Male escort

After church, I went to Hollywood. I had a job: To dress up in a tuxedo, escort these beauty pageant types on stage one by one, look happy for them as they recite some lines on the microphone, and escort them off stage, making sure they never fall. But there were a couple of audibles, the most noticeable one being that this older lady, who was one of the powers-that-be, wouldn't let go of my arm, keeping me with her, and subsequently the backstage required me to sprint from one side to the other to prevent any delay in escorting the next chick! The proverbial, "El oh el."

Ironically, the two chicks I found jackoffable weren't even a part of the show. 1) The sound technician chick was named Layla. She was a blond chick that had her hair tied up in a Flintstones' Pebbles sort of way. She had an accent that I couldn't identify, but I think it had undertones of some type of east coast USA.

LAYLA: (Referring to choreography) Do you have it, have it, have it?
RYAN: Yeah, I "have it, have it, have it."

I had a boner every time Layla grabbed my arm to demonstrate how I was supposed to walk the girls. At one point when we almost walked into each other, she jokingly asked with attitude, "Wanna dance?" The way she said it is going in my database. 2) There was this tanned chick with long and straight, dark hair. I actually spoke to her. ("Are you performing too?" And she said, "No, blah, blah, blah ...") Score! She was just coworkers with one of the beauty pageant lady's husband and asked to help out.

LAYLA: Your job is to look cute. If you can pull that off, you're good.

Tom, a member of a band that Chris in Anaheim produces for, was supposed to perform with one of the girls. Small world. He ended up bailing since the show ran overtime, leaving her to lip sync. But we chilled.

TOM: So what are you doing?
RYAN: I dress up in a tux, walk each of them to the stage, and make sure they don't fall.
CHICK: So an "escort."
RYAN: Yeah, but I don't like that word.
[They laugh.]
TOM: So you're a male escort.

No one did any double-takes of me until I put my tuxedo on. There was this cute chick, who did a Tahitian dance, and kept calling me "stud muffin" (or one time just "stud" for short) every time she saw me ... But then I found out she was only fifteen-years-old. Boo. I suppose there was this other aight chick named Adriana.

ADRIANA: (Walking backstage) OK, how much of my vagina did you see?
VOICE-BEHIND-THE-SCENES: Only two lips.
ADRIANA: Oh, good, not three lips.