I'd knock him out

Just got back from a private resort in Laguna. I relearned to play Pool and beat Bong in re-beginner's luck. 2-year-old Samantha peed in the swimming pool.

PHILIP: Come in. The water's warm.
SHEILA: That's because Sam peed in it.

Now we're back and dad's doing his temper tantrum, using cancer as an excuse to get away with it. Bong, dad's caretaker, just texted Philip about wanting to be relieved. Philip forwarded the text to dad to show him the consequences of his temper. Backfired. Dad's yelling at Bong now. My mommy went in to regulate my dad. I just heard my dad smash something. Now my mommy just talked to me.

MOMMY: Can you talk to your dad?
RYAN: That's a bad idea.
MOMMY: Why?
RYAN: 'Cause if he talked to me like that, I'd knock him out.

Off to Laguna

Just came back from that jungle called Gerona to drop of mangoes and candles at Auntie Zelda and Uncle Ben's graves. Now we're off to a hot springs resort in a town called Laguna. Finally, something fun.

Finally, some real food

I ate herb crusted rack of lamb with a glass of red wine for dinner. And I had to finish dad's steak for him. Whoohoo.

And the boredom continues

Maybe I should contact my old Street Fighting instructor from my last visit here and see if I can take private lessons again.

Pseudoephedrine ... never gets old

I did jack shit today. Everyone is superstitious. No one wants to be alone in the house. They're all scared of Auntie Zelda's ghost. My mommy and cousin Shiela sleep in the same bed. I'm the only one who's slept with the lights off! But my dad, who sleeps next to me, was probably scared. Shiela's mom-in-law brought a priest to bless every room in the house. The entire household prayed the rosary while I was watching a rerun of Glee, which just made it's way to the Philippines. It was the episode where the kids take pseudoephedrine. I think this was the episode that got me into the series besides the pilot where they sang Don't Stop Believing.

Catching up

I get to catch up now on events. Last Wednesday, the day before I left to come back to the Philippines:

• I debuted my tight (girl's size medium) Alice Cullen shirt in public.
• I caught Moe at the Scream Shop to exchange contact info since that store was closing within a couple of days.
• I visited Brian at the GNC to discuss meeting with Johnny on Thursday, Brian's normal day off, under the guise of teaching Johnny to fight, but really to talk him out of going through with the gang trouble that he inherited from his brother. But Brian had to work on Thursday because GNC's shipment was late. Friday's long passed and I hope Johnny's OK.
• I went to church for Ash Wednesday. I saw Marius from high school. I've busted a #3 lots of times to his older sister Kit and I shook his hand with my hand that I use to do it. By the way, the chick in front of me in line for communion was jackoffable.
• Finally, I visited my Capoeira group for the 1st time since last December. They actually applauded when I walked through the door! Those present: Andres, the 2 Jesses, Kevin, Diana, Louis, and 2 new students - a little boy named Shane and a skinny guy named Carlos (not to be confused with Carlos now in Nebraska or Diana's Carlos).

I was supposed to come back to training on Friday, but had to break the news about going back to the Philippines the next day for my then dying aunt (Auntie Zelda passaed away hours later).

ANDRES: We were just talking about how we were gonna get you on Friday!

They loved the Alice Cullen shirt I was wearing, particularly how it was so tight that it made me look buff as I was "popping out of" it. Diana and I had a "hair battle" that ended with her whining, "You're supposed to say my hair's better!"

ANDRES: (teasing) It's all about Team Jacob.
JESSE II: (looking at the ashes on my forehead) I didn't know you were Catholic.
DIANA: (at me) I chose Team Jacob.

At one point, Andres accidentally called Shane "Taylor" and blamed it on me (as in Taylor Lautner, who plays Twilight's Jacob Black - my doppelganger). God I've missed these guys.

I went back to the Glendale Galleria to visit a store called Trend Theory that was going out of business by Sunday. I bought a pair of white dress shoes for about $20 that were originally $60. Thank God it came with a shoe horn. The cashier remarked that he forgot it was Ash Wednesday. The next day I came back just to put in my database some chick who was working there. I couldn't tell if she was Latina or Indian (as in from India, not Native American). And she had an accent I couldn't tell the origin of. It was noticeable she had acne on her cheeks that she covered with makeup. But she was jackoffable enough.

The rest is history. Auntie Aida and Uncle Mon picked my mommy and I up from the airport. The funeral was in some part called Gerona in a village called Tarlac, all in a jungle. People mistakenly thought it was my dad who died instead of his sister. That's actually the 2nd time that mistake has happened!

VILLAGE DUDE: I heard you had an operation. What for?
DAD: Only cancer.
VILLAGE DUDE: Only cancer?!

I slept in the dilapidated house my mommy grew up in. The next night, I slept in the dilapidated house Uncle Ben (Auntie Zelda's late husband) grew up in. What a shit hole this whole weekend took place in. I forced myself into hybernation to escape by sleeping for more than 12 straight hours. But I'm back in Metro Manila.

Back from the jungle

On my 1st day back in the Philippines, I immediately had to go to the jungle of Gerona in Tarlac for Auntie Zelda's funeral. We just got back in the city today. I'm back to the same living conditions as before with 14 people in 1 house - cousin Philip, cousin-in-law Malou (Philip's wife), cousin Sheila (Philip's cousin), my mommy, dad, Bong (distant cousin/dad's caregiver), my 2 nieces, the nieces' 2 nannies, the maid, the driver, the driver's brother, and Auntie Zelda's former caregiver who is now just another maid. And I guess lola Ellie (dad's aunt) is here too. The point is: I do not have the alone time or place to bust a #3.

Back to the Philippines

On the plane now waiting for take off. Oh, and the security chick who inspected my mommy was jackoffable. Apparently we're still missing 6 passengers. Oh well. Turning off my phone now, which is accessing the internet. I know, holy fuckin' technology, Batman!

Auntie Zelda

Philip texted me at 10:45:54PM.

Ryan, my mom is gone

And just when it still feels like I just came back from the Philippines, my mommy and I are leaving for the Philippines again tomorrow. Other than that, a blog of silence.

It's like we were eye-fucking

That deadbeat of a FMA instructor no-showed our training despite confirming the night before that we'd train.

I went to the Hot Topic in the nearby Burbank mall to see if they had a larger size of that Alice Cullen shirt I bought in Glendale. Their computer search showed that none of the Hot Topics had any left. The cashier dude and I agreed on 2 things: 1) Ashley Greene's hot. 2) All her shirts, despite being girl tees, are probably being worn by dudes.

The Scream Shop is going out of business in the Glendale Galleria. I caught up with Moises, or Moe for short, who works there. Never mentioned him before because our conversations were always brief. He's a Mexican dude who recounted meeting one of Manny Pacquiao's friends in a conversation that he says went like this:

MANNY'S FRIEND: Yeah, Manny eats live chickens and takes steroids. Don't tell anyone.
MOE: He knocked out Mexicans with steroids and called himself The Mexicutioner! I'm telling everyone!
MANNY'S FRIEND: [laughs] No one will believe you.

I visited Brian at the GNC. This kid named Saul, who I sometimes see in the gym, came in looking like he's on steroids. For my own boring reference, Saul recommended N.O. X-Plode before workout, Purple Wrath during, and Green Magnitude after.

I was walking by the Red Robin. Still no Jazz. But I stared at that hostess Hazel. She looked back. I looked away. She looked away. I kept walking. I looked behind me. She was looking at me. Did we just have a moment? It's like we were eye-fucking!

Police gang-molesting Emmanuel

I visited Brian at the GNC. Emmanuel was there. 1) Johnny inherited his brother's gang trouble. We need to try to save his life by Friday. 2) The security guard we secretly named "Al Bundy" walked in. We shared fucked up stories of self-defense and robberies gone wrong where the criminals sued and won.

And then shit got real: Emmanuel (probably the only black kid in Glendale) walked out of the store and barely got on his bike when police officers jumped in front of him, locked his fingers on top of his head, made noises as they fondled his genitals, searched his backpack without a warrant, only to leave him with a ticket for riding his bike on the sidewalk!

We're now coaching Emmanuel with magic words to say in court until he gets an attorney to make sure those pigs are fucked.

Valentine's Day

(Yes, this is a post about Sunday that I forgot to post until now - Tuesday. Yes, I'm dating it as Sunday anyway.)

I bought that Alice Cullen shirt at Hot Topic that I saw last night when I was with Michelle. It's medium size (for a girl), but it's the last one.

RYAN: You have anything larger? It's kind of tight and you don't have it as a guy's tee.
HOT TOPIC CHICK: We don't have anymore. I guess no one likes her. I can give you an Edward/Bella/Jacob one.
RYAN: No.
HOT TOPIC CHICK: I'm guessing your an Alice fan.
RYAN: Yeah. (thinking) Ever since her naked webcam pics got leaked. (outloud) Hopefully it stretches.
HOT TOPIC CHICK: Just don't put it in the dryer.

Haven't seen Danielle since I've been back in the country. She probably quit. Danielle was the substitute I'd bust a #3 to whenever Jazz wasn't around at Red Robin to renew in my database. But Georgia's still there. She's the one who myteriously remembered my name and played it off as "magic." Although Georgia wouldn't make it in a "Top 20 to jack off to" list, I guess I can still bust a #3 to her.

My mommy and I ate with auntie Bella at T.G.I.Friday in Porter Ranch. Then I saw Hiro for the 1st time in months when he interviewed me at Starbucks in Northridge for his Sociology project regarding emotions. My alias was Jacob Black, a "total dude," age 18.

RYAN/JACOB: When mildly angry, but lazy, I'll keep to myself. But when extremely angry, I've keyed cars, urinated on property, masturbated in food ...
HIRO: (struggling not to laugh) But how do you express joy?
RYAN/JACOB: I masturbate.

Apparently, Masa did this same interview under the name "Daniel" with his heavy Japanese accent doing a fake English accent. That must've been a clusterfuck. My mommy told Hiro since his mommy's in Japan, he can consider my mommy as his mommy. My mommy bought him food and both of us Americano espressos. After eating steaks at auntie Bella's place, I got to visit my 'lil cousins - Jillian and Janine.

JANINE: Jillian's boyfriend broke up with her. Can you beat him up?
RYAN: I could ... OR the correct answer is she's not supposed to have a boyfriend because she's a kid! 15! But in my mind, she's still our 5-year-old baby.

Knock, knock. Who's there? It's me wondering why you're not naked.

Michelle and I went to East L.A. It was my 1st time in East L.A. Street credit! Jigga what! Or perhaps the proper phrase would be, "Cholo what!" She got 1 of those ball piercings under her lip (I don't know how to spell out the name of the piercing).

RYAN: I can never seem to be seated at a table Jazz is serving at. But last time I was there, everytime she walked by me, I had to touch myself under the table.
MICHELLE: Well, if she's there, don't do that today. If you do, be really discrete about it.

We went to eat at Red Robin because, according to her, I "like to renew [my] database." It's weird how well my friends know me. Aw, I feel loved. Jazz wasn't there, though. I noticed the hostess' name is Hazel. She's been there for a while. I guess I could bust a #3 to Hazel as a substitute for Jazz. Caesar and his wife, Michele (spelled with 1 "L") joined us.

MICHELLE: Dammit Ryan, I was eyeing that (a fry I took)!
CAESAR: Don't you know ladies go 1st?
MICHELLE: I'm not a lady to Ryan. I'm his friend.
CAESAR: Don't you know Michelles go 1st?
MICHELE (with 1 "L"): I like that.

Then recurring characters of The Quarter-Life Crisis Chronicles (that's this blog you're reading) met for the 1st time as we went to visit Brian at the GNC. Johnny was there. Oh, and I finally saw security guard Ricafort for the 1st time since I've been back from the Philippines.

RYAN: Last night's Smallville had the return of Zatanna, played by a jackoffable Serinda Swan.
[Brian and Johnny wonder if it's ok to talk in front of Michelle]
MICHELLE: Don't worry about me.
RYAN: She's 1 of the boys.

Recap:

• Brian's last Thursday night ended with him passed out on the floor of his living room with no pants. Sergio would later tell him he "went off the deep end" - unable to stop drinking and vomiting everywhere.
• Johnny's girl broke up with him to get back with her ex, but says she still loves him. Nothing a little porn won't fix.
• And Emmanuel went to the Legends gym where Chuck Liddell and Eddie Bravo were teaching. They found out really quick that Emmanuel doesn't like to do cardio nor calisthenics, can't butterfly stretch, has a low threshold for pain, and it will take "2 months" before they can even do anything with him.

Then went to get Carlos a cap, stopped by Hot Topic where I saw an Alice Cullen shirt that I'll buy if it's still there tomorrow, and straight to TJ and Angie's to celebrate TJ's Birthday. Their cats are awesome. Highlight of the night: TJ introduced me to the music of Jon Lajoie.

Black Russian for the 1st time since 2005

Updating from my phone (Holy freakin' technology, Batman). Michelle's visiting from Nebraska. She's staying at TJ and Angie's place. After watching an all new episode of Smallville that guest-starred a jackoffable Serinda Swan as Zatana, I picked up Michelle. Her friend Theresa and Theresa's friend, Eddie, met us at my house. We rolled in Eddie's car. We're at a bar now called Short Stop near Dodger Stadium. So far, I had a Jack-and-Coke and a Black Russian. I haven't had a Black Russian since Mark, Arthur, Steve and I were in Mexico in 2005. I feel good right now. Bye.

Happy Birthday Jacob Black

Ok, today had a "WTF" morning. I woke up like I normally do when well rested ... but had to change my pajamas due to nocturnal emission. The problem is that I didn't have any dreams, or at least don't remember any. Normally, I wake up from the middle of a dream when this happens. But no. I opened my eyes to rise and shine, as the cliche goes, and out of nowhere there's nocturnal emission in my pants!

I forgot to say I saw my old co-worker Nataly, technically my 1st Martial Arts student, at the Americana last night. It seems like she has a new boyfriend everytime I see her. I never understood why she stressed about finding a new 1 whenever 1 didn't work out. And she's younger than me. What's the hurry? Weird.

Anyway. Happy 18th Birthday to Taylor Lautner, who plays Jacob Black on Twilight. The ladies must love that he's no longer jailbait.

Silver balls

I was at the gym. There's this personal trainer there named Debbie. She's a red head, but her red looked brighter today. Obviously new hair dye. She has slight wrinkles on her eyes, but not quite old enough to be a cougar. I've busted a #3 to her before. She was training a client when I saw a silver workout ball next to her.

RYAN: Are you using this ball?
DEBBIE: No, I'm not. You may. Thanks for asking.

Holy crap. We exchanged dialogue. That's, like, verbal-fucking, or something like that. But then later she needed to use the silver ball for her client. So then we were talking about when I'd be done with the silver ball and in my mind I was laughing everytime we said "ball."

DEBBIE: (Seeing a quarter) Ooh, a quarter-- I'm such a Jew. [Laughs]

I gotta say, them Jews have some cute chicks. This is the part where Matt would tell me off, "How could you find a Jewish girl attractive?" Everytime I saw Debbie bend over to demonstrate an exercise to her client, I thought about how the droogs from A Clockwork Orange would have the "old in-out-in-out," as they put it. She's renewed in my database.

Then there was this blond chick, but I could see her roots growing out. [Cough] Bottle blond! [Cough] She was dressed more for sex than the gym. Her white top barely covered her breasts. She had gray sweats that for some reason said "Pink" on the ass and white Nike sneakers that my FCS professor would've called her "fucking shoes." I couldn't tell if she was causasian or 1 of those armenians who look caucasian. But if she was armo, I'd "in-out-in-out" her only out of spite. As she bent over to do her deadlifts, I put her in my database.

Other than that, I visited Brian at the GNC. That annoying kid Emmanuel was there. He doesn't know the difference between ring fighting and real fighting.

EMMANUEL: But what if I grab the bat before you swing it at me?
RYAN: I'd kick you in the balls.
EMMANUEL: But isn't that a bitch move?
RYAN AND BRIAN: There's no such thing as a "bitch move!"

And the next chapter of my Quarter-Life Crisis ...

RYAN: I don't give a fuck. I'm just gonna say it: I'm signing up for Ballet.
BRIAN: So you're going from Krav Maga, or fucking people up ... to Ballet?!

Later after some thought ...

BRIAN: You're gonna get some pussy there!

Return to Filipino Martial Arts

Guro ("teacher" in Filipino Martial Arts) contacted me back on Friday, January 29th about resuming training. I haven't trained with him since last June. Our new location is some small park in Glendale close to the Burbank border. At 11:00AM, we reviewed Boxing ... and then it started raining. We'll have to resume on Thursday.

I used my new eyedrops for the 1st time and then rocked at guitar practice. We went back to that old song Soleares because my teacher has a new arrangement on it.

I visited Brian at the GNC. Apparently, the store was robbed last Friday at gunpoint while his coworker Emily was working. However, the robber didn't show the gun, but rather kept his hands in his pockets claiming to have a gun. He made off with $300.

1 of the security guards named Ortiz, who's told me in the past that I look like a bad ass from a movie, was written up twice for hygeine. Funny. He also has a weird Boxing stance where he lets his lead arm droop. Brian let us try these Starburst looking samples. As soon as Ortiz left with his handful, Brian took all of mine except for 1 explaining ...

BRIAN: Those break down your food faster! Ortiz doesn't know. He took 5 yesterday and had to shit.

My mommy brought dinner from Jollibee - chicken and mashed potatoes with gravy, corned beef sandwich, and a halo-halo. We ended the night with Ellen Degeneres' debut on American Idol.

The geek chick

I bought Tommy's chili cheese burger and chili cheese fries with lemonade for the 1st time since I've been back from the Philippines.

My mommy and I also ate at Cheesecake Factory for the 1st time since we've been back. Our waitress was named Natalie. She had the geek chick thing going on - a white girl with dark hair in a ponytail held by a scrungy of matching color, some bangs, glasses, and I think diamond studded earings. Really, she's plain looking, but not to those who appreciate the geek chick. I had my usual beef ribs with extra BBQ sauce on the side. But some other waitress (I hate that they don't wear name tags at Cheesecake Factory) who brought us our food while Natalie was busy was really jackoffable.

I also noticed this other waitress Crytsal was there. She's the one who kept touching my arm whenever she asked if we needed anything and I got a boner.

Afterward, my mommy bought a heater at Costco. I ended the night with some WWE RAW. I then placed my Cheesecake Factory receipt, which says "Natalie R" as our server, in my box. For future use, I'll be able to rub it on myself as foreplay when busting a #3.

Last day of Krav Maga

So last night, we "watched" UFC 109, or rather we were wasted while we stared at the TV screen playing UFC 109. I underestimated the power of rum and coke. All I cared about was Matt Serra knocked Frank Trigg the fuck out. Brandon and Morgan didn't approve of my Lyoto Machida shirt, which I wore to intentionally tease them. Hasel is Filipina, just as I suspected. Also, Hasel and Morgan think my eyes are real.

HASEL: Are you an only child?
RYAN: Yeah.
HASEL: That's rare for Filipinos!

Brandon drunk-drove to pick up burritos from Taco Bell. They also have a new dog named Cassy. Morgan finally gave me his screenplay.

This morning, I attended my last Krav Maga class granted by my 7-day pass. The chick at the front desk was a redhead and jackoffable. I partnered with a dude named Roy, whom I 1st met at my 2nd class last Wednesday. That was his 2nd class as well.

• 1 of the drills had us in groups of 3. 1 person does push-ups and then runs to the padholder in front to punch nonstop and then to the padholder in the back to kick nonstop. Some chick joined Roy and I. She was aight.
• I got to show off my powerful roundhouses. Poor Roy holding the pad.
• I bloodied my busted knuckle again, this time wrapped in a Batman bandaid, doing a left straight in which I yelled, "Fuck." The assistant instructor then gave me a new bandaid. Aw, how kind.
• Similar to what I learned in the Philippines last month, when someone grabs your right wrist with their right hand (and vice versa), stabilize your elbow against your hip and rotate your wrist so that your thumb horizontally points outward, and rotate your hip away to break away.
• When someone grabs your left wrist with their right hand (mirror image), step in and rotate inward as if throwing an elbow strike, with your elbow almost connecting to their elbow, to break free.
• When executing combatives, I should change up my knee strikes. For example, instead of just consecutive shots to groin, the dude instructor suggested sternum, face, etc.
• Everything else was review such as groin kicks from both lead and rear legs, left-right straights, etc.

Some new chick sat down because it was "hard."

RYAN: Is this your 1st time?
NEW CHICK: Yeah. How long have you been doing this?
RYAN: This week.
NEW CHICK: Really?!
RYAN: Yeah, they gave me a 1-week pass to try it out and see if I wanna join afterward.
NEW CHICK: You should. You're good. I was watching you.

Yeah. Chicks be checking me out.

My mommy's sister visited for dinner and brought a bunch of Starbucks. My mommy cooked steak. Yay steak.

3 hours, 5 minutes, 47 seconds

I woke up at 9:20AM thinking the Krav Maga class this morning started at 10:45AM. But I noticed the start time said 10:30AM. Oh sure, there was a 12:30PM class, but the milf/attorney instructor chick (see entry 2-4-10) was teaching the 10:30AM class.

But since there was no traffic, I actually made it in 25 minutes and was 5 minutes early. But here's what's ironic like an Alanis Morissette song: I couldn't find parking! So I was actually 10 minutes late by the time I stepped into the classroom!

But while trying to find parking, I saw the milf instructor walking around with her hair down and I was checking out the booty. I could've busted a #3 in my car.

Anyway, my partner in class was some hardass Indian dude who never smiled, never talked, hit too hard when we drilled, and looked pretty autistic. Probably emo. 1 of the assistant dude instructors busted out some rave moves when this track from the Blade soundtrack came on. No new moves, except this time we closed our eyes as random classmates choked us from the front or back.

As I was leaving, the milf instructor passed by.

MILF INSTRUCTOR: Bye Ryan!

Holy crap! She remembered my name! Ok, she's staying in the database.

Later, I spent 3 hours and 5 minutes and 47 seconds on the phone with tech support to fix my printer. It hasn't been working in over a year. The sensors have been unable to detect the paper and thus refused to print. After 3 hours, I was about to just order a new printer when their supervisor decided to suggest 1 last thing. My printer finally works again!

I have to go visit Brandon, Morgan and Hasel - whom I haven't seen since Monster Massive - for the 1st time at their place to watch UFC 109 now. Plus, Morgan's been dying to give me his screenplay for me to analyze.

Absolute Justice

I FINALLY cut my nails for the 1st time since I got that pedicure and manicure in the Philippines (see entry 1/4/10) exactly 1 month ago! Wow, a whole month! I don't have to angle my fingertips weirdly anymore when trying to take out my contacts.

I busted open the knuckle on my right index finger while punching bareknuckle in Krav Maga today. Today's instructor was a nice guy, but for some reason he thought my name was James even after we introduced ourselves. Actually, James is my middle name.

New drills:

• We would throw continuous left-right punches, but sprawl when the instructor said so. Maintain eye contact while sprawling
• 2 rows of people holding tombstone pads form a guantlet. We must run through the gauntlet, execute continuous knee strikes to the padholder on the right, and then continuous punches to the 1 on the left. Repeat. Someone actually got kneed in the groin. Whoops.

Nothing else new.

And then it was time: a 2-hour episode, or made-for-TV-movie, of Smallville entitled Absolute Justice that debuted the Justice Society of America!

• Hawkman, Star Girl, and Doctor Fate.
• The rest of the Society - such as The Flash and Green Lantern - appeared in cameos as flashbacks.
• Other Justice League members appear in cameos as pics.
• J'onn J'onzz, a.k.a. The Martian Manhunter, returns and regains his powers.

I was freakin' geaking out!

Afterward, I had to visit Dave (the high school teacher, not to be confused with rockstar Dave) at some comedy gig. The bartender from his Birthday party actually remembered I had screwdrivers (vodka and orange juice) last time. Dave bought me 2 of those.

The milf/attorney instructor

The Krav Maga instructor last Tuesday said that tonight's 8:45PM class is being taught by some chick who's an attorney whom I should talk to about law school. I've been hoping she's a looker. I was not disappointed. She looks a little old, though, so I'll label her the "milf instructor."

MILF INSTRUCTOR: Did you do any other Martial Arts? (and that's 1 more instructor who's noticed my form)

The dude I partnered with was a big dude who hit with a lot of weight behind it. Tonight's drills:

• Punchers layed face down on the ground while their partners holding the pads moved around. When the milf instructor said so, the punchers got up, looked for their partners, and ran up to them to punch nonstop.
• When choked from the front, pull the choke apart, with the same body mechanics as doing a lat pulldown at the gym, simultaneously kicking the groin, and improvise with at least 3 more moves.
• Always make sure to disengage after clobbering your attacker enough.

The dude instructor from last Tuesday was there as well.

RYAN: While we're standing squared, how do we protect our groin?
DUDE INSTRUCTOR: We try our best.

Basically:

• Standing bladed (like in most Martial Arts) disables the weapons on 1 side of the body.
• They're sacrificing groin protection for more efficient offense.
• The peripheral vision will be trained to see the feet so that as soon as the attacker's foot can be seen wiggling, it will be blocked with a knee, or met with a punch or stomp.
• "It's a risk we're willing to take."

Then it was time to talk to the milf instructor about advice for law school:

• LSAT test preparations are the best thing to do.
• Get a job at a law firm, even if it's boring, just for the experience of what it's like in there.
• I'm going to meet people from all over in law school (i.e. people entering straight from college, cops pursuing law, etc).
• When I said I was pursuing Entertainment Law, she said, "That's what I wanted to do," and was about to continue her story when we were interrupted by the dude at the front desk trying to recruit me full time beyond my 1-week pass.

The point is: She's in my database.

Yeah, she be noticing me

I went to the 5:45PM Krav Maga class today because the dude instructor yesterday said that it was taught by some chick who's "a real animal." It didn't disappoint. I figured the chick instructor looked Jewish, but then I saw a cross tattooed on her arm, so maybe not.

• My favorite drill was jab with the left, cross with the right, and elbow also with the right.
• During this drill, Pantera's Walk started playing on their sound system and I felt like Rob Van Dam (because that was his old theme music).
• Then we added on to the drill by getting full mount on a huge pad and ground-and-pounding it with elbows whenever the chick instructor yelled, "Down!"
• Keep in mind that 1 hand is planted on the ground at the side of your victim's head while you throw the elbow at the face.
• Also posture, or sit up so that your victim can't grab you and pull you down.

CHICK INSTRUCTOR: Did you do Tae Kwon Do or Karate? 'Cause you got that type of stance.
RYAN: I did a lot of things. (Yeah, she be noticing me)

Also, the 7 elbows in Krav Maga are:

• Horizontal elbow to face when facing attacker.
• Horizontal back elbow to face when attacker is at your side.
• Horizontal back elbow to face when attacker is behind you.
• Vertical upward back elbow to sternum when attacker is behind you.
• Vertical uppercut back elbow to chin when attacker is behind you.
• Vertical uppercut elbow to chin when facing attacker.
• Vertical downward elbow to the back of attacker's head, neck or back if attacker ever bends over.

I visited Brian at the GNC.

RYAN: The Krav Maga teacher was plain-looking, but I'd still hit it out of principle.
BRIAN: Oh yeah, definitely.
RYAN: It's the same idea how we'd hit Kyra Gracie out of principle.
BRIAN: Exactly! Just to say we fucked a Gracie.

Oh, and I was crossing the crosswalk from the Glendale Marketplace to the Glendale Galleria and some bitch driving with her eyes off the road nearly hit me. Of course I already know she had to be an armo!

Fuckin' burst (on the hammerfist)

I finally returned to guitar practice and rocked as much as I could. I had difficulty because the nails on my left hand were too long to accurately press the strings with my finger tips. My nails haven't been cut since I got that pedicure and manicure in the Philippines (see entry 1/4/10) almost a month ago! I also drank coffee.

I started using my 1-week pass for Krav Maga. I tried making it to the 6:45PM class, but got there late because of traffic and had to wait for the 8:45PM class. I bummed around in the mall across the street.

We warmed up with burpees (push-ups into jumps with knees touching at least the elbows, repeat), stomach crunches, crab crawls, and crawling with just forearms.

The 2 most important things I learned tonight:

• When being choked from the front, stabilize by 1 leg falling backward into a stance. The arm on the opposite side shoots up, trying to press against your ear, and crashes down on their arms with the elbow; simultaneously trap their hands with your other hand, follow up with back elbow to their face and anything else.
• When being choked from behind, stabilize by 1 leg falling forward into a stance. If they're choking you at 5mph, for example, you go faster. The arm on the opposite side shoots in front of you and turns into a back horizontal hammerfist, using that momentum to spin around.

The teacher was nice. I mentioned I'm getting ready for law school. He told me that the instructor on Thursday night is an attorney and that I should "ask her out." I'm not sure if that's supposed to mean how it sounds. If so, I hope she's a looker.

The Baja Fresh in Glendale closed

I was crossing the cross-walk from the Galleria Galleria to the Glendale Marketplace. A guy was walking in front of me. We had the cross-walk signal while the cars had the red light. A car zoomed past the red light, barely missing the guy in front of me.

RYAN: I'm pretty sure it was an armo.
BRIAN: Oh of course!

On my way to visit Brian at the GNC, I walked past Baja Fresh ... and it was out of business! Boo! The next closest Baja Fresh is down the street from Matt's house.

Brian's friend, Sergio, was at the GNC. I used to call him the Hatter when I didn't know his name. And there was this guy named Nate, who works at 1 of the 24 Hour Fitnesses down the street. Nate was talking about how he and his friends had to rumble with some armenian dudes in Pasadena. Strangely, he's not sure if 1 of the armos go to the 24 that he works at because he noticed that some familiar looking armo gives him weird looks.

I finally stopped by my guitar class to tell them that I'm back from the Philippines. We resume instruction tomorrow.