I thought we were just doing hand-to-hand combat!

Mark came over for his first martial art lesson at around 9:30PM. What a relief. I thought I was gonna have to drive to his neighborhood.

Mark: We're using weapons? I thought we were just doing hand-to-hand combat!

Mark revealed that he was interested in doing this because he saw 4 dudes beating up 1 dude when he was driving by Erica's neighborhood. So that was it. It sounded like someone called him out at first and he needed to learn how to fight. I think he said the 4 dudes were black and the 1 dude was white. I think it was 1 of either 2 things: the 4 black dudes were muggers or the 1 white dude called them all niggers. Oh well.

Mark can't get over the fact that I use eye-jabs and groin-shots. Hmm ... this might take some work. But he's got potential. I showed him all 12 angles of attack, taught him angles 1-5, taught him to counter angles 1 and 2, sinawali, and showed him empty hand sinawali. His notebook so far reads:

• Principles versus Techniques
• Vertical plain
• Balance and allignment
• Destroying the structure
• Sinawali

I let him borrow my book Filipino Martial Arts: Secrets of Cabales Serrada Eskrima. Wow, he seems really interested. Oh, and for some reason he and Erica aren't talking. But then she called him on his phone. Typical boyfriend-and-girlfriend stuff. Until next time.

They probably saw a bunch of dudes rolling around and left

It was just Andres, Jesse II, Brian, a new student in Jose's 'lil brother Ulysses, and I today in Capoeira. It was Muay Thai and Brazilian Jujitsu Day. We did a drill wherein partner A breaks the guard, goes into side mount, into full mount, then partner B pops up and throws over partner A, and partner A gets partner B into the guard, over and over again. The roda was a chill ground game.

Then we found out through a phone call for Andres that we were supposed to have 2 new students, both girls, today. They were lost in the park, though.

Ryan (me): They probably saw a bunch of dudes rolling around on the ground and left.

They found us. They introduced themselves as Cyndi and Amber. Cyndi and Andres didn't remember how each other looked like because they met at a Subway sandwiches a while ago. Amber had just moved from Vegas, which brought along the following conversation:

Andres: He (pointing to me) was just in Vegas. I was jealous because he was texting us, "Hey guys, I'm drunk."

The girls then asked how come there's no rule against alcohol when there were rules against junk food. Andres explained that I still carry out my shot and recounted, "Babe Ruth would always get fucked up and come to practice like this (stumbling around). They'd say, 'Get out of here. We don't want you here.' And Babe Ruth would be like, 'Ok, just let me hit once.' (pantomiming swinging) Boom, boom, boom. Homerun!' What do you say to that?" But then Andres gave me a taunting smile and said, "I'm just waiting for it to catch up."

Cyndi: We walked by here and saw you guys, but didn't know that was you. We were like, "(mockingly) That's an interesting workout (referring to the rolling around)."

Everybody looked at me and laughed because I was right.

We gave a 'lil show for the ladies and sang a song where I didn't even know the words and had to mumble them and I sure as hell can't spell something here that I didn't even know how to pronounce. Happy Hump Day.

Yesterday

I remembered to show up to guitar early at 1:30PM. Had to make up the make-up lesson that I forgot about last Thursday. Practiced until 3:45PM. What a workout. Mostly drilled Yesterday by the Beatles.

No Women or Children

Wow, this Vegas trip sucked. My mom's sister, Bella, and I ended up leaving at 7:45PM on Friday night and got to Andree's house by 2:00AM on Saturday morning. My mom's sister continuously got us lost on the way, even lost within the gated community of Andree's house.

They fought a lot. Bella kept trying to dictate her almost 30-year-old daughter on what furniture to get and where to put it. Then she wouldn't stop accusing Andree of putting her left leg up while driving when her feet were clearly flat on the ground. She was the usual bitch while people were trying to sleep. Bitch, bitch, bitch ...

I got them to drop me off at the strip (Las Vegas Blvd) Saturday afternoon while they went shopping, a.k.a. arguing.

Before I left my house, I had messaged Edlin on Facebook asking for her number for drunk-dialing purposes. She texted me. I got a boner. I also got a text from Allison from Palmdale. Another boner.

A security guard didn't know where Subway sandwiches was, but directed me to an Earl of Sandwiches and recommended their roast beef sandwich. It even had creamy horseradish on it. A guy in a suit standing behind me in line dropped his blue G2 Gatorade on the floor and it spilled. Some of it got on my new news, but I cleaned it off. The guy introduced himself as Dave Hicks, an employee at the club Privet, and offered to buy me a drink to make it up.

I had a liquid cocaine shot for the 1st time since I went bowling with Mark and Erica and her friends.

Ryan (me): That was good.

Bartender: You never had it before?

Ryan: A long time ago. I've missed it.

Bartender: Welcome back.

I went back to Andree's house to change. I shaved for the 1st time since July 4 - when I read an interview that Kelly Clarkson has a celebrity crush on specifically the hairier, Wolverine-status Hugh Jackman; not the pretty Hugh Jackman - because I had to impress chicks.

I hit up my home-away-from-home, Coyote Ugly. But then I found out that my camera was somehow busted and I became impotent. There were even chicks from England there, but I was impotent. That coyote Debbie was there, but helping backstage. I coincidentally peed in the same stall where Chris from Arkansas, whom I met at Coyote Ugly last April, lost his camera and we later found it there. We're still text buddies.

Someone at Coyote Ugly had the balls to play Kelly Clarkson's My Life Would Suck Without You. I am so jealous of that person's balls. The new coyote was like, "Who's playing this gay ass shit?" and "Fuck Kelly Clarkson." What a cunt. But then the whole drunken crowd started jumping up and down and singing along to the chorus to that cunt's dismay. Fuck yeah!

I drunk-dialed Salina.

I met this dude on the sidewalk named Jaime from Anaheim. He was rolling. He had gone to EDC.

Jaime: I wish I met you 10 minutes ago! I would've given you half!

We tried to pick up on this 41-year-old from LA named Lisa. She was nice. Got back to Andree's house at 5:00AM.

My mom's sister was indecisive about everything - whether to leave early or at night, whether to eat or not, what to eat, etc, etc, etc, getting pissed that I told my mom that she's indecisive, getting pissed that Andree said she was gonna take us to eat at a buffet, bitch, bitch, bitch.

We left at 4:45PM ... and got home at 11:35PM. It's not supposed to take 7 hours to get back from Vegas. My mom's sister kept getting us lost.

I changed into my new Coyote Ugly tanktop before going directly to Carlos and Michelle's house. They announced they're having a Farewell party in late August. Carlos just got laid off and California's in bad shape. Also, they need me to give them a ride to PWG this Friday because their car's wrecked, but they wouldn't say why yet. They'll be in Nebraska for the next couple of years.

I showed up to Capoeira today. Apparently, I drunk-texted Andres, Jesse and Kevin. "You need to seat out that alcohol." For some reason, there were no girls today, although Certel's mentor showed up to check out the class, so Andres gave a lecture about testosterone and how this was gonna be a special roda, the kind "where there's no women or children." He told us to "go after each other." Jesse tried to take me down and I grabbed on to his arm to take him down with me. Andres said that's why one must commit to the move.

We took a break. Then Andres put us in teams - Andres, Jesse I, Jesse II, and I versus everyone else. I felt special. I couldn't lock in my tesorus, I stuffed a takedown from Angel and taunted him about it - the Terminator T-1000 index finger taunt, and tried to rasteria Brian in the last game. That was fun.

I do porn for them

David: Why's she talking to you?

Ryan (me): I think she thinks I'm actually in the band.

David: Well, you are. You're family. I think she likes you.

Ryan: Yeah, I think so too. Although, she also wants to hook me up with her friend.

David: Ask her to email you a picture first.

Ryan: I know. I hate that blind shit.

Salina texted me again this morning. She finally asked if I was in USA Rocks, as in played an instrument. I clarified that I'm their cameraman.

Ryan: They told me to say that if anyone asks, I do porn for them.

Anyway, Salina mentioned she might have to quit her band because she works 6 days a week. She also asked me out to a Hip Hop show tonight, but I'm going to Vegas.

I have to ride with my mom's sister, Bella, who can't drive for shit (45-50 mph on the freeway, zig-zagging like a drunk when she's always sober, swerving instead of merging, etc). We were supposed to leave at 1:00PM, but she's in court trying to appeal a ticket. Hahaha.

You are so David

Ryan (me): (annoyed tone) Um, hello?
David: (immitating me) Um, hello?
Ryan: Hey man.
David: What are you doing?
Ryan: Watching Kelly Clarkson videos.
David: You are so gay.

I was tempted to say, "You are so David. When you say, 'That's so gay,' do you realize what you say? Knock it off!" Hahaha ... those commercials crack me up.

The chick whose ad on Craigslist.org regarding D&D buddies that I responded to yesterday replied back. Her name's Krystal. I did a background check on Facebook. Don't worry, I am not trying to let her in my pants. Strictly platonic.

I was eating at Subway at around 6:00PM when I realized I forgot all about my make-up guitar lesson with Vahik at 1:00PM. Crap. I guess it was because I was making such a killing at the stock market today, even if it is a paper trade account. I stayed until the stock market closed at 1:00PM trying to maximize profits. I walked over to the music school after eating and talked to Vahik. We rescheduled for 1:30PM next Tuesday.

Salina is texting me right now. She's trying to set up a gig. I guess that makes me USA Rocks' unofficial secretary for now. I feel like a big shot doing the talking.

I could feel the vibration going to my balls

Today in Capoeira, we trained Muay Thai. I take it that Wednesdays are "Muay Thai Days" in Capoeira. One drill had me placing the kick pad against my leg while Jesse round-housed it many times. I could feel the vibration from the impact going to my balls. There was actually no roda today. Ran out of time. Andres mentioned how, since Capoeira is like a family, if one were to leave a group, but that group later saw that person in another roda, they'd go after him. Angel then asked, "So if something were to happen and I were to leave ..." to which Andres replied, "Yeah! I'd go after you!" He pointed to me and added, "That's why he was nervous when he first came to us. But it had been a while, so ..." Angel remembered, "I remember that."

Some chick actually posted an ad on Craigslist.org looking for Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) buddies. I replied that I'm down.

Salina from Hammered texted me. I accidentally admitted to wearing tighty whities.

3 hours of Reba reruns on Lifetime

I went to guitar practice today. My teahcer, Vahik, was busy for most of the time with customers. We finished up our time, but said that he would give me a make-up class anyway on Thursday at 1:00PM.

I started writing my novel again, which I haven't worked on in months.

So you think he is going out with her because she has nice skin?

I finally had time and extra money to eat Fetuccini Alfredo at Numero Uno today. Mike, one of the teachers at where I practice guitar walked in. "I have no idea what drugs they put in this pizza," he remarked, implying the deliciousness of it, and then pointed to my Fetuccini, "or that!" And he cracked some jokes about Oprah on TV.

Today in Capoeira, Andres expressed how he was depressed at watching old videos of himself where he apparently played more aggressively. He described his recent playing as "vacation Capoeira." He praised how I come from Glendale and still make it consistently. As long as we show up, he doesn't have a problem with us being late because we have things to do. He volunteered an excuse for me that I'm taking a while to transition to his school's style, but he didn't know what's everyone else's excuse for learning slower than his expectations.

I also saw him as mortal today when I was holding up the pads for him and he missed a few kicks. He also mentioned being near-sighted and light-sensitive and that the light was in his eyes. Anyway, I stuffed a shoot-in attempt from my classmate, Brian (not to be confused with Brian at the GNC or my old college roommate Brian), who happens to be a wrestler. Yay me!

Certel - I'll just continue to spell her name like this until I finally confirm the correct spelling - mentioned being 1/4 black, 1/4 white, and 1/2 Native American (which she erroneously labeled "Indian," but I corrected her). And then she got into an almost heated debate with Jesse about whether my eyes were real. She's the pessimist. Jesse believes in me. God I hate lying to people.

Stayed home and caught a whole episode of WWE RAW.

I love having my nipples pinched

I got a call early on Saturday (and by early, I mean 1:00PM) from David, the lead singer of his own band, USA Rocks, about videotaping his performance at a backyard party in Granada Hills later in the day.

I went to visit Brian at the GNC to relay the information, or at least what my mental filter retained:

• Beer
• Barbeque
• Girls
• Pool
• Other bands performing
• I can bring people

Brian mentioned having to go to Burbank first, but would try to make it afterward since it was on the way. Anyway, I posted my status on Facebook as:

Just used JACK DANIELS to clean my open wound because I didn't have normal alcohol to clean it. I feel like a badass straight out of a movie.

It received praises but the most noteworthy one was from Edlin, whom Richard - a.k.a. DJ Rich, introduced me to at EDC. She typed:

lol!! nice! thats the thug way to go!

Now I really need to go jack off to her, even though I originally said that I wouldn't put her in my database because at the time I felt like I was downloading every cute girl and that one more would start to cheapen me. Oh who am I kidding? I've already busted a #3 to her a bunch of times.

Anyway, at the party, I caught up with David (not to be confused with Dave). He pitched his idea to me for a new film. He needs help writing it. He introduced me to Paul, the house owner and drummer of his own band called Hammered. Paul and I talked about ethnicities. He has no idea what he is because he was adopted.

I was rocking my Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix tanktop. Salina, Paul's daughter, automatically made me her new friend. She hadn't seen Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince yet.

Paul and I talked about Martial Arts. He wanted to introduce me to his friend, Glen, a practitioner of Penchak Silat, which Paul was savvy enough to describe as "all takedowns" and "very street-worthy." Everyone was impressed that I was considered "in the lineage" since Guro had studied under Dan Inosanto (the late BRUCE LEE's right hand man). I knew who Glen was as soon as he walked in. I'm beginning to understand the idea of reading someone's rhythm. They didn't get to introduce us, though. He came and left while I was busy.

Hammered performed. Their singer is Paul's wife/Salina's mom. Their guitarist gave me tape to record their planned 1-and-a-half hour set. They had just finished their second song, a cover of AC/DC when two Asian police officers arrived. I kept my camera rolling. The cops were very cool, saying that the band sounds great, but a neighbor was complaining about the noise and we therefore had to stop. Everyone was impressed with me getting in the cops' faces with my camera. Aww ... USA Rocks didn't get to go on since they were saved for last. Oh, and everyone considers me as part of USA Rocks.

I called Brian to let him know the party was shut down. Salina introduced me to her friends: Joe, Justin, Tony, Erica, and Jen. I lost track after that. Anyway, I was having a database overload. They could all pass as teens. Big shocker, though: I was the second youngest there. Salina was youngest at 24.

There was also some story about how she was in the army and she fixed her leg by banging he M-16 into it so that she could continue running. Oh, and Joe is her friend-with-benefits. They both have their own kids by different people. Salina wanted to "pop my cherry" in beer pong. I didn't feel like it, though.

Salina: Where's your phone?

Ryan (me): Right here. Why?

Salina: You need to take my number down.

[I take her number down]

Salina: You are such a hottie.

Ryan: That's how I know you're drunk.

Salina: [pinching my nipples] Sorry, I like pinching nipples.

Ryan: I love having my nipples pinched.

Salina: Oh good. I bite too.

I sent her a text to let her know my number and then drove to the Scotland Yard Pub in Canoga Park to see if Conch was there. It took 30 minutes by surface streets. Didn't know it was that long. No one I knew was there. But I stayed because some punk band was performing and I figured that was the theme of the day. I received a text from Salina saying:

Your still cute to me. I finally saved your number. Hit me up. ~*Salina*~

Went home and watched a video of Natasha Nice having a guy ejaculate inside her without her consent. Awesome.

I woke up today to a phone call from Brian at the GNC at around 10:00AM. I used the old "I'm hungover" excuse as to why I was still asleep. He told me that he had a good amount of Super Pump 250 for me in a bag. He got to keep it after a customer returned it. I picked it up. He told me that he didn't even make it to Burbank yesterday.

Mom and I ate at A-Float Sushi in Pasadena. That's the last time we're going there. The prices are good since the food is descent, but the service sucks.

I watched Iam perform in front of the Baja Fresh again just like the weekend before. Gosh, this was such a musical weekend. Fellow gym regular, Victor, was there with his girlfriend to also support Iam. This kid, a regular customer at GNC, who finally introduced himself as Johnny stopped by. There's been a running gag about Johnny and his friend slacking off at the Scientology place they work at down the street. But Johnny said he got fired for slacking on his hours. Anyway, Iam rocked.

Get some sleep, babe. You look tired.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Did you and Ginny do it?

Mark had to work and I didn't bother texting Guro about whether or not he was free for training, so ...

I watched Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at 3:25PM and then snuck into Bruno at 6:30PM and I Love You, Beth Cooper at 8:00PM.

I now understand why Mark liked Ginny Weasley over Hermione Granger. Personally, I think Emma Watson (Granger) and Bonnie Wright (Weasley) are about even. But I undestand what he sees in Ginny. Oh, and Evanna Lynch (Luna Lovegood) is growing up and starting to look physically ready. Other than that, apparently Katie Leung (Cho Chang) and Afshan Azad and Shefali Chowdhury (the twins, Padma and Parvati Patil) were in this movie, but very little screen time and no lines because I completely missed them.

My only complaints:

1) Harry and Ginny's first kiss was changed to be by themselves in the Room of Requirement. It would've been better to see the looks on Ron Weasley, Dean Thomas and Romilda Vane's faces just like in the book.

2) There was no all-out battle involving everyone at the end just like the book.

3) There was no funeral for Dumbledore.

4) They cut out my favorite character, Bill Weasley.

I can finally articulate why I've been obsessed with Harry Potter ever since watching Harry Potter and the Globlet of Fire in theaters and subsequently reading all seven books. I'm jealous of the friendships between the characters. I'm jealous of their chemistry during their fun times and their hardships throughout their epic adventures. I'm even jealous of their raging hormones during their adolescence.

It was good to follow it up with 2 comedies to calm me down. Bruno was so hilarious that my abdominal muscles were hurting from laughter. I Love You, Beth Cooper made me miss high school. Oh, and Hayden Panetierre shows her tits in this as promised in an interview.

Spontaneously, I met up with Mark and John at a pool hall called Fantasia's down the street from the AMC 16. I drank a Coors Light on tap at Mark's recommendation. Mark, who never drinks beer, kept exclaiming it as if it was an honor, "I'm drinking a beer with Ryan." We made a comment that the blond waitress was #3-able. John remarked that he liked a status that I had posted on my Facebook:

Me at work today: I ask, "What's the stock symbol for KFC?" (Speculating that their stock went up since Magic's story of MJ eating KFC.) Someone says, "Yum." I say, "I know. What's the symbol?" Another says, "Yum." I say, "Cute. But really?" Another says, "Yum." I say, "Ok, thanks, assholes." I look it up myself. Apparently KFC's parent company is called YUM Brands. Crap. My bad. Well, Happy Hump Day.

I went to the gym. Iam was there and thanked me for my applause during his performance last Sunday. Another gym regular, Victor, was there too. We made fun of Datu getting arrested for masturbating in public.

Ron Weasley: Did you and Ginny do it?

Harry Potter: What?

(Ron was talking about hiding Harry's Potions book)

God today's gonna sound boring

Today in Capoeira class, I walked in at the same time with Brian and Andres greeted us by pointing at us and saying, "Look at these sexy guys." We started with Muay Thai and then drilled arm bars more. Andres' pitbull got jealous when Andres' smaller dog was with another dog. In the roda, I actually landed a kick to Andres' temple - I think it was a Meia Lua kick - when he accidentally ran into Jesse II who was standing around the roda.

After class, Andres told us a story of a guy who trained himself to catch a wolf - as in, outrun a wolf - which he finally initiated when it snowed and allowed him to track the wolf easier. There was another story about a guy who tackled a deer and bit it on the neck to kill it, but that turned out to be a joke. And then another story about a guy who was born with bigger than usual lungs that allowed him to hold his breath for even up to 5 minutes. He used this skill when he was trapped inside the middle of a sinking ship to swim through all the corridors, while people around him were drowning, and still swam up to the surface once outside of the ship. And also something about some famous guy who had a heart defect that pumped a lot of oxygen into his heart more than normal that he was outrunning everyone, but too bad we'll never know how long he would've lived because he died in a car accident.

I had to take Certel - I still don't know how her name's supposed to be spelled - home afterward to Mission Hills. The only time I have ever been to Mission Hills was back in CSUN when I rode there with my Sound Design classmate, Bjorn Ko, to go to our Professor Ginsberg's office. Anyway, I can't believe she guessed 30 when she tried to guess my age. What a bitch. I then made fun of her by trying to guess if she was 12 and then 14 before finally getting it right at 16. I had to explain to her what Craigslist is. Also, she asked me if I was guy even after explaining how I would bang Kelly Clarkson, Summer Glau, Emma Watson, and Ashley Greene.

Certel: Well, some guys say that to dispell rumors ...

Later on, I turned the corner, interrupting whatever she was staring at.

Certel: I was looking at something.

Ryan (me): What?

Certel: A guy.

Ryan: Oh, I thought it was something else.

Certel: Why would I be checking out a girl?

Ryan: Well, some girls --

Certel: No, no, no! I wrote the book, I read between the lines! You cannot use my own story against me!

She gave me directions to get on the 118 freeway so I can get on the 210 to the 2 to get back home. But I deviated when I saw the 5 freeway. I stopped by the Glendale Galleria, changed out of my sweatpants and into my camouflage shorts, and walked by the Hot Topic to see the chick that I jack off to (whom I found out last week is called by her co-workers as Dani, most likely short for Danielle, when I was there with Michael). Yeah, I'm too lazy to use code words today.

Mom brought Chinese food from Panda Inn home for dinner.

Just randomly felt like looking up the Millennium Dance Complex on the internet. It's in North Hollywood. Found out they have a Break Dancing class. The teacher is named Shorty. Then I found out Shorty's a girl. Her moves look good on Youtube. Apparently, she was on that TV show America's Best Dance Crew. I wouldn't know. If I wasn't so politically correct, I'd say that show's gay. But I don't want those hilarious TV commercials lately to apply to me too:

America's Best Dance Crew is so Ryan. When you say, "That's so gay," do you realize what you say? Knock it off!

Anyway, BGirl Shorty is jack-off-able out of principle because she's not ugly and she's a good bgirl (in the same way how Brian at the GNC and I would say that we'd bone Kyra Gracie even though she's plain looking, but out of principle to be able to say that we fucked a Gracie).

Sandra Bullock or a chick named Jenni

No Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince tonight. Jesse said that Andres tried to get his ticket online early morning and it was already sold out. But I'll be seeing it Saturday in IMAX if I don't do any movie-hopping before then.

Since I have Capoeira training tomorrow, today was a good time to bust a #3 so that I'd have more testosterone tomorrow after resting up tonight. But the tough decision on who to extract from the database was between Sandra Bullock, whom I thought looked good naked (or at least as much as PG-13 would allow) in The Proposal, and some chick named Jenni. I ended up doing both, but mostly Bullock.

I rocked out in guitar practice.

While in Barnes and Noble at the Americana, I heard some kick ass classical music on their sound system. I immediately asked them for the name of the track. They directed me to a CD of some violinist named David Garrett and the track was entitled Summer. The album continued to play and he even had covers of He's a Pirate (Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean theme song), Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal, Bill Withers' Ain't No Sunshine, and Queen's Who Wants to Live Forever.

I went to the gym. This guy named Armen, a regular customer at the GNC, was there. Last week, I saw him squatting with 3 plates (possibly 4) on each side. He only did 3 reps, but that kind of weight may not be meant for completing a set of 10 reps. He asked if he could work in with me while I was squatting. Sure. Surprisingly, he did front shoulder presses with the same weight that I was doing, weight in which I was embarrassed for what I thought was considered too light.

Ryan (me): I've seen you squat. I can't do that.

Armen: Honestly, I don't think I can do that anymore either.

How modest.

Ernie, another gym regular, mentioned summer session at CSUN just ended. He also said that his parents paid for his tuition, which is common among Filipinos, and joked how it's ok for Filipinos to stay with their parents up to age 40. Dawn (also a Filipino and the only guy I've ever met named Dawn, which I'm sure is a screw-up on his parents' part as they most likely intended Don), a former manager while I used to work at Mann Theater, was working out as well.

Crazy For You

I tried practicing simultaneously singing and playing guitar. Epic fail. I looked up guitar tags for Madonna's Crazy For You, which has been stuck in my head since Iam sang it yesterday. An asian dude singing it on Youtube mentioned that every cover he's seen on Youtube has apparently been by other asian dudes. He's right to an extent actually. I found that Newfound Glory even covered it (and later stumbled onto their cover of - of all things - Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On).

I then moved on to some Kelly Clarkson songs.

Emma Watson (Hermione Granger from Harry Potter) was on some talk show or something like that at 9:00AM, but I just don't get up that early lately. I did find a video of her on the David Letterman Show under Youtube's "Videos Being Watched Now" section. I then posted it on Facebook with the status caption:

Emma Watson (Hermione Granger from "Harry Potter") mentions attending college in the U.S. and other stuff. I can probably stalk her in the future.

Feedback so far:

Andrew and Tiwat "Liked" my status.

"I wouldn't be admitting that on here buddy hahaha" - Tim, 2:56PM

"I would" - Ron, 3:16PM

"ryan ryan ryan..." - Heather, 4:48PM

"i know right.....10-20 here i come" - Michael, 6:38PM

We worked on basics today in Capoeira (thank God). I've been wanting to go over fundamentals for some time. Andres made a good point that a lot of the experts looked fancy, not because they did fancy moves, but because they did their basics very well. Oh, and for the first time, Andres took his shirt off during our run saying, "Let's give these ladies a treat." If only my beer fat wasn't jiggling so much, I'd have my shirt off all the time. Anyway, I bought a game with Andres and afterward Jesse bought in with me. Andres then said that that was the "best game" he's ever seen me play. Whoohoo! I credit it to going over the fundamentals. Later, I bought in with Chris and afterward Jesse II bought in with me. I also managed to stuff Jesse II's shoot-in for the first time since he's gotten me twice before.

They went to go bowling later at night, but I didn't feel like doing anything spontaneous. Steph asked me if I could carry her. I excuse myself to go stretch my back first and her face fell (probably the wrong thing to say to a girl). I tried carrying her with my hands under her armpits. I managed to get her a few inches off the ground, I think. Didn't wanna smell my hands afterward, though.

Jesse (not Jesse II) invited me to go watch Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince when it premieres at midnight on Wednesday, technically late Tuesday night. Angie already invited me to watch it with the rest of that gang in IMAX on Saturday. Screw it. If there was any movie that I'd pay to see twice, I guess a new Harry Potter movie is worthy.

I actually caught WWE RAW from its beginning for the first time in a long time. Seth Green was the celebrity guest host. I almost saw the whole thing, but had to miss the main event in which Seth Green was wrestling because Mom and I went to eat at Subway, me agreeing because I said, "Free food is food."

The cashier at Subway says he's seen me at the smaller 24 Hour Fitness Gym. He mentioned that he too goes to the 24 Hour Supersport.

It's not time to make a change

On the way to Carlos' house, I got another free slurpee from 7/11, this time in Mango Peach Fusion flavor, and a $0.50 hotdog that I put some chili and cheese on.

Well, that was one hell of a drunken night. Brock Lesnar beat Frank Mir to be the undisputed Heavyweight Champion. Guess Pro-Wrestling's not so fake after all :-)

Carlos has a dart board now. I managed to hit the bulls-eye once! That's TJ, Angie's husband, posing next to it. Erik says that his nephew, Chris, took a pic of me at EDC when Michael and I were seated on that spinner ride. I gotta see that.

Party ended when Carlos was doing his melodramatic drunk gimmick again (God, that better not be a pattern) and Michelle was trying to put him to sleep.

Angie and TJ said they'll find me on Myspace.

Random notes:

1) When I mentioned that I was just going to "fire up the porn" when I got home, Angie mentioned that she exposes her breasts when she's drunk.

2) Michelle and Angie kiss when they said goodbye.

Go figure.

I texted Guro to confirm if there was class today. No answer.

I woke up at 9:30AM today to give Guro a chance to text me in case we were training. Then I slept until 12PM. Nothing.

Mark texted me while I was supposed to be in church. He was in a melodramatic mood, which I haven't seen from him in a while. Something about making sure we're still boys and that he's got my back if I ever got into a fight with strangers. Sounds like a bad ecstasy trip. Anyway, he needs me to teach him how to fight. We've arranged for training on Thursday.

I visited Brian at the GNC. Suddenly we saw Datu approaching. I think he had his shirt off (nothing new), exposing his belly, but this time with permanent marker drawings along his arms, and Brian motioned for him to put his shirt on before entering the store.

Ryan (me): I'm gonna go get some food.

Brian: Don't leave me alone here with him!

Datu walked in wearing the same thing he was wearing yesterday. He had just got out of jail! Again! They got him for indecent exposure, public drunkenness, and drug use.

Datu: I was showing my dick.

Brian: Why were you showing your dick?

Datu: I was drunk. I was jacking off.

Brain: Why were you masturbating?

Datu: I was on cocaine. I cummed at the same time the police arrived. Kids were videotaping me. They said I was sick.

Looking at his papers, I learned his last name is Ikram, he's officially 5'4, and his occupation is a cook. He also found out for the first time through his police report that he's half Iranian. He asked for water and Brian told him to ask one of the nearby stores for a cup, clearly a diversion to get him out of here. Just as he was walking out, Brian's co-worker, Emily, came in and Datu was catcalling her, "Hey! Cute guy here!"

Brian: He's gonna get arrested again today.

Ryan: Can I go now?

Brain: No!

But Datu never came back and we guessed that, according to past trends, he got arrested again already.

Apparently Iam's performance got moved to 5:00PM. I went home to finish the last of my chicken adobo and went back to watch Iam. He sang such songs as Madonna's Crazy For You (which I have not been able to get out of my head since then), the Beatles' Eight Days a Week, Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire, Elvis' Love Me Tender, Cat Stevens' Wild World, and a lot more.

The security guard who arranged this - I think his name is Artin - approached me about possibly performing as well, mentioning the possibility of around $30 in tips. I expressed that I play, but don't sing. He clarified that I don't need to sing.

Brandon, who works at the Red Robin and who took piano classes for a little while where I practice guitar, stopped by with a big dude. The big dude coincidentally knew Iam. Brandon was wearing a Max Muscles jersey. I asked him where he got it. He revealed that he used to be a bodybuilder from age 16-20 (he's 26 now) and that Max Muscles was one of his sponsors, but he hasn't lifted seriously in the pst 6 years, which is why the jersey looked big on him. And then they went to watch Bruno.

Before Iam was almost done, mom and I went to eat at Zono Sushi in Burbank, where Eve (formerly an employee at Zono Sushi in Glendale) is now working during the weekends as she told me maybe a few weeks ago when she randomly found me at GNC. She wasn't there, though. They said she works mornings.

I went to the gym to get yolked.

Happy 7/11, a.k.a. "Free Small Slurpees and $0.50 Hot dogs" Day

I got a free small, slurpee at 7/11, which they were giving away as they do every year on the fine date of July 11. I took a couple of pics with it before showing it off to Brian at the GNC and having him take a pic of it with me.

And then ... Datu walked in! Pause. Who's Datu? He's a fob who's medically wrong in the head that he needs medicine, which I heard that he stopped taking. His pattern is that he'd disappear for a while and then when he'd reappear, the explanation would always be that he just got out of jail or the hospital.

This time it was the hospital. He was dressed overly metro-sexual as he always is and constantly asking if he got buffer despite his constantly fat and short stature. He explained that he was going to some club here in Glendale called Giggles.

Brian's brother, Chuck, came to pick him up. We talked about raves, my friend Michael's lost phone that I had to retrieve and his dad finding out that he went to EDC, and the UFC fights.

Just showered, looking all sexy, and I'm debuting my new Lady Sovereign shirt. The chicken adobo that my mommy cooked is ready and I'll be taking it with me now to Carlos' Birthday party where he's hosting the UFC 100 PPV. Later.

I'd bang a lot of my former co-worker chicks

I visited Brian at the GNC. I just wanted to get in, have a quick conversation and get out. That didn't happen. Some annoying old guy was there, annoying because he wouldn't shut the fuck up. Something about steroids and being healthy. At the 15 minute mark, I picked up a canister labeled "Abdominal Gels" or something like that. Brian looked at me and asked, "Do you have a question, sir?" I asked, "What does this do? And how?" Brian started, "With this you're looking at ..." and he went down the list of jibberish in the stats. Finally, the old guy said he'd let Brian go as he walked out the door. As soon as the door closed, Brian ended with, "(still going over the stats) ... and BULLSHIT!" We laughed.

Brian: I was waiting for you to do something! Go set off the door alarm or wish the phone would ring!"

I asked Brian what exactly did Kit say about me last Monday, specifically what about raving since I was surprised she even knew about that.

Brian's recollection ...

Brian: I think [Ryan] went to EDC, which just passed.

Kit: Yeah, my dad works at the hospital. He said a lot of people came in that night because they were overdosing.

Aww ... it's like she cared about me.

Andres taught us a grappling maneuver today in Capoeira. It works as follows: if someone shoots in on me, and if my sprawl doesn't work, I pull their head down with me and get on my back as I wrap my legs around them in my guard. I then grab one of their arms, kick out one of their knees to take out their base, scoot my butt to the side, get my leg up over their face to push them off of me as I locks my ankles again, and make sure my hip is next to their body as I hyper-extend their arm in the direction that their pinky is pointing in.

Steph mentioned that she saw my Emma Watson references on my myspace and thought it was cool.

I drove Andres home. He talked to me about my progress. I expressed that I thought my reflexes were slow. He disagreed and thought that I was agile.

Michelle texted me and bragged that her best friend, Angie, who works at Warner Bros., was able to score them an early screening tomorrow to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Meanwhile, we normal people have to wait until Wednesday.

I saw Iam, one of my boys from the GNC/Brian's co-worker, at the gym along with fellow gym rat, Victor. Iam says he's singing on Sunday at 3PM-6PM in front of the Baja Fresh in the Glendale Market Place. I also saw my former co-worker from Mann Theater, Mark Gamboa (not to be confused with Mark Pot). We reminisced about crazy antics during work.

I wanna rock right now ...

... I'm Rob Base and I came to get down.

No FMA training today ... again (this shit's starting to get old). Another day off.

I saw Public Enemies at 3:20PM, Tranformers: Revenge of the Fallen at 6:10PM, and The Proposal at 9:05PM.

1) Sandra Bullock is the funniest white girl I've seen try to do Hip Hop.

2) Never knew Sandra Bullock looked good naked (or at least as much as PG-13 would allow).

Other than that, I can't believe I didn't notice Channing Tatum in Public Enemies. He played "Pretty Boy" Floyd. He only had a couple of seconds of screen time before he was killed off by Christian Bale's character, Melvin Pervis, in a scene that introduced both of them.

Anyway, I enjoyed Transformers. Many mixed reviews about it. Some say that there was no plot. Maybe not as much as the first one. Part 1: Sam's grandfather's glasses has the map to the "All Spark" that the Transformers are after. So the bad guys, led by Megatron, are after him and the good guys protect him and they find the All Spark, which he uses to destroy Megatron. Part 2: A shard of the "All Spark" supercharges Sam's brain with knowledge that the bad guys want and the bad guys resurrect Megatron with other remnants of the "All Spark." So the good guys protect Sam again, which results in good guy Optimus Prime's death, and Sam finds out from his new knowledge that he must look for "The Matrix of Leadership" to resurrect Optimus Prime and he does.

So what do you think?

Happy 07-08-09

Michael finally came up with my money since I spotted him for his EDC ticket. He owed me $58, but gave me $60 and insisted I keep the change.

We met at the Glendale Galleria mall and stopped by the Hot Topic. I had been telling Michael about my database runs when coincidentally the chick who works at Hot Topic who's been in my database for a while was there and looked really good. Normally her hair would be fucked up. But today was the best that it ever looked. Michael asked her who the artist was that was playing at the time. She got it wrong 3 times before finally figuring out it was someone named Megan Dia. Michael joked she should be fired. I was just listening in to store her audio for my database. Michael later joked, by pretending to be in my shoes, about needing 3 cigarettes upon seeing her. Ha.

Hot Topic finally had a different Twilight shirt in v-neck. Most importantly, that Lady Sovereign shirt that I've been meaning to get, even though it's a girl's shirt, was finally on clearance (and it was still at full price last weekend). I made a mental note to come back for it later. I also revealed to Michael that I had a few girls shirts since if the design I want is only available as such, I would just get it in large or extra large and hope nobody notices. So far, no one has called me on it.

On my way to visit Brian at the GNC, I walked by a chick who was wearing the same Fight Club shirt that I was wearing. But she wasn't a looker, so I didn't say anything.

Brian said that this chick who's nicknamed Kit stopped by on Monday. Kit was someone a year older than me in high school who I jacked off to a lot and she even seemed flirty with me, but I would never get with her because she's my friend's ex-girlfriend. So my only way to cope with it was to jack off to her a lot. Anyway, she had been asking lots of questions about products as she always does and Brian mentioned my name. She had asked if I was working and if I was still into ... raves! Wait a minute! Uh oh! How did she know I was into raves? Apparently people have been talking about me! Brian was smart this time. He said that I traded stocks, but wasn't sure if I was liking it, and that he didn't know if I was still into raves. It sounded more 3-dimensional.

I walked into Capoeira class carrying my big bad FMA bag. Andres taught us Muay Thai today. I was flattered to know that my kicks are killer. Jesse also almost knocked out my teeth because the pads apparently bounce back. And then his foot slipped off the pad and ricocheted into my ribs.

I gave Andres a ride home. He had lost his keys and haven't been able to find them for a week. I asked him out of curiosity how long can a car go without being started before its battery dies. He said that he didn't know, but now I was putting worries into his head. I met his brother Joe. Months ago, Joe had left me a voicemail with the info about Capoeria class since it turned out to be his number on the original flyer.

I raced home to pay my tuition for guitar practice and went to the mall. I had changed into my Hermione shirt and the employee dude who had showed me to the changing room remarked, "That's a badass shirt, bro! I'm wearing the new one!" And then he pointed to the Bellatrix Lestrange shirt that he was wearing. These are Harry Potter references, for those not in the in-crowd. I tried on that new Twilight v-neck shirt in medium and that Lady Sovereign shirt in large and extra large. I have to come back for that Twilight shirt some other time when I have more money. I went with the Lady Sovereign shirt in large. The extra large looked good as well, but the sleeves on the large were tighter around my arms and made them look bigger.

I met my mommy at In-N-Out Burger for dinner. It was my first time getting the fries as animal style since the cashier suggested it.

Michael Jackson Memorial Service

Mom called to wake me up today at 10:00AM to watch the Michael Jackson Memorial Service on TV. I had no idea it was that early. I actually skipped all of today in trading stocks.

I updated my Facebook status to say: Skipping work. In bed watching the Michael Jackson Memorial Service on TV.

It was Carlos' Birthday. I texted Michelle to see if she was watching the Service on TV when her crush John Mayer was playing Human Nature. Apparently, she missed it because Carlos was watching a Best of 2008 UFC DVD that she got him for his Birthday. How ironic.

Ah, Michael ... words fail me again.

I went to guitar class later. According to my guitar teacher, supposedly the other guitar teacher who's white doesn't like Michael because he's black. My teacher than tried to say something about not judging people. I was impressed. That was the most sensible thing I ever heard my teacher say after all this time of trying to dissect his accent.

O Sim Sim Sim O Nao Nao Nao

I was feeling it today. Capoeira, baby. I was late.

I was talking to Brian at the GNC. Apparently, Iam - the biggest Filipino you'll ever see and supposedly he's not on steroids - was singing and playing his guitar at the Glendale Marketplace yesterday. We talked about the slut trying to advice Roxy at Heather's Birthday party. Some married chick who's trying to get a divorce is trying to get into Brian's pants.

Brian: What's your type anyway?

Ryan (me): I'm a "Kelly Clarkson first, but also Summer Glau and Emma Watson, and I guess Ashley Green from Twilight" type of guy.

Brian: Um ... ok ... she's got pale skin ... and she's plump.

Brian also said she was white, but mixed. Perhaps part Russian. Curly hair. He can't classify her as a butterface because she's short and chubby.

Brian: C'mon, Ryan! Take one for the team!

Anyway, I got home at around 4:15PM, ate mommy and auntie's leftovers from T.G.I.Friday's and got to Capoeira at around 5:30PM (it starts at 5:00PM). I played in the roda 3 times. My flow was better as I was listening to Andres like a cornerman. I would semi-sarcastically answer, "Yes, sir," as I executed instructions and everyone laughed. Then I played with Andres in Angola. He did a Tesorus and I went underneath it, which I haven't done since my Batuque days. And I got my bridge back! Yeah, baby!

Oh yeah, there was a slut giving some guy slut a blowjob on the dance floor in front of everyone at EDC. Erica found the picture for me and messaged it to me on Myspace:

Who's Birthday is it? America's!

There's this raver chick named Allison from Palmdale. She's on my Myspace. I have her listed in my phone as "Allison from Palmdale." It's a reference to the Terminator: the Sarah Connor Chronicles episode of the same name that revealed that the Terminator, Cameron, was based on a human named Allison Young from Palmdale. Additionally, the Allison I know in real life shoots guns. Anyway, she sent me a text message greeting me a Happy 4th of July. Wow, I felt all tingly, like masturbation status. Oh, sure, it was a mass-text sent to everyone. But I only care that I received it.

Tiwat picked me up yesterday to go to Heather's 32nd Birthday party at her house in Anaheim Hills. On the way there, we stopped by Ralph's to pick up my present for Heather and I found a small magazine that featured an interview with Kelly Clarkson. But that deserves its own post.

I wrote in marker:

4th of July, 2009

Dearest Heather,

Happy Getting Older.

Love,

Ryan :-)

Roxy was there. She and Gavin just got married. Gavin was absent, though. He had to work. But some slut with a toddler daughter was there trying to give Roxy advice about being the superior one in the marriage under the guise of pregnancy advice. Some shit about how she will always be her daughter's mother more than her father will ever be her father. Her reasoning being that she's the one who "sacrificed her body," which she revealed meant "got fat," blah, blah, blah; whine, whine, whine; bitch, bitch, bitch ... I was thinking that that's a gateway for egocentrism that would destroy a relationship. Guess what? She later said she got divorced. Go figure. (Oh, of course she said that she filed for divorce, typical for the bitch to say, but it's usually the guy that dumps the chick for that type of immaturity.)

Chris: You will forget all this in 2 years.

[the bitch then flips him off]

Heather: (Sarcastically) Hmm ... what a surprise. You called me yesterday asking what my favorite beer is. And here it is.

Ryan: Yeah, what a coincidence!

This is what I call our "EDC make-up picture" because we couldn't find each other during EDC last weekend. Oh, and Mark and I talked about how Allison from Palmdale uses a water bra.

Kat: Did I ever tell you my family lives 3 houses from Kelly Clarkson's family in Texas?

Ryan: I tell all my friends that I have a best friend whose family lives 3 houses from Kelly Clarkson's family in Texas.

Whether Kat likes it or not, she is my BFF for the above reason. For example, she was trying to defend the banana cream pie that she got for Heather from everyone's hands and I reminded her, "Hey, we have a bond!" She reluctantly agreed, "Yes, we do." And I got my slice of pie.

Heather: Hey! Who's Birthday is it?

Everyone: (sarcastically) America's.

I came home and was still wasted at 4AM. I extracted Edlin, bartender Lisa, and Allison from Palmdale from my database while in the shower before going to sleep.

I overslept. I saw cousin Andree today before she went back to Vegas. I had to go to church with mom at Our Lady of Lourdes. And then dinner at T.G.I.Friday's.

Jane says

FINALLY an all new episode of Degrassi: the Next Generation after many months off.

Too bad it was an hour-long episode about child molestation that killed everyone's pre-4th of July buzz.

Anyway, I woke up at 9AM today to text Guro to confirm if we were still having class at 11AM. Guess what? Yup, you guessed it. Practice cancelled AGAIN. This time, he cited a family emergency. Oh well. I had fun going back to sleep.

Oh, and Heather's 32nd Birthday is tomorrow. I still remember when I commented on her Myspace, "You are gonna be so proud of me. I was wasted in Vegas last week and I hooked up with chicks ... who were OLD! Like, 30 year olds! I know. It's the total opposite of what I used to hit up." And then she commented back, "Um, ok ... I am proud of you, but 30 isn't OLD! I will be 32 this year damnit!"

Ryan (me): Just out of curiosity, what's your favorite beer?

Heather: Either Stellart or Hefeweizen.

Ryan: Ok, just curious. No reason.

I Do Not Hook Up

Mark was talking about going to hookah today. Never heard back from him, though.

Guro arranged for class tomorrow morning at 11:00AM. I then busted a #3 to that bartender, Lisa, so that after I rest up tonight, I'll have more testosterone tomorrow to fight stronger during practice.

I went to the gym. I guess I didn't eat enough carbs. I couldn't finish my final set on the bench press without taking off 10 pounds on each side.

I was supposed to eat dinner with mommy, but there was also the option of tomorrow during the day (after FMA class, IF there even is class considering Guro's flakiness). For some reason, mom doesn't have work during the day like she normally does. Only at night. It must be some kind of weird 4th of July weekend schedule.

But the real reason why I wanted to stay at home is because Kelly Clarkson, a.k.a. my future baby's mama, was performing her hit single I Do Not Hook Up on So You Think You Can Dance at 9:00PM on FOX. I was jumping up and down on my bed while I simultaneously updated my status on Facebook and posted a bulletin on Myspace accordingly.

More testosterone after a #3 to Edlin the day before

I stopped by the GNC to collect from Brian the remaining $2 he owes me. He had $1 on him. He owes $1 more. Yeah, I guess it's an installment plan.

Capoeira class is back at Sylmar Park. I was hoping it would stay in a park in North Hollywood where they practiced last week, though I couldn't make it, as it's closer to my house, but the 101 freeway must be nothing but traffic 24/7 as more and more people are flocking to the late Michael Jackson's house in Encino. Therefore, the Sylmar Park is currently the best location in terms of actually making it to class.

Anyway, I walked into class rocking my American flag bandana ... and they were kicking the pads like Muay Thai. WTF? I joined the drill incorporating a shoot-in countered by a sprawl sequence after a meia lua de frente into an armada into a martelo sequence.

Later, Andres was name-dropping that he rolled with Ralph Gracie and was even at a session where Nate and Nick Diaz were brought it. I suggested that we should enter some point system tournaments. He was down. He then thought about entering us in some striking tournaments, assumably wins via knockout. That's fine, I guess. But then he came up with this vision of later entering us into MMA fights. That ain't cool. I have no ground game. But Andres said he'll teach us.

Oh yeah, I was actually feeling it today. I guess yesterday's #3 worked. Nevertheless, everybody else was off, so much that Andres said so and stopped the roda early. Go figure.