The most fun I never wanna do again

I went to my last day of Street Fighting class.

Today's lesson: defense, counter-attacks, and head-butting. Today's new moves: inside parrying and outside parrying (like in Boxing), raising the knee to block low attacks (like in Muay Thai, where I think they call it a shield), swinging the knee inward to protect the groin, thrusting headbutt, and springing headbutt. Also, there were many obstacles placed on the ground throughout class.

After cumulative review, the drills were:

• Dip elbow low/raise knee to defend attack to the ribs/legs, and jab-cross.
• If you weren't able to dip elbow low/raise knee in time to defend against attacks, instintively retaliate with jab-cross.
• If they're still standing after the jab-cross, keep blasting them until they're down.
• Jab-cross headbutt.
• Front snap kick, jab-cross headbutt.
• While circling around each other, block and immediately counter with anything and for as long as possible.

JOVY: How do you like it? (asking about the jab-cross headbutt)
RYAN: Good! I think it's my favorite combo!
JOVY: Your favorite? Well, always remember that the most prominent is snap front kick, jab-cross.

Note to self: Delivering too many headbutts isn't good for the hairline.

I got nailed in the eye as soon as the counter-for-counter drill started and fought the 1st few seconds with 1 eye. I even had my shoulder rolled to protect my jaw, so I can't understand how he hit me. During the fight, he stumbled backwards over an obstacle, giving the illusion that I knocked him on his ass, and I tried kicking him on the ground. I was doing so well, until he caught 1 of my feet and took me down. I verbally tapped out (even though there's no such thing in s Street Fight). And then a few seconds later, he somehow got me in a guillotine choke.

But here's the shit that I can't believe actually happened: He picked up a basketball and threw it at me and I instinctively caught it, thus dropping my hands, and he knocked me out! Seriously? Did that shenanigan just happen in real life?

JOVY: Do you know what our last exercise is?
RYAN: The death march.
JOVY: [laughs] The fucking death march!
RYAN: Or my name for it is "The Most Fun I Never Wanna Do Again."
JOVY: [laughs] But when that time runs out and we say, "Stop," it's such a good feeling knowing you survived.

We sparred with wooden knives to simulate a knife fight. We only had 1 rule: no shots to the face since we had no goggles. So here's how it went down: I used my triangular footing, but used a stick-and-move tactic. He stabbed me a bunch. I did a bunch of uppercut knife strokes. I tried using the reverse knife grip, but it didn't go well, so I switched back to forward knife grip. He cracked me on my wrist bone, but nothing's injured. Ironically, he cracked his own wrist on my wooden knife when I luckily blocked. And when it was all over, he had some sort of asthma attack. So I ended up not having to do the Death March!

I was about to buy a shirt from the gym with that infamous motivational poster of Mauricio Rua and Wanderlei Silva playfully grapping with the motto, "It's only gay if you make eye contact," but they only had 1 size. I took a pic with my teacher and said a "see you later" since I'll be back in the summer.

JOVY: Thank you for choosing my style.

DAD: You should've told him, "I didn't choose your style. I had no choice because I couldn't find anything else." [laughs] I wonder what he would've said.

I hit the showers and Uncle Mon picked up my mommy and I. My mommy is secretly buying a condo in the Philippines to rent it out so we can have extra money. Uncle Mon, auntie Aida, and my mommy went to meet with the sellers while they left me behind to watch TV.

AUNTIE AIDA: We'll be back in 10 minutes.

4 Hours Later ...

RYAN: (on the phone) Where the hell are you?
MOMMY: We're on our way, we're on our way!

I saw some show called The Biggest Loser starring some chick named Jillian Michaels, who reminds me of Linda Hamilton's Sarah Connor from Terminator 2. Then stumbled onto some reality musical show called Taking the Stage produced by Nick Lachey for MTV. I have to say that it has some chick named Mia Carruthers who's really jackoffable. Database!

Uncle Mon taught me how to drive a motorcycle! I wanted to try to videotape the lesson, but it's best that I didn't. It took me forever to get it right.

Then ended the night with some family time before going back to the U.S. tomorrow. I finished packing my stuff while watching the new American Idol. And this was epic: