Pinkberry is the new crack

And here goes another drought in the database, at least in the mall. Faith was working in Brookstone, but that's it.

I helped mommy do laundry. Then we went to Pinkberry and - Guess what? - got another 50% discount for frozen yogurt tomorrow. This is how they get their customers addicted. I tried medium sized chocolate with toppings of mochi, strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries. I then caught up on more Green Lantern material at Barnes & Noble.

I went to the gym late at night. Victor was there. It was another workout of low weights and high reps.

I want a "happy face"

While driving, I let a buggy go in front of me out of road courtesy. The chick inside acknowledged it. She was a cute redhead with sunglasses on. I then reach down and initiated some drive-by jerking while I drove behind her until we finally went our separate ways when she merged on the 2 South freeway and I remained on the 2 North.

I went to Costco for gallons of water, wheat bread, almond butter, and bananas. Afterward, it was off to Matt's house down the street to pick up a letter of recommendation he wrote me and to say goodbye.

Then after a miscommunication with mommy regarding where to meet, I returned to Costco with her so she could buy me a Norelco electric shaver. The chick at the exit was trying hard to make some little girl smile buy drawing a "happy face" on her parent's receipt. But when she got to us and drew the standard check mark on my receipt ...

RYAN: (Serious) I want a "happy face."
CHICK: You want a "happy face?!" Oh my God ... [Draws a "happy face," complete with hair on top, on my receipt.]

Mommy and I ate dinner at Octopus. The absentminded waiter actually forgot to put in mommy's order, so he surprised us with free mint ice cream topped with chocolate syrup that spelled, "I'm sorry." Cute.

Taking advantage of whiskey dick

I went to the gym to do compound exercises and some isolation exercises.

Tonight's appointment: The Griffin for one last hurrah with Matt before he leaves for Japan. I hadn't been there since my grade school reunion. I love their dress code banning shirts stereotypical of douchebags. So I wore something on the opposite end of the spectrum - my Taylor Swift shirt. Richard was at the Griffin all by his lonesome for an hour because I had to redeem my 50% discount of frozen yogurt at Pinkberry. I had watermelon flavor topped with mochi, kiwi and mango. Matt also taught me a new word: Fro-yo - an annoying abbreviation.

Matt and I tried some Rogue beer. I saw one of the chicks who works at the front desk of the LSAT prep center where I studied last year. I forget her name, but it wasn't the jackoffable Muslim one nor the fat one. It was the annoying one and I tried to avoid eye contact.

RYAN: [Coming back to the table empty-handed] They don't have any pitchers!
MATT: That's your answer to everything!
FRONT DESK CHICK: [Actually followed me] Hey, did you study at Kaplan last year?
RYAN: Yeah, I did.
FRONT DESK CHICK: You don't remember me! Did you pass your test?
RYAN: I did!
FRONT DESK CHICK: Great! [High-fives me.]
RYAN: (At Richard and Matt) I actually did remember her. I just didn't wanna talk to her. [They laugh.]

We ended up going to Whiskey Bend in Burbank because the beer sucked, or as Matt likes to say ...

MATT: No, the beer was good. It's just Ryan's answer to everything in life is, "They don't have any pitchers!"

Gumbi and Amy were there. I haven't seen Amy since last year. (See entry 1/1/10.)

I started with a pitcher of Amber Bock and then Hefeweizen, a.k.a. Heather's favorite beer. I then texted Heather:

Drunk off Hefeweizen and therefore thinking of you. That reminds me, I'd ike to request my usual Sam Adams for your Birthday party (seasonal flavors preferred). Love you [Heart.]

She texted back:

Haha no problem! [Heart.]

There are some loose chicks at Whiskey Bend. I noticed they were all blonde. One was such that Matt and I both agreed that despite beer-goggles (or whiskey goggles, as Matt put it) we wouldn't hit it, another had fake leopard skin pants, and another was lip syncing to whatever played. I got Matt a condom from the condom dispensary in the restroom to take to Japan with him. Richard, Matt and I ate at Coral's. There was another drunken group there with a loose chick, this time a brunette, who was bragging loudly, "I woke up at 8[PM]!"

RICHARD: That's nothing to brag about.

At home, I couldn't pass up exploiting my whiskey dick, so I busted a #3 to one of the blonds.

Banshee

Matt and I went to the Red Lion Tavern for lunch. I was unfamiliar with the beers as usual, but there was a divine sign for us to pick Warsteiner. (There was a poster for it on the wall.) No jackoffable chicks, though, until the end when two white girls came in. One of them had dreadlocks and I was like, Oooh blond chick with dreadlocks, and I had a boner.

On the way to the mall, I basically did what's called "drifting" at a curve in the freeway, but with Matt's window open we could hear the tires scream, reminiscent of Banshee in X-Men: First Class tracing the surfaces that he flies over while he screams.

RYAN: We will no longer say "drifting." We will call it a "Banshee."
MATT: You need to find a way to get that into popular usage.

We did one last tag team database run. There was the jackoffable meaty blond chick working at Waba Teriyaki Grill (see entry 5/15/11), who I actually see occasionally, but just never mention because I still don't know her name and I like to be able to scream out names when busting a #3. Since last week, there's also been this chick at some vendor booth called "i Play & Talk" who has a vague resemblance to Adelle. But that was it.

I returned to the mall after dropping Matt home. By then, Faith was working at Brookstone. Mommy and I went to Pinkberry. I had a medium sized mango flavored frozen yogurt with toppings of mochi, watermelon, strawberries, and blueberries. And the receipt says to come back tomorrow for another 50% discount of frozen yogurt. (I guess spending a certain amount entails 50% discounts.)

I actually caught up on some Green Lantern material at Barnes & Noble instead of going home to cath WWE RAW, but when I heard about CM Punk's revolutionary promo where he broke script and legitimately trashed the compay, I had to track down tonight's episode illegally on Youtube.com. OH. MY. GOD.

Downloading into the database and helping the homeless in the same sentence

Last night at cousin Kathy's house, I made a peanut butter sandwich to take home with a banana, a.k.a. collectively one of my daily meals, to eat for breakfast this morning before Gymnastics because I'm all out of those ingredients. But at Gymnastics, the doors were locked and one of my classmates (I think her name's Ashley, but I'm not sure) was on the phone with Azlynn. Apparently, Coach Shawn's wife wanted him to stay home for their daughter's Birthday and we were the only ones who didn't get the memo. I went straight to the gym to do 100 reps of each compound exercise and most isolation exercises.

The jackoffable chick who helps serve communion in Church during the afternoons was back. Database! And I gave a dollar to a homeless black man sitting outside the Church. Karma!

Johnny and I ran into each other twice, each of us doing a lap through the mall and Americana, but walking in opposite directions. Mommy and I ate dinner at Cheesecake Factory. I changed it up with Fettucini Alfredo with chicken and a side of green beans this time, but my usual Raspberry Lemonade. Afterward, we hit up Pinkberry. Johnny was there too. I tried the pomegranate flavor with toppings of mochi, raspberries and blueberries. And the receipt says to come back tomorrow for a 50% discount. Yay.

I've started to read some Green Lantern at the Barnes & Noble.

Dirt Road Anthem

At the mall, Faith at Brookstone was working. I renewed her in the database. But that's it. Seriously, where are all the girls?

Cousin Kathy had her house blessing party tonight. I ate everything and drank a Heineken. Cousin Kristian gave me a cup full of vodka mixed with some energy drink. I poured it in a bottle and took it home for fun time later.

Poor lolo Manning took a bus from Glendale because he didn't know my number to ask for a ride. I gave him a ride home. All entrances to the 5 South freeway were closed ... so I eventually drove through a barrier of cones and entered the 5 South anyway.

I fired up the porn and busted a #3 to the manager at Hot Topic, especially thinking about her thighs under the short skirt fake leopard skin dress she wore yesterday.

Who Wants To Live Forever?

Vahik had to reschedule guitar practice to tomorrow. Nevertheless, I carried my guitar around the mall like a chick magnet. I saw Marlon, whom I haven't seen since last November (see entry 11/26/10), which in turn was the first time I had seen him since college days. I found out that he frequents Tavern on Brand.

The manager at Hot Topic, who had trial appearances in my database a couple of time in the past, is so in my database from now on. She's short, but not a midget. She was wearing a short skirt, fake leopard skin dress. And now that she's consistently combed the once way-too-thick-bangs away, I can see her whole face.

Milestone: My stalker finally didn't pester me! But it could be she was too busy lip-syncing to Lady Gaga

At Lush, Gaby gave me free samples of a lighter hair product called King of the Mods and a conditioner called R&B. Let's see how those go.

I came back to the mall later to park my car. Former security guard Ortiz and Nataly coincidentally walked in at the same time. But I missed Marlon at Tavern on Brand. Walking back, I noticed Johnny was busy walking with some chick. Nataly had me hang out with her and I had her walk with me into Hot Topic just to show up the people there who think I'm a loner.

RYAN: So which chick were you checking out that one time?
NATALY: I don't remember.
RYAN: You're like a guy!

RYAN: (Referring to Leah) The one in pink is all right.
NATALY: I think it was her.

Well, Nataly (yes, who's a girl) seems to have great taste in chicks.

RYAN: I'm so glad they finally saw me with a girl after always seeing me alone.
NATALY: I think I saw them look up too, but then looked down because they didn't wanna make it obvious.

Speaking of Hot Topic, that chick Ruby poked me back on Facebook.

The Hangover was on TV. I ate some Sweet & Sour Pork before going to the gym to do a light and then heavy set for each muscle, like I used to. After planning to bust a #3 for the first time in a week, I was actually too sleepy to do so!

My grades for The Green Lantern and X-Men: First Class

I had two dreams last night: Nataly and I were in an ancient China-like place where we were trying to stealthily not get caught by guards across palace rooms. I think I screwed up when I lacked the endurance to hold a pose and accidentally knocked over a pillar. A monster (I think a dragon) was summoned. I opted to escape, but Nataly stayed to fight. I came back to town not expecting her to come back alive, but she surprisingly did.

In the second dream, we are on our way to a B-Boy battle. Coach Shawn from Gymnastics is riding a carabao and occasionally has to lift its tail up to let it defecate along the street. At the battle, a B-Boy named Jash who in real life I haven't seen in years was there. In real life, he had a twin brother named James. Jash was referred to as the style-head whereas James was the power-head. End of dreams.

I had to bend my rule about seeing a minimum of three movies when at the AMC 16 today. I watched The Green Lantern at 5:20PM and then snuck into X-Men: First Class at 7:40PM. Surprise cameos by Hugh Jackman and Rebecca Romijn reprising their original roles as Wolverine and Mystique, respectively ... A+. But killing off one of my favorite mutants Darwin ... F-! I guess The Green Lantern was better by default.

Rub One Out

This was seriously the coolest news I've seen in a while: A Utah gangster updating his Facebook status while he held someone hostage for sixteen hours. And he apparently added a dozen new friends while doing that. But most importantly, he's got some jackoffable chicks on his friends list.

I might actually have to get new substitutes in the database. The mall is in the middle of a drought during the weekdays. Only Leah and the manager at Hot Topic were working.

We finally resolved the technical issues. I stopped by Paul and Martha's house while their band was rehearsing and we were finally able to upload the video from last Saturday of their performance into their new computer. Their cat actually went up on two feet, motioning for me to carry him like a baby would. Aw. Too bad the claws were sharp.

Summer Solstice, also known as the longest day of the year

Gosh, there's nothing to do at the mall these days. But Leah at Hot Topic was rocking these black, thick geek chick glasses. I guess that's in my database.

Mommy and I ate some kind of kabob for dinner at the food court in the mall. Nataly, my former coworker and first FMA student, creepily texted me that she was exercising her eagle eye powers in spotting me from higher ground. She even arrived to say, "Hi" to me before my text reply could reach her. I've taught her well.

I went to the gym to work my upper body push and pull muscles, but only barbell exercises. Again, focusing on muscle density. Victor was there, working out with no shirt on like a scene from Pumping Iron. He has a mullet now.

14 Day Rule?

Sometime two weeks ago, either on the Sunday I was in bed the whole time with a fever or the Monday when I was just getting better, that chick Ruby finally poked me back on Facebook. I finally poked her back today. You've heard of the three-day rule. Well, this was the fourteen-day rule.

I saw Johnny at In-N-Out. It's like we got that Wolfpack telepathy going on.

My stalker was working at Hot Topic, but I immediately turned my head before she could make eye contact with me as I walked by.

Faith was the only one in the database working at Brookstone.

I ended the night with WWE RAW and mommy brought home In-N-Out for dinner.

Verbal sex, like, with the hostess

It's Father's Day. I woke up because I had planned to go to Gymnastics, but then went back to sleep.

I went to Outback Steakhouse to meet up with mommy and Lolo Manning (mommy's uncle, my grand uncle, or whatever the yanks would call it here if they even have a term for it). That hostess whom I've been comparing to this one pornstar was working. We finally exchanged words. When I was able to locate mommy and Lolo Manning, the hostess laughed in relief as she no longer had to help me find them in the crowded restaurant. I made her laugh. That's, like, verbal sex!

Furthermore, mommy's favorite Outback Steakhouse waitress, Lindsay, was working as well. Lindsay is renewed in my database. Mommy had gone ahead to order me the largest size of prime rib. I actually had difficulty finishing it since I ate breakfast prior, but I never back down to food.

Mental note: Lolo Manning is fast for his age. He insisted on walking back to the mall. By the time mommy dropped me off at the food court parking lot to pick up my car, he was already there.

Too bad the jackoffable chick who helps serve Communion at the afternoon mass in Church wasn't there today.

We went to Uncle Lando's in Northridge. Cousin Andree is home for the weekend. The girls watched the Miss America pageant. Interestingly, there were actually contestants that I would turn down.

Drink ticket = Free Sam Adams Summer Ale on tap

Faith at Brookstone was the only one in the database working at the mall.

I walked into that store Lush for the second time because I need to shop around for new hair product. The chick who helped me was subtly jackoffable. She's tall for a chick, but shorter than me like a cute chick should be. Her hair's dark in a ponytail and curly at the ends like mine as she mentioned. Her scrungie had multi-colored strands like a wannabe cheerleader. She's in the database. She even shared the same paper towel as me to dry our hands when trying out samples! That's, like, the new first base or something!

I drove Fast and Furious style to Paladino's in Reseda to tape Paul and Martha's band. I got there just in time. And they gave me a drink ticket where I got a free Sam Adams Summer Ale on tap. Score! The AC/DC tribute band afterward was dope.

At Paul and Martha's house afterward, their son Khan was hanging out. He's focusing on his rap music mainly. Apparently, he can no longer listen to rock music because it reminds him of how dedicated he was with his former rock band ... which eventually kicked him out despite him being the founder. Then I smoked a cigarette with him for fun. Mental note: Vincenzo's pizza makes delicious pizza.

I got home, fired up the porn, and randomly busted a #3 to this chick whom I used to see at the gym. She used to be all dolled up despite working out. She was one of those armenians who could pass for Caucasian. Coincidentally, she went out with a former Tae Kwon Do classmate of mine. Yeah, I'm random.

I had a dream perhaps telling me to go back to Whimsic Alley

I had a dream that I was back at Whimsic Alley, a store devoted to Harry Potter complete with certain replicas, where in real life I have not visited in maybe over two years. In my dream, the chick who worked there, who's thick while not obese by my standards, was taking pictures of us while we were on the floor. She was topless and I was feeling her up. End of dream.

Perhaps it's a sign that I should revisit Whimsic Alley.

I rocked at guitar practice. Afterward, I carried my guitar with me to the mall. The security guard from Barnes & Noble remarked about it.

SECURITY GUARD: I have a guitar at home, but it's just collecting dust.

My stalker was working at Hot Topic. Normally, that would make me avoid Hot Topic, but by the power of my guitar, I paraded inside.

STALKER: You again! [Gives my guitar a "WTF?" expression.]

I listened to music. The manager is starting to look better now that she's fixed her hair and is consistent with the low maintenance look. I've busted a #3 to her in the past just to try something different or be nice, but I might have to make her a regular in the database. Leah appeared to be just visiting. She's renewed in the database. Johnny's friends refer to Leah as the "stuck up" chick, though she's been hospitable to me. So I texted Johnny:

RYAN: Yo! I'm at Hot Topic listening to music and looking at the stuck up chick ... And putting up with my stalker. Anyway, just wondering if you wanna train tomorrow.
JOHNNY: Oh yeah i forgot i actually cant tomorrow cuz im going to be with my dad and is the stuck up chick being mean? Or youre just watching? Lol
RYAN: I was just watching. But then my stalker was staring at me, so I stared back and got out of there as soon as she backed down. Ha.
JOHNNY: Haha why dont you just fuck her i would ha
RYAN: Ok, I'll invite her to do it in a dark room and then you can secretly take my place when the lights are off.
JOHNNY: Hahahaha shed freak out haha

Faith at Brookstone was working and so renewed in my database as well.

I ended the night with WWE Smackdown, fired up the porn, and busted a #3 to Jessica from high school because it was her Birthday a couple of days ago. Ironically, it was her twin sister Jennifer that had a crush on me in high school. But even though they're identical, I could tell them apart and preferred Jessica. Am I really that picky?

Someone I've busted a #3 to being jealous of my hair = more self esteem

I worked on my pull muscles at the gym. I'm going for muscle density.

Darn it, I've been needing free samples of new hair product, which I can count on Gaby at Lush Cosmetics for, but she was slacking, milking her break time and then probably sleeping in the back. And mommy was complaining about wanting to eat as soon as possible, so I met her at Rubio's.

Lizet was the cashier at Rubios. I haven't busted a #3 to her since she had her original black hair color. This reddish dye doesn't look good on her, especially since it looks like she missed a few spots.

ROBERT (MANAGER): Ryan, don't get too close. She'll be jealous of your hair.

Wow, that's a great feeling when someone I've busted a #3 to is jealous of my hair.

Chicks auditioning to be models are checking out my muscle cleavage

I had 2 dreams last night: 1) A darker dog who knew how to high-five found a playmate in a lighter dog. 2) I was in an episode of Degrassi and Spinner accidentally spilled his pet fiery ants everywhere. We had to find them all, but if we stumbled onto and huge bugs, we threw those into the BBQ. End of dreams.

I walked by an open modeling audition at the mall. It's a good feeling when a couple of chicks who are supposed to be auditioning to be models are the ones checking me out. I then flexed my pectoral muscles revealed by the deep v-neck of my Twilight shirt.

I randomly miss Georgia from Hot Topic (the original "substitute" in my database for whenever Jazz isn't woking at Red Robin), so I fired up the porn, tracked down her ancient Myspace since I couldn't find her Facebook (probably under a new alias), and busted a #3 to her.

I ended the night by helping mommy at the laundromat.

Team What's-his-face

Nothing to do, therefore I busted a #3 to that chick handing out communion at the afternoon mass last Sunday. The only audio I have of her in the database is saying, "Body of Christ." So in my mind, it's like she was telling me I have a half divine body.

I bought some milk and bananas at Ralph's. I was wearing my deep v-neck Twilight shirt, showing my muscle cleavage. The bag boy, who spoke in a lisp that is stereotypical of a gay guy, called out to me ...

BAG BOY: Are you Team Edward or Team ... What's-his-face?
RYAN: What's-his-face.
BAG BOY: So am I!
CHICK IN THE OTHER LINE: Team Edward!

They then argued back and forth, having to yell because of the distance between them.

BAG BOY: Edward's so alone. What's-his-face at least has [pantomiming a gang]. His name's Jacob, right?
RYAN: Yeah, that's why I get nicknamed Jacob.
BAG BOY: I can so see that!

BAG BOY: [As I'm leaving] Thanks for repping Team Jacob!

My mommy's watching some new show called The Voice.

Imagine if Superman was busting a #3 when he was suddenly told to seize his destiny

I had a dream last night that I was on the team of protagonists from The Fast and the Furious franchise and Vin Diesel's character Dominic Toretto bailed on us in exchange for his freedom, complete with forged documents that included a doctorate from some university. He rode off into the sunset on an ATV until he accidentally plunged into a swimming pool. End of dream.

I did half an hour of cardio at the gym. On my way in, I saw Sue, who works the front desk, going home. I haven't seen her in a while that I didn't think she still worked there. When I went home, I fired up the porn, tracked down Sue's Facebook page through a mutual friend's and busted a #3 to Sue.

And then Tiwat IMed me on Facebook:

TIWAT: You are upon your final trial...seize your destiny Kal El
RYAN: Oh crap, you caught me as I was [busting a #3] to this chick I saw at the gym ...
TIWAT: hahaha
TIWAT: all right i'll let you finish..

Mommy and I ate dinner at In-N-Out. I ended the night with a special three-hour edition of WWE RAW.

At least I can do kip ups

I woke up a couple hours earlier than I had to, but felt good to go anyway. Back handsprings in Gymnastics are starting to get frustrating. My shining moment was when Coach Shawn introduced the kip up (or mat kip as he calls it) and only me and this new Asian student were the only ones who could do them.

I went to the gym afterwards to do pull ups since I feel those muscles were sort of neglected during Gymnastics. The new front desk chick is in my database.

I did a q quick database run at the mall before going to Church. But only Faith at Brookstone was working. Darn it, I can't believe no Jazz sighting at the Red Robin this whole weekend. Boo.

I was rocking out to Journey's Faithfully when I pulled into the Church parking lot, but saw mommy had just parked her car. I ducked down so she wouldn't see me and so I can pretend like I was in Church since the beginning. The jackoffable chick who helps serve Communion at the afternoon mass was there again. (See entry 5/22/11.) I got her voice in my database now as she said, "Body of Christ." And I said, "Amen."

Mommy and I ate dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. That cougar Lindsay whom I saw last night in street clothes at the mall was there. The Chicken Madeira and Steak Diane combo has become my usual with my usual Raspberry Lemonade. Then we had ice cream at Pinkberry. Darn it, they replaced the Lychee and Green Tea flavors with Salted Caramel and Mango. I went with Salted Caramel topped with ocean salt, pink M&Ms, mochi, raspberry, and strawberries.

Happy Death Day Max

I did grownup stuff like buying water at Costco. I also wanted to try pinto beans and bought a huge bag, which my mommy freaked out about exclaiming, "That's a year supply!"

I visited Max's grave for his nine-year death anniversary. I still remember being in Mr. Rasic's English class when I saw a vision of him as he passed away in the hospital next door. I guess angels are real. Max's mom, sister and niece, all of whom I haven't seen since last December 18 (see entry 12/18/10), were there on a picnic blanket. Random note: Burning incense is cool.

Ivan cancelled on watching UFC 131 at Tavern on Brand. Boo. So I watched the fights illegally for free later.

At the mall, there was this waitress who once served us at the Cheesecake Factory. Her name's Lindsay (not to be confused with Lindsay from Outback Steakhouse). This one might be a cougar type. She was in street clothes and with a guy who most likely was not her boyfriend as he was too flamboyant to like girls. I overheard Lindsay say, "Shut the fuck up," but in a valley girl "Get out of here" type of way. That's hot. She's in my database.

Faith at Brookstone was the only one in the database working in the mall, so I went home, fired up the porn, and busted a #3 to Faith. Milestone: I was able to go twice more than my target number of strokes! Yay.

Tamsin Egerton was topless in some movie when she was only 16

I had a weird dream last night: I was Finn on Glee and I was in a season finale taking the musical into a new direction. I was in a barn when bad guys shot everybody and I managed to hide, running through the thick fields. I ended up swimming in this Fortress of Solitude (from Superman mythos) looking place before the end credits rolled and the cast, mostly girls, revealed who would be returning next season. End of dream.

I worked on pull muscles plus shoulders at the gym. I changed it up with light weights and low reps for muscle density.

I can't believe no one in the database was working in the mall this fine Friday night. I went home for WWE Smackdown and then the season finale of Camelot, again a softcore porn rendition of the Arthurian mythology.

Then I fired up the porn and busted a #3 to Leah from Hot Topic. Having not busted a #3 since before my fever earlier this week, I had to keep taking breaks in order to reach my target number of strokes. I can imagine the girl either getting irritated or laughing at me should I showcase my desperate attempts to not finish prematurely in real life. And then of course I skyrocketed that thing.

A traffic light frozen at yellow

I did some quick squats, dead lifts and bench presses at the gym before rushing to guitar practice. Vahik had to reschedule from tomorrow.

For the first time ever I was stuck at a broken traffic light that was frozen at yellow. I waited patiently as the driver next to me looked at me like, "What do we do?" Eventually we just gunned it.

No one in the database was working at the mall except for Faith at Brookstone. She was wearing glasses. Her hair was a botched Pincess Leia look - low pigtails, each in a ball. It could've been dubbed "the nutsack look." I mean, I'd still hit it, but ... Does she own a mirror?

Mommy and I had dinner at In-N-Out again.

Parallel universe

It's time to catch up on some dreams: 1) About three Mondays ago I woke up in a parallel universe where my dad was sitting in the living room and everything last year was just a dream. Then I woke up. 2) Last Monday, Matt in a wrestling singlet had me drive him to a church to impress some chick there, but in Fast Five fashion I couldn't make it into the road before hitting the bridge and we flew off like Vin Diesel and Paul Walker. End of dreams.

No one in the database was working at the mall except for Leah at Hot Topic.

I saw Helen entering the mall as I was exiting. She introduced me to her brother and sister. Mommy and I had dinner at In-N-Out.

You know what's awesome? When the cashier who has a crush on me doesn't charge me for half my order.

I ate at Rubio's. The cashier was Olivia, whom I've noticed in the past checking me out a lot. She redid my bill just to not charge me for my drink. Ah, it's great to be handsome. Lizet was there as well, whom I've busted a #3 to before. It was Lizet who ended up handing me my food. And Fredy was just letting the twi chicks do all the work.

Walking out, I again didn't notice the manager Robert in his disguise. Seriously, the difference a cap makes!

ROBERT: I'm incognito.

I stopped by the place where I practice guitar and Edwin the boss shared with me this popular sheet music entitled Sway. I shall rock it.

As soon as I walked into the mall on the McDonald's side, my stalker from Hot Topic immediately spotted me as she was walking out. Double-you-tee-ef?

RYAN: You are stalking me!
STALKER: [Rolls eyes] Riiight ...

Such a pretender.

Odinsleep

After sleeping most of yesterday and sleeping in late today, I no longer have a fever. I ended the night with WWE RAW.

Fever of 100.3

I have a fever. I think the spaghetti sauce that I mixed with the spaghetti noodles that I cooked last Friday was too old and my body is fighting infection from possible food poisoning.

Debuting my new red Hawaiian shirt

I renewed my gym membership for the year. The front desk chick Allie looks better ever since she fixed her hair. She's in the database.

Mommy and I bought a shirt as a present for soon-to-be cousin-in-law Charlie. We ate sushi at a nearby restaurant. The apple juice I ordered didn't come with complimentary refills after all, but I made them refill it for free anyway.

I wore my new Hawaiian shirt for Charlie's Hawaiian Luau-themed Birthday party. But first, a quick database run at the mall. Unfortunately, no one in the database was working. But Hot Topic had some Justice League themed shirts and when I saw that my stalker was nowhere to be found, I walked inside. But then my stalker came out of nowhere. Urgh. I swear she's doing this on purpose. She taunted me and I stuck my tongue out at her.

At Charlie's Birthday party, I ate everything. Charlie was drunk passing out the patron. I think he'll be a good addition to the family. One of his friends named Carlos (not to be confused with THE Carlos from Nebraska nor Diana's boyfriend Carlos) met me years ago when his ex-girlfriend went to the same high school as me. Then cousin Kathy mixed me some vodka with juice, but it was practically a whole cup of vodka with a few drops of juice. There was this tall white, brunette with too much eyeliner whom I noticed kept going to the bathroom too much, presumably drunk. She's in the database.

I went home, fired up the porn and busted a #3 to Allie, the front desk chick at the gym.

I had a dream that I was being orally copulated, but by a chick whom I'm not attracted to. Oh well. It's still oral copulation.

I had 2 dreams last night. 1) My late dog Turbo and the late dog Marky who used to live down the street visited me. Later when I was lucid dreaming, or becoming aware that I'm dreaming while dreaming, my other late dog Bosco visited me and I was able to carry him as I flew into the air like Superman.

2) There's this girl who works at Hot Topic whom I don't consider attractive. She has purplish red hair with a streak of violet. I learned that her name is Ciera when accidentally stumbling onto her Facebook page while looking for the Facebook pages of her more attractive coworkers. I had a dream that Ciera was orally copulating me on the dance floor at a house party. End of dreams.

Whenever I'm feeling it at guitar practice, or just the opposite, I say it. I didn't feel superhuman at today's guitar practice, but Vahik said that he thought I was feeling it. Sweet.

After WWE Smackdown and Camelot, I cooked some spaghetti, fired up the porn, and busted a #3 to the random white chick whose name I overheard as Britney at Rubio's last Wednesday (see entry 6/1/11). But when I went through all the positions in my database that I wanted and still hadn't finished, I started busting a #3 to that chick Ciera whom I'm not attracted to, but just in honor of the dream last night where she was orally copulating me.

Kung Fu Panda 2 had Jackie Chan and Jean-Claude Van Damme in the same movie ... but as voice actors

I went to the AMC 16 and paid to watch Kung Fu Panda 2 at 4:00PM, then snuck into Thor at 6:10PM and finally The Hangover II at 8:40PM.

Danza Kuduro

I fired up the porn and went classic with my database, tracking down Jazz's Facebook and busting a #3 to her.

Mommy insisted on buying me a Hawaiian shirt for Charlie's, cousin Kathy's fiance's, Luau-themed Birthday party this weekend. Damn, Ross' dressing rooms for males is practically a tent.

Then mommy and I ate dinner at Rubio's. She tried the beer-battered fish burrito. I had my usual steak burrito and personal half-and-half of Lemonade and Raspberry Iced Tea.

There was this white chick there, about my height, in probably workout clothes and hair that was puffed up as it was held by either glasses or a band. She's in my database. And I overheard them call out her name as Britney, so now I can scream it out in my database.

But the highlight of the day was hearing from Tiwat that he made it to his destination safely. Therefore, I appropriately play the soundtrack from Fast Five (a.k.a. The Fast and the Furious 5) that plays during the montage at the end where the super team is living out their happy endings after escaping authorities: