Mommy arrived

Philip woke me up at 4:50AM to pick my mommy up from the airport. I watched the sky change from dawn to Twilight to sunrise (I always wanted to use the word "twilight" in a sentence that wasn't related to the books/movies). There were cameras everywhere as someone was shooting a documentary. Then my mommy arrived.

Stopped by the house for breakfast. Then went to visit my dad in the hospital. Auntie Aida called, just as she had been doing for the past few days to pretend like she was trying to visit just to be nice. My mommy got all excited.

RYAN: Mom, Auntie Aida's not coming. She only pretends like she's trying to just to be nice.
DAD: [laughs]
MOMMY: Don't make your dad laugh!

My mommy's ears haven't recovered yet from the pressure changes in the plane ride. I keep speaking low to make her paranoid as a joke. I went back home with Philip and Malou so we could "leave the oldies behind" in the hospital. I went back to sleep.

My other cousin Ken visited for the 1st time since I've been here.

KEN: Your bicep is big!

Fuck yeah! After not working out this whole time since I've been here, I still got it. Oh, and my mommy realized she accidentally left a shitload of money back at home in California.

Later in the hospital, I exposed all of my mommy's mistakes so dad and I could laugh at her.

MOMMY: (at me) I am never telling you another secret! You gossip too much for a boy!

My mommy then lectured dad about not eating chocolates because supposedly cancer cells feed on chocolates. I made fun of her claims.

DAD: I guess we'll have to hide from your mom when we eat chocolates.

We were watching a UFC recap show while my mommy went to buy food. For some reason, even after repeating a million times, she couldn't hear our orders on the phone. Dad started getting impatient, then pissed.

RYAN: You're making dad's blood pressure rise!
MOMMY: What? Did you say your dad wants rice?
RYAN: No goddammit!

We're home now. As planned, Philip tried to give my mommy Auntie Zelda's room so I can keep having my own room. My mommy tried making up some bullshit excuse that she's too scared to sleep alone. Thankfully, jetlag knocked her out as she lied down on Auntie Zelda's bed.

I leave you with a music video of Paul Oakenfold featuring Brittany Murphy: