The guy who "stole" Christmas

I stopped by Church briefly before performing at the Christmas party at the place where I practice guitar. I was in semi-Gryffindor gear with the tie and sweater vest. As soon as I got there, they dropped the bomb on me that I have to cover Pipeline for someone who no-showed. As if that wasn't already a bad omen, Vahik required further changes. Further "Oh Shit" moment: I had to play an electric guitar for the first time! I lost track of what order, but I also played House of the Rising Sun, something that Vahik wrote, and Perfedia. I'm just glad I was able to switch to my regular guitar midway.

Basically, in terms of highlights, the random cougar, Kristen, whom I let into the database at the recital last year as affirmative action for not having enough cougars then was in the audience again. (See entry 12/19/10.) There was this animated chick who showed up later, claiming she's only called when they need labor. She was a natural blond who had this weird thing going on with her hair where it almost looked like a blended bowl cut, but it was actually shoulder length.

CHICK: So do you freestyle?
RYAN: Oh, um, not well.
CHICK: On guitar?
RYAN: Ooh! I thought you meant freestyle rap. Oh yeah, I can on guitar.
CHICK: It's the same thing, but our instruments are our voices. I think you do. You just don't know it yet.

She got out off singing duties. But later she was playing with two kids and tried to freestyle rap with them. On the microphone. Terrible! It was already bad enough that the little boy butchered that song for his vocal performance that goes, ♫ We fell in love in a hopeless place. ♪ They then butchered Beat Boxing itself! And I think she was trying to battle one of them in doing bridges.

She was flirty, but I spoke to her the whole time with cookies in my mouth in a "I'm too cool to be self-conscious" sort of way. Anyway, she wasn't ugly and is in my database to reward her persistence.

Traveling west, I carried my guitar with me - as kids these days say, like a boss - at the mall there. In its Hot Topic, this cute chick - who might've been Kristina, whom I met last 11/10/11, but unconfirmed because I can't remember exactly what she looks like after a month from first meeting - said she loved my tie.

RYAN: I'm assuming you're a Harry Potter fan.
UNCONFIRMED KRISTINA: Yes! I love Harry Potter!

UNCONFIRMED KRISTINA: Do you need help finding anything?
RYAN: I was looking for pink pajamas, but you don't have any. It's for my mommy.
UNCONFIRMED KRISTINA: You can try Victoria's Secret?
RYAN: I really don't feel like walking in there.

I made a new friend in a random familiar face from the PWG shows.

I was walking around the Hickory Farms kiosk when this older lady employee named Judy (not to be confused with my lesbian friend, Judy) noticed my guitar.

JUDY: You play guitar?
RYAN: No, I just like carrying it around to look cool ... Just kidding. I play guitar.

Holding the tray of free samples, she then explained how she feels the need to feed starving musicians. She continued to mechanically hand me free samples as she talked about how her husband likes Metal, yet plays classical. Then she mentioned to search for something called "Satriani Vai Malmsteen" on the internet.

Mommy and I ate dinner at Outback Steakhouse. None of the people there who are usually in the database were working. But there was this one brunette-with-blond-streaks waitress who had her hair tied back in a way that it vaguely reminded me of the lead singer for Shiny Toy Guns in the music video for You Are The One.

Back in my stomping grounds, at the mall I finally spoke to the Adele look-alike under the guise of inquiring about this waterproof case for cell phones and iPods. You know what? She looked better from a couple of feet away. She also sounds like Arnold Schwarzeneggar, but as a girl.

Sam at Hickory Farms looked so depressingly bored that I went out of my way to say, "What's up?" At least he was excited about it being his last day.

At Barnes & Noble, the security guard was laughing hysterically when I told him about the debacle of the performance earlier. He said that the audience would probably label me as the "guy who 'stole' Christmas" due to butchering the songs.

Anyway, that ethnically ambiguous Monica was working behind the cash register. I haven't seen her in a while. I'm reminded that she's a brunette now. Her hair is beginning to overcome that phase of being shapeless when down, looking normal only when it's tied back, yet barely long enough to tie. It's starting to look somewhat normal now as she wore it down. She's renewed in the database.