Defanging the Snake

I trained Johnny today in FMA. We finally used these padded red and blue sticks that I bought last time I was in the Philippines. Material covered:

• Two angles of attack - forehand and backhand - each with four ranges of motion - overhand, horizontal, underhand, straight - all high, middle, and low.
• Counter-striking the attacker's weapon hand at largo (long) range, a method named Defanging the Snake.
• A preview of medio (medium) range.
• Vertical gunting (scissors).

Mommy bought a new paper shredder machine at Target in the mall. Then she volunteered to treat me at Red Robin. Jazz wasn't working, though. Boo. The Chili chili cheese burger had been taken off the menu, but I had them make it anyway. Plus, garlic parmesan fries and the usual Freckled Lemonade. Afterward at some gelato place, I had mint chocolate gelato and mommy had vanilla gelato. The worker acted like he grew up on too much MTV.

MOMMY: That cone's dirty!
WORKER: It's chocolate[-chipped]!

WORKER: If you don't choose [a flavor] soon, I'll choose one for you!

Later, while walking to Barnes & Noble, I was doing my Robyn Dancing On My Own dance when Robert, the manager from Rubio's, walked in on me. That was sort of embarrassing.

The Last of the Lost Boys

I did calisthenics at the gym.

Faith was working at Brookstone. Leah was at Hot Topic. She was adamant with asking if I needed any help and telling me what's on sale, blah, blah, blah ... And I'm thinking, Hehe, the chick whom Johnny and his friends says is stuck up is talking to me.

Tiwat goes away today. We texted each other:

RYAN: You still there?
TIWAT: At the airport now
RYAN: Cool. Didn't have time to upload the pics from last night yet. I'll do it tonight.
TIWAT: Cool no rush
TIWAT: I'm gonna miss you man
RYAN: You too. At the mall doing my usual database run. Left you a funny FB comment a while ago. Let me know if you get a new number.
TIWAT: Haha all right

I ended the night with WWE RAW.

Dancing On My Own

Mommy and I invited Hiro to eat with us at Chili's in Northridge. I had steak, chicken and shrimps as fajitas with Blackberry iced tea and we all shared molten chocolate cake for desert. Our waitress was a white chick, short blond hair in a ponytail and nose ring, named Shayna. She's in my database.

Mommy went to take the little cousins to a movie afterward. I had to go to the Northridge mall to buy a card for Tiwat. Hiro tagged along before he had to have dinner with Masa. The Hot Topic has cooler stuff than the one at Glendale mall.

Then it was time for Tiwat's going away party at Ocean's Hookah. Tiwat's friends were named Gabriel, Gabriel's girlfriend, Brian, and some gangster Asian. I had a Newcastle. Tiwat accidentally spilled the raspberry flavored hookah on his crotch and used my goodbye card to put it out. Mark and Arthur eventually arrived. The DJ started playing Danza Kuduro, the soundtrack from Fast Five when the super team have their happy endings. How appropriate.

Mommy's sleeping over at Uncle Lando's after taking the kids to the movies. Gabriel added me on Facebook as we have like minds. And here's something I've been listening to since I heard it during last week's Gymnastics class:

A pitcher of Sam Adams Summer Ale all to myself

Another database run before going to night 2 of PWG. Faith was working at Brookstone. But no substitute in the database would be necessary as Jazz was working at Red Robin. Same hairstyle in the same blue scrunchie as yesterday.

While standing in line at PWG, a group of four who had an extra pre-sale ticket approached me to buy it from them. They were two guys named Jose, a chick named Shawna, and a kid named Gabriel. Cool people. And the pre-sale line gets let in faster than the "still have to buy tickets at the door" line. Score. Observing the bros before hoes code, I first observed that Shawna wasn't attached to any of them. Then - though Shawna's not a looker, but not ugly either and an older woman - she was in the database by default.

It was just me, the Gray Mustache and Mateo again. This time, the bar had Sam Adams Summer Ale on tap, which meant a whole pitcher to myself! (The Gray Mustache only likes Tecate or something like that.) The chick who normally wears a flower on her ear was there again. Then the chick that Chad and I both bust a #3 to showed up. I would've texted Chad to inform him, but I promised to stop risking him getting busted by his wife. Haha.

BLOND BARTENDER: I like your [Fight Club] shirt. It's my favorite movie.

OK, so just to be nice, I'll have that blond bartender in my database as well. She's no Lisa (former bartender at PWG), though. That reminds me, I found Lisa's Facebook through Craig's/Tornado's. I should try to add her ... and then bust a #3 to her again.

Chris Bauer (Andy Bellefleur from True Blood) was at PWG and he remembered me from last time (see entry 12/11/10). He was wearing a baseball cap, trying to look inconspicuous. It actually worked.

RYAN: I love how you're in disguise.
CHRIS: Yeah, I'm always in disguise.

After PWG, I stopped by what was left of cousin Janine's Confirmation party and got food. Went home, fired up the porn and busted a #3 to Shawna. I actually fell below my target number of strokes. Whoa.

A pitcher of Stella Artois all to myself

The first day back in the gym after completing a creatine cycle - in other words, back to normal strength - always sucks. I took it easy with basic compound exercises.

Guitar practice was OK. I just wasn't feeling the new song.

Then it was time to go to the PWG show alone because Matt's busy with research papers. But first, a quick database run. At the mall, wearing my Taylor Swift shirt and carrying my guitar as a chick magnet, I got hit on hard by high school chicks while their moms rolled their eyes at it all.

HIGH SCHOOLER: I love your Taylor Swift shirt!
RYAN: Thank you!
HIGH SCHOOLER: I love your guitar!
RYAN: Thank you!
HIGH SCHOOLER: I love your hair!
RYAN: Thank you!
HIGH SCHOOLER: I love you!
RYAN: ... Thank you!

Faith was working at Brookstone. Just when I thought Jazz wasn't working, she arrived to clock in! She was wearing a weird uniform that looked like red scrubs. I think the letters on it read: CCC. Whatever that means. Instead of her usual ponytail, only half her hair was in a ponytail while the rest behind her ears was down. One of those things.

I sat with the Gray Mustache and his son, Mateo at PWG. There's some vendor now that sells hot dogs and burgers outside. A hot dog with everything on it was bomb. There's some cute-faced redhead who's chubby, but not obese, who's been coming for a while. She's in the database. The chick who normally has a flower on her ear, but wasn't wearing one tonight, is renewed in the database as well. Too bad I couldn't bust a #3, though, when I got home because mommy called in sick from work.

Breaking the law, breaking the law

I couldn't tell if that was Jazz working at Red Robin as the damn blinds in the window were distorting my view. But at least Faith at Brookstone was a nice substitution in my database. Helen was working at Latin Lingo, but I didn't want to disturb her. Perhaps I should bring Helen back into the database. Motherhood hasn't been so good to her in recent years, but for some reason she's starting to look better this week. It's most likely extra makeup. Gaby was working at Lush, but I still think she's only beer goggles cute. I just got caught up in the moment when - not taking my, "Not my thing," as an answer - she was so eager to sensually rub a free sample of practically everything in the store on me (see entry 5/10/11), but that's it.

Mommy was about to go through Prime Time TV withdrawals, but fortunately for her So You Think You Can Dance started tonight. Dinner was In-N-Out with extra lettuce.

Yuen Method?

I trained Johnny in FMA today. He's also got the most forgiving girlfriend apparently since he cheated on her while drunk and they're still together. ANYWAY, today's training:

• Two angles of attack - forehand and backhand - and four ranges of motion per each angle - overhand, horizontal, underhand, and straight.
• The bitch slap.
• Leaning jab-cross.
• Leaning palm strikes.
• Seven elbows of Krav Maga.
• A-Frame clinch with knees.

We only ran out of time because I actually managed to find parking on his street, but had a two-hour limit. Oh yeah, Johnny has a stalker three years his junior and she stopped by to say, "Hi." But the most interesting story of the day was Johnny telling me about this Yuen Method. More info to follow.

I busted a #3 to Faith from Brookstone. This show called Oprah ended today, but I've never watched it. However, it was the season finale of American Idol tonight, though I didn't really watch this season. But it was really lackluster to last season's finale. [Yawn.]

Too many season finales lately. What are we going to do for Prime Time TV during the summer?

I busted a #3 to the chick who was handing out Communion at church last Sunday.

I watched the season finale of Glee while mommy watched the season finale of her Dancing with the Stars. On a related note, mommy brought home Filipino food from the Jolibee at the Eagle Rock mall where some scenes of Glee are filmed.

Then I did half an hour of cardio at the gym.

After 17 months without a Cinnabon, it was time for a Cinnabon again

I busted a #3 to Lindsay from Outback Steakhouse yesterday. Ah, to bust a #3 when freshly shaved ... Or in my case, closely cut with scissors as I currently don't have an electric shaver. And it makes me look bigger.

Then I ate a Cinnabon for the first time in seventeen months (see entry 12/13/09). Due to Dancing with the Stars, mommy stayed home and sent me to get food at Rubio's. A steak burrito for me with my personal half-and-half of Lemonade and Raspberry Iced Tea and a fish burrito for mommy. WWE RAW closed my usual Monday night.

I'm like Bolo Yueng, but now I need to be more like Bruce Lee

Just another morning of trying to learn back handsprings in Gymnastics. Coach Shawn says, in terms of fluidity, I'm more like Bolo Yueng, but now I have to be more like Bruce Lee.

SHAWN: You guys are like baby rattle snakes. An adult rattle snake will bite you just enough. But a baby rattle snake will bite you and release all of it's venom into you because it can't control it. You need to learn control.

He also had a metaphor about being like water flowing through rocks to help deal with my muscularity getting in the way of my flexibility.

The chick who hands out Communion during the afternoon mass at church is in my database. She's a white girl with shoulder-length, light brown hair and light eyes.

Faith was working at Brookstone, her hair looking messy. Jazz was working at Red Robin. I almost didn't see her as she was tying her hair as I walked by. She tied all of her hair back as opposed to her bangs normally falling to the left. It was nice seeing her whole face for once. That's in my database. When I passed by Brookstone again, Faith tied her hair and looked neater. Database as well.

Mommy and I ate at Outback Steakhouse. Mommy's favorite waitress Lindsay was there, but Lindsay was working on the opposite side of the room from where my mommy likes to be seated (and where she always demands to be seated). Nevertheless, Lindsay is renewed in my database. Also, that hostess who looks like that pornstar whose name I can't remember was there. Yay database.

The world ended today at 6:00PM eastern time ... NOT

I took a dose of Jack3d for my last day of my creatine cycle before doing a hundred reps with a 45 lb. barbell of that grappling circuit (see entry 4/23/11) and then hanging pike abdominal exercises (or whatever the hell it's called; I saw John Morrison do it on Youtube).

Georgia, the substitute in my database for whenever Jazz isn't working at Red Robin, was working at Hot Topic. BUT Jazz was working at Red Robin. Grrr ... I'm just upset that she wasn't working last Saturday when I was actually eating there.

Faith was finally working at Brookstone. I don't mean to cheat on Jazz, but I've been craving Faith ever since Erica Durance as Lois Lane wearing glasses on the Smallville Series Finale looked a lot like Faith. Although, Faith wasn't wearing glasses tonight. But she finally fixed those God-awfully cut bangs she had for a while by combing it all to the right, compressing it as one pointy bang.

I have to say, there were some good finds last night: 1) A video with a girl who was having sex as if she was diagnosed with ADHD. I'm not sure if the guy even pushed her off in time and he might've ejaculated some inside her. 2) A guy straddling a chick in the missionary position and the chick started convulsing and having a seizure as an orgasm. ANYWAY, I fired up the porn again tonight and busted a #3 to Faith. Not a bad ending for what was supposed to be the end of the world.

Rest in Peace "Macho Man" Randy Savage

At midnight, I texted my BBF Kat:

Midnight! Happy Birthday BFF :-)

Kat's the one whose family in Texas lives down the street from Kelly Clarkson's family. She texted back:

Thanx bff !!!! I'm over at Chris and Heathers surprise surprise

Big surprise! I'm so glad they made up.

Mommy and I had lunch at Acapulco, but their buffet sucked. We also didn't give a tip, instead writing on the check, "Please don't keep us waiting too long." Good news: There was this chick who looks to be about cougar age, light blond - but might not be bottle blond - brown eyes. She might've had an armenian accent, but her nose was normal, unless it's a nose job. She kept trying to tuck her hair behind her ears. She's in my database.

I went to guitar practice and then afterward carried my guitar around like a chick magnet at the mall. But it was still too early as there was no one in the database. Some chick called out to me, "I like Taylor Swift!" But that was because of my shirt, not my guitar.

At Hot Topic, the manager was there. I've only tried her out in the database before to be nice or because I liked the dress she was wearing. She had a short ponytail today. I never checked her out because I wasn't a fan of her bangs that were so uniformly cut that, if you focused only on the front of the head, it looked like a hat. But I think she was trying to get rid of that as she was trying to comb it to the side. Big difference. It's like I can see her face now. She's short, but not fat. (Maybe a little baby fat.) All right, she's in the database.

I watched WWE Smackdown in its entirety for the first time now that Smallville is no longer running during its first hour. [Weep.] And then Camelot.

Then I fired up the porn and busted a #3 to that cougar from Acapulco earlier. I didn't think she would be that good, but then I fell short of my target number of strokes and skyrocketed it! I was still sore after recharging to bust a #3 to the manager at Hot Topic.

Encore presentation of the SMALLVILLE SERIES FINALE

I took a dose of Cellucor M5 before working my pull muscles at the gym.

Mommy and I had dinner at Rubio's. That jackoffable light skinned Latina cashier Lizet was there. She exchanged words with me as she said, "Enjoy your meal," to which I responded, "Thanks." That's, like, verbal sex.

And then I cancelled on having coffee with the dean of a prospective law school. Why? Because the CW had an encore presentation of last week's Smallville Series Finale! Relapse into NERDGASMS! And I talked mommy out of going to the laundromat tonight so that she can finally see it for the first time.

Skip to tomorrow

I changed my contacts today. I took a dose of Cellucor M5 before working on my push muscles at the gym.

Did nothing really happen today? Well, it was the second time on American Idol (which I haven't been watching this season) that someone sang Alanis Morissette's You Oughtta Know and once again I say the lyrics are NOT: Will she go out with you to a theater. NO! At least the first time AI covered it, it was closer as: Will she go down with you to a theater. BUT the real lyrics are: WIll she go down ON you IN a theater!

I did the most chick magnet thing

I went to guitar practice today, which was rescheduled from last Friday. Then I did the most chick magnet thing: I carried my guitar with me around the mall.

But, damn, where was everyone in the database? Although that chick Gaby from the Lush store (see entry 5/10/11) ran into me when she was on her way back to work. She asked me how did all the free samples go. I told her it felt like candle wax was in my hair, so she said she'd give me a sample of something lighter next time. She's beer-goggles cute, it's just that she's nice and seemed to enjoy rubbing stuff on me and showing me everything last week. I suppose I do reward niceness.

Ended the night with Glee.

Just found out Harold and Kumar will have a 3D Christmas

I took a dose of Jack3d before doing calisthenics at the gym. (I just realized I was supposed to take a dose of Cellucor M5 instead as I alternate between the two.)

I ended the night with WWE RAW.

I haven't bought Tommy's chili food in fifteen (yes, 15) months!

Today at Gymnastics, I tried back handsprings for the first time without the aid of the tumbler nor the suspension ropes, but with only Coach Shawn's arms spotting me. There was this MILF, whom they referred to as Ms. Fey, whose little boys were in the children's class after ours. I didn't see a ring on her finger. She's in my database.

I went to Tommy's for the first time since 2/8/10 to buy a chili cheese hot dog, chili cheese fries and lemonade. Holy crap, I haven't been to Tommy's in fifteen months!

I've once mentioned this meaty jackoffable blond chick that works at some restaurant called Waba Teriyaki Grill (see entry 4/5/11). I saw her getting off from work. She looked good in her sleeveless black top, matching tattoos on the front of each deltoid muscle, jeans, and matching black boots. I followed her all the way to the bus stop, but was too lazy to see which bus she got on.

Mommy and I ate dinner at Outback Steakhouse. And then I went to the gym to do half an hour of cardio.

But she was allowed to keep the flower in her hair

I took a dose of Jack3d before working on my pull muscles at the gym.

Jazz wasn't working at Red Robin. Damn it. I hate it when their schedules are unstable. But I've been craving a Bleu Ribbon Burger, Bottomless Fries and Freckled Lemonade, so I ate there anyway. The waiter gave me two refills of fries to go. I ended up giving one serving of fries to a homeless guy who frequents the mall.

I randomly remembered seeing the manager from Hot Topic sometime earlier this week standing outside the store in a dress that was shades of pink with a flower in her hair. I never check her out and I've only busted a #3 to her before just to be nice. But tonight, I busted a #3 to her because I actually wanted to while she was in that dress. Of course she was no longer wearing that dress in my database by the time I actually managed to hit twice my target number of strokes. But she was allowed to keep the flower in her hair.

CLARK KENT FINALLY FLEW AND - AND - PUT ON THE SUPERMAN SUIT, ALL IN ONE MOTION!

I took a dose of Cellucor M5 before working on my push muscles at the gym. Guitar practice has been rescheduled because Vahik's not feeling well.

And then it was time ... after ten years, ten seasons ... the final episode of Smallville as I drove to Tiwat's place for this momentous event and just utterly NERDGASM'D!

Downside: My boner died when Tess (Cassidy Freeman) was killed by Lex Luthor.

Upside, Honorable Mention: The return of actor Michael Rosenbaum (whose last appearance was the 7th season finale) as Lex Luthor!

Epic Nerdgasm: CLARK KENT FINALLY FLEW AND - AND - PUT ON THE SUPERMAN SUIT, ALL IN ONE MOTION!

I went home and busted a #3 to my fellow [Harry] Potterhead Ally as she turned out to be a Smallville fan as well who cried tears of joy over the epicness of tonight's show.

Feeling IT

I haven't been able to say this in a while, but at today's guitar practice, rescheduled from last Friday, I was feeling it. Yes, IT - that feeling of being able to make any girl take off their panties as a result of my magnificent playing.

Some manager at Red Robin who recognizes me - Uh oh (That spot is "burned," as Brian, formerly "Brian at the GNC," would say) - asked if I was eating there today. I told him Saturday.

He's got two left feet and he bites my moves

OK, so yesterday I woke up from a dream that I vaguely remember as vampires versus werewolves. I think I was a werewolf. And this morning I woke up from a dream where I was hoping to stall taking an injection serum that would turn me into a vampire. What the heck, subconsciousness?

I re-watched last night's episode of Glee on Hulu.com. Then took a dose of Jack3d before doing calisthenics at the gym.

At the mall, that girly store Body Basic closed. I guess I won't see that chick Jessica (another "substitute" in the database) again unless another chance happening. Also tough break for that chick who formerly worked at the video game store and just started working there.

I caught up with Nataly. She was only there to deposit her check when she realized she left her wallet at home. Ha.

I ended the night with The Ultimate Fighter.

Free ice cream cone today at Haagen Dazs

I finally tracked down last Friday's episodes of WWE Smackdown and Smallville.

I busted a #3 to the hostess from Outback Steakhouse last night. Then I went into the mall and saw a line at Haagen Dazs, which was giving one free ice cream cone per person today.

On my way there, some chick was offering free samples outside of Lush Cosmetics. I told her, "Not my thing," but she ended up rubbing stuff on my hands anyway. Then she took me inside the store and showed me practically everything. They have a soap called "Too Drunk to Fuck." She says it helps when one has hangovers. Her name's Gaby. She's not afraid to say "shit" while on duty, for example, "[Insert verbs here] and shit."

RYAN: What does that one do? [Pointing to the "Sex in the Shower" soap.]
GABY: That's for, you know, when you're not showering alone.

That still didn't answer my question about what it does, but I nodded anyway. I might have to come back. And she's in my database. I left with a bunch of free samples before getting a free Deep Chocolate Peanut Butter on a cone.

I then came upon Johnny, my current FMA student, outside of Carl's Jr. And then my stalker from Hot Topic, who actually frequents that Carl's Jr, gave me her usual stare.

RYAN: (Antagonizing) Did you get your free ice cream cone at Haagen Dazs yet.
STALKER: I don't have time. [Enters Carl's Jr.]
JOHNNY: (Jokingly) But she has time to go there.

Afterward, my stalker was on her way to go to her job at Hot Topic, giving me her usual stare. Johnny thinks she's hot, but admitted her stare was menacing.

I visited Helen at Latin Lingo, still showing off my ice cream. She informed me that the Mann Theatre where we both used to work was going out of business. Before they do, I need to use their public restroom and urinated everywhere.

I ended the night with Glee.

Without a car = nap

I didn't have a car today as mommy insisted on getting it checked up.

Mommy and I ate dinner at Outback Steakhouse. Mommy asked for her favorite waitress Lindsay again, but she wasn't working. I wouldn't have minded renewing Lindsay in my database. Our waiter was named Jack. Nice guy. He managed to incept in my mind getting the Apple Cinnamon Oblivion with ice cream on top for desert. But the hostess who reminds me of a pornstar whose name I still can't remember at the moment was there and she's renewed in my database.

After WWE RAW, I took a dose of Cellucor M5 before going to the gym to work on my pull muscles late at night.

Mother's Day

I left mommy's Happy Mother's Day card on her pillow before going to Gymnastics in the morning. I have further progress with back handsprings, this time jumping over the tumbling aid instead of rolling with it. And Coach Shawn lost $100 betting on Shane Mosley against Manny Pacquiao, the latter who of course won.

Jazz was working at Red Robin. Instead of her usual ponytail, her hair was just pulled back, but free flowing. One of those things, whatever that style is called. I discreetly reached down my pants for the victory yoink again.

Mommy and I went to cousin Kathy's new house in Sylmar. Dinner was various stuff from Thai BBQ.

Once at home, I took a dose of Jack3d and worked on my push muscles at the gym late at night.

Renaissance Faire and Manny Pacquiao versus Shane Mosley

I dressed up as a Spartacus: Blood and Sand inspired Gladiator for the Renaissance Faire, which was basically my leather shoulder armor, matching swimming trunks, and a pair of mommy's leather slippers that coincidentally matched. Eugene, Stefanie, Candice and I met up with Jun and Paul there. I got hit on/felt up/asked to take a picture with by the following:

• A teenaged looking blond chick going for a warrior princess look.
• A subtly cute brown haired chick wearing a Valkyrie helmet. She's in my database. She was being fitted for a corset by a chick that Eugene went to high school and she asked the Valkyrie, "Would you like to take a pic with the Barbarian?"
• A chick pushing a stroller who ran her fingers through my hair and said it was orgasmic.
• A blond cougar who walked up to me just to briefly say, Beautiful."
• Two blondes working at the Tickle Thy Fancy store.
• A brunette also going for a warrior princess look who exclaimed, "Jesus Christ," as she saw me.
• Some Latina woman with her family who rubbed my abs as I took a pic with her.
• A nerd who pantomimed licking my body.
• A cougar in red who felt my nipples and belly button saying she had a "belly button" fetish and then told me, "Never shave." But I'm not sure what she was talking about not shaving.
• A chick of African descent working at a more Steampunk oriented clothing store.

I did a quick database run at the mall. Jazz was working at Red Robin. I did some drive-by jerking, or discreetly reaching down my pants for a couple of victory yoinks as I walked by staring at her, pretending my penis was firing ammo.

Then rushed over to cousin Kathy's new house where the family was showing the fight between Shane Mosley and Manny Pacquiao, the latter accompanied to the ring by Jami Jameson (lead singer of Survivor) as he sang his classic hit Eye of the Tiger. I'm impressed someone there brought Sam Adams beer and I had a seasonal Irish Red instead of the uncles' usual crappy beer. And someone was mixing vodka with Nos energy drinks.

At home, I fired up the porn and busted a #3 to that chick in the Valkyrie helmet earlier today.

"Today's Arthur and Mayra's Wedding Day, not Punk-Out-John Day!"

I went shopping and bought some swimming trunks to match my leather shoulder armor for the Renaissance Faire tomorrow, new scrunchies, and a card for Arthur and Mayra's Wedding. The actual wedding was at 2:00PM, but that was too early for me. Fortunately, the reception starts at 7:00PM. I just had to reschedule guitar practice so I can leave early.

At the reception in Pomona, I sat together with Chris and Heather. DJ Rich was the DJ, trying hard to keep a straight face as he wasn't fond of Arthur's playlist of Classics. But he did throw on Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway and even scratched and mixed the record!

DJ RICH: Just for you, Ryan!

Chris was upset because he misread the invite and thought the Wedding was at 7:00PM.

HEATHER: I was so surprised because I haven't seen any of you in so long and suddenly I was like, "They're having a baby?! How did that happen--" Well, I know had that happened, but--
CHRIS: --OK, so I don't know how to read, but apparently she doesn't know where babies come from.

John, who's been excommunicated from the group since un-friending us for still being friends with Marelis (his ex-girlfriend), showed up. He tried way too hard to avoid eye contact with Chris, Heather and me. After Mark mixed some Black Label liquor for Chris and Heather, I asked if I could do the same.

RYAN: Is it OK if I mix some for myself?
MARK: [The Black Label] is at my table with John.
RYAN: Is it OK if I go to your table and mix some for myself?
MARK: It's John's.
RYAN: Is it OK if I punk out John while I take it from him and mix some for myself?
HEATHER: Do it! And while you mix it, go like this [imitates how John's been trying too hard to avoid eye contact with us].
MARK: Today's Arthur and Mayra's Wedding Day, not Punk-Out-John Day! I'll bring it. Get some Pepsi ready.

And Mark discreetly got some of John's Black Label for me, pretending it was for himself.

During Mark's "Best Man" speech, he said "ass" to which a three-year-old in the audience repeated out loud as his dad put "earmuffs" on him! Ivan also arrived with Arthur's other friend "the Comedian" (really Chris, but nicknamed to differentiate from THE Chris), whom I haven't seen since my pre-Birthday last year (see entry 4/30/10).

Afterward, Mark rode with me to Chris and Heather's favorite strip club to make up for the fact that "there were no hot bridesmaids." Mark and Chris bought rounds of more alcohol. My total alcohol consumption for the day was: a cranberry vodka, Black Label and Pepsi, Champagne, Tecate, Jack & Coke, Scooby Snack, Malibu & Coke, and Chocolate Cake shot.

RYAN: People need to get married more often!
MARK: Yeah, just not us.

And we rode off into the moonlight as KROQ played Muse's Supermassive Black Hole.

3rd Round Knockout (albeit by email) = I'm a Guro

I've been involved in an email war with that deadbeat of a FMA instructor, Guro (reminder: not a name, but rather it means "teacher"). Due to legalities that he's violated and his failure to dispute other accusations by my 3rd email, as what I consider an out-of-court settlement, I am officially a Guro (teacher in Filipino Martial Arts)!

At night I caught a A Fistful of Dollars themed episode of Community on NBC, again which I've been meaning to do since meeting Gillian Jacobs at a PWG show (see entry 12/11/10). Still not feeling it. But the grainy filters that the cameras shot with were nice.

Gosh, what a sober Cinco de Mayo. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Chicken and Steak on this fine Hump Day

I watched last night's episode of Glee in its entirety on Hulu.com. Then took a dose of Cellucor M5 and did calisthenics at the gym, though incorporating that Grappling Circuit with a 45 lb. bar that I had to do during that MMA practice two Saturdays ago (see entry 4/23/11).

Mommy and I had dinner at Cheesecake Factory. I went with the combo of Chicken Madeira and Steak Diane with my usual Raspberry Lemonade. Our waitress' name was Tatiana. She had brown hair in a ponytail and some kind of Latina accent. I suppose she's jackoffable.

You Can Go Your Own Way

I finally "poked" back that chick Ruby on FB late last night (technically this morning) and found that she had already "poked" back. I continued the "poke war."

I busted a #3 again to that blond Andrea from Tavern on Brand last Saturday (see entry 4/30/11).

Helen was working at Latin Lingo.

RYAN: Just doing my Birthday strut.
HELEN: Today's your Birthday?
RYAN: Well, two days ago.
HELEN: Oh, Happy Birthday. Didn't I see you two days ago?
RYAN: No, because two days ago it was my Birthday and I wasn't here.
HELEN: Oh yeah, and you would've said something if you were.
RYAN: Didn't your Birthday just pass?
HELEN: Yeah it was on April 20.
RYAN: Your Birthday's on 4/20.
HELEN: Yeah, but I just say April 20 or else people will get the wrong idea.

And then I had deja vu that we've already had this conversation years ago.

Mommy locked herself out of her car at work. I had to save the day and catch whatever I can left of tonight's Fleetwood Mac themed episode of Glee.

I'm Coming Home

I took a dose of Jack3d and went to the gym to work on my pull muscles. It was the first time I saw Danny actually working out in the gym rather than sitting at the front desk.

I was walking by Hot Topic when I had to check my messages on my phone. When I looked back up ... my stalker had ambushed me, pointing at me.

AMINAH (a.k.a. MY STALKER): Can I ask you a question?
INNER RYAN: Anything to get me to stay because you probably want my cock, right?
RYAN: It depends.
MY STALKER: Why'd you buy that shirt? (Referring to my Taylor Swift shirt)
RYAN: I'm a fan.
MY STALKER: Really?
RYAN: What do you care?
MY STALKER: Of Taylor Swift?
RYAN: Yeah.
MY STALKER: Nevermind then.
RYAN: [Walking away] Wait a minute, I actually have to check out music here.

MY STALKER: Well since it's your Birthday, do you like Lady Gaga?
RYAN: She's aight.
MY STALKER: What about Avril Lavigne?
RYAN: I actually do.

And she gave me a free Avril Lavigne poster for my Birthday.

My mommy and I brought home food from Rubio's. The cashier Olivia was there. She dyed her hair black. She still checks me out, but her acne is still flaring.

OLIVIA: I like your [Taylor Swift] shirt.

And she gave us free drinks. I ended the night with a special WWE RAW celebrating Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's Birthday.

My Birthday = the Beatification of Pope John Paul II and the death of Osama bin Laden

I can't believe no one in the database was working at the mall after Church.

Mommy and I treated Auntie Bella, Uncle Oca, Auntie Nora, Auntie Carisse, and cousins Janine and Jillian to lunch at A&W Seafood in Northridge. Mental note: Five Star China Inn has gone out of business and in it's place is Dublin's Irish Bar and Grill.

Nataly texted me:

So osama bin laden is killed on your birthday haha

And the Beatification of the late Pope John Paul II was an excellent way to end my Birthday :-)