Pretending to be a basketball fan in a sports bar

Well, I woke up at around 4:00AM due to a nocturnal emission and had to clean up. I had a weird dream that I was picking up some Latina chick, who I've never seen before in real life, for a date. When meeting her family, the chick started giving me a lap dance as her family cheered her on. Weird, I know. When I felt I was about to ejaculate in the dream, I managed to get my pants off in time ... BUT only to wake up in the real world and discover that I still got wet. Went back to sleep after cleaning up.

I did my 2nd day of this new heavy lifting regiment for legs at the gym, rocked at guitar practice, and then busted a #3 to actress Katy Mixon from Eastbound and Down.

And then it was time to pretend to be a basketball fan, despite not knowing shit about basketball, as my old LSAT prep classmates Ben and Mike invited me to hang out with them at the 35er bar in Pasadena for the Lakers versus Celtics game. Mike's girlfriend, Tiffany, was with him. Ben's friends were named Robert, Becky, Alex, Jeremy, and Richard.

• Becky and Robert are siblings from La Crescenta and are Irish whose lineage traces to William the Conqueror.
• Becky and Alex work together at some BBQ place in Montrose where Becky has a stalker.
• I need to bust a #3 to Becky as soon as possible.

BECKY: Can I ask you a weird question? What shampoo are you using?
RYAN: I was using Head & Shoulders today.
BECKY: Because it smells really good!

• I'm the only one who pronounces Celtics correctly while everyone pronounces it as Seltics.
• Mike and Ben bought pitchers of Heineken, Robert bought pitchers of Blue Moon Honey Moon, and I bought pitchers of Sam Adams.
• The bar was giving away free hotdogs!
• Supposedly, seasonal flavors of Newcastle exist.
• Jeremy generously bought a few of us beers, mine being Sam Adams.

ALEX: What's your number?
JEREMY: This is gonna sound really gay, but ... Facebook me.
BECKY: Wait, what?!
JEREMY: I said, "Facebook me."
BECKY: Oh! I thought you said something else.
RYAN: I know what you were thinking!

(She thought he said, "Face-fuck me.")

• Alex drunkenly thinks Rap Music wouldn't be any good without Kurt Cobain. (Like, what the fuck?)
• Robert then drunkenly rapped as a comeback towards Alex's Kurt Cobain comment.
• Me drunkenly doing Vanilla Ice's Ice Ice Baby on kareoke was introduced in the conversation, in which Alex wanted to challenge me with his covers of Journey songs.
• Somehow, Twilight came up and I shared how I was Jacob Black for Halloween, which prompted Becky to share that she thought Jacob was cuter than Edward. (Gosh, I need to bang this chick.)
• Robert (keeping in mind he's white) drunkenly started trashing white people, saying, "Fuck English, fuck Germans," etc.
• Robert drunkenly nearly took off his shirt, which I shared with Becky as we passed by each other on my way to the restroom and she adorably ran to babysit him.
• After me, chicks started using the guys' restroom because there was a line for the chicks' restroom.

ROBERT: (Referring to me) I like this guy. [High-fives me.]
ALEX: (Drunkenly follows) Me too. [High-fives me.]
RICHARD: (Drunkenly follows) Yeah, you're cool people. [High-fives me]