Crane Kick Knockout + Fast Five = Start of my Birthday

I was wearing my Lyoto Machida shirt when at UFC 129 Machida knocked out Hall of Famer Randy Couture with of all things a - wait for it, wait for it - 1984 The Karate Kid style Crane Kick! I ran down the street to Great Earth to tell fellow Martial Arts purist Yoh ... only to find that the store had relocated. So I called him instead.

Arthur's (my Birthday twin) friend Ivan whom I've only met once exactly last year at our Birthday then (see entry 4/30/10) recognized me on the street. Being reminded of how cool he is made me feel awkward about busting a #3 to his baby's mama Catalina. Darn it. But in all fairness I didn't think I'd ever seem him again and it was Catalina who tracked me down on Facebook (and an offhand comment from Arthur and Mayra about how she thought I was funny). Ivan invited me to Arthur's bachelor party at a strip club later, but I really wasn't in the mood for blue balls.

However, Ivan's uncle was talking to this blond chick named Andrea (not to be confused with the brunette Andrea whom I've busted a #3 to before). My Machida shirt got me some play.

BLOND ANDREA: What is [Machida]?
RYAN: He's from Brazil but he's of Japanese descent.

She's so in my database. I sprinted to the Americana after the fights to meet up with cousins Andree, Janine and Jillian to watch Fast Five featuring newcomer to the franchise Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Holy crap, I haven't nergasm'd like that over an action movie ever. And post-credits surprise ending: Michelle Rodriguez's character who supposedly died in the previous Fast and Furious is alive! Cue the sequel!

Coincidentally, old high school classmates Rez (fellow Spartacus: Blood and Sand fan and whom I've seen at Millennium Dance Complex), his brother Kenny, John E, his brother Ben, and Mark Y were there. Yay.

I went home, fired up the porn, and busted a #3 to that blond Andrea from earlier.

California Dreaming

I woke up late after staying up watching the Royal Wedding. I finally crashed when the broadcast reported a one hour break before the couple would show the public their first married kiss. I was not going to stay awake until 5:25AM just for that.

I did groceries and tried free samples of everything at Costco before rocking at guitar practice.

Degrassi doesn't come back with new episodes until July, so I got to leave for the mall early to do a database run. Unfortunately, no one in the database was working. Boo. I got home in time for a new episode of Smallville, followed by the last hour of WWE Smackdown and then Camelot.

I took a dose of Cellucor M5 before going to the gym to work on my pull muscles. Then came home, fired up the porn, and busted a #3 to Megan, our waitress at Black Angus last Wednesday. This time, I was able to go beyond my target number of strokes.

The Royal Wedding

I went to the mall in the neighboring city. The butterface/fellow [Harry] Potterhead wasn't working. Fail. And I wore my Hermione shirt too. Good news: There's a cool comic book oriented store on the upper level.

I ate a steak burrito and my personal half-and-half of lemonade and raspberry iced tea at Rubio's. Lizet was working. The cashier Olivia, who checks me out, has acne flaring again. She's off the waiting list for the database.

That chick Ruby, though not accepting my add request yet on FB, has "poked" me back.

At the mall, Helen was working at Lain Lingo.

HELEN: I see you here all the time.
RYAN: I'm not here all the time.
HELEN: Do you always use that entrance?
RYAN: I-- Yeah, I always use that entrance.
HELEN: Every time we see each other, we're always [motions colliding and passing each other] rushing.
INNER RYAN: Hehe ... It looks like she's motioning "smashing," as my South Central roommates used to put it.
RYAN: Actually, I do have to rush home right now.
HELEN: [Rolls eyes] Well, now you know where to find me.

At Hot Topic, Leah (the substitute in my database for Georgia, who in turn is the substitute whenever Jazz isn't working at Red Robin) was working. She asked me if I needed help with anything.

RYAN: Would you be able to tell me what track is playing right now [on your sound system]?
LEAH: Sure. [Gets a red pen and paper, looks at the computer under the counter, writes] Here.
RYAN: Thank you.
LEAH: You're welcome.

It was Big Empty by Stone Temple Pilots from The Crow soundtrack.

I guess Matt's prophecy is coming true. I am like a sailor/pirate with a wench at every port.

Mommy did laundry. The wedding of Prince William in England will begin at 1:00AM our time.

Filet Mignon coupons

I took a dose of Jack3d before doing calisthenics at the gym.

Mommy and I met up with cousins Andree and Jillian and auntie Bella at Black Angus in Northridge as an excuse to use coupons for Filet Mignons. I tried their mango-raspberry tea this time. It's official: Either the bartender sucks or the drinks suck.

The same chick, Crystal, who was our waitress last Sunday was there. So was this bartender, whose hair is probably bottle blond. She has this weird thing going on where from a distance she looks like a 20-something-ear-old, but as you get closer she looks like she's in her 40s. Our waitress was named Megan. She had short reddish hair with a streak of green probably braided in. She was there last Sunday and I assumed the green streak was just for Easter. She's in my database.

Hide and Seek

I took a dose of Cellucor M5 before going to the gym to work on my pull muscles.

Helen, again my former co-worker who had a crush on me and whom I used to bust a #3 back in 2005, was working at Latin Lingo. She was standing outside. I pretended to not see her as I walked by on the far end because I had no time to talk. I did a lap, saw that she was still standing outside, and headed towards her so I can say, "Hi." But by the time I had got to the bottom of the escalator, she had gone back inside and I didn't feel like walking in. Hmm ... Playing head games.

Chris Jericho danced to Journey's Don't Stop Believing on Dancing with the Stars. On a related note, I ended the night with WWE RAW.

Easter Sunday

While Jesus steals her thunder today, Happy Birthday to my future baby's mama Kelly Clarkson.

Mommy and I did the church thing at noon for Easter Sunday. We ate with her sister at Black Angus in Northridge. I also got a $25 gift card at Macy's as a late present from Auntie Elsa. I ate prime rib with a small lobster tail and some shrimps and a blackberry ginger ale. Then I topped it off with a seasonal dessert called Smores Seduction Pie. Our waitress' name was Crystal. Dudes would think she was cute, but she wasn't my type. But she had a sexy voice and kept referring to me as "sweetie" and "sweetheart." Just for that, and despite her flat chest and not being able to guess her ethnicity, I suppose she can be on the waiting list for the database in case I'm ever really bored.

There was this other waitress who reminded me of this chick named Erin who was my MSE classmate during my first semester at CSUN. I used to bust a #3 to her back in the day. It could've been her. Not sure.

Later we had dinner at Uncle Oca's house. Cousin Kristian bought the DVD The Chaperone starring WWE's Triple H. Gosh, the acting was bad.

Black Saturday

I woke up early and met up with Jon Reyes, one of my old classmates from FMA, for the first time in maybe over two years. He showed me this MMA class that his friend teaches inside this secret room in a hidden parking lot. So Cal independent pro-wrestler Nikki trains in Boxing there! And her mom stopped by to watch.

NIKKI'S TEACHER: (To Nikki's mom) She's a great person. A shitty fighter, but a great person. I'm trying to talk her out of fighting, but she wants to fight.

Our MMA class wasn't so bad. It was mostly conditioning. I didn't catch the teacher's name (I just nodded when he introduced himself). Mounts drilled: Side control, full, and north/south. Helpful tip: If on the bottom, get a knee up to prevent the person on top getting full mount.

I rolled with a guy named Alex whose accent is either Australian or South African. Cool guy, but he accidentally kneed me in the groin practicing the above mentioned helpful tip. To make a long story short, I submitted him with a rear naked choke, which I haven't done since 9/28/09!

Afterward, Jon and I reviewed some FMA while evaluating our options. Apparently, that deadbeat of a FMA instructor, our former Guro, was starting fights at bars to get Jon to "test" out his skills. Jon's guilt over hurting innocent drunks led him to quit.

I took mommy to pick up her car from the shop and then ate at Rubio's afterward. I tried their shrimp tacos. They were bomb. I overheard some lady come in and ask for Lizet, the light-skinned jackoffable Latina brunette. The manager said she's in Las Vegas with family. This cashier named Olivia was clocking out. I've caught her checking me out before, but never looked at her twice. This time, however, her acne is starting to clear up and she looks aight with her shades on her head, pulling her hair back. Hmm ...

At the mall, Jazz wasn't working at Red Robin. Boo. But the substitutes in my database, the power duo of Georgia and Leah at Hot Topic, were working. Leah's red streaks have faded to pink, but they can pass as intentional.

I took a dose of Jack3d and worked out my push muscles at the gym. Danny at the front desk said the gym would be open all Easter. Score. Iam and Victor stopped by. It was the first time all three of us were working out at the same time in months. I knew I had to calm down when I was trying to do modified jackknife twists ... and it felt like I pulled an abdominal muscle! Almost.

I fired up the porn and busted a #3 to ... just to try something new, I guess, that cashier Olivia from earlier.

Good Friday

Vahik was late to guitar practice because he almost got in a fight with some trucker taking up some of the handicap parking space. I helped my self to some Easter cake and coffee as the staff insisted. I've busted a #3 to the violin/vocal teacher, Lita, once before. She's not someone I'd normally look at twice, but I guess being a music teacher and an older woman grants some appeal. When Vahik arrived, we just drilled House of the Rising Sun.

I watched a new Degrassi. I did a quick database run at the mall - but, alas, no one in the database was working - before coming home to a new Smallville followed by the last hour of WWE Smackdown. I fired up the porn and busted a #3 to Lita.

Holy Thursday

Only Faith at Brookstone from the database was at the mall today. But it was still early. She was rocking the geek chick glasses and braided pigtails. I guess I'll have to start getting used to the crappy cut bangs. I actually walked into Brookstone to listen to their sound system blasting Taylor Swift featured on some guy named John Mayer's song.

I took a dose of Cellucor M5 and did calisthenics at the gym. I implemented burpees for the first time and did the descent of my pull ups slowly to recruit more muscle fibers.

I met up with mommy at the laundromat and then went to Subway to try out their cordon bleu sandwich before my over-religious mommy insisted on going to Church.

Spy Wednesday

I started the day by catching up on last night's new episode of Glee on Hulu.com. Then I busted a #3 to the waitress Stephanie from Elephant Bar last night (see entry 4/19/11).

Mommy dragged me to Church with her to the one near Matt's house. I had to rush the line football-style for confessions afterward to ensure mommy and I got out early enough to catch some eating places before they all closed. And I still ate a bag of nuts while in line.

We ate at Rubio's. The cashier, whose name tag I was able to catch this time - Gaby, has been there before. She's a tanned and brunette Latina who I suppose could be beer-goggles tolerable. Most importantly, the jackoffable light skinned Latina - whose long name starts with a "V," but I lost the receipt where it was typed - was there. This time I was able to read her name tag. It read: Lizet. That can't be right. Perhaps it's short for the real name. But the point is: I can now scream it out.

Skynet becomes self aware today!

It was only when I woke up today that the blister on my thumb from rigorous guitar practice last Friday finally disappeared.

Catalina, Arthur and Mayra's friend (see entry 4/30/10) who also knows me as "Jacob," returned to Facebook today. That means I can renew Catalina in my database.

I took a dose of Jack3d and went to the gym today to work on my pull muscles.

Mommy and I were going for Thai BBQ, but there was no parking, so we went to Elephant Bar. A few tables down, there was this white chick with long, brown hair. It was thick enough that it's probably naturally curly and perhaps straightened with straighteners. But her eyebrows were a natural frown. She was singing along to Train's Hey Soul Sister, which was amusing as her lips were that of a cock face, a term Stefanie once coined to refer to someone who sucked so much cock that the mouth took shape as such. But the white chick is in my database.

Our waitress was named Stephanie (spelled with a "ph," and not to be confused with Stephanie from Capoeira either). She too was a white chick with long, wavy brown hair loosely held back by a clipper. Her service was very prompt. She used the term "hun" quite a few times, for example when she asked my mommy, "Would you like a box for that, hun?" Ooh, I like a girl who says "hun." I could so see this waitress in my database talking to me like, "(Moaning) Do you like that, hun?" and "(Moaning) Oh yeah, hun."

[Sigh] God bless Terminator: the Sarah Connor Chronicles, according to which Skynet was supposed to become self aware today. There were quite a few Resistance members among my friends list alone on Facebook who observed today. But all I could think about is how on Tuesday, October 14, 2009, I had a dream where I was having sex with Summer Glau.

Pimp-Walking

I went back on my creatine cycle today. I have leftovers of Cellucor M5 and Jack3d. I packed a dose of the Cellucor today and warmed up by doing a database run at the mall.

That chick Jessica was at Body Basic. That was about it. But then JeAnn, Stefanie's cousin whom I haven't seen since I-don't-know-when because I was avoiding her because she had a crush on me, jumped out of Panda Express!

JEANN: Do you not remember me?
RYAN: [Lying] No.

And then Stefanie, Candice and Eugene emerged.

RYAN: I'm on my way to the gym.
STEFANIE: I could tell. You're pimp-walking.
RYAN: Actually, I was--
INNER RYAN: Don't mention database, don't mention database, don't mention database ...
RYAN: --Yeah, I was pimp-walking.

RYAN: I'm about to go to my car to take my testosterone boosters and go to the gym. (It sounded more manly than creatine.)
EUGENE: Oh ... OK ... We'll be sure to stay out of your way then.
STEFANIE: Yeah, he punches babies! [Everyone laughs.]

I'll be experimenting, mixing regiments. I did compound exercises for push muscles.

Later, I went back to the mall as I was in no hurry to go home since boycotting WWE Tough Enough after the premature elimination of Matt Cross, a.k.a. M-Dogg 20 last week. Leah was at Hot Topic. I accidentally made eye contact with my stalker for a split second before I looked away. Darn it. I ended the night with WWE RAW.

Lats

I went to Gymnastics class. I drilled my back handsprings as usual. Coach Shawn gave me tips on how to make my lat muscles pop out. For example: Wide grip pull-ups and closer grip pull-ups, both with feet suspended (i.e. on a bench) to focus on the lats.

At the mall, Jessica was working at that girly store Body Basic (I think that's what it's called). I haven't seen her in a while. Leah was at Hot Topic. I didn't see my stalker, so I actually walked into Hot Topic for the first time since April Fool's Day when I accidentally got locked in (I think it was accidentally) as they overlooked me during closing time.

But no substitutes in the database were necessary because Jazz was working at Red Robin. The second time I walked by, she along with the other servers were clapping and singing Happy Birthday to a table. I now have her clapping and singing in my database.

Mommy and I ate dinner at Cheesecake Factory. I tried their Blue Cheese BLT with my usual Raspberry Lemonade. It was aight.

Steve's girlfriend at Coachella = Boys' night out

I went to Church so that I wouldn't have to go tomorrow. I did a quick database run before rushing to Auntie Carrissa's Birthday party. Only Leah at Hot Topic was working and she was rocking these black, huge framed glasses. She looked like a nerd rocking out to whatever their sound system was blasting.

I gave Auntie Carrissa her present: a check from my mommy and a card that I made up with a sheet of printer paper and a green pen. Cousin Andree was in town from Las Vegas. Cousin Janine seemed grounded in her room. Why? Because she's not allowed to drive in the dark. Seriously. And the sun had gone down while she and cousin Jillian went to get ice cream. I had to drink one MGM light beer out of respect. Ew. Food was better than usual.

I left early to meet up with Steve, who conveniently lives two streets down. His girlfriend was at Coachella, so it was boys' night out. And apparently, he fails to keep in contact with his cousin Arthur that I ended up telling him the news that Arthur and Mayra are expecting a baby ...

STEVE: HE'S HAVING A BABY?!?!
RYAN: Wait! Let me get my video camera out. [Turns it on.] OK, it's rolling.
STEVE: HE'S HAVING A BABY?! HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN-- Well, I know how that happened [Rolls eyes], but-- [Looking into my camera] ARE YOU MARRIED?!

So at Spearmint Rhino ... we were bored. This stripper from four or five years ago then known as "Daisy" was back as "Angela." She targeted Steve as he used to be her regular customer. This one chick from last time was still there and pestering me to buy lap dances from her. There was one chick who vaguely looked like a high maintenance Ashley Greene, one who looked like a random chick I've seen in amateur porn, and some long, brown-haired white girl that I might have to bust a #3 to.

We reminisced about Steve's stripper ex-girlfriend and her stripper younger sister Raquel to Steve's chagrin. Specifically, we brought up Raquel's overly self-conscious Birthday lap dance to me.

STEVE: You know [Raquel] asked me, "Did I freak out your friend when I brought up my spray-on tan?" And I was like, "Probably. What were you thinking?" And she said, "I don't know." And I thought to myself, You're an airhead!

At home, I was indecisive again before finally busting a #3 to Andrea.

Played 'til my fingers bled callused

At guitar practice, Vahik said we may have a song for whenever the next recital is. It involves the D note on the 7th fret of the 3rd string, I guess a bunch of arpeggio, and improvisation. We played 'til my fingers bled callused ... then played some more.

It was Hiro's Birthday, but he had nothing planned.

I watched an all new Degrassi before going to the mall for a quick database run. But only Helen was working and I didn't want to disturb her. I saw cousin Kristian and his new girlfriend. They were going to the Americana. I couldn't even do a lap at the Americana as usual because I had to get home in time. Smallville was finally back with a new episode after a break. The 2-hour series finale will be next month.

This show Camelot is pretty cool in getting my "softcore porn under the guise of an adventure" fix. I watched The Fast and the Furious while firing up the porn, notably revisiting videos of pornstars Sami Scott and Bailey O'Dare. I couldn't make up my mind of who to bust a #3 to tonight. I started with Ginger, my LSAT prep classmate from last year who vaguely resembles a young Sami Scott. But then I randomly finished with Jennie from London.

I know that uniform

Another failed attempt at scheduling for movie hopping today. I couldn't get more than two of the movies that I wanted to see without dealing with too much of a layover in between. And I had already gotten dressed up and looking sexy too.

No one in the database was working at the mall. I finally checked out this show called Community.

Mommy and I went to the laundromat to do laundry. There was this Asian guy wearing a uniform from the Wing Chun academy in Burbank. Mommy and I checked them out once about ten years ago. Mommy bragged to him about me. He says that since the Wing Chun academy relocated to a nicer building and was open seven days a week, it now charges $210/month. Fuck that.

Pinkberry

I busted a #3 to that one chick from the PWG audience who's always overly animated and even tried to jokingly dance with me once a long time ago. Just for fun, I set a target number for strokes. I finished when I was just four short of my target number, but in my database she consoled me saying I still got an "A" for effort.

I had a craving to try Pinkberry for the first time today at the Amerciana. I got a small lychee flavored frozen yogurt topped with mochi, strawberries, mango, and a lime. I ended the night with a new episode of The Ultimate Fighter.

How do I interpret these signs from happenstance?

I had a dream where I was unable to burst through a window no matter how hard I tried. End dream.

I did isolation exercises at the gym.

At the mall, I saw Helen heading towards Target. She introduced me to her daughter.

Unexpectedly, the butterface - the fellow Potterhead (Harry Potter fan) that I had a moment with when she used to work at my local Hot Topic before transferring away to the neighboring city's Hot Topic - was at my local Hot Topic! She had a backpack on, so it looked like she was just visiting. I waited a while before swinging back around for another look ... but in my carelesness, I didn't see my stalker. My stalker pointed at me. I walked away. Cockblocker!

My mommy and I ate at Acapulco.

Looking up Dynamite Kid info on Wikipedia

For the first time ever, I spent about $40 on gas. I guess this means no longer prolonging the drive home when the radio starts playing a good song as I'm about to park my car. Speaking of which: [Singing] And after aaall, you're my wonder waaall.

I did about half an hour of cardio at the gym.

I saw Helen working at Latin Lingo, but I didn't want to disturb her.

I bought milk, peanut butter, and eggs at Ralph's before coming home to watch WWE Tough Enough, which I'll no longer be watching as tonight's episode saw the producers sabotaging Matt Cross - a.k.a. M-Dogg 20, whom I've been a fan of since 2003 - to get eliminated prematurely. But WWE RAW was cool with Edge legitimately retiring due to a recurring neck problem.

Now my stalker can account for an In-N-Out sighting of me

Mommy called me some time after 9:00AM to ask if I wanted any Chinese food. And then I went back to sleep. I had to skip Gymnastics today, which I already figured I'd have to when still awake at 4:00AM.

I did compound exercises at the gym.

Mommy and I ate dinner at Panda Inn.

And then my stalker from Hot Topic saw me at In-N-Out. She had these stockings under her jean shorts that, if she wasn't a Hot Topic employee, would make people think she was a streetwalker. Unfortunately, people won't automatically assume she's a Hot Topic employee.

A pitcher of Sam Adams Summer Ale and a pitcher of Stella Artois

Matt and I finally checked out this pizza called Mulberry Street Pizza, which I first heard of last December (see entry 12/22/10). It was good, but might've been overrated.

The PWG show in Reseda was nearby. The jackoffable chick who usually wears a flower on her ear was there. Chad was at Strikeforce in San Diego, but the chick we both bust a #3 to wasn't there, so he didn't miss much. Matt and I started off with a pitcher of Sam Adams Summer Ale on tap. But then it sold out and our second pitcher had to be Stella Artois.

MATT: As long as it's not Budweiser!

Our usual post-PWG midnight snack was at Norm's.

The government almost shut down?

Vahik and I revisited The House of the Rising Sun at guitar practice.

I watched an all new Degrassi and was about to sit through a rerun of the Pilot episode of Smallville, but as Lana Lang's parents were about to be killed by the meteor shower that accompanied Clark Kent arriving to our planet ... "A Breaking News" screen interrupted! Why? Because apparently the US government was about to shut down!

So at the mall, Jazz was working at Red Robin. She did this new thing where her hair was tied back, but not in a ponytail. Just free flowing at the back and she took a curling iron to it. I executed a drive-by jerking hard.

At home I watched a new episode of Camelot and then The Proposal before firing up the porn. This chick in this porn video reminded me of my Creative Writing classmate, Masha, from CSUN. I searched if she had a Facebook. She did. I then busted a #3 to her.

Potterhead butterface fail

Scheduling movie hopping today failed as Red Riding Hood wasn't being shown at the AMC 16 anymore, which killed my mood. But I still had to go to the neighboring city's mall as I promised myself last week to talk to that butterface, the fellow Potterhead (Harry Potter fan) who used to work at the Hot Topic that I regularly go to before transferring. (See entry 3/31/11.)

I wore my latest Harry Potter shirt, but instead of being enthusiastic like that one time, she apathetically offered to help me find some HP merchandise on clearance. She was really quick, though, to keep offering help. But it didn't help give her that déjà vu to recognize me from months before. Perhaps I need to reset for a while before ultimately coming back with the same Hermione shirt that I wore when we first met as one last try.

Pornstar Jessi Palmer is not bad

I ate at Baja Fresh for the first time since 5/24/10.

I busted a #3 to Helen, whom I saw yesterday.

My past coming back to haunt me (but in a good way)

I parked in a parking space at the mall at the same time as this white Honda SUV to my right. The driver was an aight brunette.

I got my glasses retightened. And then someone called out to me. It was Helen, my old coworker from Mann Theater whom I have some hormonal history with and whom I haven't seen since last December, which was also at the mall only for a few seconds (see entry 12/10/10). We hugged. I had a boner. She says she now works at the store Latin Lingo.

In an eery coincidence, this chick named Jennifer, who was a coworker of Helen and mine, and whom I used to bust a #3 to all the time, passed by me. I avoided eye contact to hide my accidental flinch. But then for old time's sake, I discreetly reached down for the victory yoink as she passed. I stood there until she finally disappeared into the distance.

And then, I saw the most jackoffable meaty blond in the restaurant next to the McDonald's. Bookmark that thought.

At the same time I got in my car, so did the aight brunette in the Honda SUV to my right. Fate! She just sat there chillin.' I discreetly reached down for some victory yoinks while staring hard at her to celebrate whatever the reason the universe had. I then did calisthenics at the gym.

At home, I finally got to bust a #3 to that hostess from Outback who looks like a pornstar whose name I can't remember.

Mommy and I ate at Rubios. Their jackoffable cashier was there, but not so jackoffable today. Her hair was frizzy and in a tight ponytail. But when I went back to the mall, I found out that the most jackoffable meaty blond whom I saw eating earlier at that restaurant next to McDonald's actually works there. Now I can talk to her (a.k.a. verbal sex), or at least find out her name so I can scream it out when I'm alone. But that is a story for another time.

I love having the sex dream without the nocturnal emission

I had a dream last night that I was having sex with one of those blond armenian chicks who look like white chicks. A random chick, though. But when I picker her up for standing position (or whatever that position is called), she turned into that hostess from Outback who looks like that one pornstar whose name I can't remember. End dream.

But when I woke up, my underwear was still dry! Whoohoo! Sex dreams without nocturnal emissions = Win!

I actually spent the whole day looking for illegal streams online of yesterday's Wrestlemania and then watching it. Then a heavily edited WWE Hall of Fame ceremony aired, followed by WWE RAW. I then looked on youtube to see how Chris Jericho did on Dancing with the Stars.

Snipe Jerking

I went to Gymnastics in the morning. According to Coach Shawn, I'm actually doing the back handspring on my own already when fastened to the belt attached to ropes. He claims that he no longer has to pull the rope to support me in mid air. Oh, and I can apparently still hold my body off of the ground with my elbows tucked into my abs.

I can't believe none of my local homies were watching Wrestlemania. I saw Mauricio at the mall. He was meeting up with his mom because it was her Birthday. We were actually right in front of Brookstone, so I looked inside. Faith had her hair in braided pigtails, but her horribly cut bangs were showing, decreasing her jackoffability.

Georgia was working at Hot Topic. Yay. But then when I stepped onto the escalators to go downstairs, my stalker spotted me as she was at the bottom of the escalators stepping on to go upstairs. Boo. She shot me that look, accusing me of being in the mall everyday. I rolled my eyes as the escalators forced us to pass by each other.

Mommy and I ate dinner at Outback. The hostess, who looks like that pornstar whose name I can't remember right now, was working. I have her, as well as her high pitched laugh, in my database. While mommy was in the restroom, the hostess passed by me and I reached down under the table for what I'll coin as snipe jerking (an alternative to what I've already coined as drive-by jerking, since I was stationary in this situation).

First time trying a Sam Adams Revolutionary Rye Ale

Late last night, or technically this morning, after a random urge for some stalking, I actually found the Facebook pages of bartenders Lisa and Richon (a.k.a. the Asian one whose name I never knew how to spell until now), who used to tend bar at the PWG shows in the Reseda American Legion Hall! I haven't seen them since 6/11/10. Oh the database is going to erupt!

I did half an hour of cardio at the gym.

At the mall, Faith was working at Brookstone. She's doing a nice job of hiding her badly cut bangs by clipping them back while the rest was in a ponytail. I avoided eye contact with my stalker as I passed by Hot Topic, despite knowing that she saw me. But most importantly, Jazz was working at Red Robin. I looked around to make sure no one was looking before discreetly reaching down my pants for the quick victory yoink!

At home, I drank a Sam Adams White Ale and Sam Adams Revolutionary Rye Ale, two more of the Sam Adams that the teacher Dave gave me last week, while firing up the porn and again busting a #3 to the butterface/fellow Potterhead (Harry Potter fan) at the Hot Topic in the neighboring city last Thursday, who used to work at my local one. Hadn't gotten her out of my system yet.

Locked in at the Hot Topic

I rocked at guitar practice.

After watching a new Degrassi, I went to the mall. The closest thing I experienced to an April Fool's joke today was getting locked in at the Hot Topic when they somehow overlooked me and thought the store was empty. The manager actually looks aight with pink lipstick.

MANAGER: (Joking) You're helping with cleanup.

At the food court, I passed by this redhead, possibly wavy hair, but in a ponytail and wearing a long dress of shades of blue and purple. She looked like she could pass as a teenager, but old enough to be in my database.

I drank a Sam Adams Noble Pills and Sam Adams Irish Red, two of the Sam Adams that the teacher Dave gave me last Friday, while firing up the porn and busting a #3 to the butterface/fellow Potterhead (Harry Potter fan) at the Hot Topic in the neighboring city yesterday, who used to work at my local one. (See entry 3/31/11).