Chance!

It's Timmy's Birthday today. I returned to movie hopping, paying for The Adjustment Bureau at 4:25PM, then sneaking into Sucker Punch at 6:10PM and then Limitless at 8:10PM.

But the real story was stopping by the nearby Hot Topic, this one being in the city that neighbors mine, for a change. Last November (see entry 11/5/10), there was this butterface (you know, "but her face) at the Hot Topic I regularly go to whom I had skin-to-skin contact with via high-five (like, hand sex) when we recognized each other as fellow Potterheads (Harry Potter fans). She suddenly looked not ugly and I was able to bust a #3 to her once. But that would be the last we spoke as she stopped working shortly thereafter.

BUT today, by chance, I discovered that she now works at the neighboring city's Hot Topic! She greeted me, but didn't remember me. I even had my latest Harry Potter shirt, but, alas, didn't have time to show it off to her nor flash her back to our moment last November as I had to catch my movies. But next time, it's ON!

Today's throwback: Caroline

Well , today was another throwback: It was the Birthday of this chick Caroline, who was a year younger than me in high school. Years ago, she worked at Coach in the mall. I would walk by to wave and when she waved back I would exclaim, "Score!" She was practically the first database run. I was the first to greet her a little after midnight on Facebook and she commented back, admiring the promptness. Out of respect, I began the day by busting a #3 to her, which I hadn't done in years.

Then I trained Johnny. I showed him triangular footwork, knees, more elbows, and more siniwali.

It was the premiere of the new season of The Ultimate Fighter with Brock Lesnar. Wednesdays are cool again.

Another layer upon a layer

I had a dream maybe two nights ago that we were in The Matrix, but the Matrix itself was in another Matrix - like a layer upon a layer like in Inception. A camera shot also traveled through sewers to locate a grownup Bart Simpson smoking a cigarette. Weird. End of dream.

I did isolation exercises at the gym. I ended the day with Dancing with the Stars.

The Taylor Swift shirt does it again!

Today is the Birthday of Ariana, someone I knew in college. So I tracked her down on Facebook for old time's sake. I used to bust a #3 to her all the time when her hair was long like a hippie and brown. But her black - and sometimes shorter - hair in recent years isn't doing it for me. But I sucked it up and out of respect busted a #3 to her just because it's her Birthday.

At the Americana, this hot white chick with long, brown hair was checking out my Taylor Swift shirt and smiling at me, despite eating with a guy ... What a slut! Unless that was just a platonic friend, of course. She's in my database.

I was able to drink a bunch of free samples at Teavana again since the workers who recognize me weren't there. There was this foreign looking white chick, blond hair in a pony tail, who accidentally dropped her Jamba Juice cup and spilled her green drink everywhere.

RYAN: (Consolingly) I'm sorry about that.

She smiled at me. Ooh, pheromones directed at me. She then bent down to clean up her mess. From a different camera angle, it would've looked like she was orally copulating me.

Faith at Brookstone was the only one in the database working today. She's finally starting to look more jackoffable again as she clipped her badly cut bangs to hide them.

Tonight's WWE RAW was bomb with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson back and kicking ass.

Back Handspring!

I went to Gymnastics and after performing stationary back handsprings with the aid of a tumbler (think training wheels on a bicycle) ... Coach Shawn put me in a belt suspended by ropes and had me perform my first back handsprings (or at least with the aid of ropes)!

Mommy and I ate dinner at Outback Steakhouse. Mommy's favorite waitress Lindsay was there. Her hair is blonder now. It looked better reddish, but nevertheless she's back in my database. Also, the hostess resembles this pornstar whose name I can't remember at the moment. The hostess is in my database as well.

Bahman told me to act tough, so I busted out the Taylor Swift shirt

I did compound exercises at the gym.

At the mall, Georgia, the "substitute" in my database for Jazz whenever she isn't working at Red Robin, was working at Hot Topic. But a "substitute" wasn't necessary as Jazz was working at Red Robin. Oh, and my stalker was working at Hot Topic as well, but I'm hoping I successfully snuck past her.

I went to No Bar for Bahman's Birthday, whom I haven't seen since first meeting him two Decembers ago (see entry 12/3/09). I also finally saw Nickie again for the first time since meeting her (see entry 9/2/09). Gumby joined us. But Nickie couldn't drink alcohol because of a DUI. Boo.

The bartender, Paula, gave me a free Guinness on tap just for being friends with Bahman. Paula and Nickie then got Bahman a $5 pizza from Little Caesar's nearby and put Birthday candles on it. For a time last year, Paula was the last chick I busted a #3 to in a long time due to a subsequent trip to the Philippines where there was no privacy, cold weather upon returning to the US that made it inconvenient, and another unexpected trip to the Philippines.

A throwback to last summer

Guitar practice was cool.

I watched a new Degrassi before going to the mall. No new episodes of Smallville until next month means I get to take my sweet time doing database runs. But no one in the database was working except for Faith, whose recently jacked up hair looked a little better in school girl braids.

I visited the teacher, Dave, since he's been depressed since his mother died. Mental note: A place called South Street in Burbank makes authentic Philly Cheese Steaks. And then he gave me four bottles of Sam Adams to take home, each a different seasonal flavor.

RYAN: It's like Christmas!

Then I watched Up in the Air as it was available on HBO. I remember Ginger from my LSAT class last summer mentioned it was "really good." In memory of me busting a #3 to Ginger all throughout that season, I watched it. Anna Kendrick is a babe. But by the end, I was too sleepy to bust a #3.

Werewolf minds

I did calisthenics today at the gym. Hopefully my body fully readjusts without creatine soon.

At the mall, I was about to call Johnny to let him know that we'll start training again when the weather gets better ... but then he coincidentally walked up to me from behind, kind of like that telepathy that the werewolves from Twilight have going on, so then I was able to tell him in person.

No one in the database was working, but Faith from Brookstone was walking towards Target while I was walking away from Target, so when we passed by each other it was symbolic of our genitalia colliding. Symbolically. I then went home and caught the end of American Idol.

It kind of reinforces the term "Hump Day"

No one in the database was working at the mall today. I passed by Hot Topic, looking if any of the "substitutes" for Jazz in my database were working. None. But then the manager walked out and smiled at me as she passed by me. She's short, neither too skinny nor thick, her hair cut's not that bad, she not ugly ... I guess I'll take it. I had nothing to do, so I busted a #3 to the manager.

I just remembered that yesterday is the first day of Spring

I did isolation exercises today at the gym. Body is still adjusting again to working out without creatine. [Big sigh.] There's this one brunette whom I'm not sure if she's actually white or just armenian that looks caucasian. Oh well, I'd hit it.

The rest of the day was just me doing grownup stuff like groceries at Costco. Bad news: The nearby Pat & Oscar's closed down. And Glee was a rerun. Mommy bought me anti-congestion stuff at Ralph's and the alarm went off for our bags, but the manager didn't think anything of it.

My stalker is starting to get really annoying

Today is the Birthday of my best friend Walter ... even though he's disappeared from the face of the earth for the last few years.

I wore the same suit coat that I wore to Tito Cesar's funeral last Saturday to the mall today. Why? It just really enhances sexiness. Jazz wasn't at Red Robin (Boo), but I ate there anyway because the Prime Chophouse Burger is back from a limited time. My waitress was some brunette Latina chick named Imelda. She's aight. I suppose she can have a provisional spot on the waiting list to get in my database.

At the same time I was going down the escalators, Faith from Brookstone was going up the escalators ... almost symbolically like our genitalia colliding. Symbolically. She was wearing shades with a white frame and dark brown shades. That's new. But damn she really needs to fix her recently jacked up hair.

Coming back from Borders (of which this particular location will be closed probably be next week), I walked by Hot Topic. My stalker pointed and laughed at my sexy dress coat. Oh, yeah right! OBVIOUSLY, just to dispel her true feelings of wanting my cock. On the bright side: Leah's skinny self was dragging the heavy ladder around again, as if she's tough. Turn on!

WWE RAW was the usual end to a Monday night.

Who pissed off Mother Nature?

I woke up early to go to Gymnastics ... but saw the rainstorm and went back to bed.

I had already gone to Church yesterday when I needed an extra place to show off and strut while I still had my suit on. Instead I did compound exercises at the gym. It sucks when the body is adjusting to working out naturally without creatine again.

Mommy and I had dinner at Cheesecake Factory. At first our waiter was some black guy with the stereotypical lisp associated with gay people. But then a waitress named Amy took over. I can't tell if her hair's dark blond or light brown. She spoke in that high pitch tone when trying too hard to be innocently hospitable. She's in my database.

As if I was a "Funeral Crasher" from Wedding Crashers

Mommy and I went to Tito Cesar's funeral. There were these two jackoffable chicks from his in-laws' side of the family. They looked like identical twins, but not sure if they were twins. Sisters definitely. Too much makeup, though. The shorter one had wavy hair, blond streaks on a brown base. The taller one was doing that big poofy thing (like Peggy from Married with Children) that I'm not into. At the part where we had to shake hands as a sign of peace, I got to shake hands with each of them. Score! That's, like, hands having sex!

During the burial, I started laughing hard when I was Facebooking and apparently, according to Michelle, Carlos' sister is accusing me of being their baby Xavier's daddy!

The reception was an all-you-can-eat buffet at QQ Buffet & Grill. If I was on Charlie Sheen's nuts like the rest of mainstream society right now, this is the part where I would exclaim, "Winning!'

I stayed in my suit for the rest of the day because it looked too damn sexy. But no one in the database was working at the mall except for Faith at Brookstone, who's unfortunately jacked up her hair lately. Fail on trying to cut bangs into it.

Walking back from visiting Yoh at Great Earth, I happened upon Charles' Billiards where there was no cover charge before 8:00PM to watch UFC 128. I met two dudes - Austin and Yohan - who were down to split a pitcher of Hefeweizen. They're both Korean, but Austin actually lived in the Philippines for two years when he was little.

I came home, fired up the porn, and busted a #3 to ... the chick at the funeral today who had the big poofy hair that I'm not a fan off. Not sure why. Beer goggles maybe?

I basically wrote the eulogy that mommy's reading tomorrow

OK, I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt that I was in some Disney style location of a house in a forest where pro-wrestling matches were taking place. Local pro-wrestler Willie Mack magically gave me 20/20 vision. Then indy pro-wrestler Buggy (who in real life used to hit on me) started pretending to orally copulate my fingers. Then her boyfriend's tag team partner started dogging me and said I better stay away from his sister. End dream. Weird!

I did my 15th day of creatine at the gym. Time to cycle off of creatine for a month again to preserve my internal organs. Calisthenics today.

Guitar practice was cool.

No one in the database was working at the mall. Boo.

Mommy and I went to Tito Cesar's viewing at Forest Lawn. I ate stuff from Porto's Bakery like cheese rolls and other meat. Then we stopped by the Octopus for some light sushi as a snack. My mommy's reading the eulogy tomorrow, but I practically wrote it for her.

As long as it's green

I fired up the porn and busted a #3 to local indy pro-wrestler/valet Jezabel since she was in my dream last night. Yup, I got incepted.

No one in the database was working at the mall today except for Leah at Hot Topic. Considering she's just a "substitute" in the database for Georgia, who in turn is just a "substitute" for Jazz, Leah's skinny self dragging a ladder around the store as if she was tough was a turn on.

I had to party alone for St. Patrick's Day. I went to Pat's Cocktails as I did last year. But I did randomly see fellow gym rat Mauricio and his friend Pablo. I started with an Irish Car Bomb. Then I asked for a green beer ...

BARTENDER: We don't have green beer.
RYAN: That's impossible!

In the end, I convinced her to make me a surprise shot as long as she colored it green. It tasted coconut-y. The dude sitting next to me was some half-Japanese who didn't look Japanese at all. And then some opera singer wanted to know my ethnicity. And when I kept her guessing, she was like ...

OPERA SINGER: You're worse than women!

Ha. So in the database for tonight: 1) The bartender who was some really curly haired brunette white chick, 2) a cigarette-smoking brunette who looked like 80s actress Ione Skye (of the 1989 classic Say Anything), and 3) some generic shoulder-length blond just because she danced nicely.

Stepping up

I had a dream last night that I was to discreetly meet with local indy pro-wrestler/valet Jezabel in her hotel room for her to, um, orally copulate me. She was wearing a red robe. At least my subconsciousness got my favorite color right. And actor Sterling Knight who was in the 2009 film 17 Again was upset I blew off hanging out with him for oral copulation from Jezabel. End dream.

I stepped up as a teacher today. I haven't taught anyone FMA except for Nataly and Mark. Today was Johnny's first day as my student.

Overslept today

I did my 14th day of creatine at the gym. Isolation exercises today.

No one in the database was working at the mall. Boo.

Mommy and I ate dinner at the Octopus.

Happy Pi Day

I had two weird, random dreams last night. First dream: I was Parkour-ing with my childhood friend Krixa through a backyard that led to the beach. At the beach, she turned into another childhood friend, Nelson, and we resumed Parkour-ing through a private party in a tent.

Second dream: I was walking by some Martial Arts studio. I walked inside and considered buying some gear. I then passed through a car shop. End of dreams.

I needed to take Monday off from the gym due to still being beat up from Gymnastics yesterday. This is beginning to be a habit.

Jazz wasn't working at Red Robin today like that one Monday. Boo. I hate it when their schedules are random.

Jessica was the only "substitute" in the database working at the mall today. Random note: Some chick who used to work at the video game store is now working with her. The ex-video game store chick isn't necessarily jackoffable, but maybe beer goggles tolerable. Maybe.

I managed to sneak by my stalker when I passed by Hot Topic. Or I hope she didn't see me.

Borders in Glendale, which is closing, still has no idea when their final day is. But the employee I talked to, some white chick with dark hair whose name tag says "Jen," is subtly jackoffable. Now I can scream her name out loud when I'm alone.

Ended the night with WWE RAW. I "marked out" (as the "smart marks" call it) with the nostalgic surprise appearance from "Grandmaster Sexay" Brian Lawler.

Winning!

I had the weirdest inception last night: I dreamt that my alarm clock on my iPhone didn't wake me up due to a Daylight Saving's time glitch. I then angrily smashed it. But then I woke up again, this time in the real world, revealing it was just a dream. End dream.

Real world: BUT my alarm clark still didn't ring at 9:00AM due to a Daylight Saving's Time glitch of moving time one hour forward. BUT I managed to still wake up at 9:04AM. As Charlie Sheen would say, "Winning!"

Unfortunately, the possibly-cougar chick from last week wasn't in class today. Boo.

At the mall, Faith at Brookstone was the only "substitute" in the database that was working. She's still rocking the geek chick look with dark glasses. But today with no sleeves, so more skin. Yay.

Mommy and I ate dinner at Outback Steakhouse.

I now have her laughter in my database

I did my 13th day of creatine. Compound exercises today. I added extra weight to my bench press, heavy enough that I needed a spotter for each rep, just light enough for me to control the descent on my own. Damn it felt great.

Jazz was working at Red Robin. Yay. I walked by as she was laughing at something funny, perhaps a joke that either she or someone else made. But I now have her laughter in my database.

I fired up the porn, saw a blooper clip of pornstar Sindee Jenkins accidentally projectile-vomiting in one of her scenes (Boo), and busted a #3 to that chick Rachel from high school whom I saw at Borders last night (see entry 3/11/11).

Watchmen has softcore style sex!

At the end of guitar practice, I got to pick what song to do for homework next week. I get to do Angel by Sarah McLachlan. Yay!

No new episode of Smallville tonight means I got to spend more time at the mall for the ol' ultraviolent. No one in the database was working, but at Borders I saw this chick Rachel who was two years my junior back in high school. We never spoke in high school, but I added her on Facebook because she's a fellow Potterhead (Harry Potter fan). She's in my database.

There was also this guy named Derensbourg (first name's actually Matt, but I must differentiate from the other Matt) who exchanged contact info with me because he represents actors and musicians.

I watched Watchmen on HBO. It has a softcore style sex scene with the jackoffable Malin Akerman set to some slow rendition of Hallelujah in the background!

I fired up the porn and busted a #3 to that blond hostess at Granville who last Wednesday had her hair styled after Diana Agron's character Quinn from the latest episode of Glee (see entry 3/9/11).

After procrastination of breaking writer's block

I did my 12th day of creatine at the gym. Calisthenics today.

T'was a peaceful day of breaking writer's block to resume writing my children's novel.

Drive-by Jerking

When I parked my car in the church parking lot for Ash Wednesday, there was this white chick, sort of red-head-ish, who drove up in front of me and mouthed asking me if it was OK to park there. She was by far the most jackoffable chick I've seen in church. She did this weird curler thing that makes her hair look bigger at the front. She's tall for a chick, but shorter than me - even on high heels - the way cute chicks should be.

Mommy and I ate dinner at the Octopus. Michelle texted me:

We're at Red Robin and it makes me think of you. Miss you man!

Yay!

Speaking of which, unfortunately, on my end of the world, Jazz wasn't working at Red Robin. Boo. But just when I thought no substitutes in the database were working tonight, Leah was at Hot Topic. Meh. It will do.

At Barnes & Noble, I saw Laarni from high school for the first time since Shannon's funeral. Also chillin' there was this blond chick who works at Granville Cafe. I've never looked at her twice, but tonight she had her hair done like Diana Agron's (as Quinn) from last night's episode of Glee. Suddenly she was jackoffable. She was so into her reading in her comfy chair that she was totally oblivious to me discreetly "drive-by jerking" myself as I closely walked past her. But when I tried walking by her a second time, I overheard her acknowledge the ashes on my forehead.

Johnny was hanging out as well. I told him the good news that I bought a pair of focus punching mitts from Big 5 today for our upcoming training sessions.

I didn't feel like busting a #3 today, but in honor of Mardi Gras

I did my 11th day of creatine at the gym. Isolated exercises today.

I really didn't feel like busting a #3 today, but in honor of living vicariously through the ones celebrating with premarital sex at Mardi Gras, I sucked it up and - with the attitude of a pornstar who doesn't want to be at work - busted a #3 to that possible (but I'm not sure of her age) cougar from Gymnastics class.

Tonight's Glee was one of my favorites as it was about Sex Ed. It guest starred Gwyneth Paltrow who looked jackoffable.

Tito Cesar passed away yesterday

Tito Cesar died yesterday. Last I saw him, he was about to beat up the woman who was harassing him over supposedly cutting in front of her in line for communion at church (see entry 2/6/11). That last impression will always put a smile on my face.

I was supposed to go to the gym today, but I had to take an extra day to recover because of Gymnastics yesterday.

I busted a #3 to the possible (but I'm not sure of her age) cougar at Gymnastics yesterday.

WWE RAW was cool.

Gymnastics!

Finally, I started gymnastics today! The coach, named Shawn, is the oldest flexible guy I've ever seen. He's helping me to do back handsprings. There's a possible (but I'm not sure of the age) cougar there. I didn't start paying attention to her until she did some push-ups that revealed her body to look good. Nice, long brown hair too. She's in my database.

There's a traceur named Jason. He's been doing Parkour for six months. His advice to me: Try to squeeze my ankles together when doing handstands.

There's this white chick named Azlynn who got my number because she's interested in the Capoeira classes I'm taking. I should probably resume training by next month.

At the mall, my stalker was working at Hot Topic so I tried to avoid eye contact as I walked by. But I just had to peak to make sure I got away with it ... and there she was shaking her head at me, pantomiming that she was clowning my Taylor Swift shirt.

My mommy and I ate dinner at the Octopus.

Even though no substitutes in the database were necessary ...

I did my 10th day of creatine. Compound exercises today.

I saw Iam for the first time since last October (see entry 10/29/10) at the mall. He had his baby's mama and daughter with him ... and a new baby boy named Sean/Shawn! He also has a crew-cut now and was wearing speedo shorts in public. Double-U-Tee-Ef?

Jazz was working at Red Robin. I reached down for the victory yoink while no one was looking. Though no substitutes in the database were necessary after that, Jessica was working at Body Basic. She either dyed the rest of her hair darker save for a few natural blond streaks or just bleached a few streaks to look blonder. Not sure. But it was straighter.

But I busted a #3 to Richard's friend Andrea after she posted new Facebook pics of her new hair color. Plus, she looked like she lost weight, yet still maintaining an attractive amount of baby fat.

Late night coffee from Norm's = Busting a #3 late at night/early morning

I rocked at guitar practice.

Matt and I went to the PWG show. Brandon finally stopped by after not seeing a show since I-don't-know-when. It was just us and an old man referred to as "The Grey Mustache" and his son and pitchers of Stella Artois on tap. (No Sam Adams. Boo.) Cliff from college, who was always a pro-wrestling fan, coincidentally stopped by to check it out for the first time.

The chick whom Chad and I normally bust a #3 wasn't there. Boo. The chick who normally wears a flower on her ear was there. Yay. There was some chunky redheaded, white chick whom I put in the database just for the hell of it.

After a late dinner at Norm's, I fired up the porn and busted a #3 to some chick named Nicole on Alvin' (a.k.a. Sancho) Facebook list of friends. She's a blond chick with almost wrinkles around her eyes, indicating almost-cougar status. She was put into the database sometime earlier in the week due to being a knowledgeable MMA fan despite being a chick.

Too lazy to squat = legs spread = database

I did my 9th day of creatine. Calisthenics today. Nice seeing Ernie there.

I talked to Yoh at Great Earth. He's down to train in my experimental system of FMA. Yay, more guinea pigs!

At the mall, I saw Victor while he was on break working at Macy's. Georgia was working at Hot Topic, with her legs spread (presumably, she was too lazy to squat) to arrange something on a lower shelf. That erotic legs-spread pose is in my database. And Faith, doing the geek chick look again with black glasses, was working at Brookstone. Also renewed in my database. Score!

A new student

I ran for half an hour at the gym.

My mommy and I ate dinner at the Octupus. I kind of feel bad for cheating on Zono Sushi.

I saw Johnny at the mall. He's down to train in my new experimental system of FMA. Yay! I need guinea pigs.

The only one in the database who was working was Jessica at Body Basic.

Taking a screenshot on my Mac

Did my 8th day of my creatine cycle at the gym. Isolated exercises today.

Can't believe there was no new episode of Glee tonight.