Balut (Duck fetus)

DAD: Mom says you're good at praying. Can you pray for me?
RYAN: Mom lied.

Dad's obviously nervous about his operation tomorrow. My mommy called today. The usual "making sure I'm behaving" checking in.

We were supposed to leave for the hospital at 12:00PM. But the doctor postponed it to 4:00PM. That adds to the long list of setbacks. So far:

• Dad's operation was supposed to be 2 weeks ago, but postponed because doctors forgot to tell him to quit taking aspirin.
• Dad's operation was then supposed to be last week, but postponed because the doctor was having renal stones and had to undergo an operation himself.
• And more rescheduling that I actually can no longer remember it all.

I went with Philip to a hearing he was supposed to be at. Mental note: I spotted a MMA gym nearby his office! Philip seems to be popular as the parking attendants give him a parking space that they block off for everyone else. The prosecutor who scheduled the hearing didn't even show up, so we left. We stopped by Samantha's (Philip's 2-year-old daughter/my niece) school where they were having a Christmas party with all the little students performing.

We finally admitted my dad in the hospital. Did a lot of guerrilla filming since recording was not allowed. My biggest regret was not catching the funniest thing on tape: A guy walked into a glass door and everyone laughed at him. My dad's room, which he has all to himself, is almost like a hotel room (all the cheap ones were taken, so we had to go with an upscale one). We bought spaghetti, donuts, and dumplings. My OCD was kicking in when I spent half an hour trying to open the bag of soy sauce, which I was never able to open until I finally poked it with a toothpick. There was some UFC programming on the TV. We left, except for Bong who will be staying in the hospital to take care of my dad. They really don't trust me with that task.

PHILIP: Of all viruses ... redtube[.com]!

The computer still has the virus of not being able to get rid of that porn site as the default homepage whenever someone opens the browser. We were reminded of that this morning when Malou tried to search the internet and started screaming about what she saw. Philip just laughed at her.

I had 3 balut (duck fetus) for dinner.

PHILIP: Your dad asked me how much balut you ate. I told him 1 ... He doesn't believe me.

Then came the phone call from my dad, lecturing me about not eating too much (duck fetus has a lot of cholesterol). Anyway, since my dad will be in the hospital for the next 5-7 days, I have our bedroom all to myself. You know what that means? FINALLY, alone time. Hehe.

Bong

I finally ate my Italian Bratwurst today for breakfast along with hotdogs, cheddar, bread, and orange juice. Dad ignored my suggestion that bratwurst is supposed to be cooked in beer. Boo.

I visited my auntie Aida to drop off my mommy's gift to her. There were buckets everywhere since their ceiling is leaking all over. Uncle Mon says I got a lot of muscle on me. Yay.

Philip treated me to lunch at some burger place called Tropical Hut. It was all right. I finally ate a halo-halo for the 1st time during this trip.

Later, Malou treated me to snack on Taco Bell, despite Philip telling me not to snack because dinner was going to be at an all-you-can-eat place. I drank some of my Japanese green tea to speed up my metabolism so I can digest everything and over-eat for dinner.

A package that my mommy sent finally arrived at the house while we were out. The maid called Malou's cell phone for the delivery boys to talk to me because they needed my authorization. They were disappointed I was American. I found out it's typical for Filipinos to tip the delivery boy and they assumed I wouldn't know that. Malou instructed the maid to tip them 200 pesos.

Philip (again, a district attorney) abruptly had to leave because his superior complained he was never around. Philip checked in with his superior, made an excuse that he had to leave, and we all went to dinner.

Dinner was at a place called Kamayan. I've been there in the past. I continued the tradition of everyone, full and done eating, waiting on me as I continued to eat like a monster. There were ingredients to make your own halo-halo. I tried making a halo-halo for the 1st time ever in life. Epic fail.

When we got home, distant cousin Bong had finally arrived from Gerona (a farm town in the jungle where both sides of my family were originally from). Bong will be taking care of my dad while he recovers from his operation, which is scheduled on Thursday. I guess everyone didn't trust me to do my best in taking care of my dad.

Random: I just found out that auntie Selda's name is spelled with an "S." My whole life, I assumed it was spelled with a "Z" like Legend of Zelda.

Porn as virus

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Gay people be checking me out

I've been waking up to roosters crowing.

People from the sewage company came to drain the septic tank, which turned out to be below the kitchen, underneath the dining table. I had to eat my own breakfast in my room - croissant with Laughing Cow cheese, donut, chicharon (pork rinds), milk, and water.

While everyone I know had to pay to watch UFC 107, it aired here in the Philippines on 25-minute tape delay on free TV. (UFC PPVs usually start at 7:00PM California time, Manila is 16 hours ahead of Los Angeles, UFC 107 started at 11:25AM Manila time.) I stayed behind to watch UFC 107 while the rest of the family went out to eat for lunch.

My favorite parts: 5 rounds of B.J. Penn vs. Diego Sanchez, 2 of my favorite fighters, for the Lightweight Championship, which Penn retained via doctor stoppage. And then Frank Mir choked this french guy named cheik congo unconscious in only 1 minute and 21 seconds of the 1st round! I don't usually like Mir because he talks too much shit, but he was the lesser of 2 evils. I'm ALWAYS happy to see harm come to a frenchie.

I ate the food they brought home for me. It was squid, rice, and sweet & sour fish filet. I washed it down with some orange juice.

Some fag (it's ok, I have gay friends, so I'm not racist ... or whatever the appropriate word for this situation is), who was checking me out, asked cousin Philip if I would be 1 of the judges in their gay pageant. Apparently, Philip had helped them out in the past. I declined.

Cousin-in-law Malou tried giving me some sour mango slices. I couldn't eat it. Too sour. For dinner, I had pork chops, cream of artichoke soup, omelette, my leftover Shakey's pizza from last night, leftover cinnabon, and water.

Watching the free replay of UFC 107 now.

Farting on a pillow = Pink eye

The beloved Terminator: the Sarah Connor Chronicles lives on in the Philippines being promoted as a "new" series (it was cancelled last May 18). I saw 2 different reruns at 2 different times on 2 different channels this evening. But to the people here, they were "new" episodes.

I guess the try-outs for G4's American Ninja Warrior - which are supposed to take place in Los Angeles again this month, but I'll have to miss them - are still in the back of my mind as I had a weird dream incorporating them last night: In my dream, I'm at the try-outs. Then out of nowhere, there are these 3 blond chicks. We start talking - I don't remember what about. Then they're feeling me up. Then they're jacking me off. I remark, "I feel like I'm on e." End of dream.

I woke up in the middle of the night because both the air conditioner and the electric fan together brought the room to sub-zero temperature. Initially, I couldn't sleep because it was too damn hot.

Cousin Philip's eye was red today. I told him that according to Knocked Up, you get pink eye if someone farts on your pillow. Cousin-in-law Malou seems to believe it. But it turns out Philip accidentally rubbed his eye too deep that some of the top layer came off. Ouch! The eye doctor told him to put some medicine, patch it up, and sleep it off. It now looks mostly back to normal.

I had a lasagna, salad, and raspberry iced tea for brunch at Sbarros. I bought some plain white tanktops for me and postcards for people.

We came home and the hallway was flooded. The water was coming from the bathroom. The septic tank was full. It's supposed to be good for 40 years. Apparently, 40 years have gone by.

I snacked on some M&Ms. Dinner was at Shakey's. Mine was a belly buster pizza, some chicken, potatoes, garlic bread, spaghetti, and bottomless lemonade. Everyone thinks I eat too much.

I like how I'm taller than everyone and chicks be checking me out.

I'm so gangster you could find me baking cookies at nights

My mommy called from the US to bitch about my binge eating since I've been here in the Philippines out of her parental supervision (dad's such a snitch). With that said, cousin-in-law Malou gave me what was supposed to be a sweet treat covered in dry squid. My dad and I ate more of the free chocolates that came as a gift with the cologne that my mommy bought him. Then I ate some chicharon (pork grinds). Oh, and my cinnabon too.

It was a pain in the ass finally finding a video of the fall finale of Glee online because hulu.com doesn't show anything to anyone outside of the US (fuck hulu). The final scene featured the cast doing a cover of my future baby's mama Kelly Clarkson's My Life Would Suck Without You.

I got to flex my muscles by carrying a heavy bag of rice while doing groceries. Cousin Philip showed me this shop that tried to swindle him, so he fined them 10,000 pesos (that's right, don't fuck with my district attorney cousin)! He also bought me 3 bootleg DVDs of Seal Team VI, Streets of Blood, and 9. We had to go to a donut shop just to get croissants for my Laughing Cow cheese. Figured we might as well buy some donuts. Going to eat my donuts now. But the highlight of my day was finding this video of Taylor Swift and some rap singer named T Pain:

Time Travel

It's Day 3 here in the Philippines and the dude from the company FINALLY installed the high speed internet (and my cousin's homepage just happens to be set as redtube.com). I've officially time traveled: The Philippines is 14 hours ahead of Los Angeles. Since I left on Sunday (December 6), L.A. time, and arrived here Tuesday (December 8), P.I. time, I never officially experienced Monday. That counts as a time jump (like they say in Terminator).

People who live in this house: my dad, aunt, cousin, cousin-in-law, 2 nieces, 2 nannies (1 for each niece), the maid, the driver, and the driver's brother. And I might still be forgetting someone. Plus, the 3 dogs. And my distant cousin will be moving in soon to be my dad's caretaker when my dad has his surgery. The point is: I will never have a chance to jack off. Yeah, I said it.

But Babes, who I thought might have died of old age by now, is still alive! Although she sleeps a lot and only walks across the whole house once a day.

Highlight of last Tuesday: I ate a whole lobster to myself.

Highlight of yesterday: I found a place with a "Beers from Around the World" menu that includes Sam Adams and Stella Artois (Stellart) beer! It was strange that the waitress reminded me of Jazz from Red Robin back in Glendale (same hair color, hair style, skin tone). Bad news: They had everything but Guinness. Good news: I felt good after 2 Sam Adams.

Highlight of today: Cousin Philip took me to a place called Brothers Burger where I had a pound burger (yes, it weighed 1 pound) with cilantro cream and bleu cheese.

Stuff I watched on television lately: UFC, Xena reruns, 7th Heaven rerun, Power Rangers reruns, Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, Army of Darkness, some Hilary Duff movie, and some movie called The Dark is Rising. Yes, I've been bored when not eating or drinking. Must eat my cinnabon now.