I thought we were just doing hand-to-hand combat!

Mark came over for his first martial art lesson at around 9:30PM. What a relief. I thought I was gonna have to drive to his neighborhood.

Mark: We're using weapons? I thought we were just doing hand-to-hand combat!

Mark revealed that he was interested in doing this because he saw 4 dudes beating up 1 dude when he was driving by Erica's neighborhood. So that was it. It sounded like someone called him out at first and he needed to learn how to fight. I think he said the 4 dudes were black and the 1 dude was white. I think it was 1 of either 2 things: the 4 black dudes were muggers or the 1 white dude called them all niggers. Oh well.

Mark can't get over the fact that I use eye-jabs and groin-shots. Hmm ... this might take some work. But he's got potential. I showed him all 12 angles of attack, taught him angles 1-5, taught him to counter angles 1 and 2, sinawali, and showed him empty hand sinawali. His notebook so far reads:

• Principles versus Techniques
• Vertical plain
• Balance and allignment
• Destroying the structure
• Sinawali

I let him borrow my book Filipino Martial Arts: Secrets of Cabales Serrada Eskrima. Wow, he seems really interested. Oh, and for some reason he and Erica aren't talking. But then she called him on his phone. Typical boyfriend-and-girlfriend stuff. Until next time.

They probably saw a bunch of dudes rolling around and left

It was just Andres, Jesse II, Brian, a new student in Jose's 'lil brother Ulysses, and I today in Capoeira. It was Muay Thai and Brazilian Jujitsu Day. We did a drill wherein partner A breaks the guard, goes into side mount, into full mount, then partner B pops up and throws over partner A, and partner A gets partner B into the guard, over and over again. The roda was a chill ground game.

Then we found out through a phone call for Andres that we were supposed to have 2 new students, both girls, today. They were lost in the park, though.

Ryan (me): They probably saw a bunch of dudes rolling around on the ground and left.

They found us. They introduced themselves as Cyndi and Amber. Cyndi and Andres didn't remember how each other looked like because they met at a Subway sandwiches a while ago. Amber had just moved from Vegas, which brought along the following conversation:

Andres: He (pointing to me) was just in Vegas. I was jealous because he was texting us, "Hey guys, I'm drunk."

The girls then asked how come there's no rule against alcohol when there were rules against junk food. Andres explained that I still carry out my shot and recounted, "Babe Ruth would always get fucked up and come to practice like this (stumbling around). They'd say, 'Get out of here. We don't want you here.' And Babe Ruth would be like, 'Ok, just let me hit once.' (pantomiming swinging) Boom, boom, boom. Homerun!' What do you say to that?" But then Andres gave me a taunting smile and said, "I'm just waiting for it to catch up."

Cyndi: We walked by here and saw you guys, but didn't know that was you. We were like, "(mockingly) That's an interesting workout (referring to the rolling around)."

Everybody looked at me and laughed because I was right.

We gave a 'lil show for the ladies and sang a song where I didn't even know the words and had to mumble them and I sure as hell can't spell something here that I didn't even know how to pronounce. Happy Hump Day.

Yesterday

I remembered to show up to guitar early at 1:30PM. Had to make up the make-up lesson that I forgot about last Thursday. Practiced until 3:45PM. What a workout. Mostly drilled Yesterday by the Beatles.

No Women or Children

Wow, this Vegas trip sucked. My mom's sister, Bella, and I ended up leaving at 7:45PM on Friday night and got to Andree's house by 2:00AM on Saturday morning. My mom's sister continuously got us lost on the way, even lost within the gated community of Andree's house.

They fought a lot. Bella kept trying to dictate her almost 30-year-old daughter on what furniture to get and where to put it. Then she wouldn't stop accusing Andree of putting her left leg up while driving when her feet were clearly flat on the ground. She was the usual bitch while people were trying to sleep. Bitch, bitch, bitch ...

I got them to drop me off at the strip (Las Vegas Blvd) Saturday afternoon while they went shopping, a.k.a. arguing.

Before I left my house, I had messaged Edlin on Facebook asking for her number for drunk-dialing purposes. She texted me. I got a boner. I also got a text from Allison from Palmdale. Another boner.

A security guard didn't know where Subway sandwiches was, but directed me to an Earl of Sandwiches and recommended their roast beef sandwich. It even had creamy horseradish on it. A guy in a suit standing behind me in line dropped his blue G2 Gatorade on the floor and it spilled. Some of it got on my new news, but I cleaned it off. The guy introduced himself as Dave Hicks, an employee at the club Privet, and offered to buy me a drink to make it up.

I had a liquid cocaine shot for the 1st time since I went bowling with Mark and Erica and her friends.

Ryan (me): That was good.

Bartender: You never had it before?

Ryan: A long time ago. I've missed it.

Bartender: Welcome back.

I went back to Andree's house to change. I shaved for the 1st time since July 4 - when I read an interview that Kelly Clarkson has a celebrity crush on specifically the hairier, Wolverine-status Hugh Jackman; not the pretty Hugh Jackman - because I had to impress chicks.

I hit up my home-away-from-home, Coyote Ugly. But then I found out that my camera was somehow busted and I became impotent. There were even chicks from England there, but I was impotent. That coyote Debbie was there, but helping backstage. I coincidentally peed in the same stall where Chris from Arkansas, whom I met at Coyote Ugly last April, lost his camera and we later found it there. We're still text buddies.

Someone at Coyote Ugly had the balls to play Kelly Clarkson's My Life Would Suck Without You. I am so jealous of that person's balls. The new coyote was like, "Who's playing this gay ass shit?" and "Fuck Kelly Clarkson." What a cunt. But then the whole drunken crowd started jumping up and down and singing along to the chorus to that cunt's dismay. Fuck yeah!

I drunk-dialed Salina.

I met this dude on the sidewalk named Jaime from Anaheim. He was rolling. He had gone to EDC.

Jaime: I wish I met you 10 minutes ago! I would've given you half!

We tried to pick up on this 41-year-old from LA named Lisa. She was nice. Got back to Andree's house at 5:00AM.

My mom's sister was indecisive about everything - whether to leave early or at night, whether to eat or not, what to eat, etc, etc, etc, getting pissed that I told my mom that she's indecisive, getting pissed that Andree said she was gonna take us to eat at a buffet, bitch, bitch, bitch.

We left at 4:45PM ... and got home at 11:35PM. It's not supposed to take 7 hours to get back from Vegas. My mom's sister kept getting us lost.

I changed into my new Coyote Ugly tanktop before going directly to Carlos and Michelle's house. They announced they're having a Farewell party in late August. Carlos just got laid off and California's in bad shape. Also, they need me to give them a ride to PWG this Friday because their car's wrecked, but they wouldn't say why yet. They'll be in Nebraska for the next couple of years.

I showed up to Capoeira today. Apparently, I drunk-texted Andres, Jesse and Kevin. "You need to seat out that alcohol." For some reason, there were no girls today, although Certel's mentor showed up to check out the class, so Andres gave a lecture about testosterone and how this was gonna be a special roda, the kind "where there's no women or children." He told us to "go after each other." Jesse tried to take me down and I grabbed on to his arm to take him down with me. Andres said that's why one must commit to the move.

We took a break. Then Andres put us in teams - Andres, Jesse I, Jesse II, and I versus everyone else. I felt special. I couldn't lock in my tesorus, I stuffed a takedown from Angel and taunted him about it - the Terminator T-1000 index finger taunt, and tried to rasteria Brian in the last game. That was fun.

I do porn for them

David: Why's she talking to you?

Ryan (me): I think she thinks I'm actually in the band.

David: Well, you are. You're family. I think she likes you.

Ryan: Yeah, I think so too. Although, she also wants to hook me up with her friend.

David: Ask her to email you a picture first.

Ryan: I know. I hate that blind shit.

Salina texted me again this morning. She finally asked if I was in USA Rocks, as in played an instrument. I clarified that I'm their cameraman.

Ryan: They told me to say that if anyone asks, I do porn for them.

Anyway, Salina mentioned she might have to quit her band because she works 6 days a week. She also asked me out to a Hip Hop show tonight, but I'm going to Vegas.

I have to ride with my mom's sister, Bella, who can't drive for shit (45-50 mph on the freeway, zig-zagging like a drunk when she's always sober, swerving instead of merging, etc). We were supposed to leave at 1:00PM, but she's in court trying to appeal a ticket. Hahaha.

You are so David

Ryan (me): (annoyed tone) Um, hello?
David: (immitating me) Um, hello?
Ryan: Hey man.
David: What are you doing?
Ryan: Watching Kelly Clarkson videos.
David: You are so gay.

I was tempted to say, "You are so David. When you say, 'That's so gay,' do you realize what you say? Knock it off!" Hahaha ... those commercials crack me up.

The chick whose ad on Craigslist.org regarding D&D buddies that I responded to yesterday replied back. Her name's Krystal. I did a background check on Facebook. Don't worry, I am not trying to let her in my pants. Strictly platonic.

I was eating at Subway at around 6:00PM when I realized I forgot all about my make-up guitar lesson with Vahik at 1:00PM. Crap. I guess it was because I was making such a killing at the stock market today, even if it is a paper trade account. I stayed until the stock market closed at 1:00PM trying to maximize profits. I walked over to the music school after eating and talked to Vahik. We rescheduled for 1:30PM next Tuesday.

Salina is texting me right now. She's trying to set up a gig. I guess that makes me USA Rocks' unofficial secretary for now. I feel like a big shot doing the talking.

I could feel the vibration going to my balls

Today in Capoeira, we trained Muay Thai. I take it that Wednesdays are "Muay Thai Days" in Capoeira. One drill had me placing the kick pad against my leg while Jesse round-housed it many times. I could feel the vibration from the impact going to my balls. There was actually no roda today. Ran out of time. Andres mentioned how, since Capoeira is like a family, if one were to leave a group, but that group later saw that person in another roda, they'd go after him. Angel then asked, "So if something were to happen and I were to leave ..." to which Andres replied, "Yeah! I'd go after you!" He pointed to me and added, "That's why he was nervous when he first came to us. But it had been a while, so ..." Angel remembered, "I remember that."

Some chick actually posted an ad on Craigslist.org looking for Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) buddies. I replied that I'm down.

Salina from Hammered texted me. I accidentally admitted to wearing tighty whities.