Me > amateur pornstars

The tremolo fingering technique is a pain in the ass. But guitar practice went well. Afterward, Vahik gave me a copy of his letter that his doctor gave to him regarding a procedure. He wants my mommy's medical advice about it.

At the mall, Jessica was working at American Basics. The Adelle look-alike was working at the "i Play & Talk" vendor booth. Both are renewed in my database.

Interesting to note, that chick Ciera - whom I'm not attracted to, but for some reason once had a dream that she was orally copulating me - has transferred from Hot Topic to the girly store, Justice, right next to it. It makes sense since her buddy, Vickita, made the same transfer months ago. Her back was turned as she vacuumed, but it's hard not to miss the pink and purple hair.

I read more of The Bridge to Neverland at Barnes & Noble before visiting Dave (the teacher, not the rockstar, nor the bartending classmate) and watching Paul on DVD. On that note, Sijourney Weaver is cougar status.

I went home and busted a #3 to the chick who did my abdominal aortic aneurysm (AAA) tests at the hospital last Wednesday and then to Jessica at American Basics. Guess what? You know how sometimes I try to hit a target number of strokes? Well, I was reviewing some porn ... And I last longer than the dudes in a few videos! Me > amateur pornstars.

"You could have totally fucked the shit out of that girl." "No one wants to fuck me. I look like Voldemort."

I was supposed to be late, but previews were inexplicably fifteen minutes long today and I even had time to go to the restroom before the movie started. I saw Abduction at 1:40PM starring Taylor Lautner and then snuck into 50/50 at 3:30PM (Anna Kendrick is such a babe) and Killer Elite at 5:10PM.

I spotted my old chief of staff, Jeremy, from Mann Theater. I guess the rumors were true that Mann Theater was going out of business, thus his now working for AMC. I had to sneak past him as he would've easily recognized me and noticed that I had been there the whole day with a bag full of food.

Outside, there was some event called "A Taste of Downtown Burbank" that crowded the street. Some girl collecting donations for starving children in Asia - I've avoided them before - wouldn't leave me alone after recognizing I was Filipino and then tried to speak to me in Tagalog. Like a bad ass, I didn't shake her hand when she offered. Like a bad ass, I gave her a dollar to go away. But she was very thankful.

At the mall down the street, the [Harry]Potterhead was working at Hot Topic. (Again, not the one that I frequent in my usual stomping grounds.) The last time I saw her, I was with the ones code-named "Choir Boy" and "G," (see entry 9/17/11) but steered clear as I didn't want to risk them embarrassing me. (For example, "Hey, he stares at you!") I went to the restroom to fix myself before walking inside Hot Topic. We technically spoke ... as she told me what sales were going on, which in my mind was basically, "blah, blah, blah," as I stared deeply into her eyes and renewed her in my database.

"Did you ever have angina?" "I don't know what that is."

The treadmill at the gym says I burned 355.5 calories over a distance of 3.13 miles, but that could just be a ballpark figure.

I finally bought those caffeine-free thermogenic capsules by Apex. They were supposed to be $29.99. Allie was working the front desk.

ALLIE: $14.30.
RYAN: How did it become $14:30-- I'm not complaining!
ALLIE: Oh, it's 40% off right now, so ... Sick, man. Good timing.

1) We exchanged banter. That's, like, verbal sex. 2) Anytime a chick says a modern slang word, such as sick, it's boner-status. Allie's renewed in my database.

I busted a #3 to that cougar lady, Merriam, yesterday who did the test on my carotid arteries. She's the one who looks like an older version of Kara Dioguardi with unkempt hair. I just remembered that she told me, "Your [blood] vessels look really pretty."

At the mall, the Adelle look-alike was working at the "i Play & Talk" vendor booth, again blowing her bubble gum into a bubble until it popped, repeatedly. She's renewed in the database. I guess that jackoffable chick at the Waba Teriyaki Grill - who looks less jackoffable ever since dying her blond hair dark brown, only because the blond matched better with her skin complexion - is renewed in the database as well.

I helped mommy with the clothes at the laundromat. We ate dinner at Burger King. I ended the night by reading more of The Bridge to Neverland at Barnes & Noble.

Another kind of blood pressure

I had a couple of dreams last night: 1) I was in jail with many people I knew. I recognized my fellow [Harry]Potterhead, Ally, was present. I never found out what the charges against me were. I was only told that I tried to represent myself in court for a second offense (and apparently failed). The parole officer was Britney Spears in glasses, a ridiculous purple suit and carrying a clipboard. 2) I was riding a motorcycle down an empty street with up and down slopes. Simple enough. End of dreams.

Bad news: Internet was down at home, which meant that phones were down as well since our Internet powers the microcell that in turn powers our coverage. Good news: I went to the hospital today for an event. Mommy, who works in said hospital, hooked me up and I got to take all these tests for free that would normally cost hundreds of dollars.

• I noticed that I no longer flinch nor am hesitant when getting injected in the vein to get blood drawn.
• The chick who took my blood pressure was an armenian chick named Melanie, whose bottle blond hair contrasted greatly with her dark brown roots that were already growing out ... and with her all dark brown hair that was in her ID picture. Ha. But she's in the database for sufficiently being able to pass as white. And then my blood pressure was incorrectly read as high. She proposed that I was probably just having anxieties.
• Unfortunately, the chick who did my abdominal aortic aneurysm (AAA) test had her name tag inverted due to gravity, a shame because she was the most jackoffable brunette I've seen in a while. Her hair's thin and a little past shoulder length, but the bangs were actually cut well - pointy and separation between strands. Her lipstick was natural colored. She's in the database.
• The slightly cougar lady had her name tag hidden as well, but thank God she introduced herself as I can now scream out her name - Merriam (though it could be spelled differently). She started out by saying she liked my hair. Score! She vaguely looks like an older Kara Dioguardi with unkempt hair.

Anyway, it all ended with a consultation with a heart surgeon, who was friends with my mommy ... and who made me lose faith in doctors. She thought my body mass index (BMI) was a tad obese - though the gym considers me lean! - and didn't understand the importance of Branch Chain Amino Acids (BCAA). Moral of the story: The gym and doctors don't agree!

Mommy treated me to food in the cafeteria. Despite what the doctor told me a few minutes prior, I pigged out on salad loaded with bleu cheese, enchiladas, salmon, and chicken.

I was fantasizing being Ryan Gosling in Drive, albeit with the not so bad boy use of a hands-free device, when the one code-named "Choir Boy" finally called me back. I had to raincheck for Breakin' class at Millennium Dance Complex due to insecurity of performing anything athletic after just having blood drawn.

RYAN: My blood pressure was read as high, but it was probably just 'cause the chick was hot.
"CHOIR BOY": But isn't that another kind of blood pressure?

I ended the night with a new episode of Glee, definitely one of the top three best episodes so far, guest-starring - wait for it, wait for it - Tamlyn Tomita (Daniel LaRusso's chick in The Karate Kid II) and Don Most (Ralph Malph in Happy Days).

And then mommy checked my blood pressure with her own whatever-it's-called. My blood pressure was normal after all!

Half-Thousand

I busted a #3 to Leah. When I saw her last Friday, she looked low maintenance for a change, which looked better than her usual high maintenance look. (See entry 9/30/11.) Her hair was tied in a ball and her red streaks were fading to pink. She wore a sweater and jeans instead of her usual glamorous attire. I noticed she had those stretchy-hole-whatever-they're-called ear piercings that look like they hurt, but not too mutilated. She just looks better dressed down. Today was an endurance practice. I'm happy to almost reach a half-thousand number of strokes.

In my usual stomping grounds today, the Adelle look-alike was working at the "i Play & Talk" vendor booth. She was blowing her bubble gum until it popped over and over again. I didn't know people still did that with their gum. She's renewed in the database. Jessica at American Basics was renewed in the database as well. And I guess so was that jackoffable white chick at the Waba Teriyaki Grill even if she is less jackoffable after dying her blond hair dark brown.

Mommy and I ate dinner at Cheesecake Factory.

Afterward, at Barnes & Noble, the ambiguous looking chick, Monica, was there. She's renewed in the database. But more important than hormones: I finally started reading The Bridge to Neverland! I ended the night at home with WWE RAW.

Right cross:582 PSI. Right roundhouse: 685 PSI.

It turns out that the one code-named "G" was able to find a Sami Scott video after all. (In reference to a list of porn stars I gave him to look up for me a while back.) You know that feeling that kids have when their parents tell them that they couldn't find a certain present only to wake up Christmas morning to find that they got it after all? It's the same feeling when I got to watch this full Sami Scott video from the Please Bang My Wife series.

When I got home last night, I busted a #3 to Lizet, who works at Rubio's.

I just remembered I had a few weird dreams the night before: 1) I was looking through Power Rangers comics in a library, which were up to volume 30. An old coworker, Aubrey, was sitting on the floor leaning against the left wall. Mark bent down towards the right shelves with encyclopedia-sized works and mentioned, "That would be assuming I know everything." As a taunt, someone hugged me from behind while I made masturbation gestures at Mark's face. Aubrey laughed. 2) I was stopping my mommy from smoking a cigarette. 3) I was in the past ala Back to the Future. Something happened where people sprung into action in a hero-ish way. I was looking on, standing outside of a house on the right side of its doorway. I moved over to its other side to stand next to an older cougar lady and in a flirty way said, "Now that's not Rambo." (Implying I was Rambo.) End of dreams.

I overslept and stopped by Church after it was over. I arrived to Mark's house, looking huge in my red tanktop.

MARK: Looking huge.
RYAN: Thanks.

But then I changed into my Taylor Swift shirt. Arthur arrived. It was the first time the three of us were together since Arthur and Mayra's wedding. (See 5/6/11.) Erik (with a "K," not to be confused with the Eric who's been a substitute teacher at Top Rocking class) arrived last.

ERIK: All Asians look alike. I was about to get into somebody else's car down the street thinking they were you guys! It was embarrassing!

RYAN: Is there a camera at this intersection?
MARK: No.
RYAN: Good, because on the way here, I ran the red light because I thought I was running late.
ERIK: Even if there was, you no longer have to pay the ticket because they decided [cameras] were unethical or something.

Disclaimer: Double-check the above with your county before you do anything crazy.

Round 1 of celebrating Mark's Birthday: We went to Henry's Hat for Happy Hour. (Not a place to go to when it's not Happy Hour.) We drank a tower (equivalent of two-and-a-half pitchers) of Blue Moon, a tower of New Castle and two pitchers of Guinness. We mixed the last of the Blue Moon with Guinness to make a Black & Blue, a.k.a. a Rihanna, though that's fucked up that a drink was named after her physical appearance after getting beaten by Chris Brown.

ERIK: Guys, we're doing some serious drinking.

Round 2: We walked to Saddle Ranch because it was less than a mile away.

ERIK: (At me) I'm sure this is no problem for you because you walk everywhere.
MARK: My walking stops at 20 feet!

Erik and I shared an Adios-MotherFucker and I think some kind of beef, which I drunkenly can't remember if it was prime rib or filet mignon.

Then we each took a turn at an arcade that measures punching power in pounds per square inch (PSI). My right cross was measured at 582 PSI. I said, "Fuck it," and roundhouse-kicked it at 685 PSI!

Round 3: We walked to Howl at the Moon. We each had a Black & Coke. We were finally done.

At Mark's house, Erik's dad picked him up because it turns out that he's on probation right now. I slept well.

The Bridge to Neverland has finally arrived!

I called the Debbie Reynolds Dance Studio ahead of time to ask who was teaching the Top Rocking class this week ... and it was cancelled for today. Nobody in management knows where the regular teacher, Ynot, is and they couldn't find a substitute teacher.

So I had some good quality "sit on my ass at home" time during the day. Although, when stumbling onto a new dance style that I didn't recognize on the studio's schedule and then looking it up on Youtube.com, I found the one thing I would never do: Waacking.

I did compound exercises at the gym.

I was on the way to hang out with the one code-named "Choir Boy" when I got sidetracked: When I got out of the shower and had the wet look going on, I felt it deserved to be showed off via strutting.

Strutting around the Americana, I noticed the Adelle look-alike was working at the "i Play & Talk" vendor booth even though she's usually working at the one inside the mall across the street. I guess there's two locations. So cool to know. She's renewed in the database.

Robert, the manager at Rubio's, called out to me. He was sitting with a friend named Debbie. I think he was trying to hide a tattoo on his arm.

In Barnes & Noble, that ambiguous looking chick Monica was working. She was rocking the geek chick glasses and a pink headband with her hair gelled back somehow. She's renewed in the database. BUT even better than anything hormonal: I was looking through the shelf of the Peter and the Starcatchers series in an OCD manner ... and the long-awaited The Bridge to Neverland had finally arrived!

RYAN: Have you ever heard of waacking?
"CHOIR BOY": I would never do that!

We finally finished Transporter 3. I can't piece everything else in accurate chronological order due to alcohol, but a couple of things: 1) We watched Tropic Thunder. 2) The one code-named "Super A" arrived wearing a white Viper Room tanktop, which I have in black. I then brought up how I made out with that lesbian named Julia, while she had a girlfriend, at the Viper Room. Conversely, "Super A" fended off a lesbian at the Viper Room. It's like our bond is stronger now due to incidents with lesbians.