boy Smith, "Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig, and Razor Ramon. 2) Kane returned with the mask.

Mommy brought El Pollo Loco home for dinner.

I learned a new word: Kiosk

Mommy woke me up to go to Church at noon. She had already gone in the morning. I went back to sleep. Closer to noon, mommy, in the other room, called my cellular phone to tell me again. I went.

I watched the UFC 140 fights from last night online.

At the mall, the Adele look-alike was working at the i Play & Talk vendor booth-- Oops, I mean kiosk - a new term that I learned when I looked it up back in November 16 (according to my web browser's history). She was working at the i Play & Talk kiosk. Interestingly, the alternate location across the street that she sometimes works at is spelled as "iPlay N Talk."

Mommy and I ate dinner at Cheesecake Factory. I had my usual Steak Diane and Chicken Madeira combo with raspberry lemonade, but the difference this time is that I actually finished it whereas I usually take the side of mashed potatoes home. AND mommy and I split a seasonal Peppermint Bark cheesecake whereas we're usually too full to eat dessert.

Highlight: A waitress filled in for this black dude waiter that was serving at the tables around us. She was the cutest white chick I've seen in a while, only rivaled by the chick whom I nearly mistook as a mannequin at True Religion Brand Jeans. (See entry 11/30/11.) Her brown hair was tied up and she had the nicest smile, and she smiled a lot. She was short and in between healthily skinny and healthily chubby. Age range is probably late 20s. I so need her in my database.

Too bad she wasn't our server. Our waitress was just some aight looking chick whose name starts with a "J." I wasn't paying attention as I was too busy staring at her jackoffable coworker.

"Bye, beautiful."

Today was a long day, the accomplishment of which made me feel like a rockstar. I met with the one who insists to be code-named "Choir Boy" outside of my Top Rocking class, though he was ultimately too tired to do any classes himself.

"CHOIR BOY": You're late.
RYAN: This is what I think. [Pantomimes jerking motions to the lower body.]

Yes, it's a running gag between us. I was further late after discovering that, due to the Christmas party, the studio had been rearranged and I was lost looking for my class. Although, Eric and Bop were the only ones there when I finally found it, so by default I was still early.

In the coffee room where all the couches and chairs had been replaced by a Christmas tree, I forget what "Choir Boy" and I were talking about when Jojo walked out of the restroom and greeted me.

JOJO: Doesn't he have a genuine spirit?
"CHOIR BOY": Not really. He's my Martial Arts instructor.
JOJO: You do Martial Arts?

That scene ended with her telling me, "Bye, beautiful." Cue the flashback: I don't remember being called "beautiful" since Yolie, someone I used to bust a #3 to back in college, referred to my face and hair as such via a comment on ancient Myspace.

Outside, I got to see "Choir Boy"'s BMW in actual working condition for the first time. He drove off. Jojo was sitting by herself on a bench, so I mentioned this was the last time I'll see her in a month-and-a-half. (I leave for the Philippines in eleven days, the studio goes on break after next week, but she'll be out of town.) She blew me a kiss. She has an old spirit about her. I don't remember the last time I saw someone blow kisses in real life, as in outside of TV or movies.

I rushed home, took a shower, ate, and thought I was a bad ass arriving earlier than usual to a PWG show ... until I noticed it didn't make a difference. I probably wouldn't have gotten in if it weren't for some dude named Gil and a chick named Jessica from the pre-sale line offering to sell a ticket that was originally for their friend who no-showed. Of the regular homies, only Samantha, Dan, and Cliff showed up. Everyone else was at home watching UFC 140 and Boxing.

1) Super Dragon came out of retirement. 2) B-Boy had a surprise return. 3) The debut of DICK TOGO ... who was unfortunately retiring and this was just a part of his retirement tour.

Chris Bauer said what's up to me. That's always a bragging right due to many people I know being True Blood nerds.

The cameraman from the NWA tapings last week snuck up on me to check if I was wearing my Taylor Swift shirt. Yes, I was.

The chick who usually wears a flower on her ear is renewed in the database. The chick that Chad and I both share in the database was present as well. There was also the chick who's usually at the taco truck at the same time that I am. Although, today I had a hot dog from a nearby vendor for a change. After the show, I was speaking to that chick, Shannon. Unfortunately, she became less jackoffable when she couldn't even pronounce Taka Michinoku's name. (On a related note, he along with tonight's star, Togo, were in Kaientai together.)

Highlight of the night: a pitcher of Sam Adams Winter Lager on tap. Runner up: Steak, scrambled eggs, hash browns, pancakes, and coffee at Norm's.

Tonight we are young, so let's set the world on fire. We can burn brighter than the sun.

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We built this city on rock & roll

I did a quick database run at the mall. Carissa was working at Hot Topic. It feels cool to finally give her a name after about a year of having to refer to her as just the manager. She was wearing a white headband in a retro 1980s sort of way and it seems like she took a curling iron to her ponytail. As a bonus, Dana was working at Lush.

In the next city to the west, Candice - whom for a year I had to refer to as the fellow [Harry]Potterhead until discovering her name as well recently - was working at that Hot Topic. I walked by in a hurry and she waved to me, though she thought I didn't see her. (Big gasp!) Just when I admit that Carissa's smiling demeanor was stealing me away as the chemistry had not been the same between Candice and me, unlike when we first had a conversation over my Hermione shirt a year ago, she cares enough to wave as I'm rushing by.

And then it was time for business. At the AMC 16 across the street, I saw The Muppets at 4:05PM, then snuck into Breaking Dawn: the Twilight Saga at 6:00PM, and packed my 3D glasses for The Immortals at 8:10PM.

Baloney, fudge & mustard! My life is being ruined by the Internet! I haven't flipped out this bad since my mom cancelled my subscription to Warcraft!

Can't Hardly Wait was playing on TV. Ah, that takes me back. Peter Facinelli, or Dr. Carlisle from Twilight, today looks nothing like when he was younger.

At the mall, that chick who was more jackoffable as a blond before dying her hair dark brown, though the dark brown is slowly starting to grow on me, was working at Waba Grill Teriyaki House. The Adele look-alike was working at the "i Play & Talk" vendor booth. I noticed that when she's working at the location across the street, that one is spelled as "iPlay N Talk." She's renewed in my database. I also snuck past my stalker when walking by Hot Topic.

I helped mommy at the laundromat and then ate dinner at In-N-Out.

Real Thanksgiving

That chick who was more jackoffable as a blond before dying her hair dark brown, though the dark brown is slowly starting to grow on me, was working at Waba Grill Teriyaki House. At the Americana, that jackoffable orange-haired chick, whom I almost mistook as a mannequin last Wednesday, was working at True Religion Brand Jeans. (See entry 11/30/11.) She's renewed in the database.

I watched a new episode of Glee over leftovers of El Pollo Loco as an appetizer, though for mere mortals it would've been a full dinner.

My mommy brought home some somewhat-tempura yams (and fish filet, wanton, fries, and coleslaw, but all I've been asking for were tempura yams) and - with leftover turkey, turkey stuffing, and cranberry sauce from Thanksgiving almost two weeks ago - finally had what I call my real Thanksgiving dinner! (Thanksgiving dinner this year was bush league with the absence of turkey stuffing, made worse with the consistent absence of tempura yams.)

Autistic?

I went to the gym late last night. The teacher, Dave, who celebrated his Birthday party last Saturday, spotted me on the sidewalk, claiming my "walk" is distinctive from a mile away. Past midnight, I was the first to greet him an official Happy Birthday. He also admitted that he wonders if I'm autistic because he can't figure me out. For some weird reason that actually made my day. In the gym, I saw Dennis in the locker room. He said he stays in the sauna for an hour to an hour-and-a-half. Yikes! But he showers beforehand and brings a bottle of water inside with him, so I guess that helps. And then I caught up on my Capoeira, preparing for a return to said martial art, and topped it off with bench presses, pull ups, dips, my personal combination of bicep curls and Arnold presses, handstands, and abdominal exercises.

I had a dream where the dogs visited me. End of dream.

I practically did a double shift at the gym as I woke up, ate breakfast, and went back to run on the treadmill for an hour. The machine says I burned 706.1 calories at 6.08 miles. Or something like that. That's, as they say on the streets, "Boss!"

I ended the night with WWE RAW. Mommy brought El Polo Loco home for dinner.

Backstage

I had a dream where the birds visited me. End of dream.

I went to a free NWA taping today on the border of my town and Matt's town, the same border that Matt lives on, though he's in Japan for the next year. I was on my way to the back of the long ass line that curved around the building when my old pro-wrestling buddy Caesar, who has some kind of higher up role in the company, spotted me and told me to follow him. Hence, I got a good seat inside before anyone was let in. Then I saw my old buddy, Dane, a former pro-wrestler, for the first time in years. I got to meet his wife and 13-month-old son, Dane, Jr.

RYAN: That's so cool she was cool with [naming him after you]!
DANE: Yeah, so even if she decides to leave me, she's still stuck with me.

And then when everyone was let inside while I was still in the long line for the single toilet restroom, after the drainage of urine, Caesar let me bypass everyone again by sneaking me through the backstage where all the wrestlers were out-of-character and through the wrestlers' entrance ramp to get back to my seat. It reminded me of that scene in Neil Gaiman's American Gods where Norse god, Odin, and the protagonist go "backstage," or beyond being perceived by mortal senses, to escape bad guys.

CAMERAMAN: Do you check out the PWG shows?
RYAN: Yeah.
CAMERAMAN: Do you wear a Taylor Swift shirt?
RYAN: (Laughing) Yeah.
CAMERAMAN: Do you do that on purpose?
RYAN: Yeah, I do. I have a theme where I'll wear the most emasculating shirt at the most testosterone-fueled events.
CAMERAMAN: It's clever! People will recognize you because you know no one else will have that shirt while there's, like, eighty people wearing the new CM Punk shirt.

I snuck into Church in the afternoon at the last few minutes so that mommy would believe I was there the whole time. The jackoffable chick who helps serve Communion is renewed in my database.

Mommy and I picked up my new glasses at the mall. They're red for a change. It turns out that what I've erroneously been referring to as "Waba Teriyaki Grill" this whole time is actually called "Waba Grill Teriyaki House." We ate dinner at Waba Grill Teriyaki House, finally trying it for the first time. Unfortunately, the chick who was more jackoffable as a blond before she dyed her hair dark brown, though the dark brown is slowly starting to grow on me, wasn't working. I had a Steak-Chicken plate with raspberry iced tea. It was all right, but mommy wishes we went to Cheesecake Factory instead.

We had dessert at Pinkberry. Mine was a mini-sized pomegranate flavor with toppings of pomegranate seeds, mochi, and blueberries while mommy got mango flavor with mango toppings.

Her lips are soft

What a tight schedule today. I went to guitar practice at 12:30PM, which was rescheduled from yesterday. Vahik saw I was burned out from the eight-page Paco de Pena song. We went over some old stuf before finally settling on The Chantays' Pipeline.

Then it was time for Top Rocking. Always the highlight of my week. Afterward, sweaty girls would walk by us as they greeted Eric.

ERIC: All these girls are walking by like, "I'm so wet." Is that an invitation? [Kneels forward, teasing thrusting action.]

Then I saw that chick Jojo. It was time for coffee at the lounge. I reacquainted myself with her.

JOJO: How old are you?
RYAN: (Pause.) [Censored.]
JOJO: ... Are you lying?
RYAN: No.

She mentioned I could pass for nineteen years old. ("That's going on the resume!") Anyway, she's from Massachusetts. She had a hard time believing I was born and raised here. She was probably just doped up from exhaustion induced by her dancing, but she said I was "so funny," had a "genuine spirit," and eventually called me "the coolest guy." After admitting I enjoyed Ballet, but had no idea how to tie my hair into a ball, she thought my long hair was cool. As I was leaving, she offered to hug and kissed me on the cheek, saying, "Bye, love." Her lips are soft.

At the mall, I got more free samples from Hickory Farms. Then I sampled every tea at Teavana. The chick who looked more jackoffable as a blond before dying her hair dark brown - but is still slowly starting to grow on me - was working at Waba Teriyaki Grill. The Adele look-alike was working at the iPlay & Talk vendor booth. She's renewed in the database. I was procrastinating going to the Birthday party of Dave, the teacher (not to be confused with the rockstar or the bartending classmate), when I was heading toward the stairwell in the parking lot and I saw an old friend - a guy named Chris (albeit the millionth "Chris" I've met) who used to work at Hot Topic during the Holiday season last year and whom I added on Facebook so I could look at his cute coworkers' pages. I'll refer to him as CB from now on to avoid confusion. He was carrying his dog.

RYAN: What's the doggy's name?
CB: Benji.
RYAN: Did you name it after you?
CB: Yeah. Why not? It's like my kid.

I finally made my way to Dave's Birthday "party" - or, rather, a total of a few people showing up out of pity. Most of them were his high school students twelve or fourteen years ago. The bartender and this cholo looking dude played probably the best Pool I've seen live. I drank an Adios Motherfucker and Long Island Iced Tea.

BARTENDER: (Referring to Long Island Iced Tea) Is it strong?
RYAN: Yeah, it's good.
BARTENDER: No, it's not! I saw your face! [Imitating what he thought was my disapproving face.]

It actually was strong. I was merely just acclimating to the new taste as I don't remember when was the last time I tried a Long Island Iced Tea. He later gave me an extra cup of Long Island Iced Tea without asking for one.

DAVE: I guess you're his homie now.

Dinner was chicken, meatballs, bread, macaroni salad, potato salad, salad, and a cake of cupcakes shaped into a Christmas tree.

DAVE: I can tell your buzzed.

Oh yeah, there was this one chick who stayed briefly - a thirty-something-year-old with short, bottle-blond hair whose nipples left an imprint on her shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra. She's in my database.

I love a girl with low self esteem

I had a few weird dreams last night: 1) My circle of friends who usually rendezvous in Anaheim were rambunctiously running out of a mall. I think arlene was the last one out as Chris was taking his time with fancy footwork, which I imitated. But then everyone was running around with fancy footwork, whereas mine was more Top Rocking, as if we were in a musical whereas. Some random blond kid then started doing head spins. I battled him with what was supposed to be windmills, but instead became Top Rocking into a six-step and into a kip-up. 2) After failing to hold it up, a giant ball rolled down from its platform and onto a bridge, Raiders of the Lost Ark style, and turned into a giant, jelly-like orange baby running in place. 3) The escalators at some store reminiscent of IKEA were so steep that it felt like a free fall roller coaster. 4) Someone, possibly Kyle, was a chef and offered my mommy some clam chowder. But when there was no clam chowder for me, i said, "Well, fuck you too." 5) I was watching pro-wrestling bloopers live. Independent pro-wrestler, Chippy Sanchez, whom I think is in jail in real life for having sex with a minor, came out to the ring with Eminem's Lose Yourself as his entrance music. I thought it would've been independent pro-wrestler, Street Style. End of dreams.

Since Jolee's Breakin' classes were cut and I had one more class on my dance card that I didn't want to go to waste, I checked out Beginning Hip Hop at 6:00PM. I saw this chick, Jojo, whom I first met a month ago at the main dance studio I go to for Top Rocking. (See entry 11/5/11.) She looked better not sweaty and with her hair down under a panda-designed beenie. She's renewed in the database. I didn't get to talk to her, though, as I thought I would be late for my class ... only for it to start fifteen minutes late. I thought the teacher would be a chick with a name like "Nicky," but it was a dude. Good news, though: the young, white chick from Jolee's last class was there. (See entry 11/17/11.)

RYAN: What's your name?
SIDNEE: Sidnee.
RYAN: Ryan.
SIDNEE: I'm sure I'll see you around.

Sweet! Now I can scream it out loud.

I stopped by the place of the one who insist to be code-named "Choir Boy." I was a ninja as I stood at the bottom of the stairs leading to the garage, watching him obliviously pass me by, following behind him as he walked all the way to the sidewalk, and stood there wondering where I was. Today's FMA lesson: 1) Parries and counter-punches, 2) Backhanded parries and counter-punches, and 3) Joint lock flow drill. (Only seven joint locks today.) Mimosas, beer and chicken broth with veggies dinner while watching an animated Justice League movie was cool.

Then it was time for Richard's Birthday at the Casting Office. Ah, drama. Richard's girlfriend Megan was mad at Richard for talking to this new girl Lilian for over an hour. It turned out that Richard was telling Lilian the while time how he was in love with his girlfriend Megan.

MEGAN: I found out that [Richard] had a threesome with my best friend and her husband. I didn't find out until six months after we got together.
RYAN: When I had a threesome, it was with two girls.
MEGAN: That's how you're supposed to do it! Who does it with a boy and a girl?

Suddenly, Megan is bad ass. Lilian felt sad, thinking them fighting was her fault. So I talked to her. I love a girl with low self esteem. My story of how strippers used to vent to me their locker room drama prompted Lilian to tell me her story of being twelve years old and getting beaten up in her school's locker room. She also vented how she still feels like an outsider.

LILIAN: (Hoping I'd say, "Yes," in a misery-loves-company sort of way) Do you still ever feel like an outsider?
RYAN: No.
LILIAN: I can't even get people to have lunch with me! You'd have lunch with me, right?

Mental note: The corner of Van Nuys and Roscoe, around the Michael's area. Bad news: She has a boyfriend. Good news: At this point, that might not be a problem. Anyway, I told her about my stalker at Hot Topic and how she seems pissed off, partly in a jealous sort of way, ever since I had Nataly walk into Hot Topic with me. Lilian approved it as a good revenge.

Meanwhile, there was an illusion at one point where Megan was kissing on Bahman's neck.

BAHMAN: Oh yeah, I made out with Megan.
RYAN: I was wondering if I was supposed to say something!
BAHMAN: Oh, it's OK. Richard was there. I was like, "Hey, Richard, look!" [Imitating Richard looking away and then himself going for Megan.]

Bahman ended the night making out with this cougar, whom I would've personally needed beer goggles for. Highlight: I tried a new IPA called Pitch Black.

I went home and busted a #3 to Sidnee and Lilian.

I'm The Only One

Well, returning to movie hopping was a fail as only two of the movies I want to see are currently at the AMC 16 and I only go for a minimum of three movies - paying for one, sneaking into at least two.

I helped mommy at the laundromat and then ate dinner at In-N-Out. While eating, Nataly - my first FMA student ... who unfortunately had the proverbial two left feet - appeared behind my mommy on the other side of the window, trying to get my attention. I hunted her down at the Americana afterward, but she got the drop on me. We discussed how chicks never looked at me twice until the Twilight movie came out. She referred to her guy friend as "Edward." He screamed in agony at being compared to an emo.

I went to the gym late at night.

Rated PG company, WWE, accidentally distributes shirt with an accurately detailed Penis on its design

WWE accidentally distributed their new Sin Cara shirt until noticing (whether as a bad joke) that there was a penis on the design and immediately discontinuing it, insisting on refunding everyone who ordered it! I can't stop laughing hysterically.

I watched last night's Glee online.

I went to Jamba Juice at the Americana for $1 Oatmeal Wednesdays. But on the way there, I randomly walked into the True Religion Brand Jeans store. I was staring at what I thought was a mannequin when I got freaked out as the "mannequin" suddenly smiled at me. But aside from the almost pale skin, holy crap, this was the cutest orange-haired chick I've seen in a while. She was shorter than me like all cute chicks should be. Her eyes were a shade of either green or blue. And she had a hoop nose ring on the left bridge. (Mental note: the only name of jeans that I comprehended her telling me about was the new "chain link" style.) She is so in the database.

Anyway, I tried the apple cinnamon topping today on my $1 oatmeal.

I ended the night with a new episode of The Ultimate Fighter.

Schism of 1054

I went to the gym.

Dana was working at Lush. I finally walked in to inquire if there was any type of conditioner made with no alcohol. But Dana was busy with other customers and I was pressed for time. Cock block. I had to ask some other worker since I had already walked in. Ah well. Dana's still renewed in the database.

Mommy and I ate at Thai BBQ for dinner - Pad Thai, chicken, and Tom Yum Goong soup. And of course Thai Iced Tea for me. The waiter always translates the generic parts of the names to Tagalog. Funny.

I saw Johnny at the mall ... and then later at the Americana across the street because that wolfpac telepathy has us traveling on the same paths. Apparently her was high on Black Friday and planned to steal video games, but ended up stealing a toilet seat!

I ended the night with a live episode of WWE Smackdown.

Cyber Monday

I had a dream last night that the dogs visited me. End of dream.

I went shopping for gloves today at the mall. I hit up JC Penney, Macy's, Express, and Boarders. I'll probably get the leather ones at JC Penney's. I did hit up Hot Topic, though, despite my stalker being there. But I avoided her by strategically having my back turned the whole time as I browsed through the small selection of mittens. Holy crap, this book-nerd-looking new cashier, who looked normal when I first saw her about a month ago, is visibly pregnant now. She's not ugly, but she's the last chick I ever expected would get knocked up.

The Adele look-alike was working at the iPlay N Talk vendor booth, this time at the Americana location across the street. She was bending over to look for something. She has a nice bend, perfect for hypothetical situations, you know.

I ended the night with WWE RAW.

Buy one, get one free

Cousin Andree had her Birthday lunch at A&W Seafood.

I hit up the nearby Northridge mall afterward. I can't believe the dudes from the Christian clothing store actually remember me. Next to it was a Hickory Farms kiosk. I got more free samples. Highlight: At that Hot Topic, I saw independent pro-wrestler Nikki, whom I last saw Boxing at the secluded gym lil' Jon invited me to train at one time. (See entry 4/23/11.) She says she doesn't work in SoCal anymore. She's in the database out of nostalgia.

I returned to the Jewel City to hit up a "Buy One, Get One Free" sale at Foreign Exchange in the mall. However, pressed for time, but showing off my discipline, I hit up the gym beforehand. Although, the mall had a special closing time of 9:00PM. (Normally, the mall closes at 7:00PM on Sundays.) I ended up still at the store after closing time, taking my time in the dressing room. I bought a new coat and a vest, both of which would normally break three digits in price, but not with the "Buy One, Get One Free" sale.

At the Americana, the Adele look-alike was working at that location's iPlay N Talk vendor booth. She's renewed in the database.

At Barnes & Noble, I was looking at a Men's Health book of fifteen-minute workouts when the security guard recommended a Men's Health diet book. I have to admit, the latter may be more valuable knowledge. But applying the instruction of both books, one would look like - as they say in British slang - the sex! Oh, and the ethnically ambiguous Monica is renewed in the database.

You can get with this or you can get with that

I returned to Top Rocking today. We rocked to Black Sheep's The Choice Is Yours. Anti-authority was in full effect as we ignored the staff's five-minute warning and went overtime for a couple of minutes as they and the Lockin' teacher, who was scheduled to teach next, helplessly looked on. Eric at one point joked about how my improvised grapevine was in the music video for the song. In the end, he jokingly yelled at me - "I need more from you! You're the frontrunner!" - and then pushed Bop to confidently get more in the center. ("And I need you to get in there!")

In the lounge getting coffee afterward, there was this jackoffable french girl - long, curly blond hair, though with an almost-Jewish nose - dressed in gray sweat pants and a pink hooded sweater in a Hip Hop sort of way. She and her accent are in my database. Although I'll admit the only type of sex I'll ever have with a french girl is anger sex due to the hate crimes committed against Americans in france. And by "Americans," I mean me.

I went to Church, which is rare for me on a Saturday, because mommy told me to as we'll be busy for cousin Andree's Birthday tomorrow. I saw independent pro-wrestler The Awesome Plague, or Shannon as he untraditionally introduced himself by his real name when I last saw him. (See entry 1/30/11.)

At the mall, I got more free samples at Hickory Farms. The dude introduced himself as Andy. He's only been living in California for two months, originally from the Bronx - which I've suspected due to his accented pronunciation of "cheddar" - and looks white despite a Spanish parent. He mentioned how a wannabe wing-man once tried to introduce them both to girls as stuntmen, which didn't work, but is impressed that I can actually say it. He also told me of an old school Filipino singer/guitarist named Freddie Aguilar whose song Anak is "the best song in the world."

At Barnes & Noble, the ethnically ambiguous Monica stood next to me as I was kneeling down, checking out books on a lower shelf, as if she wanted me to orally copulate her. But later on, as I was skimming through Jujitsu books after the store was already closed and she found me hiding ...

MONICA: You know we're closed, right?
RYAN: I was waiting for you to say something.
MONICA: Oh, it's 11:04, so we're past closed. But thanks.

We spoke! That's, like, verbal sex!

But in a perfect world, she would've added to her last sentence, "But thanks ... for waiting for me to say something," followed by cheesy dialogue that would've had her leading me to an empty spot since the store was closed and bow chicka wow wow ...

At home, I busted a #3 to Becca from yesterday. (See entry 11/25/11.)

What Happens at the Party

I went to the mall shortly after 2:00AM. The manager was working at Hot Topic. I bought two WWE shirts - John Cena's new "Rise Above Hate" and CM Punk's "Best in the World" - at a "buy one get one half off" deal and a True Blood shirt on clearance at $4.99. AND the store was passing out random cards with scratch-able surfaces, mine revealing that I received an additional 15% off. I spent a little under 40%. At some point, the music in the sound system changed.

MANAGER: Hey, who changed the music!
RYAN: [Laughs for moral support.]
MANAGER: [Rolls eyes at whoever changed the music to acknowledge my moral support.]

The cashier, a good kid, was apparently taking a little too long that the manager, like a boss, told him and the other that transactions are to take only a minute. She seems like the type who'd be on top in a hypothetical horizontal situation. Finally, after over a year of not having a name tag on whenever I checked for one, she wore one today and it read "Carissa." I am so happy to have something to scream out.

I apologized to the kid in case it was my numerous questions that took too long and he waved it off as if it was nothing, like in an anti-authority manner.

This chick named Evaine, who was my sever at Red Robin earlier this month, was shopping there as well. (See entry 11/4/11.) She tried to see if I remembered her.

YVAINE: I was the one who said your eyes were nice.

She told me to come by the Red Robin at around 5:00PM when her shift starts, but I'm going to be finishing Thanksgiving leftovers for a while before I decide to go out to eat again. Apparently she's been working there for four years, but I would've never seen her because she had more of a lesser seen position until recently. But that tenure would also mean that would know Jazz. Maybe I should befriend her.

As I was leaving, the alarm rang. Great! a chance to talk to the manager ... er, I mean, Carissa.

MANAGER/CARISSA: You bought shirts, right? Let me make sure they didn't leave a sensor on.

It turns out that the cashier did and she scolded him for it. Poor emo anti-authority kid.

MANAGER/CARISSA: Sorry about that.
RYAN: So what time is everyone on this shift here 'til?
MANAGER/CARISSA: [Sigh.] Until when it's no longer busy ... which is the whole day!

We talked! Score!

The Adele look alike was working at the iPlay & Talk vendor booth, with her hair tied up in a ball looking like she just got out of bed. One can say it was like "pajama hair." She's renewed in the database.

Before going home, I got some more free samples from the Hickory Farms vendor space before the dude was supposed to be even allowed to start giving away free samples. Cool.

I drove home as the sun was coming up, Motorcycle's As the Rush Comes playing in my head. The sky reminded me of how I used to drive home from a rave. I went to bed at 6:00AM.

Late afternoon, on the way to Sport Authority in the neighboring city to the west, I visited that city's mall. I walked into the Hot Topic there (which unless otherwise noted refers to the branch in my local territory). Candice, formerly nicknamed a butterface and then later a fellow [Harry]Potterhead for about a year before I finally learned her name a couple of weeks ago, was working. I guess Carissa, formerly known as just the manager of the branch in my local territory until I finally learned her name at around 4-5:00AM this Black Friday morning, is slowly stealing me away as she smiles more while Candice nowadays is filled with more apathy whenever I see her. On the bright side, I learned a new song as it was blasted on the sound system: LMFAO's What Happens at the Party.

I walked by the Hickory Farms vendor space a few feet down when the bottle redhead with glasses from the last time, wearing a ponytail today, remembered me and reached her hand out. (See entry 11/16/11.) She remembered my name ... but was enthusiastic when I remembered hers - Becca. And then she made the following reference as she was giving me free samples:

BECCA: ... But you're a werewolf. You'll eat anything.
RYAN: Wait, did I say I was a werewolf last time? Or did you just guess that?
BECCA: No. I'm just good at guessing things!

Unfortunately, Sports Chalet had no sales on Vibram Five Fingers, nor did Sport Authority a few miles away.

I returned to my territory as it's mall was closing. Holy crap! The Adele look-alike, who opened this morning ... was still there for closing! How did she sleep?

At the Americana, walking out of Barnes & Noble were old friends who were two years my junior from high school: Armand, Marius (both of whom I was in Choir with), Josselle, and Cas. Armand still calls me "RyanMan." I love it.

I went to the gym late at night. On my way home, Dave (the teacher), saw me as he was driving around in his truck because he's rather do that than sleep early.

Throwing Down On Some Pie

I made some last minute additions, like a grownup, buying key lime pie and banana cream pie at Ralph's as well as chicken boillon and a bag of ice that did not fit in our freezer.

Everyone in the family showed up to our house for Thanksgiving with the exceptions of cousin-in-law Ameil, who had to work; baby now 10-year-old Matthew (not to be confused with THE Matthew, who's studying in Japan for the next year), who's in San Diego for some reason; and anyone else who lives in the Philippines. Mommy invited tita Lina.

I overheard mommy talking to tita Lina about trying to hook me up with this chick named Adriana who was at that modeling gig I did a month ago. (See entry 10/23/11.) I mean, on a positive note, I actually busted a #3 to that chick. But, urgh ... Mommy's actually at that phase where she's trying to initiate the courting system for me? (By the way, the courting system, last practiced last century, basically preceded the current dating system, but was still relevant in the Philippines not too long ago when my mommy was growing up.) Not cool!

And baby Tristan is so adorable as we discovered banana cream pie may now be his favorite.

Now I'm getting ready to hit up the mall at midnight for the pseudo holiday known as Black Friday.

Shorty is a Eenie Meenie Miney Mo Lover

I finally got to bust a #3 to that chick with an undeterminable accent at the craps table last Friday night in Las Vegas, who was totally oblivious that her nice nipples had popped out of her blouse while everyone silently laughed. (See entry 11/18/11.) Although, in retrospect, the accent was probably English, which is what I had to nickname her for the sake of something to scream out while finishing. "Engliiiiiiiish!"

The Adele look-alike was working at the iPlay & Talk vendor booth. She's renewed in my database.

I drank up Teavana's free samples. Again.

I got more free samples at the Hickory Farms vendor space again. The difference is that Hickory Farms is nice enough to insist that I come back to try something new everyday, whereas I have to be a ninja about it at the more hostile Teavana.

At Hot Topic, there's this new chick named Skylar who had turquoise hair when I first saw her about a month ago. It's brown now. She's aight in a subtle way.

Highlight: The sound system was playing Justin Bieber and Sean Kingston's Eenie Meenie. Suddenly, someone yelled, "This is my song!" I turned around out of curiosity. The manager had just walked in and it was most likely her. And then in an alternate reality, I was improvising a routine to what dancers call the 8 Count, performing for her in a rated PG stripper sort of way - if such a thing exist. I awoke in real life where she was renewed in the database as she walked by me and disappeared into the break room.

At Barnes & Noble, the ethnically ambiguous Monica had dyed her hair black, still rocking her pink geek chick glasses. The black hair looks OK on her. She just really needs to have a salon finally fix her hair out of that phase of being a weird shape, barely long enough to tie/clip back and too short to do anything else with it.

I went to Ralph's and, like a grownup, bought macaroni and then cheese, which I plan to make into macaroni & cheese, a.k.a. mac & cheese, from scratch.

Ranhei: (noun) a somersaulting reverse clothesline legsweep into a cradle pin

I had a random dream that I was at Outback Steakhouse and the waitress there, Lindsay, had a long ponytail underneath her seemingly short, blonder hair. In real life, she has all short hair. Could my subconsciousness be wondering what she would look like with longer hair? I don't know. End of dream.

Mommy had a flat tire. But the good news is that she was having it repaired at a shop across the street from Rubio's, so I met up with her to eat some Mexican food. Afterward, at the Ralph's in the downstairs garage, I saw Danny, the front desk homie at the gym, who had seemingly finished his Thanksgiving shopping.

I had some more free samples at the Hickory Farms vendor space.

There was no new episode of Glee tonight, most likely due to the presumption that people won't be watching their televisions in preparation for the long weekend. Boo.

I saw Danny again at the gym. I did my new routine of five sets of five reps for compound exercises. Danny gave me the idea to have macaroni & cheese as part of Thanksgiving dinner. His family also starts Thanksgiving at 1:00PM, which I think is a good idea. I'll have to steal that one as well.

A Nice Welcome Back

I was finally able to bust a #3 to Melissa from the photo lab, which, due to either being too busy or the inconvenience of cold weather, was actually my first time doing that in November. Guess what? We're already twenty one days into November! I thought I'd be able to fit that one chick from Breakin' class last Thursday as well, but due to the layoff, my endurance was just gone and I was prematurely exploding nonstop for a good few seconds!

It was a nice welcome back for me in my stomping grounds. I walked by the Hot Topic and was able to simultaneously avoid eye contact with my stalker while glancing at the manager who was standing outside, looking chill leaning against the railings while giving a pep talk to some other employee. The manager's renewed in my database.

The chick at Waba Teriyaki Grill - who was more jackoffable as a blond, but is slowly becoming not too bad as a brunette - was working as well.

The Adele look-alike was working at the iPlay & Talk vendor booth. I was looking at her, talking to myself aloud - from a distance, of course - that I'd so jump all over her 1) just to spite any armenian supremacists who are overprotective about their females hooking up with other races and 2) because she's one of those who looks more Caucasian than Armenian. She looked up at me and I looked away. I don't think she could've heard me. I think.

Mommy and I shopped for new glasses. The cashier, who's Filipina, and my mommy spoke in Tagalog. I overheard the cashier say that I look like a model. Yay.

Dana was working at Lush Cosmetics. She's renewed in the database.

There's this black security guard at the Americana. He's recognized me for a while, but only today he told me his story: He's originally from New Orleans. His family survived Hurricane Katrina, as well as everyone killing each other over looting. His family found a total of $30K floating in the water and survived off of it traveling to Florida and finally making it to California. He was told to cut his hair upon becoming a security guard, but took off his hat to reveal to me that he actually ties his long hair up to the point of the illusion that it's shortly cut. Sincerely cool!

I ended the night with WWE RAW, having watched yesterday's WWE Survivor Series online earlier.

My ass needs to stretch after sitting for most of the day

I had my leftover Moonshine/Happy Ending for breakfast. I never thought I'd ever say that.

The ones code named "Choir Boy," "G," and I had brunch at an all-you-can-eat buffet at Primm Valley. I had three plates. Then we tried out the Aqua Massage. The last thing I heard before the attendant put the headphones over me was "Choir Boy" uncontrollably laughing, most likely due to the massage tickling his feet. The Burbank mall actually has these Aqua Massage things.

We were basically stalling because traffic back to Los Angeles wasn't even moving, perhaps due to a flood.

Dinner was at Taco Bell. "Choir Boy" accidentally admitted to being a Del Taco fan in front of the cashier whose name tag read, "Kaylee." I tried a crunch wrap for the first time.

I came home to mommy cooking me salmon. Then watched the UFC 139 fights from the night before online.

4Loko + Corzo + Moonshine/Happy Ending

The ones code named "Choir Boy," "G," and I had brunch at Chow King.

I finally debuted my vest that I had originally bought for that modeling gig where I was supposed to strut with it open and showing off my pectoral and abdominal muscles until that segment got cut. Dinner was at some Vietnamese place. There was a nice Mixed Martial Arts shop in the same parking lot.

I caught a Mardi Gras necklace.

At the shuttle stop, an older black woman was feeling my hair. Nothing new. Inside the shuttle, her two daughters sat behind "Choir Boy" and I. They're from Texas. It was so nice to meet black people who can admit that Manny Pacquiao won his "controversial" previous fight and that Juan Manuel Marquez merely "gave him a run for his money." Other than that, "Choir Boy" outed my ethnicity, which I like to keep strangers guessing to maintain my chameleon-esque mystique. Although, the younger sister claims to have suspected it. We parted ways at the shuttle stop outside of the Bally's hotel where they anxiously headed to get free patron shots while pretending to gamble.

"CHOIR BOY": Don't drink too much. Your mom's watching.
THEIR MOM: Mommy's drinking too!

At Planet Hollywood, the bar Blondie's was dumbfuckedly charging $40 (though with "all you can drink") to watch the UFC PPV. Fuck that as the PPV itself is $40 and therefore defeats the purpose of watching it in a bar. I instead bought a grape-flavored 4Loko and we split it. It was "Choir Boy's" first 4Loko.

I finally got to hit up my old stomping grounds of Coyote Ugly. I only paid $5 for the first time as someone was handing out coupons. But the crowd had changed. The barmaid was, despite being a black chick, nowhere near as sassy as her predecessors. At all. The barmaid dancing on the counter at the back of the room was jackoffable, but she's not my Debbie. We each got Corzo shots and left.

On the way back to the hotel, I got some Moonshine mixed with something called Happy Ending at the Miracle Mile shops.

Dinner was ox tail soup for "Choir Boy" and "G" while I was craving pancakes, eggs, and sausages.

"Vegas, baby! Vegas!"

I started the day with a quick database run at the mall because every second counts today. The Adele look-alike was working at the iPlay & Talk vendor booth. She looked cool with big headphones holding her hair back.

I finally finished that eight-page Paco de Pena song at guitar practice today, though I still need to polish it up.

And then I packed up because I had to pick up the one code-named "Choir Boy" on the way to meet with the one code-named "G." From there, "G" drove us Fast and Furious style to Las Vegas.

Dinner was the El Pollo Loco that my mommy packed for us. In the casino, we got free drinks while watching "G" gamble. I started off with an Incredible Hulk. I ended with a patron. At one point, our waitress was inconveniently missing as she was doing what I would label a "procrastination dance" on some walkway atop slot machines to Jennifer Lopez's Play.

Highlight of the night: Some chick with reddish hair that was wavy and layered - with an undeterminable accent, though it might've been English - was at the craps table rolling the dice ... and oblivious that her nice nipples had popped out of her blouse. I had a boner. The whole table was silently laughing. But I cannot wait to get home and bust a #3 to that chick. And I think as I was checking out her ass as she was leaving, she was wearing boots. Boots are cool.

I'm a freakin' ninja

I went to Jolee's intermediate Breakin' class today. He had been telling me not to worry so much about it being labeled "intermediate." I took a chance. He was right. Aside from one guy who could do windmills, I was the most talented student there! The chick to my left was young with long, brown hair that she at times was bold enough to leave untied. She had a little sister that was barely out of her toddler phase that was adorably failing, but not necessarily epic-failing, at every move.

Anyway, I made a breakthrough today when trying windmills. Being right-handed, the left arm remains vertical to the floor while the right remains horizontal to sort of pull, and together they should be a little higher from the gut, whereas throughout all these years I've been trying to maintain the elbow into my gut.

Jolee informed us that his class was getting cut and so we each gave him our contact info. I noticed that the chick to my left wrote down her sister's and her names as "Sidnee and Sunny" for the same contact info. Too bad I don't know which one's who. It's going to be weird screaming out loud, "Either Sidnee or Sunny" when I'm busting a #3 to the older sister.

In the parking lot at the mall, this blond chick who works as a hostess at Granville and whom I've busted a #3 to before walked by me and I could smell a trail of perfume. I got some more free samples at the Hickory Farms vendor space.

The cops actually weren't letting anyone into the Americana as it was overcrowded due to a tree-lighting ceremony. But I eventually found a way in by sneaking through emergency exits! I'm a freakin' ninja!

$1 Oatmeal

I picked up my headshots today at the photo lab. Bad news: Melissa wasn't working. I was greeted by that chick who had no idea how to put three images on one page when I first visited. Good news: I look so good in these headshots that they should be able to make heterosexual males second-guess their sexual orientation.

I finally got to watch Manny Pacquiao versus Juan Manuel Marquez, the most recent in their trilogy, online with some peace. When I watched it last Saturday in enemy territory, I had to deal with the inconvenience of hecklers. It was so damn orgasmic when Pacquiao had everyone around me shut up.

At the neighboring city's mall on the way home, Candice - Wow, I actually get to use her name for the first time after over a year of having to nickname her the butterface or [Harry]Potterhead (Harry Potter fan)! - was working at Hot Topic and is renewed in the database.

This mall had a Hickory Farms vendor space as well. The employee was a smiling, bottle-redhead with glasses. Her face was mediocre, but she tried to make her voice seductive as she gave me free samples. I guess that's worthy of getting her into the database.

At the Americana, I stopped by Jamba Juice to try out their Wednesday special of $1 oatmeal. On the way there, I saw Alex, my mommy's godson whose lawn we watered last summer while he was in Japan, sitting while waiting to see A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas. That oatmeal topped with brown sugar and berries & pecans was one of the best oatmeals I've ever had.

5 x 5

I tried something new at the gym: 5 sets of 5 reps of everything. It's something I read about in a magazine at Barnes & Noble last Sunday. Arnold Schwarzenegger used to do it.

Then it was time to drive back to the photo lab. That cute chick, Melissa, was able to pull off customizing my headshot as three images on one page! I've never seen a representation of myself so beautiful! In a perfect world, she would've been busting a #3 to me as she worked on it. I approved the design and have to come back tomorrow to pick up copies of the final product.

At the mall, that chick Vicki who works at Justice, having transferred from Hot Topic, was walking outside. I walked across from her in the other direction. She made a U-turn to get to my side, heading towards either the escalators or a place to eat. But it reminded me of how she used to report sightings of me to my stalker. Speaking of which, I was able to spot my stalker at Hot Topic and sneak pass when she wasn't looking.

The dude at the Hickory Farms vendor space noticed me from yesterday and gave me more free samples. Score.

The chick who works as a hostess at Outback Steakhouse, who resembles some pornstar, was randomly walking by. I saw her walk into Helzberg Diamonds. She's renewed in my database. I'm happy.

I got home in time for a new episode of Glee.

Reality and reality

I went back to the photo lab to hopefully find someone this time who can customize my headshot as three images on one page. Success! There was a more knowledgeable chick ... And she was cute. Her name's Melissa. She's got this Alice Cullen thing from Twilight going on as her hair's short, but subtly defined. She's in the database.

I stopped by the mall in the neighboring city (in relation to my home city) since it was on the way home. The fellow [Harry]Potterhead, whose name I only found out last week, was working at Hot Topic. She was working alone. I was browsing through the clearance section when I asked if I could try on a Harry Potter shirt. She let me into the dressing room. As the sound system blasted LMFAO's Sexy and I Know It, I improvised an exotic dancing routine in the mirror. Suddenly, she unlocked the door and boldly walked in. She wanted to watch. I gave her an impromptu lap dance. Then it was her turn, though she was intimidated by my werewolf body. And then I snapped out of it. The shirt fit fine, but really I just needed an excuse to talk to her, even if it was just, "Can I try this on?"

I stopped by my regular mall on the way home. The chick at Waba Teriyaki Grill - who was more jackoffable with blond hair that complimented her complexion better than her current dyed, dark brown hair - was working. I'm slowly starting to get used to it.

There's a Hickory Farms vendor space now for the Holidays. The employee gave me a sample of everything and told me to come back often since he'll be switching the samples everyday. Score!

Dana at Lush Cosmetics was working. Haven't seen her in a while. Her hair had some kind of product in it because it was shinier. It looked like a ponytail that was twisted until in naturally rolled up into a ball. She's renewed in my database.

I came home for WWE RAW, which took place in John Cena's hometown of Boston, Massachusetts. His dad's (John Cena, Sr.) promo shooting on the epidemic of trying-too-hard-to-be-cool male fans was epic!

"Viva la raza" - Eddie Guerrero (October 9, 1967 - November 13, 2005)

After Church, I went to the gym. In the recreational room, there was this Capoeirista named Jared. (Not to be confused with my homie Jared.) He says he originally trained in the east coast. But now that he lives here, he trains under a teacher who's mestre is Accordeon. I first heard about Accordeon years ago. People described him as "the gangster Santa Claus."

JARED: I've always known him to be jolly ...
RYAN: Jolly? There you go.

Mommy and I ate dinner at Outback Steakhouse. Her favorite waitress, Lindsay, was there. Lindsay's renewed in my database.

We stopped by Pinkberry afterward. I had a small sized Peppermint, which I asked to be made to look like the design displayed on their window. I think the toppings were two kinds of shaved chocolate and chocolate syrup. I think. Mommy had mango flavored topped with mango.

At Barnes & Noble, the security guard who's been familiar with me for a while, and who's of some kind of Latino descent, saw my Manny Pacquiao shirt.

SECURITY GUARD: You would wear that shirt!
RYAN: Well ...
SECURITY GUARD: I don't like you right now!

But that ethnically ambiguous Monica was there and is renewed in my database.

Enter the Duane, Return of the Gypsy

I had to miss Top Rocking class today, despite it usually being the highlight of my week. Why? Because I was at a free self defense seminar in LA. I ended up being the only person who showed up, though a little kid would join mid-class with his dad's permission. Due to my FMA background, the instructor, Duane, and his assistant, Art, were able to show me intermediate stuff. In no particular order:

• He says that the most valuable FMA drills in his opinion were sumbrada, numerado, and serrada. Everything is variations of those.
• In a knife fight: Triangulate backward instead of forward. And counter to the outside, rarely to the inside. (I had been triangulating forward and alternating between outside and inside.)
• Hold the knife like a flashlight (knuckles down) and close to the body, similar to how a fencer holds the saber.
• Common targets are eyes, throat, groin, and shins.
• Defensive stance has triceps horizontal to nose level to try to crush attacker's punches with elbows.
• When hair is grabbed, pin the attacker's grabbing hand first to prevent attacker's attempts at whip-lashing and then counter with what I already know. (One counter had my shin behind his ankle and then collapsing it into the concrete.)
• Clinching drills to fight for centerline: 1) Continuously countering a bearhug. 2) Trying to secure a Muay Thai clinch from the collar-and-elbow-tie-up.
• Countering a Muay Thai clinch by trapping over both hands and into a headbutt. (He executed his headbutts with feet together and bending knees to lower center of gravity.)
• Bearhug from behind can be countered by pulling feet up to lower center of gravity and then repeated groin slaps.
• Counter the rear naked choke by blocking the overlapping hand.

I rushed home to hit the showers before going to Charles' Billiards for the third Manny Pacquiao versus Juan Manuel Marquez fight. David from high school was there as always. (Not to be confused with rockstar David, bartending classmate David, nor the teacher Dave.) I was in enemy territory as tonight was a bar full of Mexicans with a small group of Filipinos at the end and me in he center, far from any possible backup. And then the proverbial shit hit the fan ... when Pacquiao won by majority decision!

The Filipinos had three white chicks with them. One of them, who had the cliche blond/blue eyes combo with long hair, is in my database for being a "minority" brave enough to cheer for the Pac-Man. And this Mexican chick with long black hair, who was annoying cursing the decision, is in my database out of spite.

Highlight of the night: I was chillin' with David when I started staring a hole through someone familiar until he finally noticed. His name's Gypsy. He was my first guitar teacher who eventually passed me onto Vahik, my current teacher.

GYPSY: Vahik's more classical than me. You can probably teach me a thing or two now.

He and his brother had no problem going against the grain (for them anyway) and cheering for Pacquiao. I found out that he was into Law before he even met me. He gave me a crash course to help make law school simpler as long as I think about it in the following terms:

• There is something outside you and I that allows us to exist. Some people call it air, God, Natural Law, etc.
• The Bible is more of a Law, Astrology, and Numerology book than a religious book.
• If you were to experience something Incomprehensible, along the lines of God, you might die. Hence, God's communication through the forms of angels, prophets, evangelists, and miracles.
• The phrase, "God made man in His image," is not to be taken literally. God can create out of nothingness, but so can man (i.e. airplanes), just not instantaneously. Therefore, the statement holds true.
• The created may accomplish greater things than the creator, but not be greater than the creator. For example: 1) Parents giving life. 2) The government cannot be greater than the people because without the people there would be no government.
• Everything in life is a contract. For example, "Hi. My name is ..." (Translation: Offer/Claim.) Shaking hands symbolizes acceptance of that offer/claim, as if saying, "I accept that you are who you say you are."
• There are four kinds of acceptances: 1) unconditional, 2) conditional, 3) silence, 4) defend yourself. The first two are considered honorable. The last are dishonorable and warlike.
• Example of conditional: An invited guest storms into your home and yells in front of everybody, "You're an idiot." You respond, "I'll accept your offer if you can explain how you yelling at me in front of everyone doesn't make you a bigger idiot."
• There are only three real laws: 1) Don't harm, 2) Don't destroy property, and 3) Don't commit fraud. All the 66 million laws, give or take, are variations of those three.
• In response to a professor at a law school open house who said, "My name is [Author's note: I forget]. I'm happy to be here. (Pause.) Do you believe me?" he would answer, "I acknowledge your existence and that you are who you say you are and that you are happy to be here because there is no evidence to dispute it.

RYAN: I'll admit, just a guilty pleasure, sometimes I'll carry my guitar around with me at the mall just for chicks to check me out.
GYPSY: My uncle's first lesson to me was: This [guitar] will get you laid.
RYAN: That was our first day of class!
GYPSY: And did it work?
RYAN: How funny would it be to get you for fraud if it didn't work!

I stopped by the teacher Dave's afterward because I was hungry and needed beer. He fixed me some cheddar rice, a somewhat modified Philly cheese steak with ketchup and jalapenos, and Sam Adams.