They fought a lot. Bella kept trying to dictate her almost 30-year-old daughter on what furniture to get and where to put it. Then she wouldn't stop accusing Andree of putting her left leg up while driving when her feet were clearly flat on the ground. She was the usual bitch while people were trying to sleep. Bitch, bitch, bitch ...
I got them to drop me off at the strip (Las Vegas Blvd) Saturday afternoon while they went shopping, a.k.a. arguing.
Before I left my house, I had messaged Edlin on Facebook asking for her number for drunk-dialing purposes. She texted me. I got a boner. I also got a text from Allison from Palmdale. Another boner.
A security guard didn't know where Subway sandwiches was, but directed me to an Earl of Sandwiches and recommended their roast beef sandwich. It even had creamy horseradish on it. A guy in a suit standing behind me in line dropped his blue G2 Gatorade on the floor and it spilled. Some of it got on my new news, but I cleaned it off. The guy introduced himself as Dave Hicks, an employee at the club Privet, and offered to buy me a drink to make it up.
I had a liquid cocaine shot for the 1st time since I went bowling with Mark and Erica and her friends.
Ryan (me): That was good.
Bartender: You never had it before?
Ryan: A long time ago. I've missed it.
Bartender: Welcome back.
I went back to Andree's house to change. I shaved for the 1st time since July 4 - when I read an interview that Kelly Clarkson has a celebrity crush on specifically the hairier, Wolverine-status Hugh Jackman; not the pretty Hugh Jackman - because I had to impress chicks.
I hit up my home-away-from-home, Coyote Ugly. But then I found out that my camera was somehow busted and I became impotent. There were even chicks from England there, but I was impotent. That coyote Debbie was there, but helping backstage. I coincidentally peed in the same stall where Chris from Arkansas, whom I met at Coyote Ugly last April, lost his camera and we later found it there. We're still text buddies.
Someone at Coyote Ugly had the balls to play Kelly Clarkson's My Life Would Suck Without You. I am so jealous of that person's balls. The new coyote was like, "Who's playing this gay ass shit?" and "Fuck Kelly Clarkson." What a cunt. But then the whole drunken crowd started jumping up and down and singing along to the chorus to that cunt's dismay. Fuck yeah!
I drunk-dialed Salina.
I met this dude on the sidewalk named Jaime from Anaheim. He was rolling. He had gone to EDC.
Jaime: I wish I met you 10 minutes ago! I would've given you half!
We tried to pick up on this 41-year-old from LA named Lisa. She was nice. Got back to Andree's house at 5:00AM.
My mom's sister was indecisive about everything - whether to leave early or at night, whether to eat or not, what to eat, etc, etc, etc, getting pissed that I told my mom that she's indecisive, getting pissed that Andree said she was gonna take us to eat at a buffet, bitch, bitch, bitch.
We left at 4:45PM ... and got home at 11:35PM. It's not supposed to take 7 hours to get back from Vegas. My mom's sister kept getting us lost.
I changed into my new Coyote Ugly tanktop before going directly to Carlos and Michelle's house. They announced they're having a Farewell party in late August. Carlos just got laid off and California's in bad shape. Also, they need me to give them a ride to PWG this Friday because their car's wrecked, but they wouldn't say why yet. They'll be in Nebraska for the next couple of years.
I showed up to Capoeira today. Apparently, I drunk-texted Andres, Jesse and Kevin. "You need to seat out that alcohol." For some reason, there were no girls today, although Certel's mentor showed up to check out the class, so Andres gave a lecture about testosterone and how this was gonna be a special roda, the kind "where there's no women or children." He told us to "go after each other." Jesse tried to take me down and I grabbed on to his arm to take him down with me. Andres said that's why one must commit to the move.
We took a break. Then Andres put us in teams - Andres, Jesse I, Jesse II, and I versus everyone else. I felt special. I couldn't lock in my tesorus, I stuffed a takedown from Angel and taunted him about it - the Terminator T-1000 index finger taunt, and tried to rasteria Brian in the last game. That was fun.
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