ARLENE: (Jokingly, suggestively) Oh I remember Ryan.
CHRIS: Whoa, I didn't know it was like that.
At Heather's Birthday party last night:
- Heather brought me back a Butterbeer cup from the Harry Potter part of Disney World in Florida.
- We met Timmy's 21-year-old brother Robert who is also a [Harry] Potterhead.
- Heather and Chris' coworker Christine actually didn't remember drunkenly kissing me since she wasn't even sure whether or not we met before (see entry 10/20/10).
NAOMI: They say you're quite the ladies' man.
RYAN: I appreciate them embellishing for me, but ... [Mutters modest jibberish.]
NAOMI: So how many lesbians have you been with?
And then the running gag of freaking Heather out by crushing on her 38-year-old sister Naomi took a new level:
- First we were watching Heather's son Cameron and his friends practicing light shows. I told Naomi the story of how I noticed her in the background of some old group pic where she's making an incriminating transaction.
- Somehow we ended up in the backyard where I busted out my video camera. Naomi managed to get a hold of it and tried to get me to strip down.
- Back inside the house, Robert was telling me, "She wanted your nuts! She was trying to take your shirt off!" Not realizing Naomi was just behind him. Whoops.
- I drunkenly wasn't paying attention, but for some reason, Naomi joked, "We should hook up," to which I concurred that it would freak Heather out.
- Naomi even joked to Tim about giving me a blowjob.
NAOMI: I'm hooking up with him!
RYAN: [Taunting Heather with thumbs up.]
HEATHER: (Frustratingly, to everyone) This is three years in the making! Ryan is supposed to like underage chicks, but-- [Naomi calls me and I don't hear the rest of Heather's story.]
At some point, I walked Naomi to her car just to get a lighter.
JOHANNA: Are you wearing a Taylor Swift shirt?
RYAN: (Proudly) Yup!
JOHANNA: I just realized that! [Laughs.] Heather must like you. Heather, have you seen his shirt?
HEATHER: [Rolls eyes.] His song on Myspace for three years was Hold On by Wilson Phillips!
JOHANNA: That's because no one goes on Myspace anymore.
At one point, (from my left to right) I, Naomi, Heather, Mark, and Erica were sitting on the couch. When Naomi went to the restroom, Mark fist-pumped with me to which Heather responded by face-palming herself and then smacking me.
RYAN: You're the youngest sister?
JOHANNA: Yeah. (Insultingly to Heather and Naomi) Can't you tell?
RYAN: I'm [tattle] telling!
HEATHER: (Demandingly) I look like the youngest, right?
RYAN: Right.
NAOMI: I can't believe you just said that!
RYAN: (At Heather) Don't cock block!
HEATHER: [Stands next to Naomi] Ryan, choose [between me and her]!
When hugging Lauren goodbye, she found an excuse to press my face against her breasts.
The night ended with Heather, Kat, Timmy, Robert, Shaun, Chris and I in the pool. For once I wore my swimming trucks in lieu of underwear. At one point, Tim was naked while carrying Heather. When the sun started to come up, I left. As soon as I got home, my Facebook status read:
You know what's cool about driving home from partying at this hour? No one else on the freeway. Wheeeeeeee. And the sun's up. Good night.
I woke up and went to the mall. Faith was working at Brookstone.
I went to Church and caught mommy walking in late. Priceless! The jackoffable chick who helps hand out Communion was there again.
Mommy and I ate dinner at Outback Steakhouse. The hostess who looks like a pornstar whose name I can't remember at this moment was there. She's renewed in the database. Our waiter was some dude named Jack, but at one point my mommy's favorite waitress Lindsay served us our salads, so Lindsay's renewed in the database as well.
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