Happy Birthday Philip

My mommy couldn't wake up for church at 12:00PM, despite her constantly reminding me to go. Ha. It's cousin Philip's Birthday today in the Philippines. Gosh I miss my cousin who'd buy me everything because he kept taxing Chinese people (whom he hates) and thus had more money than he knew what to do with.

My mommy and I went to the Hilton for the all-you-can-eat buffet for the 2nd time ever. We had the same waiter as last time and he recognized us (see entry 12-3-09). I texted Philip:

Hello Philip. Happy Birthday. My mommy and I are eating at a buffet right now to celebrate your Birthday. Really, I just needed an excuse to eat buffet.

He texted back:

Thank you. We are on our way to shangrila hotel to celebrate my birthday. Btw, my mom's cancer had already spread to her lungs and trachea. Pls relay to your mom. Regards to her.

Aw. I ate a lobster, prime rib, lamb, crabs, sushi, sashima, miscellaneous seafood, salad, some fruits and vegetables, and a bunch of desserts. The only tragedy was that they didn't have crepes today. Boo!

I ended the night by watching the 52nd annual Grammy Awards. Celine Deon was cool during the Michael Jackson tribute. Aubrey Graham, or "Drake," will always be Jimmy Brooks from Degrassi to me. And it was awesome how he was rapping with my favorite rapper of all time, Eminem!

Pull the choke apart, simultaneous kick to the groin, elbow to the throat, headbutt to the nose, bite the neck

I left my house at 1:15PM for the Krav Maga center in West L.A. to redeem my 2-week pass and to attend the intro class at 2:30PM. But with traffic on the 10 freeway and accidentally exiting on Bundy south instead of Bundy north (Who the hell designs an exit to split into opposite directions anyway?), I arrived at exactly 2:30PM, which meant I was a few minutes late to class because I still had to change. But it went like this:

• We started by partnering up and playing a game of tag. Rules: You could only tag the shoulder. You couldn't block, but only dodge. Then switched partners.
• Some asian kid was trying too hard to be a hard ass, but looked like I could easily knock him out.
• Then it was a free-for-all with the game of tag.
• Then 5 push-ups, but an additional 5 until everyone was counting loud enough. Then stomach crunches and jumping jacks
• There were a lot of similarities to the Street Fighting course that I trained in in the Philippines with the footwork.

At this point, 1 of the teachers talks to me.

TEACHER 2: Have you done any other martial arts before?
RYAN: Yeah.
TEACHER 2: I notice you have a basic understanding of form. What have you done?
RYAN: Filipino Martial Arts, Capoeira ...
TEACHER 2: When you say Filipino Martial Arts, you mean like Kali?
RYAN: Yeah. [Teacher looks impressed]

Continuing on:

• "There's no jab-cross in Krav Maga. Just a knock-out punch. I'm not punching his face ... I'm punching through his face."
• Then we drilled punching the pads nonstop on our feet, on our knees, and standing over the opponent.
• "When we kick the groin, we're actually trying to kick [up to] the head ... the problem is the groin's in the way!"
• Then we drilled kicking the pads nonstop.

TEACHER 2: (at me) What I want you to do, since your form's good, is kick it harder and faster.

• We drilled clinching - in which 1 hand clasps behind the attacker's tricep and the other behind their shoulder - and pulling them into our knee strike.
• In real life, our finger nails should dig into their flesh when we clinch.
• Teacher #2 suggested keeping my foot pointed downward when I throw the knee so that it would launch like a spear.
• Since our hand clasping behind their tricep tends to be weak, our other forearm should stay strong against their chest, which also prevents them from shooting in.
• The counter againt a choke is to pull their hands apart with the same force as doing a lat pulldown at the gym, while maintaining forward pressure, and simultaneously kicking the groin.
• We were then free to improvise any combo after pulling the choke apart and kick to the groin.

TEACHER 1: I was at a bar once and I was wearing my Krav Maga shirt. And some guy comes up to me and says, "Oh, you're a tough guy, huh?" And he tries to choke me and I do this [palm strike to the chin] and that knocked him out!

Moral of the story: The purpose of every move in the combos we drilled was just in case the preceeding move didn't work. In real life, the 1st move is very possible to result in knockout.

TEACHER 1: And, no, I'm not a tough guy!

After class, I collected my 1-week pass (which they originally said was a 2-week pass, but the 2nd week was only redeemable if I signed up - classic Jewish). Then I hurried home to shower, eat and pick up Matt for the PWG show at Wrestle Reunion.

RYAN: I invented a new combo today when countering a choke: pull the choke apart, simultaneous kick to the groin, elbow to the throat, headbutt to the nose, bite the neck.
MATT: You see what that Twilight did to you!

The biggest challenge was finding parking. Finally, at the lowest level of the parking lot where there was barely any oxygen, we were forced to make up our own parking spot. We sat next to Chad who happened to have 2 seats by him. Peter and his friend remained standing in a corner. All the regular faces were there.

RYAN: (at Chad) You see that chick that we both jack off to.
Later ...
CHAD: I saw her. I was all accidentally bumping into people while staring at her!

Highlights: The Great Muta and Rob Van Dam. The end. Matt and I got McDonalds near his house and called it a night.

Sick arrow-slinging action

Smallville finally returned from break with an all new episode. The Green Arrow's old mentor, the badass Dark Archer (guest star Steve Bacic), returns to haunt him and so there's some sick arrow-slinging action! This was followed by a rerun of Smallville. Therefore, we had 2 hours of Smallville! And that, my friends, is my Friday night.

A biblically apocalyptic afternoon

I packed chicken adobo, baby bel cheese, chocolate soy milk, and water in my bag. I watched The Book of Eli at 3:55PM. I thought I was late, but it was just starting when I walked in, meaning the previews either started late or actually were 18 minutes long. It's enjoyable as long as you're not aethist. If you are, sucks to be you (in terms of watching this movie). Then snuck in to Legion at 6:15PM. Also biblically apocalyptic. Then finished with Sherlock Holmes at 8:05PM. Who's bad?

Jazzy ... almost had her.

I met with Edna, the director of The Forgotten Jewel, at the park across the street from Glendale Community College for my interview for the film's bonus features.

EDNA: (as interviewer) So how did you get on the film?
RYAN: Well, I was sitting under a tree when a fortune cookie hit me on the head. I opened it and it told me to get in my car. I didn't know where to drive to, but I ran out of gas in Arcadia in front of that Shaolin temple-thingie where the film was being shot.
EDNA: Cut. [laughing] Is that true?
RYAN: No.

The last question was my favorite.

EDNA: Tell us something about yourself.
RYAN: I like to eat a lot without getting fat and everyone hates me for it.

I spent the afternoon uploading pics from my camera from The Philippines and anything after that. I'll share them later.

I went to the Red Robin. Jazz was there. The chick at the front asked me if the booth at the left was ok to sit in. Damn it. I neglected to check out which tables Jazz was serving. Careless, careless, careless me! I said, "Ok." But as luck would have it, Jazz was serving the tables at the right. (sarcastically) Of course. I was stuck with some douchebag waiter named Erick who tried to look cool by not writing stuff down ...

RYAN: Chili chili cheese burger. Freckled lemonade.
ERICK: How would you like that cooked?
RYAN: Medium.
ERICK: Ice tea?
RYAN: Huh?
ERICK: Ice tea?
RYAN: What?
ERICK: The drink. Was it ice tea?
RYAN: Freckled lemonade.
ERICK: Oh yeah! My bad. I'm confusing you.

But every time she walked by, I made damn sure to reach down my pants for a victory jerk with my jacket over my lap. So stealthy.

Sweet Emotion

The rain came back as it has been for I-don't-know-how-long now. I seriously miss the Philippines' weather. Edna, the director I worked with on The Forgotten Jewel, called to ask if she could interview me tomorrow for the bonus features.

I ate at Subway for the 1st time since I've been back in the US. As I was parking my car, I got a phone call from a "Christine from Krav Maga." Remember when I put my name in the box at the Krav Maga booth at the LA Fitness Expo last Sunday for a chance to win a 2-week pass? I won. Sweet! I have to come in this Saturday at 2:30PM for a 90-minute intro class. I called Matt to tell him the news while I was eating my steak and cheese sandwich with spicy chipotle sun chips and green tea. He says he's still down for the wrestling show on Saturday. And I'm supposed to call him back to tell him about Daniel Puder at the Expo. While pulling out of the driveway, Dave (the rockstar) called me.

DAVE: What are you doing fatboy?
RYAN: Eating.
DAVE: Yeah, I can hear you.

Dave asked me to videotape him and his new cover band performing at Cozy's Bar and Grill in Sherman Oaks at 9:00PM.

I visited Brian at the GNC where some security guard was there and we had an impromtu meeting about working on the security guard's short film. Brian's signed on as co-producer. They let me read the 15-page script.

SECURITY GUARD: (seeing I was already on page 2 in a few seconds) You're that fast of a reader?!
BRIAN: (making up an excuse for me) He took speed-reading classes.
RYAN: Actually, I didn't.
BRIAN: Shut the fuck up, Ryan!

I had to slip out to get ready to videotape Dave's gig. They were looking for someone big to play an agent. They thought I had the look, but my face looked too young. The security guard suggested that annoying kid Emmanuel as a last resort.

RYAN: That's not gonna happen!
BRIAN: That's not gonna happen!
SECURITY GUARD: (saving himself) I already knew you were gonna say, "No." I just wanted to see everyone's facial expressions. I don't want everyone to quit now.

I got to the bar at 9:30PM. Dave told me to park across the street at Ralphs. The band was very cool about playing to my camera. Their set was 1 hour and 14 minutes. Even though they're a cover band, they wrote 1 original song. I saw a Hefeweizen on tap, which is Heather's favorite beer, and texted her:

At a bar working for a rock band rocking the stage. I saw a Hefeweizen on tap and thought of you. Now I'm drinking it :-)

Later, without the band, Dave sang Sweet Emotion by Aerosmith and Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC.

The sun was out earlier today

I went back to the gym since not being able to finish my workout last Friday when my fever set in. But damn I was tired. I was dozing off while watching WWE Raw and now it's time to knock out since it just finished. Can't even stay awake for a late dinner. Yeah, that's my entire day.