I screamed like a girl

I screamed like a girl when I saw a cockroach in my room. My mommy jumped when she heard me shriek! She killed it and Philip kicked its remains out the door. My mommy was the last one to get in the car to go to church. She blamed her lateness on seeing a shadow follow her (I shit you not). We really made fun of her for that. The service was held at the mall. We were late and didn't have to stay long.

My mommy treated eveyone to a restaurant in Eastwood, the area with the bar that serves Sam Adams, Stella Artois, and other beers from around the world. It turns out my mommy knew what I do there all along. The name of the restaurant is Somethin' Fishy. That caused a lot of confusion.

RYAN: Where are we eating?
DAD: Somethin' Fishy.
RYAN: So where are we eating?
DAD: Somethin' Fishy.
RYAN: Ok, I understand what we're eating, but at what place?

You get the point.

It was all-you-can-eat. You guessed it. I ate 3 times more than everyone. We went mall ratting afterward. The Philippines just got their 1st Johnny Rockets restaurant. There was some celebrity whom I don't know at the Lacoste store. But he had a jackoffable brunette white girl with him. She's now in my database.

Return to Street Fighting

I returned to Street Fighting today! The teacher finally spelled his name out for me - J-A-V-I-E. Javie. In English, it would be Xavier. Apparently my name is "Chris." I didn't want to correct Javie in front of everyone, so I waited until the end of class. Last time he mentioned he's a doctor. Today, he clarified he's a veterinarian.

A couple of days ago, I stumbled onto a Philippine Krav Maga website that had a pic of Javie receiving a certificate. I told Javie how I tried Krav Maga since we last saw each other and shared with him everything they taught me. He offered some tips and a few corrections. He then taught me their infamous 360 Defense.

• Correction: When being long-armed choked (not rear naked choke) from behind, instead of what Krav Maga taught me, I should use a back elbow to turn around and simultaneously break the choke, followed with a palm to the face.
• "But who's gonna choke you like that anyway?" (referring to long-armed choke when it's from behind)
• Tip: Remember to maintain forward pressure when countering a front choke with the simultaneous pull-choke-apart and kick to the groin.
• New move: When long-armed choked from the side, Javie's same counter for the choke from behind will also work, but just execute to the side.
• But it will also work to outer palm strike the groin and up into an elbow uppercut to the chin, which I observed one of the teachers do way back at the intro Krav Maga class.

There's a chick now as a new student. It was only her 3rd class. She's pretty frail. But after getting warmed up, she was able to pass as a fighter. Javie actually used me as a T.A., as in teacher's aid!

JAVIE: Ok, you (chick) will hit him (me). And he will defend.
[Chick punches and I block everything.]
JAVIE: Ok, stop. (At me) You defended well. But you are doing Boxing defenses. We are not doing Boxing. We are doing Street Fighting.
[We go again.]
JAVIE: (After seeing chick wince in pain after I block) Ok, but don't block so hard.

And then I punched Javie in the face while we were demonstrating for the chick because he somehow didn't block that one!

RYAN: Whoops.
JAVIE: It's ok. That's my problem!

This dude Mikey arrived. He was the advanced student who was there at my 1st class. I guess he yawned and Javie flipped out, something about not being awake yet and if we're supposed to be a lounge or something.

During muli-attack speed drills, I accidentally kneed Mikey in the forehead.

RYAN: Oh, sorry!
MIKEY: Walang dugo! (Translation: There's no blood! In other words, it's OK, keep attacking him.)

So it was mostly just cumulative review. But instead of "the fucking Death March," we ended class with slow-motion simulated sparring. Not a contest. No winners or losers. Just learning. Me versus Mikey. I remember being able to stomp to the knee, roundhouse, push-kick, jab-cross, elbow strike, hammerfist and backfist. Mikey had problems keeping his fists closed.

Javie mentioned that this other kid named Aaron who was there during my 1st class no longer trains. Aaron's the son of Javie's friend. Apparently, he was stubborn and couldn't do a simple stance or protect his face, eventually getting fed up when he got hit too much. Javie then went on to lecture how it's his passion as opposed to a job, not caring about anyone except for those who want to learn.

JAVIE: My barkada (gang) and I don't really teach ... We go to bars and fight. But I'm 49 now. I'm becoming more suppressed.

In the afternoon, I let Malou's gay hair-dresser fix my hair, since my mommy talked me into it. Um, I'd rather not talk about how it came out.

Reconciliation

I had a weird dream last night. Pro-wrestler Booker T was after a friend of mine who was hiding out in a motel. I escaped using my Parkour skills. But I ran into Manny Pacquiao who asked me to spar with him and he gave me a black eye that I was proud to show off. End of dream.

My mommy harrassed me about going to confession with her today at a church. I went. Auntie Aida met us there with someone I didn't know. Mommy treated us to dinner. I ate meat even though I'm not supposed to because it's Friday during the Lenten season.

Fried chicken skin for dinner

We tried some of the E-Royce chocolate we bought and my taste buds masturbated again. My mommy, Malou, and Sheila accompanied Philip to the hospital. Drama with Philip's health all started with a stress test. My mommy came back with 2 Manny Pacquiao shirts for me as a surprise. Yay. We just got back from taking Sheila to the airport. She's going back to the U.S. tonight. Dinner was at some place where fried chicken skin is actually a meal. Yeah, I ordered it.

Guest-starring Linda, that 1-eyed maid from last time

Mommy came back in time to join us for dinner at Sheila's mom-in-law's house. Linda, the 1-eyed maid (from last January-February's adventures in the Philippines), works for them now. Auntie Aida brought me my leather jacket, which I somehow forgot I left it in their closet. (How can I forget such a thing?) Dinner was followed by watching American Idol and a rerun of Glee (but here it's considered an all new episode).

Give us this day our daily ... chocolate

Mommy's staying at Auntie Aida's until tomorrow. I tagged along to go shopping with Sheila, Malou, and Lola Elie. Every vendor was pissed because I had them bring out all their Manny Pacquiao shirts. And in the end, I had Sheila buy me Pacquiao short pants. There was a replica of the robe Pacquiao wears, but I had no idea where I would wear it. Later with the family, we bought some chocolate from E-Royce, hyped as "very fine chocolate." Yeah, it lives up to the hype. My taste buds masturbated. We had dinner at an all-you-can-eat place with a grill in the middle of the table. Yes, I kept my rep and ate literally 3 times more than everyone.

How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?

I had a dream last night about tracking down Johnny. In real life, I hope he's OK. We were trying to save him right before I left to come back to the Philippines. He had inherited his brother's gang trouble. And I wonder if Emmanuel has succesfully been able to sue the pigs (crooked cops) who molested him. Ah, worrying about matters back at home.